A look into my thoughts for future chapters of PGA · 3:07pm Feb 22nd, 2016
Here's a portion of an idea for the gala chapter, which may be a two parter, maybe three.
While they were dancing Trevor noticed that Pinkie was looking sad and tearing up. Pinkie then looked up to him.
"Trevor?" She asked
"Yes Pinkie?" Trevor replied.
"Do you..... No, it's nothing." She said as she turned her face away.
"Pinkie you can ask me anything." Trevor reassured her. She sighed.
"Do you.... Thinkimpretty?" She asked. It took a second for Trevor to decipher what she had just said but he caught it and then looked at her simpathetically.
"No," Trevor began. Pinkies eyes watered more and her mane deflated. She turned and was about to run when she felt Trevor's hand grab her arm.
"Pinkie, let me finish. You're more than pretty, you're beautiful. Tonight is no exception in fact tonight your beauty is enhanced." He said then got close to her ear and whispered, "You should wear dresses more often, they look sexy on you."
Pinkie pushed him back a little, he feared she'd run. But noticed her mane was halfway reinflated.
"Prove it." She said. This confused Trevor.
"What?" He asked. Pinkie then turned around and got up very close to him.
"If you think I'm like how you describe then prove it!" She said increasing volume to almost rival Luna using the Royal canterlot voice. She then started to break down and cry. Trevor cupped her face and turned her face towards his.
"If that's what you want me to do, then I'll do it." Trevor said. He then proceeded to close the gap between their lips in a kiss.
Comments are welcome, please be constructive.
I'd actually like to see Trevor focus, not just her physical beauty, but the things which makes her an attractive personality. How she interacts with the Cake foals and her goofy antics to amuse them. But how she's also willing to not just be the playmate, but a caretaker as well. How she'll change a dirty diaper, so that Pound and Pumpkin are clean and don't develop rashes. How she'd go so far out of her way just to see her friends smile. Like with Cranky, and his photo album/ scrapbook and his Equestria-wide search for Matilda, and how she gets Matilda to visit Cranky and reunite the long-lost lovers once again. The love she has for her family and wanting them to be happy with their lives and to have rich friendships. Like Maud and Pinkie's friends and how their differences in outward emotional expression created an awkward atmosphere between Maud and Pinkie's friends. Or how the Pies and the Apples try to come together for Hearths Warming and share each others traditions and the awkwardness resulting before they learned to just enjoy each others kinship without trying to force each other into 'bonding' activities. But how Pinkie can be intelligent and philosophical. Like with Pinkie being observed by Twilight, who was trying to understand how the Pinkie sense operated as well as what her various spasms and 'combos' meant her Pinkie sense was forecasting. That just because Twilight doesn't understand how it works or how it determines what kind of event is going to take place, doesn't make it any less real, any less true.
But Trevor should point out her flaws, such as her insecurity about her friends and her coming to conclusions such as them not wanting to be her friend anymore just because they have other 'appointments' or obligations. Or how she tries to force her friendship upon others immediately after meeting them, instead of getting to know them and slowly nurturing the friendship and not the blunt-force trauma method of her instant-friendship. And also there her rumor-mongering and ostracization of other rarely encountered non-pony lifeforms, instead of observing what Zecora actually did, and also getting to know her as a person. Or how she tries to force others into a manic, zany, high-energy fun and activities such as trying to get Canterlotians to have fun her way, instead of expanding her understanding of how fun can be had by others of a different culture and lifestyle and expanding her repertoire of fun activities and adapting to the environment around her and joining in on their style of fun, instead of trying to force her style of fun on others. To accept that fun activities can vary between cultures and even individuals.
Also, if he really does feel attracted to Pinkie, then he shouldn't say things in such a way that would hurt her feelings. (Unless you're either going for the oblivious male trope, the sadistic teaser, or the xenophobic route.) If he likes her appearance, what does he like? Does her mane feel soft and silky like satin? Does her coat feel warm and silken like velvet? Is it the joy and enthusiasm of life and friendship expressed through her eyes? Is it that she doesn't follow the fashion trend of having an anorexic body appearance, but with meat on her bones, not caring to hate her body enough to want to appear like those models made popular, the anorexic look. Does he like her smiles and how readily she has a smile for someone? Or her jaunty, perky pronking ambulatory method of getting around town? Does he like her big butt with the candy cotton-looking tail? Or how she's the pinkest pony around, the eye-candy of ponies?
So, while I think its fine if Trevor expresses attraction for Pinkie, I also think that that shouldn't be just what he focuses on. A corpse or mannequin can be beautiful. But what they lack is what makes each living sapient special, the heart and mind, the soul. He should focus on the personality traits and behaviors that he likes about her. But to mention her flaws and failings, to show that he really has been paying attention to her, and not just an idealized image of her, like her as a fairytale princess.
Though, ideally this would take place over the span of at least a year, and not the couple of days that has passed in previous chapters. A couple of days isn't long enough to really know anyone as a person.
So ideally, he'd be talking to Pinkie and reminisce about the various things that he has seen her do, or done with her and maybe include some flashback vignettes to cement his observations and to give a sense of a 'weight of time' and authentic companionship to their relationship up to that point.
So that is my thoughts on the possible upcoming chapter's content and how I as an editor would like to see the chapter develop and progress.
3772930 quick question, how do you come up with two pages in Microsoft word from barley half a page in the same program?
3772950 Heh, by not being shy in my being opulently verbose. Well, and from how extensively well read I am and my three years with Overly Extensive Editors, I know the elements of a good story, what works and what doesn't work. I can come up with alternative storylines, directions that a story could take if it had been written differently. And I guess being particularly passionate about helping other writers with brainstorming and polishing their story helps as well. So, I suppose the answer is a little all of the above. Heh heh.
3773037
While they were dancing Trevor noticed that Pinkie was looking sad and tearing up. Pinkie then looked up to him.
"Trevor?" She asked
"Yes Pinkie?" Trevor replied.
"Do you..... No, it's nothing." She said as she turned her face away.
"Pinkie you can ask me anything." Trevor reassured her. She sighed.
"Do you.... Thinkimpretty?" She asked. It took a second for Trevor to decipher what she had just said but he caught it and then looked at her simpathetically.
"I don't think your pretty."Trevor began. Pinkies eyes watered more and her mane deflated. She turned and was about to run when she felt Trevor's hand grab her arm.
"Pinkie, let me finish. I think you're more than pretty, you're beautiful. Tonight is no exception in fact tonight your beauty is enhanced tenfold." He said then got close to her ear and whispered, "You should wear dresses more often, they look sexy on you."
Pinkie pushed him back a little, he feared she'd run. But noticed her mane was halfway reinflated.
"Prove it." She said. This confused Trevor.
"What?" He asked. Pinkie then turned around and got up very close to him.
"If you think I'm like how you describe then prove it!" She said increasing volume to almost rival Luna using the Royal canterlot voice. She then started to break down and cry. Trevor cupped her face and turned her face towards his.
"If that's what you want me to do, then I'll do it." Trevor said. He then proceeded to close the gap between their lips in a kiss