Personal Anxiety · 2:55pm May 4th, 2016
Anybody who has known me for long enough knows of my near-constant struggle with various psychological concerns. Whether or not you believe that such ailments exist or not is irrelevant, because my current bout of anxiety has very little to do with me, and everything to do with my ability, or in this case inability, to know something which is of the utmost importance to me.
First, a little bit of backstory. Some of you may know that I am in a long-distance relationship with a lovely woman who is known on this site as Shy Marble Pie. We have been officially together for a while, and my relationship with her has been the highlight of an otherwise lackluster year.
If any of you have been in a long-distance relationship, or one conducted mostly through online communication, you know that there will be times every now and then where said communication is lacking. This can be for a multitude of reasons, and I know this because this isn't my first rodeo with this kind of relationship.
However, in this instance, that knowledge is not enough. I know that I shouldn't be worried about not hearing from my better half for over two weeks. This is especially true since I know that she has many other things in her life which could be of more pressing concern than me. But there is still the question in the back of my mind: "What if?"
What if she was injured somehow? What if she's laid up in a hospital sans computer access? What if something happened in her personal life or family and she's not being granted internet access? What if it's something that I dare not say?
And before you attempt to alleviate my fears by saying that things like that don't just happen, know that I have been witness to such things. When I was young, one of my neighbors was killed by a drunk driver coming home from work, leaving his wife a widow in the blink of an eye. Bad things can happen to anyone at any time, and my pessimism and cynicism naturally draw me to see things at their worst at all times.
Quite frankly, I don't know why I'm writing all this. Perhaps just for momentary peace of mind. For now, I think I just need an outlet. Someone to listen to my anxieties non-judgmentally.
This will be taken down when my anxieties resolve themselves. Until then, I will continue to do what I have been doing, typing to keep positive and wait for that ever-joyful notification.
In this case there is nothing you CAN do, so... No worries.
Jesus Art, I know a few people in long distance relationships and I honestly hadn't thought about how hard it must be to maintain one without that constant communication.
I know I couldn't put myself in your shoes. I'm terrible at dealing with stress and I think I'd go crazy if I had to deal with half as much as what you're currently holding on to. You're a hard man, Art. Credit to you.
3921366 Thanks, man. And I'm not that hard. It is only because I have, as I said, been to this rodeo before that I'm not having a complete and utter breakdown.
I don't mean to bash, but I recently had to move to a different state for reasons I will not disclose. But since I've moved I have noticed one thing : no matter how close you are in terms of location, no amount of Skype can replace face to face conversation. I remember slightly delving into the sad part of my mind and overstayed my welcome there. Thus, (I can't believe I'm openly mentioning this
) ended up crying. Just the thought of missing them just pains me. Ended up pouring about a paragraphs worth of feelings into a word doc and then dumping it somewhere into my drive.
Hope I didn't give anyone a serious case of feels.
Aside from my misadventures I congratulate you with your relationship and wish that all goes well into the distant future.