Friendship is Card Games: Micro-Series and Friends Forever #6 · 1:35pm Dec 4th, 2016
It’s all about pride this week, from Applejack defending the sanctity of her orchard to two of the show’s biggest egos colliding and collaborating. Let’s see if these issues have anything to be proud of.
Micro-Series #6: Applejack
Aww, lovely family moment… wrecked by an overwound Applejack. Understandable; that mare almost literally doesn’t know how to relax.
Also, it bothers me that she stops dropping Gs in that list of apple-related participles only to resume at the end. Consistency is all I ask for. (Also, I wasn’t expecting the Apples to still be this hard at work just before Hearth’s Warming. Though I suppose a lot of the processed products have a shorter shelf life than apples in the cellar.)
Okay, leaving apples outside in sub-freezing temperatures seems like a terrible idea. That’s bound to impact the flavor and consistency.
I have to appreciate the sass squash furthering the trend of Equestria’s pun-based ecology. I also appreciate how the sight of all that squash has set poor Apple Bloom to trembling. Or maybe it’s the winter weather. Possibly both.
“Work, work, polka, and work.” Someone may want to double-check the Apple family tree and see if an offshoot led to the Sandwiches. (Cue “A Complicated Song.”)
It’s especially impressive to see apples swapped with squashes while they’re still on the tree. Not only would that require grafting the stems onto the branches, squashes don’t even grow on trees.
I do have to question Granny having photographic evidence from an era where the pinnacle of photographic technology involved flashbulbs at best. Though that would explain how she scared off the sass squash.
I adore the contrast between the different planning methods, especially the beat panel before Mac describes his approach, elegant in its simplicity.
Oh, AJ. Too proud to even acknowledge her pride. Her motives are noble, yes, but her plan is foolhardy. At least she’s taking some inspiration from her younger sister, though a pit trap might have worked better. Or at least a trigger mechanism that didn't need to sleep.
Also, I do appreciate how the absolute worst punishment Applejack has in store is a wag of the hoof. It’s not like the sass squash hurt anyone or committed pearesy.
Applejack’s sass squash impression is amazing. That is all.
Heh. Given “Where the Apple Lies,” I can definitely see Mac having a vain streak.
Applejack’s camouflage is eerily reminiscent of Granny Smith in The Implicit Neighs. All we’re missing is a zombie elf.
I’m afraid I’m not going to make a card out of the montage song. After all, there’s no clear name.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have Applejack’s strongest canonical language: “Fiddlesticks and marmalade!” Though that may be the Equish-to-English translator taking liberties with the material.
Also, I’m strongly tempted to read something religious in Applejack looking up into the sky and asking whose job it is to make everything perfect. That or something related to her parents.
Hmm. Does Granny mean that certain bulbs are untrustworthy, or is the Onion family notorious for some reason? This is Equestria we’re talking about.
While it’s good to see Applejack embrace her family figuratively and literally, Apple Bloom’s starry-eyed anticipation has me deeply concerned.
Heh. “Net sound.” I love Unsound Effects.
The part of the big reveal that most surprises me is that Granny’s hips withstood the prolonged bipedalism without complaint. Also that exosuits with working hands aren’t in wider use in pony society. Those seem really useful. Handy, even. 
Huh. I genuinely thought this issue might predate the series premiere up until the letter to Celestia. It would certainly work; we don’t see a single non-Apple aside from the sass squash.
Also, this firmly cements my headcanon that Granny Smith has Fluttershy beat when it comes to the title of beastmistress of the Everfree. Fluttershy may have talent, but Granny has experience and connections.
Friends Forever #6: Rainbow Dash & Trixie
We open with an enormous splash page of Dash affirming her own ego. Well then.
That map raises more questions than I care to address. I suppose my chief question is what deathly peril is found at the skull and crossbones.
Seems like a perfectly fine kingdom to me, Dash. Not every nation can have a gold-and-marble confection of a capital clinging to a cliff. Also, I’m not sure what you were expecting to live in a country called Dimondia.
Also also, I am deeply disappointed by the writer dredging up the percentage meme. For shame, Zahler. For shame.
Uh, Dash did directly encounter some Diamond Dogs. They tried to harness her. It did not end well for them. Still, interesting to see a better behaved breed, though I expected them to also have a subterranean lifestyle. Dwarves rather than goblins, that sort of thing. The lack of new designs is also pretty disappointing; Jim is the only new face on display. Even the females are just Fido, Rover, or Spot in a dress.
Seriously, what problems does Dash have with this place? It looks fine to me.
“Trixianna”? Yeesh. If Trixie put on any more airs, she’d be floating.
I do appreciate the contrast of Trixie and reality in the flashback. I especially appreciate her appealing to Dash’s ego. Takes one to know one.
The panel where Trixie slips out of Dash’s hooves is quite unclear. Something that reliant on perspective doesn’t work well with that shading style and a wide-open sky (says the guy who couldn’t draw his way out of a wet paper bag.)
The construction skill on display doesn’t match the quality of the buildings. It matches the informed quality, but the artist doesn’t appear to have gotten the message on how ramshackle everything is supposed to look.
Obviously the lost jack was a donkey the Dogs conscripted into royalty. It might have been Cranky.
You know what? Headcanon accepted, even if this whole story doesn’t mesh well with Trixie’s later appearances on the show.
Political science is magic, it seems. Or at least Monty Python and the Holy Grail references are.
The “Diamond Dogs are stupid” jokes are really wearing thin on me.
I do like the mutual respect at the end here.
The Dash/Trixie story felt pretty thin. Fun parts here and there, but a lot of the jokes either wore out their welcome or were worn out to begin with. The wasted opportunity to do something truly interesting with Diamond Dogs especially rankles me, even if it wasn't the central focus of the story. The Applejack issue, however, worked very well. A great slice-of-life comedy with innovative antagonist design and a good exploration of the focus character’s… er, character. 
And now, for my next trick…
Coordinated Capture W
Instant
Coordinated Capture deals damage to target attacking creature equal to the number of blocking creatures.
Every able hoof stood ready to defend Sweet Apple Acres.
Cold Molasses Trap 2W
Instant — Trap
If four or more creatures are attacking, you may pay W rather than pay Cold Molasses Trap’s mana cost.
Remove up to two attacking creatures from combat.
Like a tar pit, but tastier.
Democratic Process 2W
Enchantment
At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, that player becomes the monarch if he or she controls more creatures than each other player.
One dog, one vote.
Polka Break 2W
Instant
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt this turn. Put a verse counter on each Song you control.
Accordions are a balm for the hard-working soul.
Simmer Down U
Instant
Target creature gets -1/-0 until end of turn.
Target creature gets -1/-0 until end of turn.
Target creature gets -1/-0 until end of turn.
A splash of water to quench the flames of rage.
Truthbender UU
Creature — Unicorn Wizard
Flash
When Truthbender enters the battlefield, you may change a target of target spell or ability to Truthbender.
”…and then the orphans declared me queen!”
1/1
Distracting Display 1U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
When Distracting Display enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Whenever enchanted creature attacks, creatures defending player controls get -1/-0 until end of turn.
Know the Enemy 3U
Sorcery
Choose a card type. Target opponent reveals his or her hand. Draw a card for each card of the chosen type revealed this way. (Artifact, creature, enchantment, instant, land, planeswalker, sorcery, and tribal are card types.)
Bemoan Fate 1B
Sorcery
Each player reveals the top card of his or her library, loses life equal to that card’s converted mana cost, and puts it into his or her hand.
”Sometimes I suspect I’m fate’s chew toy.”
—Trixie Lulamoon, travling performer
Gibbering Jesters 2R
Creature — Pony Rogue
Hellbent — 1RR, Sacrifice Gibbering Jesters: Destroy all artifacts. Activate this ability only if you have no cards in hand.
”Aligned electron spin axes. Stop asking.”
—Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of Magic
3/1
Dimondia Engineers 3R
Creature — Hound Citizen
Whenever Dimondia Engineers or another Hound enters the battlefield, tap target land an opponent controls. That land doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step.
Asking for anything more advanced than tunnel supports is asking for trouble.
2/2
Direct Approach G
Instant
Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature. That creature gains trample until end of turn.
”Net.”
—Big Macintosh
Sassy Dance G
Instant
Choose one or both —
• Untap target creature.
• Target creature you control gains hexproof until end of turn.
It’s unclear if the dance is a taunt or a celebration of the gift of squashes.
Apple Trap 3GG
Instant — Trap
If a land card was put into your graveyard from anywhere this turn by a spell or ability an opponent controlled, you may pay 1G rather than pay Apple Trap’s mana cost.
Distribute four +1/+1 counters among any number of target creatures.
Sass Squash 3GG
Creature — Plant Yeti
Hexproof
If a player taps a nonbasic land for mana, it produces G instead of any other type and amount.
It distributes its produce of choice with the fervor of any Apple.
4/4
Animated Hoard 2
Artifact Creature — Construct
When Animated Hoard dies, add CC to your mana pool.
Most vaults focus on keeping intruders out. Therefore, some thieves turn the treasury into an intruder.
2/2
Sassy Carapace 2
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature gets +3/+3 and can only attack or block alone.
Equip 3
With the strength of the sass squash comes its reclusiveness.
Crown of the Chosen 3
Artifact
You may choose not to untap Crown of the Chosen during your untap step.
3, T, Tap X untapped creatures you control and own: Gain control of target creature with power X or less for as long as Crown of the Chosen remains tapped.
”To rule is to serve.”
—Princess Luna
Jar of Teeth 3
Artifact
Whenever a creature you control dies, put a tooth counter on Jar of Teeth.
3, T, Remove all tooth counters from Jar of Teeth: Jar of Teeth deals X damage to target creature or player, where X is the number of tooth counters removed this way.
Bushel Sentries 4
Artifact Creature — Scarecrow
When Bushel Sentries enters the battlefield, target land gains hexproof and indestructible for as long as you control Bushel Sentries.
”Not on their watch.”
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
3/3
Mirror Array 4
Artifact
3, Sacrifice Mirror Array: Choose target instant or sorcery spell that targets only a single permanent or player. Copy that spell for each other permanent or player the spell could target. Each copy targets a different one of those permanents and players.
Dimondia Chancellor 2RW
Creature — Hound Advisor
When Dimondia Chancellor enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you’re the monarch, creatures you control gain double strike until end of turn.
”In the name of our wise and gentle ruler, hit stuff really hard!”
2/2
Looming Shadow 2(ur)B
Instant
As an additional cost to cast Looming Shadow, reveal a creature card from your hand.
Create a token that’s a copy of the revealed card, except it’s a black Shade in addition to its other colors and types and has haste. Exile that token at the beginning of the next end step.
Goblins / Diamond Dogs. Their flavor may be easy to predict, but it's always good for a riot.
Well, they're always bringing ponies to tears...
Yes. Yes it is.
Is this one supposed to be tripled like this?
If half the FanFics are anything to go by...
4328383 Eeyup.
It's funny you reviewed these today. I was just re-reading the Dash/Trixie one earlier to try to pinpoint a location for Dimondia on the official map of Equestria.
Near as I can tell, I think it's somewhere between Foal Mountain and Neighagra Falls.
4328406
Yup. As written, this gives you three ways to play it: One creature gets -3/-0, one creature gets -2/-0 and another gets -1/-0, or three creatures each get -1/-0.
4328432
Looks right to me, though that seems to imply that Cloudsdale passes through the danger zone on a regular basis.
I'd be more inclined to think diamond dogs are more akin to goblins. Their smarts just dont seem to aid the argument to parallel them to dwarves. perhaps at their most complex, they can be as diverse as Ravnican goblins, what with the different Red color pairings.
Its like saying, they do have the potential to be smart and disciplined, like Izzet or Boros goblins, but those are concious choices of character.
Weirdly enough, I almost see griffons being more relatable to dwarves.
4328460
I think Cloudsdale is a little too far west for that.
4328460
I was going to look up "pearesy" but then I saw what you did there.
That's not stopped you before.
For a given value of "canonical". I personally don't take the comics to be very canonical, but they do have their place in canon.
And this is one of the reason I don't really consider the comics to be overly canonical. They contradict the show about as much as the show can't agree on its timeline of events.
I'm guessing the Cold Molasses Trap was Apple Bloom's idea. It's tree sap after all.
Truthbender needs to be changed in one of two ways, it either needs to specify it only works on a spell with a single target or that it changes all targets of a spell to itself. For the former the rules text needs to be:
like Muck Drubb and if you want it to change all targets the rules text needs to be something like:
We don't have anything that does the latter, we've only got Goblin Flectomancer that can change more than a single target so I kinda just used that as a base and added in the bit on "could target a creature", because you could nab any of the "creature or player" spells but not something like a Lava Axe (linked to one of the ones with the better flavor text than the default (most recent) search).
I feel a little off that it's a "the" in Know the Enemy and not a "thy".
I don't get the flavor text on Gibbering Jesters. Something about "axes" over "axis" but I'm not sure what.
I like Dimondia Engineers, I want to see more "Land removal" cards and this is a good way of doing that without, you know, actually destroying the Land.
And this is something that could be good for Red. Red needs more "tricks", which I why I was happy they got the "discard then draw" mechanic added to their slice of the color pie.
I love everything about Direct Approach.
On Sassy Dance's flavor text: As the little girl says "Why not both?".
Should the "treasury" in Animated Hoard's flavor text be "treasure" instead? I just looked it up and it's a semi-valid definition, but most people are going to think of the second definition of the word, as it is the more commonly used one, and be a little confused.
Sassy Carapace is a good addition to an Exalted deck.
On Jar of Teeth: I like seeing new counter types. The card itself is decent.
On Bushel Sentries: I like seeing new Scarecrows. The card itself is interesting. Good combo with anything that turns Lands into Creatures.
What happens if the Land stops being a Land? I can't think of anything that would do that at the moment but maybe have it be "for as long as you control Bushel Sentries and it remains a land."
Mirror Array looks like a very fun card.
On a non specific card related note, I'm finding it more and more odd to see the flavor text above the power and toughness, but I know you've always been doing it like that so I don't know why it's only just recently that its been bothering me.
4328489
Darn, you beat me to it.
I forgot how cute AJ swearing was