May
10th
2016
What are Needs? · 2:11pm May 10th, 2016
To me needs are something you… need to survive; air, water, food, etc. In dating/ married relationships however, people keep referring to ‘sexual needs’ or ‘emotional needs’. The obvious answer would be that most people translate, ‘needs’ to mean ‘strong desire’ though I can think of two alternatives explanations. Before I share them however I’d like to hear what you guys think.
Is ‘needs’ the right word to use for what you want out of a relationship?
I'll post my own theories in a day or two.
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Beware The Carpenter · 268 views
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That again would be a coin flip since both sides can be valid.
Picture a couple that has been together for months, heck it can be even longer like say a year or even more bit somewhere down the line things start to become difficult with the couple suddenly increasing in spats, heavier verbal arguments and possibly even physical but they still stay together. At that point, that is what I would describe as a need out of a relationship before either party does irreversible damage to one another be it physical or emotional. I believe the common phrase for that would be along the lines of 'needing time to cool of/it's time to start seeing other people'.
There are no doubt those that will say that the couple should still stay together in hopes of mending their relationship in some way bit personally, I have no clue if that's the best choice overall. This applies to any couple type be they married or no as far as I believe.
I think there's also a point in time where a so called desire can evolve into a need should the person not function 'normally' without it. I think that itself can be translated into addictions as that's what most people would think of first but I also argue that prolonged non-contact with other people will evolve into a need. Humans are as what most anyone would say are social creatures so I think that sort of need isn't classifiable as an 'addiction'.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs
timvandevall.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Maslows-Hierarchy-of-Needs.jpg
These are needs. Not wants, but actual human needs. Things we require to function properly. To deny them is cruel and heartless.
3934977
ANY couple that lives together is going to see a different side of their partner than they have before, and won’t like everything that they see. Living together is also going to inevitably change both people and so at some point the emotions will die down and you will realize your partner isn’t who you thought they were.
If you have an idealized perception of ‘true love’ or ‘soul mates’ and think that arguments are a sign this person isn’t ‘the one’. So you leave, find someone else, fall into infatuation, move in and then discover they aren’t who you thought either; and the process repeats endlessly. Each successive marriage has a higher statistical likelihood of divorce than the one before it and you probably leave a trail of kids who grow up in broken families.
Alternatively, you can stay. There will be fights; though as you get to know the other person better they will grow less and lower intensity, if both of you put the other first even when you don’t feel like it. Even when they don’t deserve it.
Unfortunately most people not only have unrealistic expectations of romance from movies etc, but think primarily of the short term whereas building a good marriage is a long term goal. If you’re just living with someone, then the short term costs of staying might well be higher than the short term costs of leaving; so people leave an the cycle repeats. If you get married, and the short term costs of a divorce are higher than the short term costs of staying; then you’re more likely to stay and work out your issues and eventually have a good marriage where kids can thrive.
Of course there are some people who will only cohabitate at best; but those should be weeded out in the engagement period. Couples who were engaged for at least six months before getting married have much higher rates of success than ones that didn’t.
3935005
OK so you’re telling me…
People with poor self-esteem are incapable of being creative, moral, thinking rationally or solving problems.
People who don’t already have family/ friends/ sexual intimacy will not be able to show respect for others, or care about receiving respect.
People who have poor health, job security, or whose family has poor health are incapable of having friendship, good relationships with their family or sexual intimacy.
Someone who is not getting laid is not going to care about their own safety, or the safety of their family.
Nor will a virgin (yo) be capable of friendship, family, self-esteem, achievement, respect, morality, creativity, problem solving or rational thinking.
is this what you're trying to tell me?
I’ll agree that people whose daily physical needs aren’t met, won’t think as much about tomorrow’s physical needs, but the rest of this falls on its head.
(Note: I have studied psychology so this isn’t the first time I saw or thought about this.)
3937047
I tell you nothing. You make your own conclusions.
I've always felt that a need was a criteria that has to be met in order for achieve a certain outcome. To survive, you need food, water, and oxygen. In order to get a new computer, you need to get more money.
When people talk about things a person needs, I think of the things that a person needs in order to successfully function as a human being.
So the things that you are referring to are things that someone needs in order to have a happy and healthy romantic relationship.
3937047 That's not what it said at all. Those are the things that people need to survive, stay sane, and be happy. It's more of a spectrum though; The things closer to the bottom are what we need for the most basic survival, and are the highest priority. The requirements closer to the top are more things we need to be happy and feel fulfilled.
Personally, I would consider the bottom two or three to be things that a person needs live, while things on the top are what humans seek out in order to lead a more ideal life.
It's a lot more complicated that how I put it, but I don't think either of us is well versed enough in psychology to describe it in more accuracy or detail.
Cheers.