On With The Show · 4:30pm Jul 29th, 2016
After the diversion that was PonySide, my other story, Innocent, will begin updating again. The first order of business will be the addition of prefacing micro-chapters for each Act, which will attempt to separate them more distinctly. Please let me know if they help or hinder the transitions, as this is a bit of an experiment. There have also been some moderate edits to the first three chapters and one edit to Chapter 18. It is by no means a rewrite, but some potentially important changes were made to certain plot-related details (Particularly in Chapter 3 and 18) as well as many minor details being modified, redacted, expanded or otherwise changed from their original form.
All in all, the edits aim to smooth over the roughness that was my earlier writing in light of my (hopefully) improved skills. I hope everyone has found the intermission refreshing and can find their seats in time for the show to resume!
For those who don’t want to dig through whole chapters looking for the paragraph that changed, I’ll leave the important ones here, out of context and without the original version, but still not lost on a wall of words. I know I’d hate to have to reread everything for just a few sentences.
So, yeah. Spoilers below!
Chapter 3:
Applejack went into the kitchen to help Granny Smith bring the meal out, refusing Jason’s offer to help. Though they were in another room and speaking with hushed voices, Cor had no trouble hearing them.
“Well now, ain’t they the finest bunch o’ strappin’ young stallions,” Granny Smith remarked after peering out at the three around the corner. “I imagined when ya brought the one home ya’ll’d gotten lucky findin’ him. Now, though, you’ve got yer pick o’ fit stallions.”
“Well shoot, Granny. Don’t go ‘round actin’ like I’m shoppin’ fer a new hat.” Applejack said, making shushing sounds. “They’re guests, not merchandise. Besides, it ain’t like I’m looking for somepony ta settle down with just now.”
“Oh fiddlesticks! A young mare like you’s got ta find somepony.”
“Maybe, but I’ll do it on ma own time.”
“Ya might want ta make the time when the pickin’s this good.”
“Will ya just let me do that ma’self?” Applejack came back into the room with a steaming loaf of bread and set it on the table. “Come an’ get it,” she called.
Cor glanced at Jason, but there was no sign on the other’s face that he’d heard any of it. He tried to ignore the awkwardness of it all as the meal began.
The change was to make Jason NOT notice the conversation instead of both he and Cor overhearing it.
Chapter 18:
Atop the walls, a different silence reigned. Ponies shifted their weapons nervously and their armor clanked with the movement. Dispersed among the troops, the golden armor of the Royal Guard sparkled. Their numbers were greatly reduced since the last battle. Only a hundred of them remained in the ground forces. Of their Pegasi, there were fifty. They were stoic in the face of the coming battle, lending a small measure of confidence to those around them. Though more than six hundred other ponies of the Army remained, only about four hundred were in fighting condition. The Air Corp was nearly untouched in comparison. Only ten of their members had been lost in battle, including one Wonderbolt, and the rest escaping serious injury, leaving eleven full squadrons able to fight.
The change was that ONE Wonderbolt died instead of none.
