I'm Doing Better · 7:37pm Apr 28th, 2016
Sorry about the last three blogs... I had a burst of emotions this morning. 
But I'm doing better. I'm not good, I'm not bad. I'm... "Eh". But that's better than crying during my Legal Systems class full of seniors. (I'm freshman.)
Just wanted to thank you all for being here for me. Even though I am not going on the field trip (I feel uncomfortable about wearing my bikini in public and I'd rather do it with friends than some schoolmates I don't know and that intimidate me), I am rather content with my decision. I'm not an outgoing person, and that's my personality. And there's nothing wrong with that. Should I have been dramatic? No. But am I a teenage girl with insecurities and anxiety? Yeah. Does that excuse my behavior? Not really. But do I trust you guys to forgive me and to let me move on like normal? Yeah, I do. 
Yeah, I know for some girls, wearing a bikini in public could be a little embarassing, especially when you've got guys around you that could be thinking about....well you get the point
3903143 Thank you
3903146 Yep. Like, I'm not pretty or anything, but it is embarrassing to even wear at home with my family. Not that it looks bad, but it's so small and tight it makes me look... Kinda pudgy.
But it's better than my old one-piece I wore until last year. 
3903157 Also, know what I don't understand? *takes deep breath* WHY DO MOST GUYS MY AGE ONLY HAVE THOUGHTS OF SEX?!!! IT JUST IRRITATES ME AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!! *clears throat* Sorry, kind of had to vent that out
Oh, that explains it.
If you're genuinely uncomfortable about being judged, you shouldn't go.
3903163 It's ok. Trust me, venting is good. Venting is healthy. Venting is life. Venting. Venting is beautiful.
3903182 Still, it just really confuses me why guys my age think about that stuff
Nothing to forgive, so long as you are happy
3903166 Thanks.
It's good to know that I'm not being pressured to do it. My family isn't making me go, and I'm glad you guys understand. Glad I made myself clear in my fourth blog today. 
3903191
Thank you, it really helps me to feel better since I know I didn't ruin anything for anybody.
3903189 My boyfriend says that all teenage boys (if they listen to puberty and stuff) become prevented for at least a while. Idk... It makes sense. I just kinda wish it wasn't so... Public, you know? Like, they need to keep it to themselves.
3903208 Oh, you mean like how I'm more controlled about it?
3903193 Out of curiosity, what are the guys in your grade like?
3903215 Yeah. Some guys are the complete opposite.
Also, gotta consider I am human Fluttershy. I'm very introverted and I don't like people even glancing at me. Once again, nothing wrong with that. Just how I am.
3903220 You don't want to even know the ones in mine!
3903226 And besides, when I do act like that, I do it for humor, like my blog last night about the new story I made featuring Sunset and Quest
3903220 Well, there's the nerds, the jocks, the sports guys, and the funny guys. The nerds are the ones sitting at their desk playing Pokemon on a Nintendo DS3 or something. The jocks are the guys that think they're great and popular, but they're not really. The sports guys are the baseball players and wrestlers that have girlfriends and that are the center of attention. Then the real popular guys are the funny guys. 'Cause comedians, you know? The most perverted ones out of them are the jocks, sports guys, and some of the funny guys. I honestly think the nerds are too caught up in Pokemon to care.
3903234 Yep ^^
3903230 Go on…
3903240 Sounds about right.
3903249 Yep XD
Though, I do have problems with self esteem and confidence. That plays a big part too.
3903240 Oh, there's also one Thomas engine who thinks he's great and popular *coughs* Spencer!
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/ttte/images/e/ed/CGISpencerpromo.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150724225508
3903255 You and me both.
3903249 Pretty much the same as what Mocha said, except some of the kid just completely feel the need to drop the N and F-bombs every other friggin' sentence!
3903262 There's a guy at my school named Spencer. All of the girls seem to like him. :T I don't really care for him though.
3903263 *Hugs* Hey, if you ever wanna talk about it, PM me ^^
3903272 Huh, odd considering in Thomas, everyone liked Spencer except for Gordon.
Coincidence?
3903278
*Mind blown*
3903282 Don't you remember? Gordon and Spencer never got along!
3903284 I remember. It's the coincidence that got me.
3903287 Speaking of Thomas, who do you think you're most like from the show?
3903290 Well... There's only two female characters XD um.... I guess Rosy
3903291 Who is the Pinkie Pie of Thomas and Friends
Then there's Daisy, Emily, Mavis, etc, also it's Rosie
I'm glad you're doing better and you have nothing to apologize for
. It's also alright that you don't want to go on the field trip; it may be a fun place, but if it makes you uncomfortable, then it wouldn't really be fun.
3903271 Mine are more prone to general stupidity. Vine and all that. Everyone else is an outlier, and doesn't fit into cliché groups.
3903276 Thank you.
3903297
I forgot about Daisy and Mavis!
Kinda hard to keep up with the old trains since they added so many new ones. I don't watch the show, but my siblings do.
3903304 Good thing I remember the classic series ^^ And there is no way I'm watching that CGI crap after what they did to my favorite villain!!
3903301
Thank you! Someone that understands! I've been trying to find words for that all day.
3903303 You're welcome. ^^
3903308 Yup!
3903316 Diesel 10 was always best Thomas villain!!!!
3903318 Yup.
3903312 And for what it's worth, Mocha, you're a very sweet girl.
3903388 Aww, thanks.
I don't really know how... But eh You're really sweet too. 
Ah, good old anxiety. Sure ruins the fun, doesn't it? The best advice I can really give is to just overcome it a little at the time. It isn't an easy task, trust me I know. But with time things will get easier.
Just two years ago I hated taking the bus, now I enjoy the bus ride from/to school each day. I'm not saying you should go full extrovert, I think it's called. But if there are things you'd like to do without feeling anxiety, you can overcome that obstacle if you want.
3903439 That is true. However, I am perfectly fine not liking to wear my bikini around teenage boys.
3903444
Well, that I can understand. Hormones from puberty makes many quite unbearable... boobs and such seem to be the only thing on their perverted, respect deprived minds.
Though being more outgoing is something to work towards. Just three years ago saying I liked some qualities of a girl terrified me (I was born male). But just about a month ago I came out to my class as Asexual (no sexual attraction towards people).
I managed this by taking simple steps. Even if I can't wear a bikini in public, or top with shorts, I can be more open now than I once was. And I'm also happier now than I was back then.
3903482 Ah... I see. ^^
3903494
Good ^_^
If you'd like any further advice, feel free to ask and I shall do what I can.
You are awesome, amazing, kind, caring, and fun and so much more. I think you will find that even if you have the tinest bit of faith in yourself, it will go along way.
In the end, I hope everything turns out well for you.
E l E
3903391 It's true. One of the kindest people on here.