Update - Knee-Kick Reactions + Current State · 5:51am Apr 7th, 2016
So why the hell are you online?
1. Some reason, Fimfiction was still logged in when I turned this laptop on. Why? Ask the past me that.
2. Came to announce that my knee-kick reaction to this whole thing wasn't in my best interest. Had some friends talk this thing over with me, and safe to say, running from problems isn't a deal breaker, nor is being aggressive in getting what you think is worthy of achieving. No one can be forced into believing something that you believe.
3. Wanted to also announce that I'm slowly becoming better, but I am still not who I want to be yet. Currently crumbling under the pressure but I have had gains in my self-esteem as of late.
Safe to say, I'm doing better.
At least that's something.
Don't expect this to be a weekly thing. Don't expect me to be writing pony work while I'm recovering. Just... don't expect too much. Just know that I'm taking one step forward every time I take a half-step back.
I think that's the best way of describing it.
I think I'll remove that kick-knee reaction from my short bio. We'll take this one step at a time again. It'll be like training wheels on a bike.
Also, I've been... thinking. Did this persona that I created made me so cocky? It was the question that I've been answering this entire week. I guess it did in the worst ways, but it gave me that backbone I needed. I just don't think I'm "Soaring" anymore, though. I've been thinking a lot more before I... say things. I've actually felt sorry for what I did. Is that odd? Not really feeling "sorry" for something? Weird.
Yikes, talk about not taking your own advice.
I feel bad for saying that I'm not who I portrayed myself as, but I also feel good too because I think I want to be me, not someone who hides behind the monitor and rants about things that honestly, not many of you want to see. I think this side of me (the real me) was upset after posting them. I just never really let myself come through.
Oh well. Getting this out here lifts that pressure I've had on my chest for the past week (or is that heartburn?).
Anyone got any ideas for a name change? Just a thought. I'm not going to change my name unless I see it as a last resort to really feel at home with myself on here. Because right now...
I don't feel at home.
-Brenden
Don't worry. I still have a dark sense of humor.
You'll always be Sorbet to me.
Yay, Soaring's back!
Since you were gone, and said you weren't coming back, I did actually remove you as admin from TWG when I was setting everything back to normal after April 1st, and I did mention you'd left. So if you look here, you'll see a few people talking about how much they'll miss you, and you really might want to make sure Alsvid knows you're back.
Taking things one step at a time's a good idea. I'd say that you've got a bunch of friends here, so I'd personally say to stay here and get help from 'em!
I'm not sure you really need to change your name, but your avatar picture does kinda affect your attitude when posting, and that one does look sorta cocky. I like it, but you might think about changing it to something that reflects who you want to be more.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/11/179359/medium.png
https://www.derpiboo.ru/179359
derpicdn.net/img/2014/4/11/598169/medium.jpeg
https://www.derpiboo.ru/598169
derpicdn.net/img/2014/11/1/755381/full.png
https://www.derpiboo.ru/755381
derpicdn.net/img/2015/8/18/960414/medium.png
https://www.derpiboo.ru/960414
Also, while we could put you back as an admin of TWG easily enough, I'm not sure if that was causing you problems or not. It might not be a bad idea to just take a vacation from being admin for a bit, and see if having less responsibility and things you have to watch for helps. Some of your rants have been 'bout adminny things, after all. Maybe taking a break would help with that. I could also put you down as a contributor...
You might have some fun with the Very Official Free for All Chat Thread, too. it's a new stickied thread I made where Rule's 0 and 1 are the only rules in effect, so it's just kinda a place to chat and post off the wall stuff...
--Sweetie Belle
swiftpic.org/image.uploads/07-04-2016/original-e3b7b7a9c9944ab462320cbf4654b33f.png
--Sweetie Belle
3853835
Oh this picture looks pretty nice--
Wait a minute, is Soarin blushing?
Welp, trying to imagine the Soarin character blushing like that makes my sides orbit Earth.
3853839
Well... I could always leave out the blush, I suppose...
swiftpic.org/image.uploads/07-04-2016/original-8757e22e42c2511a76a6fa1a38ff7b3b.png
--Sweetie Belle
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Nopony feels like you need to change your name, so that's entirely up to you. You are fine as you are.
I guess I should say something. I've been following you almost since I made an account. We never really talked though, and I haven't read anything of yours in a long time. When I saw your last blog, I just dismissed it as more pointless FimFiction drama. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in a long time. As for coming up with a new you, why? You're the man on the computer, not whoever you make your persona into. If you really want to change, I'll help you. As for a new avatar and name, not sure what that would do.
3853841
Now that makes the cake.
Did you photoshop the image?
3854099
It's just one of those things that are swirling around in my mind right now. Really stressed and with finals coming up soon, I'm feeling woozy. There's just a lot of things going on and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it.
3854379
It was basically Fimfiction drama, but I think I'm done jumping into the drama realm of Fimfic. I'd rather just write, chat with my followers, chat with friends, and of course, be the best role model I can be. I know I won't appease everyone--that is not how I roll--but as I will continue to grow as a person, I will be swearing less and less. No reinforcers or punishments required; just the motivation to be the best I can be and the will to do so in order to survive.
Yeah, dramatic, I know. But doing this now will benefit me later on.
Right, and that's why I'm frustrated that I did such a thing. But I'll let it go like Frozen, because the cold only bothers me slightly when the car sounds like a badly tuned musical instrument. So yeah. :D
3854412 well I'll be here if you ever want to talk.
3854412
Well, photoshop wasn't involved, but I copied your avatar and modified it to make that one. I've done things like that before, so it wasn't too hard, just a buncha layers on top.
--Sweetie Belle