Two Background Ponies Quickie: "Dungeons & Discords" Aftermath

The towering entity made up of multiple body parts regarded the green and blue stallion sitting across from him with some disgust. In addition to their normal plate of cookies between them at Sugarcube Corner, they had reserved one of the side rooms and now also had a cardboard screen, a grid, hastily-made figurines, and, of course, a set of multiple-sided dice sitting in front of them. They paid attention to none of this, however. Their focus was completely on the sheets in front of them that they were slowly filling out.

The blue stallion looked up after a moment. "You know, it's great to find out that someone else likes Ogres & Oubliettes in this town." He told the amalgam seated across from them. "I mean, we wanted to do it with Spike and Big Macintosh, but...uh..." He began to glance over to the green stallion.

Feeling his gaze, he looked up with a frown. "Look, dude...it's not my fault that none of you ever keep yourselves hydrated and eating regularly on your quests. Plus you need to explicitly say you're wearing two layers of socks and waterproof boots before hiking over tundra or you take a stamina penalty. Those are the rules. If we were on a real adventure, it'd be perfectly possible to slay 100 orcs only to die of massive infection..."

"Anyway..." The blue stallion cut off. "I thought it was pretty cool that you were offering to do a combination RPG and LARPing experience. I mean, heh, we haven't done this since college, but no better time to restart. So thanks for taking the time out, Discord."

In response, he grinned from ear to ear. "Oh, believe me, Sam...the pleasure is all mine."

The green stallion again paused on his sheet, looking up. "...I really don't like the way he said that."

Immediately, Discord frowned and rolled his eyes...literally...at the two of them. "Of course...considering the fact that it might be sundown by the time you finish creating your character..."

"Hey! Any serious OnO player knows a good character profile needs two hours minimum! That's how you ended up with the name 'Captain Wuzz'. Anyway...here you go."

The green stallion gave Discord a look at his sheet, and Sam held up his own. The entity looked over both, then resumed his grin.

"Splendid...let the game begin!" Holding up his eagle arm, he snapped his fingers.

A flash of white light went out around the two stallions...only to clear a moment later, revealing them both in the garb of their respective classes. Both looked to each other, and immediately frowned.

"...A monk, Carl?"

He frowned back. "Hey, I'm the economical class. Don't need any fancy schmancy weapons and armor that are +5 against sahagins when we're stuck in a desert palace. " His gaze narrowed. "At least I didn't stick with a rogue like you always do."

He stuck a hoof out at him. "You won't be laughing when those skill points I gave myself toward 'street performing' are paying the medical bills you get for going into battle without heavy armor. Anyway, let's see where..."

The two looked up and around, and grew puzzled. Rather than in a fantasy landscape or even an oversized game board, they found themselves still right there in Sugarcube Corner in Ponyville. Both looked around and blinked, before looking back at the "Oubliette Craftsman".

"Uh, Discord? Shouldn't we start the game?"

"Oh..." He snickered. "I assure you, you have started. Go ahead, you two. Try and do something."

Neither stallion liked the sound of that, glancing to one another, but then looked about. Carl, giving a shrug, took up one of the chocolate chip cookies and made to eat it...only to suddenly find himself frozen.

"Uh-oh, whoops!" Discord called out. "Seems you need to pass a skill check of at least 15 in order to eat that cookie."

Carl blinked. "...Are you kidding me?"

"Cookie eating is serious business for a monk that normally subsists on rice gruel." Discord calmly answered as he rolled the dice. It landed on an 8. "Oh...too bad! Instead of eating the cookie, you shove half of the plate up your nose."

"Wh...what?" Yet before he could stop himself, Carl was reacting in pain as he reached out, seized half the cookies, and jammed them up his nostrils. Soon his eyes were watering and his face stretched in agony.

Sam reacted in surprise, then turned and glared at the amalgam. "Hey, what was that about?!"

He shrugged. "Basic skill checking, Sam. You need to watch what you're trying in this game, after all. How about a drink?"

Immediately, a "tavern wench" came by with a fresh milkshake and set it down next to Sam. The blue stallion looked down at it, then back up to Discord. He sat there and calmly waited. After a moment, his lips curled.

"...I'd like to do a trap check on this milkshake."

"Why, certainly!" He rolled the dice, getting a 19. "Nope, that milkshake looks perfectly fine! Nothing but dairy cream, sugar, and your favorite flavor."

Sam hesitated, but then tentatively leaned over and took it up. "Well, 19 is pretty high..." He muttered before taking a sip; right before it blew up in his face.

"The glass the milkshake came in, on the other hand, held a concealed explosive." Discord hissed.

Carl angrily snorted the cookies out of his nostrils and sneered. "You..." Suddenly, he froze again.

"Whoops! If you want to make a skillful witty retort against the OC, you'll need to have a Wisdom level higher than 12. And, oh my...it's only 12 even. You know what that means, don't you?"

Immediately, Carl's mouth spoke on its own. "You're like a half-orc, and all half-orcs are ugly, smelly and stupid!"

"What did you say?!"

Both stallions looked up, and reacted in terror as they saw that a gang of five monstrous pieces of oversized cardboard with half-orcs crudely drawn on them were suddenly seated at an adjoining table, and had evidently heard what had just been said. They all began to rise afterward.

"Wait a sec, those guys weren't there before!"

"Well, you didn't do a spot check when you arrived in the eatery, so...some things slipped by you." Discord calmly shrugged.

The half-orcs began to roll up their sleeves and approach. Sam gulped, and drummed his hoof against his head, trying to think of something. His eyes suddenly lit up. "Wait, I know!" He looked to Discord. "My Charisma points are through the roof, so I decide to bluff them!" He turned to the half-orcs and shouted and pointed. "Look! A distraction!"

Discord rolled the dice, having it land on 11. "And plus your Charisma bonus..." He mused. "Congratulations! You bluffed the half-orcs!"

The creatures immediately looked up the way that Sam had pointed, which was out the nearest window. A moment later, a golden mare walked by, blinking and looking at herself in confusion.

"Uh...what am I doing here? And why am I dressed in quasi-medieval garb...?"

"Forget those two!" One of the half-orcs shouted. "Look! A beautiful mare! She'll get us 5,000 gold and three Wands of Transfiguration if we sell her to gnoll slave traders!"

She looked up in alarm through the window. "What?" She spotted the two inside, plus the half-orcs. "Sam? Carl? What are you...AH!"

A moment later, she turned and bolted as the half orcs nearly broke down the wall jumping out the window after her. Sam was left sitting there mortified. Discord calmly leaned over and crossed his arms.

"Yes, I'm one of those OCs that likes making you lose even when you win. Oh, but don't worry...that's just a fake Dawn NPC created for our little game." He smiled wider. "Or maybe it isn't."

As Sam stared there mortified, Carl gave him a dark look. "You're pretty much 'reformed' in the loosest sense of the word, you know that?"

"Oh Carl...since when has 'being nice to ponies in general' been part of 'embracing friendship'?"

The green stallion stared back, but thought for a moment. "...Good point."

"It's always been my favorite loophole."

Suddenly, Sam shot up from his chair to go after the half-orcs, only to trip and collapse over himself. Discord idly looked to him, and waved his lion claw. "Oh yes...forgot to mention you had to pass a skill check of 13 to be dexterous enough to get out of a chair."

"Oh, are you three LARPing?"

The three looked up to one side, and both Sam and Carl gave a yelp and a recoil...seeing Starlight Glimmer walking up to them.

"I just stopped by for some donuts, but if you're playing a game of OnO, is it too late for me to join in? I love that game! I thought Twilight would too, but...eh..." She shrugged. "She's more into 'Friendship: The Gathering' and 'Gi-Oh-Yu'. I even have my own dice set!"

She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a 20-sided die, holding it out to the three. In addition to being custom painted and made from marble, every single face was a "20". Both Sam and Carl looked to it, then back up to her curiously. She smiled back calmly.

"My character is Marion Suzanne, a level-99!"

Carl raised an eyebrow. "...A level-99 what?"

"You name it!"