• Member Since 2nd Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen March 22nd

The Rarispy


I'm just a guy who loves Pepsi and Time Lords in funny hats.

More Blog Posts96

  • 370 weeks
    An Exciting Announcement

    That's all.

    You can go home now.

    2 comments · 414 views
  • 422 weeks
    "The Gems Saga: Chapter 4" Trailer

    This spring…

    The tale of lovers will finally come to its conclusion…

    A crowd of ponies sit in the pews of the church anxiously, waiting for the final words to come out.

    “I do.”

    Mayor Mare closed the bible and addressed the pair.

    Read More

    3 comments · 582 views
  • 435 weeks
    The Gems Saga: A Summary

    2 comments · 407 views
  • 436 weeks
    Coming in 2016...

    “My name… is Roseluck.

    And I’m in love with a pony.

    I know, stop me if you’ve heard this one before.”


    “Roseluck, you need to let this thing go. It’s eating you alive.”

    “I know.”

    “You’ve been pining after Berryshine for more than three years, and now you’ve missed your chance.”

    “I know.”

    “Then why can’t you--”

    “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”


    Read More

    6 comments · 429 views
  • 446 weeks
    Oh, hey look at that.

    Pinkie Pie fighting temptation to expose a secret is officially a canon concept. What now, everyone who said that wasn't realistic in The Sweetest Gem? :P
    *cough* I still did it before it was cool.

    4 comments · 412 views
Apr
1st
2016

"The Gems Saga: Chapter 4" Trailer · 7:54pm Apr 1st, 2016

This spring…

The tale of lovers will finally come to its conclusion…

A crowd of ponies sit in the pews of the church anxiously, waiting for the final words to come out.

“I do.”

Mayor Mare closed the bible and addressed the pair.

“Then by the powers invested in me by the citizens of Ponyville, I now pronounce you, Rarity and Fluttershy, as wife and wife! You may now kiss the bride.”

Rarity took Fluttershy with open hooves and kissed her passionately on the lips. Fluttershy pulled back her wedding veil as she reciprocated the link to a new life together. Everyone in the crowd went “Awwww!”


Until tragedy strikes…

Fluttershy opened her door to see a downtrodden Nurse Redheart, with Rarity’s parents standing behind her.

“Mrs. Fluttershy…?" she said, holding back tears. "I’m afraid something terrible has happened.”

Rarity lay still on the road, the car still looming over her with one headlight broken and its hood dented. The rain drenched the purple dressmaker’s eyeshadow all over the pavement.

“She was out drinking last night… I guess she didn’t see it coming…”


And the unthinkable happens…

Fluttershy sat motionless at the funeral, not wanting to believe that the casket in front of her eyes was real. There was a veil over her face once again, this time black instead of white. Her friends were all there, dropping flowers for their departed chum. Rainbow flew over to Fluttershy.

“I’m so sorry this happened, Fluttershy,” she said, offering her condolences. “If you ever want to talk, you can always come over to my house.”

“Oh, Rainbow. I don’t think I could…”

It then cut to the two of them suddenly in bed at Rainbow’s house. Fluttershy lay there shaking, covering herself with the sheets.

“I—I can’t believe we just did that!”

Rainbow puffed her cigarette. “Hey, if it worked in that James Blonde movie, it works for us, right?”


As dishonesty and mistrust tears this community apart…

“But I-I don’t believe this…” Twilight was in tears. “I thought what we had was special… I thought you’d never do this to me…”

“I’m sorry, baby doll. I have to do this. Equestria needs me, and so do the troops. I swear I’ll come back for you.”

Twilight scrunched her eyes shut and ran to her lover, embracing him tightly.

“Please, honey…” She pleaded. “If you’re going to go, then please at least bring the secret weapons with you… So that I know you’ll win!”

Obama chuckled. “You mean the Chaos Emeralds?”


But even times of crisis, a miracle can still happen.

Scootaloo waited outside for what must’ve been hours. Her dad was beside her the whole time.

“I hope things are going okay in there…” she said to her father. She was trying to ignore the screams coming from inside.

Scootaloo’s father sighed, and put a hoof over his daughter’s head. “I’m sure things’ll be fine, sweethear. You’ll see—” But he was interrupted by a doctor coming through the door.

“Miss Loo. It’s arrived. Your child has been born.”

Scootaloo rushed into the room and gasped at the sight of her new bundle of joy.

“Scootaloo…” said Batman, gazing into her eyes. “They said it’s a girl. What should we name her?”


Any miracle is direly needed, as conflict strikes the heart of Equestria…

YOUR KINGDOM IS MINE NOW, PRINCESS.

“You’ll never get away with this!” Princess Celestia shrieked. “The Elements of Harmony will stop you! You’ll see! Your reign of terror will end, Dar—”

But then she was force-choked before she could finish her sentence. By the time she was finally released, she lay dead on the floor.

I’D LIKE TO SEE THEM TRY. COMMANDER!

“Yes, sir?”

TELL THE PONIES DOWN THERE IN PONYVILLE…” The dark Sith lord removed his helmet. “…that theysa gonna die! Mesa gonna make sure thingsa very, very bad!”


This holiday season…

The ultimate Gems Saga chapter comes to life!

“I don’t believe this!” Applejack exclaimed. “Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are actually sisters!”

“Wait a minute,” Rarity pondered. “If they’re actually siblings, then that does mean that they…?”

Fluttershy blushed a deep red.

“That’s hot,” said Rainbow.


Spike was backed against the wall, his eyes never leaving the pointed dagger that approached him.

“P-p-please… I promise I won’t gamble our money away anymore…” the young dragon begged. “I’ll become a different man, I’ll change!”

A large green hand plunged the knife into his heart.

“I’m sorry, my love. But it’s all ogre now.”


Bob Barker fell to the ground, clutching where the fist had struck him in the face.

Adam Sandler sneered.

“The price is wrong, Bob.”


And the biggest twist of all…

A light shone in the center of Ponyville, to reveal a figure. The Mane Six gasped in shock.

“It can’t be…”

The figure emerged, and removed his hood.

“Hey guys, it’s me,” said M.A. Larson. “I’m a pony now, and well… I wanna pork Coco Pommel. So, that’s cool, I guess.”

"A beautiful story, the magnum opus of The Rarispy's career and possibly this entire fandom. It serves as an inspiration to us all."
- knighty, FIMFiction.net

"I've read it six times now, and I still cry at the abortion scene. Very powerful."
- Sethisto, Equestria Daily

"It's better than sex."
- ACRaceBest, Bronies React

"It's a piece of trash, and I'd still rather read it than go see Batman v. Superman again!"
- Jim Sterling

THE GEMS SAGA
CHAPTER 4

RISE OF THE CRYSTAL GEMS

Discord grabbed Pinkie Pie by her lips and talked down to her level.

“Now you listen to me, Pinkie. If your dog gets lost, you don't look for an hour and then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that dog.”

Pinkie Pie shook her head. "But they said if the glove fits, I must-a quit!"

Coming April 1st, 2017!

Report The Rarispy · 582 views · Story: The Gemmed Satyr ·
Comments ( 3 )

Click here if you'd like to read the April Fool's trailer I made last year.

This is freaking BRILLIANT!!! I can't stop laughing! Best April Fool's I've seen today! :rainbowlaugh:

Very amusing

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