Review: Not Another Alicorn, by: LordBrony2040

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After that whole incident with Mare-do-Well, Rainbow Dash wakes up the next morning expecting things to be a bit different. Expecting ponies to laugh at her, to not take her seriously. Expecting them to treat her differently. And she was right, ponies will be treating her quite differently from now on, but it has less to do with those events, then the brand new horn she has. One she never asked for, never wanted, and will cause her entire life to change, all without anypony bothering to ask her if that was what she wanted.

Story: The first thing that needs to be brought up about the story is the fact that a good deal of stuff in it, especially in the first half, come off more like it’s an Accusation Fic just looking to heap shit on the non-RD Mane 6, and especially Twilight, over the whole Mare-do-Well fiasco. And yet, at other times it comes off far more fair, making sure to show Twi’s good side too, not outright demonizing her. But at the same time going out of it’s way to outright invent things to call her out on and put her down for doing. It leads to a bit of a schizophrenic feeling at times over just what the story is trying to be, what it’s trying to say. Not helped by one challenge the story holds in this respect is making clear the difference between what the characters are saying, and what the story itself is trying to say. Are we supposed to believe what the character is saying is true? That they are right? Is it how we’re supposed to feel? Or is it a case of them not being perfect either? Simply them giving their viewpoint which isn’t necessarily supposed to be right?

Most of this is stuff to cover later, but it’s also a point of overall weakness with the story, it has several perfectly valid, even good and intriguing ideas, but it tries just a little to hard with them a lot of the time. Pushes them just a bit over the line. Adds just a tad to much emphasis to things when they’d be better handled as being more subtle, more low key. Tries to hard to get it’s point across. This really does not help the Accusation Fic-esque portion of the story because it makes it feel like it’s being unfair, like the story is going out of it’s way to shit on the characters for no reason, even if it does have valid points. Yes MMDW was a really really poorly done story, and everypony involved screwed up big time. There is more then enough there to call them out on as is. But the story goes that extra mile and outright invents things to complain about, piles more “You fucked up big time” on Twilight through first having the other four blame it all on her. It was all Twi’s idea to do this, she told them not to bother talking to Dash first, they all wanted to handle this different, but it was Twilight who talked them into doing this. And then adding in the extra twist of Twilight using magic to make sure Dash failed and everypony loved Mare-do-Well, not just magic, but forbidden dark magic that would end with the complete and total destruction of everything Rainbow Dash ever cared for and the total ruination of everything she’s ever done leaving her a broken, worthless shell of a pony... before ending her life too. Yeah, going a bit far on that one story.

It just takes things to far. Trying that hard to make out Twilight as being in the wrong just gets unfair, ridiculous, and feels far to harsh. Not that the story doesn't have valid points about what the Mane 6 did, but going to that extreme undermines any sense of being fair, makes it so biased it’s hard to take it seriously. Especially when it all comes to nothing as that whole aspect of the story gets dropped about midway through, which not coincidentally where the story overall starts to get a lot better.

As to the rest of the story when ti’s not trying to be a “Why Twilight (And to a lesser extent Celestia) sucks” story, it starts right off with two major things that one would generally assume to be marks of the most cliched type of bad fan-fic short of the Self-Insert Mary Sue. Both RD ascending to become an alicorn, seemingly for no real reason beyond writing a letter to Celestia that apparently made her the utter master of and paragon of Friendship, having worked out how to master it in ways no pony ever has. And then finding out she’s really Celestia’s daughter, well Greatx50 or so granddaughter. But still, sudden change to one character for little reason, and revelation of a long secret relationship with the leader of the country. Both are kind of cliches. However, this is a story that proves, there is nothing actually wrong with those ideas themselves, it’s all in how they are used. They get the bad reputation they have mostly from how poorly used they tend to be. Where as this story.... actually does a really good job with those ideas.

The first ‘issue’, RD ascending seemingly so easily and for such a random reason, really does become a non-issue at all by the end, when we find out the full story of what caused it. It works rather well, still potentially iffy but it does make enough sense to work well. My major issue was up till then, when we find out just what really happened, with everypony assuming she’d pretty much ascended for the same reason as Twilight, while the story went out of it’s way to put Twi down, made it feel like it was just more of that. A bit more “Take that” directed at Book Horse and like the story was trying to make a point about how she never really should have been a Princess, that it as such an easy thing, such a contrived thing that, hey look, RD can do it too and in a way that makes even less sense. It came off like maybe the story was simply adding a bit more “You don’t deserve to be an Alicorn” on Twilight when combined with all the other things the story does to put her down. But, again, once we find out the real reason it works, and it’s not contrived to wait so long, since not even the characters are really sure what went on and all this was just them guessing. Even in the end when we do get the ‘real’ reason, it’s still only Celestia explaining her theory on what happened, not held as what definitely happened. Though it does make sense.

As to the second, not a lot more to say beyond the story really did handle the idea amazingly well. There was a good, valid in story reason for why things were how they were (mostly at least), and the story handled thing quite well all around in that regards. About my only real complaints with the execution of the idea was making it seem like RD was the only descendant of the Princess. After fifty generations, there would likely be a rather larger spread and quite a few families and ponies that can trace their family trees back to her. Now yes, RD is special in she is the ‘direct’ descendant. First foal of every first foal, and the story even makes that logical, and is a rather key part of the story. But still a bit acknowledging about how quite a few ponies could call her “Grandmother” would have been nice. Also, the reason why Celestia was totally uninvolved in her descendant’s lives was rather weak. Just some ‘curse’ that meant bad things happen whenever she tried to get personally involved? One that is totally forgotten after that explanation and never plays a part in things, meaning it likely did not exist. Versus simply, not wanting to show favoritism, letting them have normal lives, especially after how things went with Aurora. Doing small things to help them, make sure they were taken care of when they needed it. but nothing direct, simply to let them be normal and not burden them with all the issues being revealed to be her descendants would bring. Just as given the reason felt contrived. But other then those two minor quibbles, the story really did work well with the idea. It’s admittedly still an idea I am not crazy about, but the story really did make it work in this case.

With the exception of the Take That stuff at Twilight, the story did a good job and had a lot of great ideas. Managed to make two rather iffy and often a deathknell for stories from the start ideas work well. Still had a few odd choices that didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Like why Celestia went out of her way not to mention the Tree of harmony to the Mane 6 when explaining why she and Luna were born as Alicorns, or that they say they know why, but never explain why they alone of ponies born there were affected. It felt really odd the ponies all though the Elements would do anything to help RD in the first place, since her condition wasn’t really anything we’ve seen them used for before. And, wow was that some clunky “As you know” exposition from Twilight when they got the ruined Castle about how they got through. But it had a lot of good bits too. The most story related one being the climax, again showing how something that is generally found in the Big Book of What You do Not DO! rules can work perfectly. Showing that, like with the whole RD is Celestia’s daughter, the issue is with execution, not idea. It’s simply an idea that requires far far better execution then normal in order to work. Yes it was rather anti-clamatic in how easy the threat was dealt with. No effort, no struggle, no hope for the enemy to win, simply utterly destroyed without the slightest effort. But it was still satisfying, one, it was still the result of Twilight thinking fast and working out how to deal with it, the Mane 6 were still in trouble, still threatened and desperate, it was only after Twi worked out something she could do, that was rather unorthodox that the tables were turned. Second, yes it was easy, but it was so so awesomely described, just the raw power and presence the story gave to it as it happened was amazing in and of itself. Even better, giving the honor of finding a way to save them to Twilight. As I said, the second half of the story was much better, but adds to the schizophrenic feeling regarding Book Horse.

So on the whole, the story manages to make several “bad” ideas work well, has a ton of great ideas, but is hampered by trying way to hard at times in putting those ideas to work or trying to make a point. And is brought down hardest by just how hard to tries to make out Twi as being wrong, and failing, and just how much it shits on her for things.. the story invented she did just for the sake of yelling at her for doing it. But once it drops that about halfway through, it gets pretty good.

Characters: Okay, characters, another point where, as above, the story has some good ideas, but then flubs it by trying to hard with them and times. As well as the other bit I’ll get into. As to specifics...

First up RD.... I actually have almost no issues with how RD was handled in this story.. at all. Okay one minor one, but beyond that, Rainbow Horse has an all around great showing in this story. Her freaking out and reactions to her life being turned upside down are believable and spot on, without going into whining, wangsty territory of “Oh woe is me!” Even the Take That elements towards the others actions in Mare-do-well perfectly fit as how RD would likely see them. When it was just RD trying to work out how to feel about what her friends did, that was really well done and showed a good look at RD’s thoughts and feelings that felt natural. (A point where, again, the story tried to hard. If it had just kept it as RD trying to deal with it and pointing out how wrong they were, that would have worked great. It was going the extra mile to invent all new ways Twilight screwed up to be yelled at for that pushed things to far.)

I also loved the stories take on her reason for wanting to be a Wonderbolt so badly. While I have almost no issues with RD herself, still rather unsettled and didn’t like how the story treated her at times, mostly with the whole Wonderbolt thing. Especially since nopony ever actually gave a good reason she couldn’t join beyond “You just can’t”. But the ending was rather sweet in that regards, having her realize she doesn't need to be an actual Bolt in order to be friends with them and have them as flying buddies. And Spitfire’s whole speech about how even before Ascending RD was already in a class all her own beyond any of the Bolts, how joining them could have been a step down for her. Can’t say I 100% agree with that, but it did have many good points and worked well for the story.

Then comes a place where the story really does an amazing job, Rainbow slowly gaining Aurora’s memories. The story did an amazing job and making that work and conveying how it made RD feel. The confusion, the totally normal way she just casually referenced things she had no way of knowing like it was natural, her freak out once she realized what was going on, unsure if these were real or just delusions. Her uncertainty over what was going to happen, was she being taken over by this other pony? Wiped away? And finally her acceptance of it, gaining the added perspective of Aurora’s life, while still staying herself. It really was the most well executed and intriguing to read part of the whole story that was done amazingly well from start to finish.

So yes, while most characters have some major issues, RD was not one of them, this story did a fantastic job with the polychromatic pegasus, bar one bit, the romance. Yet even then, on the whole, it was amazingly well handled on RD’s part, the issues with it were how suddenly it came on, just RD suddenly looking at Twi and realizing she wanted to hook up with her out of nowhere, rather then doing a better job of building it up slowly. Plus, another case of “Story, you are trying to hard, tone it down” with how quickly all the other Mane 6 leaped on her and started going on and on about her romance thanks to Pinkie. That whole bit was way overplayed and just did not work. But aside from getting off to a rough start it was well handled. RD working out her feelings, realizing Twi wasn’t quite ready yet, and simply, trying to be there for her friend regardless. Waiting till Twi had recovered from all the stress of the last few days, giving her time, not pushing things at all. It was an amazingly mature, well handled romance that lacked only a more gradual buildup to be almost perfect.

Then we come to Twilight, which as I’ve made clear, is one point where a good number of the issues the story have stem from. Yet at the same time it does a good job of handling Purple Smart... whenever it isn’t feeling likes it’s trying to take her down a peg or put her in her place. Outside of anything connected to Mare-do-Well, Twilight’s actions are fine, her responses, reactions, everything works well and is a good job of portraying Twilight. The story even makes clear to show her better qualities, yet it only adds to the schizophrenic feeling when it then tries so hard to invent negative qualities to yell at her for having.

First, the actions the story retconned her into having done for Mare-do-Well, they make no sense. Okay, the idea of there being a spell making everypony become so enraptured by Mare-do-Well so easily, that one could make sense. And it explains just why the ponies were so damn flighty and quick to act like they did. That one, still a retcon but not a bad idea. The whole “Ruination” thing though? that is taking things to an absurd extreme. That RD was only ‘failing’ because Twilight cast a spell that made her fail? And beyond that, a spell designed to totally and utterly destroy a ponies entire life? Ruin everything they hold dear before killing them? No, just no. Even the idea of her casting a “Bad-Luck-Spell” on RD breaks one of the few good points MMDW had... and that is one more point agsint the story, it makes me actually have to defend something from the travesty of a story... RD’s failings were a result of her own ego getting in the way of saving ponies. Spending more time patting herself on the back and bragging about how awesome sh was, then saving ponies. The Mane 6 had a valid point that this was an issue. The MMDW story just failed by not having this start to happen before they went to work.

Even without how it totally retcons out one of the few not idiotic points of the story, the fact the story expects us to believe Twilight would go that far. Cast a spell THAT destructive, and just try to pass it off as “Oh it’s just bad luck.” When she knew the real purpose of the spell. It makes no sense. Not to mention the “Twilight was using Evil Dark Magic” retcon about those spells and the Want-It-Need-It spell. Worse is, none of that has anything to do with the story, it exists for no reason beyond shitting on Twilight and making her out to be wrong, failing. It does serve as bringing in this story’s idea of Dark Magic, and getting Twilight assigned to teach RD magic as “punishment” but the first could have been done without derailing a character for no reason, and the latter is what you would naturally expect to happen anyway without any need for a reason. Yes, the Mane 6 screwed up in MMDW, but this story goes to far and tries to hard to both shift all the blame onto Twilight, and invent as many ways she screwed up as it can. Then just drops the whole thing midway through. It never comes of anything, the whole bit is just forgotten and plays into nothing after awhile.

Then we have Celestia’s whole speech to Twilight about “Why you don’t deserve to be an Alicorn” Which nearly every point she brings up ranges from nonsensical, to outright false, to just plain hypocritical. To start with, Twi brings up several valid reason RD would make a pretty bad Princess, none of which are countered. Celestia gives no reason defending RD beyond “She just is” or things so generic they apply to all the Mane 6. Half the things she says point to Twi not being worthy are just outright made up by the story, such as claiming Twilight subconsciously shaped the Element of Magic into a crown because she saw herself as better and above others. Something we have seen no hint of at all, ever. Chiding Twilight for thinking that being the Element of Magic was special because it’s the most important of the Elements.. and yes that is something very debatable, just what it would mean and if that Element is ‘better’ in some way. But the story shoots it’s own argument in the foot when later on, it explicitly states that yes it is, that it was Twilight, through the Element of Magic, that united all the other Elements together, that she and her Element were the linchpin of the six, the focal point. Proving she does have a special place within the group.

Or simply talking about how Twilight puts herself above others, which is almsot total BS. The story even makes an elaborate go at explaining how not only does Twilight have this flaw we have never seen in her, yet all the evidence to the contrary, just how humble, how much she tries hard to NOT put herself above others, is all her knowing she has this flaw and over compensating for it. Okay, fair enough, there could be some debate here as well, but not when Tia is using it as a flaw for why Twilight isn’t worthy of being a Princess, yet Rainbow Dash is. The pony with that exact flaw being a large core of her character. And this is early Season 2 Dash, not the later one who did grow out of this flaw, this is the Dash who just the day before Tia gave this lecture to Twi told a filly not to dream to big because she’d never be as awesome as Dash was. (Which to the stories credit is a line RD explicitly recalls and regrets saying, noting how yes, she had gone to far into her own ego by that point) Further, she acts like Twilight is putting herself above other ponies for no reason beyond ego, an innate sense of her being ‘better’.... Now yes Twilight is a very “Take Charge” kind of pony, who will slip in and take over, but only because she knows she knows what she is doing. Is this a potential flaw that could be explored? Yes. But the story overplays it and doesn't handle it at all well. Not helped when, after this big lecture from Tia about how Twilight needs to not ever think of herself as above other ponies, we later find out Tia herself considers her and the other Mane 6 to be above other ponies.

Now, again, I can kind of see the point Tia might be going for, there is a quote from Arrow 18 that sums up the issue nicely.

it's like she's used to having a certain amount of unquestioned authority without realizing she's even got it.

Which is a good point. But it has nothing to do with Twilight seeing herself as ‘better’ or ‘above’ anypony. But rather something she’s earned. She is used to having authority because time and again she has proven to be a pony who deserves it, who can handle it. Because she’s proven to nearly everypony that they can trust her judgement, trust her to do what’s right, and so allow her to do what she wants and listen to her. And this story even flat out admits that later when it reveals Celestia herself has made this fact a royal decree. It comes off as rather hypocritical of Tia to chastise Twilight for some subconscious belief in her being ‘better’ then everypony else, setting herself above other ponies, while at the same time telling every official in the government and military that yes, Twilight and the other Mane 6 are to be listened to and obeyed without question during any crisis. That they have authority over everypony in Equestria save the Princesses themselves, and can even pull rank on the Princesses if the crisis involves one of them. Showing that Celestia does see them as that worthy, as that special, and then saying an unproven, subconscious feeling of the same makes Twilight unworthy of being a Princess.

Yet, at the same time, she outright says “yet” that it’s just a case of her not being ready for it, not that she could never be ready for it. Telling Twilight that in a few years she might earn her wings too. And some of her issues aren’t wholly invalid, it’s just the way the story over plays them that ruins them and makes them fall flat. All while ignoring the many real issues with RD that would also apply. Now yes in the end it does make sense why RD ascended, but at this moment.. nopony knows that and it comes off as far to harsh on Twilight, like the story is trying to be a huge critique on Twilacorn and trying to make a case why it was a bad idea. More upset over something, not even related to the story, and just using the story to attack it. It comes off as petty and overly harsh, while detracting from the good parts. But at the same time, outside of that, Twilight is really well played and comes off at her best. Making the story feel disjointed in just what it’s trying to say about Purple Smart.

Finally on the major focus characters, Celestia. Here we have another challenge. Not so much with the writing, but a challenge for reviewing, in having to be sure to differentiate between “The character is acting OOC” and “I don’t like how the character is portrayed, but it is a valid interpretation based on what we know.” Also, just because it might be OOC for Show Celestia to do, does not necessarily mean it is wrong, just like simply being a valid thing she might do, does not make her actions right.

While I do feel Twilight is the pony that story comes off as the most uncertain about, Celestia is the one I am most uncertain about how I feel in this story. There are a lot of really amazing ideas, a lot of great things. But at the same time, overall, she does not come out of this looking to good. There are a lot of actions she takes that just come across as to harsh, to OOC, and just plain “What?” Or things that I can accept her doing, but don’t really like. The core ideas behind Celestia in this story, are good. Her backstory is interesting, not quite OMG Headcanon accepted, best backstory ever.. but still really well done and the ideas are rather solid. Beyond dodging the question of why only her and Luna were born alicorns. It’s her attitude throughout most of the story I really did not like. She came across as far to self centered, to blind to others feelings, to distant and cold.

First is her just utterly destroying RD’s life. Ripping her away from her home, her town, her everything. Expecting RD to drop all of it and move to Canterlot to start being a Princess. Taking RD’s hopes from her, telling her all she ever wanted is pointless now and she needs to learn to fulfill her role as Princess. When taken along with all the Take That stuff towards Twilight, it’s hard to think this might have been meant as another Take That towards Celestia for helping Twilight Ascend without it being entirely Twi’s choice. Not giving Twilight the option of if she wanted it or not. Which is a valid question and place for debate. But if so it does a poor job of it. If not, it’s just a blatantly OOC and rather dick more on Tia’s part. Since we saw how she handled Twilight Ascending, held her official coronation, let everypony know they had a new Princess, and then let Twilight go back to her normal life. Letting Twi slowly ease into the role on her own terms, letting Twilight decide when she was ready to take more responsibility. Only giving her the occasional, rather minor assignment while helping her work on getting ready to do more. Versus expecting Dash to drop everything and forget her old life ever existed, now she has no purpose but to be a Princess and follow the rules of what that means. Which include giving up her dream, something Twilight never lost because, all she ever really wanted was to study magic and please Celestia, both things she still could do. While RD’s dream, she is just told no, she can’t do it, but again, no reason given beyond “You just can’t”

You might make the argument that it was because RD is her descendant, and so like Aurora, this was just a case of Tia pushing harder because she wanted her close.. which could be, but the story doesn’t do a good job on this one either. It does not do a good job on conveying Tia’s emotions well, and following why she is acting and feeling like she is. Yes it all does work logically, her being so desperate, so driven, but the showing of that does not really do well, we know, intellectually, why Tia would be so emotional, but we don’t see the progression, and it’s pushed a bit to extreme to buy without seeing the steps leading to it, without actually feeling her emotions. It’s all tell, little show regarding Tia’s feelings. She just goes to the extreme so fast and with so little build up, it comes off jarring. Like why would she accept Andromeda’s advice so easily? be so ready to just kill RD and spare her what she thought was coming without making sure it was even going to happen? Yes she isn’t able to do it, but why was she driven to that extreme in the first place?

Or with Twilight, she comes of way to overbearing, to harsh, to cruel, to over the top. For starters, again, she is pissed at things the story made up that make little sense for Twi to do, and acting so upset and so callous that the only reason she didn’t have Twilight clapped in irons and tossed into a dungeon was as she was about to give the order, she realized, ordering her brother to do that to her might not go over well, it was Shining Armor she was concerned over, not Twilight. And Twilight did something, that it was Celestia’s own fault Twilight did not know was wrong, because Tia hid all knowledge of Dark Magic from her, so she had no context to realize what she was doing. Not to mention her own hypocrisy given what Tia did with Dark Magic. He whole ‘You aren’t ready to be an alicorn” speech to Twilight, and oddest of all, her revelation that, hey, Twilight looks up to me and really REALLY cares about my opinion!” Something there is no way she did not know long long ago by this point. Now her realizing, maybe I should open up more to Twi, let her in more, treat her more like a friend then a student. That is good, that would work wonderfully. Realizing maybe she should alter how she sees Twilight. But treating it like she just now realized how much she means to Twilight is hard to swallow. Again it makes Tia come off far to cold, hostile, closed off, nothing like the warm, caring, maternal figure she is.

Even minor issues all add to this, not quite right look at her. The “Sleep Teaching”, while rather hilarious, is one of those aspects, I’m not going to say is OOC, because I can see it, and as I said, it is rather hilarious, but given that out of all the roles she plays, “Teacher” seems to be the one she takes the most joy in, I have hard time seeing her zone out like that and just drone on. Or how she stood on ceremony, having the staff announce the full title of everypony coming into the dining hall, when it was only The Princesses and Twilight eating there, or how the thought of making something simple, plain, not fancy apparently sent the royal cook into a near mental breakdown, funny yes, but it’s hard to see Tia standing on that much ceremony, and not having made clear she’ll be fine with less fancy stuff by now. Or spriing a massive, formal ‘party’ on RD right after she recovered from her coma, with no warning. Yes her reasoning was sound in why she wanted RD to be seen in a public gathering like this, but doing so without telling her? When RD was expecting something totally different Has no idea what to expect, how to act, that.. not such a good idea. And then being a bit off put that RD was spending the whole party just talking to the other Mane 6 rather then mingling with the uptight, snobby strangers. Or how totaly blind she was to what a colossal dick Blueblood was till Luna and Cadance told her. It seems oddly unperceptive for her.

Then there is Tia’s decision to bar all knowledge of certain types of magic. Just wipe them from the face of the planet and pretend they never existed. This is another point of, I can’t say it’s OOC, and she does have some very good points, but at the same time I don’t agree with her. Which, being able to write characters like that, who you can understand and see their points, but simply disagree with is always a great thing. Plus the story doesn’t treat her as fully in the right. Other character are also clearly unsettled by the idea, but do understand her reasoning. Yes, making sure nopony knows about it reduces the odds of anypony using those dark arts. However, as she herself admitted, ponies can and have rediscovered some aspects of magic she’d wiped away simply on accident. The lack of knowing about Dark Magic also means a lack of knowledge about it’s dangers, about the issues with it, meaning they don’t know to be careful, don’t know what they are doing, like with Twilight’s retcon into having used it. Or with the climax, it means ponies don’t know how to defend themselves agsint dark magic when they are faced with it. Are not able to identify it and alert somepony, or know how to fight back. This is a very interesting point to debate, personally I prefer Tia’s outlook on this from The Alicorn Mysteries series.

I know there is a lot of philosophical debate concerning the issue of learning dark spells, and even the ethical considerations of preserving such knowledge, but I am in agreement with Celestia on such matters. When asked for a blanket opinion on almost any subject, she often responds with, "It depends on how you do it," and when I once asked her about the application of magic widely considered to be outright evil, she said, "It also depends on why you do it."

That Dark Magic shouldn’t be ignored, as that only makes it easier for it to fester unseen, or take ponies by surprise when they don’t know what to watch for. But something that, while not taught freely and available to all, should still be taught to those proving they are able to handle it, if for no other reason then knowing what to beware of and how to defend agsint it. But as above, this Tia’s take is also an approach with it’s own points to consider. Very good move on that part story.

Wow that is a lot of negatives, I did say I was uncertain about Tia right? Well there are a lot of good things too. Her backstory was very well done, both emotional, touching, and saddening. Her attempts at reconnecting to Aurora through RD once the two were fully integrated was sweet and moving, she had gone through a lot of hard times, there was a lot to sympathize with her. Her going out of her way to try and insure Twilight did not fall into the same mindset Sunset Shimmer did was a good point, though again the story went to far with it in it being because of that that Twilight is who she is, not simply a case of her, just being naturally different from Sunset. And the whole “Mortal form” deal, that what see was just a mask hiding her true form and masking her power. That idea alone is amazingly epic, and very very well done. As was how she hates it, hates how overpowering it is to ponies, how it makes them revers her, worship her, that is the Tia we love. As with so much else in the story, There are a lot of good, solid, interesting ideas behind her, but the story simply pushes them to far, tries to hard at times, and as with the biggest flaw, does get better as it progresses.

As to the rest, again mixed bag of really good ideas and getting the core of the character, and overplaying your hand and trying to hard. Rarity wanting to revel in being able to call her friend ‘Princess’, and enjoy knowing royalty, I can totally buy. We can just assume she got it out of her system between Twilight’s Coronation and the next episode. Blueblood, yeah he’s an ass, but even then, the story just played it up to just right at the line of crossing over into absurdity. Pinkie Pie went way way to meta and fourth wall breaking, to the point even the story had her stop and comment on how overboard she was going. Pinkie is not like that. A few quips, a few little “Wait, is she talking about..” things sure, but outright talking about IRL things that have nothing to do with the story, like ponifying IRL corporations into Pony name form, to much. Why was it that the story had it be because they had their Elements on, that it was the link through the gems Twi was able to reach RD in her coma rather then just their own bond? It felt a tad underwhelming like that.

Cadance, some good, but Celestia commenting on how apparently she only wanted to foalsit to hit on hot older brothers sells Love Princess short. As does the story having her be the reason for Twilight introversion and poor social skills at the start. Exploring why Twilight is like that? Making a point about how her growing up with so few real close friends, poorly socializing affects how she views her relationship to the Mane 6? Great idea. Bringing that up just to lay the blame for it on Cadance telling Twi’s parents not to send her to play dates, or not to try to get in involved in groups with foals her own age, not a good idea. Cadance could serve as somepony to help RD adjust to all these changes, but instead she just snaps at her, telling her essential “Go away you big meanie” and that RD does not deserve to be friends with Twilight for how RD treated her, again way to far and trying to hard. And ruins what could have been a really great character bit. Cadance being a bit to over protective, seeing Twilight as emotionally fragile, seeing how poorly Twi handles other ponies and disappointing them. With RD just seeing how awesome Twi is and failing to see how some pony that great could be ‘weak’ or ‘delicate’ both have good points, but then the story swerves to make Candace just plain over protective and bitchy and RD right.

A few other parts had a lot of potential, but were skipped over, such as Tia and Luna’s talk about whether or not Luna was a good pony, if she wasn’t just as bad as their older sister for the whole NMM thing. A great moment, that really should have had more focus. And speaking of Andromeda, yet another case of great idea, execution tried to hard. The overall idea of her, AMAZING and did love her as a foil to the Sisters. Her role worked well, and the Shade was an outright terrifying threat. But her being such an utter bitch, just because, her whole life. Her entire personality during the incredibly dark, tense, tragic scene in the backstory. It was just a bit to hard. Having her be that over the top dickish at first, and then later, going into cartoon super-villainy levels of megalomaniacal gloating and utter, sick, fucking, twisted, horribleness, was a bit to far, it took what would otherwise be an utterly chilling, tense scene, and made it just a tad too absurd and over the top to truly meet it’s potential. When having her start smaller, still a bitch, still a racist, but more restrained in to, more subtle, getting worse and worse as the fear of her younger sisters grew, till finally her mind snaps when they overthrow her, could have made fora much more intriguing story behind her and a much better character.

Engagement: Despite the list of ways the story made me go “oh come on!” about minor things, or how hard it was trying to make a point. Most of those were just issues of execution being just a bit to hard or to little, the core idea being solid, and the issues being just enough to not work right, without being so disjointed or off putting to ever make me feel like I was forcing myself to go through. The story takes a lot of ideas that sound bad on paper, and does make them work. While the characterization is spotty in terms of staying true to the show, they still remain really engaging characters with a lot of depth. Even if it’s not shown well. The largest issues are things that, really aren’t connected to the primary narrative, and all the weaker for being so out of place and pointless, but the core story, RD dealing with her Ascension, is great. The first half was a bit of a drag and did get a bit to over the top in hammering in how wrong Twilight was, but set up a lot of great hints about RD, about the story to come. And after RD wakes up from her coma and the story forgets about the ‘let’s shit on Twilight” aspect, it picked up incredibly well. Going fast, being very dedicated to the character as they are, built on RD’s issues, both with how her entire life has been upended and changed without the slightest hint anypony gave a damn what she wanted, to dealing with suddenly having an entire second lifetime worth of memories springing into her head. The payoffs to the set up mysteries was well done and worked. Plus, it managed quite a few really touching scenes that were great to see, or just plain hilarious bits, such as the little LOTR gag, or RD trying to levitate a book for the first time. The flaws rarely distract from the good parts of the story enough to take you out of it, at least once the main story actually gets going.

Ponyness: Another spot of a lot of good, but also a lot of minor little bits that just don’t work, or spots the story had a great idea, but tried to hard to make the point. This story also presents, yet another particular facet of Fanfiction to discuss that I rarely see. When a Fan Fic is set during an early point in the series then where the show is at the time of ti’s writing, and so while taking place earlier, is able to introduce, use, and bring up some bits of lore and world building that did not exist at the time. As with this story taking place right after MMDW, but having Cadance, Shining Armor, knowing how Alicorn Ascension works, bringing in the Tree of Harmony, as well as multiple small touches like that. It makes the story seem larger, more like it fits into the world, further makes the setting feel real, like it is really a part of this great narrative by being able to link in so tightly with what came later, while still going over earlier events. Something this story uses very well.

That said, while there are numerous tiny things it does right, at the same time, it has quite a few small little bits that, simply do not work. And many of them are odder for how well done the rest is, yet these bits stand out as not working. Such as Spitfire mentioning the Wonderbolt’s Reserve, when it had been something explicitly called out as being new and just formed years later in verse. Or saying Spike was five or six years younger then Twilight, when Twilight was the age of the CMC, which is about ten to twelve when she hatched him. Twi saying RD’s Rainboom was what unlocked her Magic, and that unicorns often get some kind of shock that opens them up to actively using their magic, when we know she’d been actively using it before that test, just the basic stuff like levitation, which was what RD was trying to do. How a storm being generated in the middle of the Everfree would reach Dodge Junction and Appleoosa before Canterlot, when Canterlot is closer to it then anyplace but Ponyville. Aurora knowing Star Swirl.. which given just how long a period Star Swirl seemed to have lived through is fully plausible, but going on about how not-amazing he was and how he was just coming to power when she left court, does not gel with this being several decades after the founding of Equestria at least, when one of the founders was had him as her mentor. But those are all minor little things that really, don’t impact the story at all. Just oddities I noticed. The one that does affect things is the decision to name the Palace of the Two Sisters, or more specifically to decide it was once the heart of a large city, and call it after the city over and over. That part, that works very well, and it definitely works. The issue was naming it ‘Trottingham’ given we already know there is a real city in Equestria called that. Meaning it wasn’t till the third or forth time one of them mentioned or went to “Trottingham” I realized they were talking about the Castle Ruins rather then the existing city.

But those are just random bits and facts, what about the core? the heart of what makes stories ‘pony’ and the show great? Well, in that respect, the story still does a really good job, with the occasional over reaches of trying to hard. The past racism, division, it’s harsh, but yes I can accept the times after unification having trouble, of the old flaws still existing, especially among the aristocracy. But not as the story presents it. It just took what would work, and pushed it past the threshold I could see as working. Racism yes, unicorns acting superior, okay, but the the point all other races are legally barred from keeping their own culture? Why are the other tribes putting up with this rather then just tell them to buck off and moving on? The idea is sound and works, the execution, tried to hard and pushed it past the point of plausibility.

As to solving the issue, I do like that Aurora’s idea was right. Celestia had good reason for wanting to do what she did, she wasn’t unreasonable, but in the end she came to realize just how ruling through decree and ordering ponies to be happy together would just breed resentment, and letting them go, letting them risk fracturing back into the three tribes was the only way. To let them have the decision to stay together be their own. That is the Celestia we know, guiding, nurturing, but not stifling, knowing a light touch is often the best way. Once again, brings to mind another bit from The Alicorn Mysteries where Twilight finally realizes just this lesson.

“So, that experience convinced me that letting ponies find their own way while being protected from exceptional threats is the best way to rule. Micromanagement by enforcing broad conceptual legislation doesn’t make anypony happy.”

It is a great bit that really shows the story gets Celestia, at least in the greater scale, if not personality details. Though it does not explain why nopony alive speaks those ancient languages. Even if there are still documents and manuscripts written in them. We have people that know all kinds of ‘dead’ languages, and what bits we here of it sounds a lot like Latin. I can see most ponies having no clue, but absolutely nopony? No scholars at all think to study ancient languages, or know them to study the past better? Even the story waffles on this with Celestia later commenting on how ancient languages wasn’t among the things Twilight studied, making it seem it is a thing, just not one Twilight knows. Which is great, she shouldn’t be all knowing. But why then would she not be able to find an easier way to translate it? the whole thing felt rather convoluted for no real reason beyond showing RD knows how to read it, something that does not need the extreme of nopony knowing it to work.

I also enjoyed Celestia’s little internal debate over how the Mane 6 should be held as heroes, given everything they could wish for, showered in riches and praise for what they have done, yet also deciding that no, it’s just not the right thing for them, to force that kind of spotlight on them rather then let them simply live their lives in peace. It gels well with her experiences with Aurora, her own daughter coming to much that same belief and Celestia seeing how much she prefer it. (Though does not explain why she starts out lamenting how they should be when not doing so was her decision) While at the same time acknowledging their importance by making clear to all her commanders and all ponies who answer directly to her, that in any sort of crisis, they are to be listened to and obeyed. That while they are to be left alone to live their lives in peace, when needed, they are second only to her and Luna in authority. And even able to overrule the Sisters should the crisis in question result in one of them becoming potentially compromised.

Also was the whole “nature versus Nurture” debate regarding the difference between Rainbow Dash and Aurora. Though the story kind of took a cheap way out by saying Nurture plays a large roll in everyone, except ponies. Trying to make a point about how because of Cutie Marks Ponies are innately more Nature based and ‘destined’ to be who they are. Which fits neither the facts we’ve seen, nor even in the story. Since saying RD and Aurora are exactly the same because of that ignores that while their CM’s are similar, they are not identical. Plus as we’ve seen with the CMC, nature does play a huge role in helping a pony determine who they will be. They only got the marks they did because of everything they had been through together. Plus, we get a bit of Aurora/RD thinking back on how Aurora always ran from her problems, which is not something I’d ever attribute to RD, further proving they are not identical. Very very similar, still close enough to mesh together, yes, but not directly one and the same. But that is a debate that could go on for even longer.
And on the heels of that comes the talk between Twi and Celestia at the end about whether this was all just coincidence, or if there really is some great ‘Destiny” at work guiding thing, so that the most odd little actions from the distant past, could lay in wait to happen at just the right time to reshape the world. And here, the story leaves it open, with neither able to say for sure which is true, just which they prefer to see as being the case. Even in short perspective, the fact that the quick little party Celestia threw together was filled with the exact types that would make Aurora certain nothing had changed, nothing but rich unicorn snobs who look down on all others while the Earth Ponies and Pegasi are mere servants. Yet all a mistake, as the useless, snobbish socialites were the only ones with so little actual work to do that they had time to drop everything and come on such short notice. All setting in motion a train of dominoes leading to the later events of the story. All logical, all making sense on their own, yet all arrayed just right to get to where things ned to go. A great little debate to end the story on.

Overall, the story makes great use of setting itself earlier in the timeline then when it was written, adding in elements from later that meshed well and made this feel more real, did have some minor factual goofs but they were more eye rolling and chuckling inducing then really that bad. Yet, does get the core of things, does explore a number of concepts about the world that really are intriguing to think about, all while still feeling like it belongs in the setting, despite some issues with characterization.

Overall: Good: As the long list of things above would make clear, this story does have a lot of issues. It takes a way to harsh tone on Twilight and invents new ways to put her down. Has Celestia acting rather cold and distant, while casually upending RD’s life out of nowhere. Has a number of ideas that really are not the kind of things you’d expect a good story to come out of.... yet it makes all of that work. It uses those ideas well, explains them, makes them work. Keeps up enough mystery to keep you invested, while having a good payoff for it in the end.. There is no reason given for RD having to lose her dream of being a Wonderbolt, but a great look at why she want’s that so bad, and getting what she really needed out of it.

This story, is an excellent example of why I try not to look “To deep” into stories, don’t try to pry the “Deeper meaning” from them. Just look at the them, on their own, not all the baggage and issues from outside of it. Because there are a number of ways to look at this story. Like above, all the Take That, accusation fic stuff distracts from the main story, but also makes it easy to see the whole thing as a giant Take That to Twilight’s Ascension, trying to point out all the ways it doesn't work. It can make things in the story come out to harsh, or lead to picking apart all the ways the ‘message’ doesn't work. But at the same time, this could just be coincidence, it’s ascribing meaning where there isn’t proof of one. But it also shows the perils of Accusation Fics and how they can lead to a story really getting bogged down. As the single biggest drag on the story IS those “Twilight sucks” parts. The first half was just okay, it wasn’t till the second half the story dropped that aspect and got really good. The hate for Twilight is so prevalent earlier on, it’s impossible not to see that story as trying to jump up and down screaming “I’m making a point!” about things on a meta level. But at the same time, the fact it treats Twi so well beyond that muddles things. makes it hard to tell what it’s trying to say. The whole Twilight part serves no purpose to the overall story, and only acts as a major drag.

Which is a shame because everything outside of that, while far from perfect, is creative, intriguing, there is a lot of good potential in the story. All the ideas are solid, but it, as I’ve said enough already, pushes to hard on them, taking them a bit to extreme, taking what could be a great, powerful scene, and making it a tad absurd, never to far to break the story. But just enough to keep things from really gaining the traction it needs to get going. Stumbles along the way that keep the story from really picking up steam and hitting what it has the potential to be. All while trying to pull the massive dead weight of the “Twilight sucks” aspect from the start.

So, yes a story that I would still say is well worth giving a try, was exciting and fun to read.... so long as you skip over the bits that exist just to be a Take That agsint Twilight. And are ready for things to be just a touch close to over the top at times.

And, given this story and the backstory it gives for Celestia..have a song that I can no longer listen to the same way. Yet becomes even more powerful afterwards. That almsot eerily matches the events of Tia’s life in this story, without even meaning to.