Request for help

Hello everyone!

First off, thank you for taking time to read this, and hopefully responding.

I am about to start something I swore I wasn't going to do; Edits and revisions to 'Sins of the Ancients'. Some will be minor tweaks and touch-ups. Other's are going to be chapters placed on the Anvil of Continuity and struck by the Hammer of Editing. This whole time I've been writing 'Sins of the Ancients' I've only ever briefly had a couple proofreaders who checked grammar and spelling, but no actual Editors to bounce chapters and ideas off of. All blame for the story having the loose threads it currently has is thus all my fault.

I'd like your help. If there has been any inconsistency that you've spotted so far in the story; tell me about it. Preferably with chapter, place within the chapter, and context. Grammar errors as well are acceptable. I know of more than a few myself that I need to iron out before going into the next phase of the story much deeper.

At this point almost all the major players and characters have been introduced, or at least mentioned.

I also have a pretty huge choice as an author coming up in the next few chapters. There's something that is required on one hand to fit certain things together, but it also leaves a huge gap and question mark. I could end 'Sins of the Ancients' at that point and then start a sequel story, or I can make the best of a bad situation caused by poor planing in the first several chapters and try to work around it best as I can. I am leaning towards the later at the moment as their isn't really enough to make a sequel and it'd leave HUGE plot holes in 'Sins' that just couldn't be resolved.

That is in part the reason for these upcoming edits. To pre-emptively strike at this issue.

So, I have some questions for those who have read 'Sins'.

1: Twilight; Is she in character enough? I feel like she should be freaking out a bit more at times, but then again, when her and the Elements are actually out adventuring and not doing Slice of Life, Twilight is very focused and self assure. It's the home life an minutia of day to day that seems to stress her out. Same goes for Rarity, whom I've struggled to write every Ponyville centric chapter. Heck, all the Mane 6 and the rest could fill that question.

2: April Conrad; do you feel she is acting her age? I have problems with kids and girls in particular when it comes to writing. To me she feels like she acts like a 6yo at times, then like a teen. Her age is something that is on the block to be edited.

3: The first few chapters; I've been told the pacing is terribly slow for the first bit. I think that's good on one hoof as I was TRYING for things to be slow and then gradually increase. Maybe I made things too slow though. Opinions welcome, but don't expect Twilight to suddenly be bare knuckle fighting assassins on the Conrad's farm in chapter 3.

4: Magic! The magic system is something that has been worked out behinds the scenes in a lot of detail. But mistakes slip through. Twilight's casting method is based on little on martial arts and meditations. So, it's a lot like Bending from the Avatar series in one respect. There is a lot more to it then that, but the influence is undeniable. Another influence that will be as obvious as an atomic detonation is Dungeons and Dragons. Twilight's Spellbook, a master-file of the system, will be posted when 'Sins' is complete. The Magic System gets explained a little bit more in Chapter 14, but afterwords there probably wont be any heavy explanations. Well, I can think of one more, but it's placement is suspect at the moment.

5: The Not-So-Scooby Gang: Too much or too little of these various companions Twilight has acquired in her journey? I personally like Sunalinda and Kodiak, which is obvious as those two are used the most. Eric's problematic on two fronts; first, he shares a name with the Fifth and I only realised that RIGHT THIS MOMENT as I wrote this blog. *epic facedesk* His other problem is that it's hard to work in conversations with him given he is mute and uses a sign language Twilight doesn't understand. And then there is Vernon... he makes Kaiden Alenko from Mass Effect look like an explosion of personality in comparison. I could simply never mention him again and I don't think anyone would notice. And I'm actually kinda okay with that. The humans aren't supposed to overshadow the ponies. It's one of the reasons why there has been no human PoV in 'Sins'. Not even Jasmine has been PoV.

6: The Synopsis. I plan on doing a re-write of this as it's no longer very reflective of the story as a whole. The 'war' angle is far less relevant than I thought it was going to be. It's still there, and has some big effects in the next few chapters, but nothing like what I thought at first.

Also; the place-holder cover art is being worked on. Sadly I am having to learn how to use a program called Gimp and I am just not very good at it. Also, I am no graphics designer, so I'm expecting mixed to poor results. If you want an idea what's in store the new cover art for my story 'Tiger Bloom' is a good indication.

I'm still undecided how I will work in the edits. Roll them out as they are done, or just do a lump-sum-dump one day.

Again; thanks for your time!