Shadow Grave: Extended Author's Notes

It’s been a few months in the making, but Shadow Grave, my first MLP:FiM fanfiction story, is now complete. I’d like to take some time to publicly reflect on the story’s development.

Not wanting to include extended author’s notes in the story itself, I’m posting them in this blog post. I make no guarantee that they will be coherent or cohesive.

Before going any further, I recommend you read the story itself before reading these notes, unless you don’t mind some plot points being “spoiled”.

Language
I’m Canadian, and I generally prefer British-style spelling for most words (lots of ‘s’ where written American English uses ‘z’ – ‘organise’ rather than ‘organize’, for example – and ‘u’s in all those -or/-our words). The exception is for proper nouns: Shining Armor, for example. (I think in some earlier chapters I spell it “Armour”; I’m going to go back and edit that over the holidays.)

Keeping Up with the Joneses – I mean, Episodes
The astute reader will surely have noticed that little mention is made of the crisis at the end of season 6. The fact of the matter is that by the time I finished the story, I had only watched up to “Stranger than Fan Fiction,” as a result of watching the show on Netflix in Canada: the remainder of season 6 only recently became available.

If I go back and revise the story in the future, I may well try to take into account some of the events in episodes I had not previously seen.

It’s a Phylactery!
Shadow Grave is kept alive – or rather, undead – by means of what in Dungeons & Dragons is called a phylactery: a device used by a kind of undead wizard called a lich (somewhat like Koschei the Deathless) in which to store its soul and sustain its body. It’s similar to a Horcrux (if you know Harry Potter).

Although ponies clearly have a concept of the undead (witness vampire costumes at Nightmare Night and the zombie prank in “28 Pranks Later”), it’s not clear that they have a concept for either souls (*) or phylacteries, so I use neither term, and I treat Shadow Grave’s achievement as being speculative (when Twilight Sparkle describes it) or revolutionary (when Shadow Grave admits to it).

(*) Applejack’s use of the term “heaven” to describe Fluttershy’s singing in “Filli Vanilli” notwithstanding.

Structure
I had originally envisioned writing this story in the format of a two-part episode of the series, and its structure reflects that framework. The chapter “Shadow Grave” was originally planned to be the final chapter of the first part of the story, and the second part would have had a “Previously, on My Little Pony” prologue with excerpts from the first half's chapters that, I felt, did a satisfactory job of summarising the story to date.

In the end, I ended up mostly abandoning that original plan. Given the difference in medium, it felt a little too restrictive trying to shoehorn everything I wanted to include into an episode-like format.

I had also intended to have sparser description, on the view that most readers would be familiar enough with the show to conjure up pertinent imagery in their minds. In the end, however, with much of the action occurring in unfamiliar territory, a lot of description was required. Similarly, I felt it an injustice to attempt to summarise each of the Mane 6’s transformations in a single sentence (“[insert pony name here] transformed into her ‘augmented/rainbow power’ form” sounds as ridiculous as it looks), so except for the very last occasion when they all take on their “rainbow” forms at once, I describe each transformation in detail. So I decided to go back and add in more detail through earlier parts in order to avoid a disjointed feel to the story. All the same, I tried to avoid writing in too many details for places and characters known from the series.

The holdovers from the original plan are the pacing and timeframe. Like most two-part episodes, the first half of the story (the chapters up to and including "Shadow Grave") sets the stage for the real crisis of the story, and the second half sees plenty of rising action, and finishes with the climax and resolution.

Although the action doesn’t swing into high gear until the second half of the story, the story as a whole starts in the afternoon of the first day of the narrative (I don’t specify it in the story, but a Friday would be suitable), goes through the entire second day, and ends early in the morning of the third day. In effect, everything wraps up in time for Twilight and her friends to have Sunday brunch - pretty consistent with the short timelines for most episodes in the show. And of course, the story is very condensed overall at only 30,000 words long (approximately).

Discord
Discord’s role in “Shadow Grave” changed quite a bit from when it was a vague story concept rattling in my head. Originally, Discord was going to be the one to destroy Shadow Grave’s phylactery, on account of the nature of his magic. He was also going to be less cooperative overall than in the story as it was finally published.

This original concept presented two difficulties:
• First, what was Discord’s incentive to be less than fully cooperative? Given his character development during the series, and his willingness to “be an agent of the Crown” (so to speak) and to track down Tirek in “Twilight’s Kingdom”, would he really sit things out when another menace to Equestria presented itself, only to step in at the very end as a sort of deus ex machina in order to ensure Shadow Grave’s ultimate defeat? Far better that he not appear at all (on account of not being called in to help) or simply show willing.
• Second, how would Twilight and company find and retrieve the phylactery? Other than Discord’s own ability to track down magic use, divination magic to locate creatures or objects doesn’t seem to be “a thing” in Equestria, and I didn’t think I wanted to introduce it (on the view that it might trivialise the challenges in later stories).

Both difficulties were solved by giving Discord a more constructive role in the story. Doing so presented a new difficulty, namely, how to preserve the peril and danger when a wizard Q Discord is acting for the protagonists. I think I have come up with a satisfactory solution: Discord does his thing to help Twilight’s fellowship track down Shadow Grave’s lair, but is not fully effective because (a) Shadow Grave takes steps to counter him specifically, and (b) that she was able to do so leaves him having a crisis of confidence. Finally, Twilight decides to have him, like Starlight, held in reserve.

If I ever go back and revise this story to any large degree, I would likely expand significantly on point (b) of Discord’s narrative hobbling, although care would have to be taken not to mess with the pacing.

Starlight Glimmer
Starlight is another character who must be treated delicately. As a magically-powerful unicorn, she was able to slug it out with Twilight in “The Cutie Re-Mark”, meaning she could power her way through quite a few ordinary obstacles. (Her magical skill is highlighted further in "Every Little Thing She Does", about which I have more to say below.) Worse yet, I let her develop an improved version of time stop!

Fortunately, I feel satisfied with how she was kept from overrunning the plot. Her new spell comes with nasty side effects: the strain of maintaining the “time stop” effect for much more than 20-30 seconds threatens Starlight’s health severely. Starlight probably comes closest to the upper limit of sustaining the spell in “Discordant Discombobulation”: any longer, and she might well have had fatal cardiac arrest, aneurysm, or what-have-you. Recovering from the spell helped keep Starlight out of action, as did Twilight’s decision (which I feel I easily justified within the narrative) to hold her in reserve.

I was concerned that time stop was no longer a useful development for the purpose of the story after watching “Every Thing She Does”, when Starlight uses the speeding spell (which I would translated into D&D terms as being something like haste), but the situations in which she actually uses time stop could not have been resolved by simply going faster, so in the end I think it worked out nicely.

Sunset Shimmer
My original concept for “Shadow Grave” did not involve Sunset Shimmer. However, as the story’s concept evolved, and as I conceived of future stories implied by the events within “Shadow Grave”, the more I wanted to include her in its events.

The biggest question about her coming back to Equestria for any length of time, as I see it, is how she’ll end up meeting with Celestia. I didn’t want that particular issue to be resolved in this story. Insofar as it sees any resolution, it will happen in the future.

Expanding Sunset Shimmer’s storyline within Equestria might be a worthy project if I ever revisit “Shadow Grave” with a view to undertaking substantial revision.

Twilight Sparkle
As an exceptionally talented spellcaster herself, Twilight Sparkle also requires some narrative hobbling in order to avoid her trivialising problems because wizard.

Fortunately, this was easily resolved because the magic in the cave was always meant to act most strongly against the magically gifted, in order to break down their power: only the most skilled and resilient could hope to reach the far side.

As an alicorn, Twilight would therefore have been all the more sensitive/susceptible to the cave's enchantments.

The nature of the magic within the cave may be explored in future stories.

The Magic of Harmony
By the time I fleshed out a story outline for Shadow Grave, I knew I wanted each of the “Mane 6” to have a moment in which they exemplified the characteristic that defined them as avatars of the Elements of Harmony, and in so doing to call upon - or be granted - the power of the Tree of Harmony (which I refer to as the magic of Harmony) to achieve something beyond their usual capabilities. I also wanted most of these moments to hearken back to the defining sequences in “Friendship is Magic”. Just as Pinkie Pie uses laughter to dispel Nightmare Moon’s nightmare trees in “Friendship is Magic”, so does she use laughter to dispel the paralysing whispers afflicting Twilight in “Shadow Grave”. Just as Twilight gives Nightmare Moon a lecture on how she can, in fact, call upon the Elements of Harmony, so does she give Shadow Grave a (mercifully briefer) lecture on how the latter has badly misjudged the magic of friendship.

The only pony whose moment to shine isn’t completely reflective of her aspect of Harmony is Rainbow Dash. The reason for this is, I hope, fairly obvious: by the time in which this story is set (somewhere vaguely within or after season 6 of the show), there’s no meaningful reason to question her loyalty to Equestria or to her friends when pitted against declared enemies. So, instead, her loyalty inspires her to gamble on her speed, agility, and command of weather in undertaking a dangerous task, one that would surely be beyond everypony else’s capabilities. In that respect, it’s similar enough to the others’ “rainbow moments”, in the sense that the quality each pony possesses that defines her as an avatar of Harmony inspires each to achieve something nopony else could.

Appendix: Pop Culture References & Homages
My Little Pony has plenty of pop culture references, which mostly seem aimed at parents or older viewers watching the show: Pinkie Pie’s extended (time-bending) trip to Yakyakistan in which she is a formative member of the pony Beatles, for instance, is probably a reference that would fly over the heads of the show’s nominal target market. In the first Equestria Girls film, after getting all twisted up, (pony) Pinkie Pie straightens herself out with the aid of the Transformers transforming sound effect. (Most of these references seem to involve Pinkie Pie, don’t they?)

In that spirit, I felt free to include a few pop culture references of my own. I have mostly hinted at them in author’s notes appended to the chapters in which they appear, but I should like to include a more thorough summary.

"Discordant Discombobulation"
A secret evil lair hidden in a women’s lavatory, you say?

"Shadow Grave"
The whispers afflicting Twilight Sparkle are either adapted from or inspired by the Old God C’Thun, from World of Warcraft, as it appears in the game Hearthstone.

"Siege"
Shadow Grave quotes Khan Noonien Singh from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

"The Whispering Dark"
Pinkie Pie quotes The Wizard of Oz (1939 film) and Scarface.

The whispers in this chapter, as in the chapter “Shadow Grave”, are either direct quotes of, or inspired by, the Old Gods of World of Warcraft.

"Crossings"
The obstacles facing Twilight and company in this chapter are an homage to the cavern sequence in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

A tentacular monstrosity guarding the waters goes back at least to the Watcher in the Water from The Lord of the Rings.

"There’s Something in the Water"
That all the necklaces styled after Shadow Grave’s cutie mark are fakes is an homage to Rich Burlew’s Order of the Stick webcomic, specifically the sequence in which the principal antagonists have themselves devised a shell game in order to deceive the defenders of Azure City.

"Are You Coming to the Tree?"
The chapter name itself is a reference to the song “The Hanging Tree” from the novel Mockingjay. Although divorced from the source's context, I use the line in reference to the Tree of Harmony’s central significance, both to the plot of this story, and to the mythos and history of Equestria.

"New Dawn"
Applejack quotes Dr McCoy from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. (I was this close to having Pinkie Pie add some “meta” to the reference by having her quote the follow up "Wrath of Khan was the best of those movies" line from Seinfeld.)