I, on the other hand, am enjoying my current bachelor status.WARNING: NUCLEAR MELTDOWN IMMINENT! (Language warning) · 3:52pm Sep 6th, 2015
THAT'S IT!!! NOVA IS GOING NUCLEAR!!!
Nova is at the brink, people! How can he tell? Because he's speaking in the third person! This only happens when he's seriously peeved or letting the loco take over! The past few days have been horrid and it just brought up the reality of how unaccomplished and miserable his life has been! This is coming from a born optimist!
So, Nova should be in his second year of Uni by now. Why is he not? Well, Nova decided to go with the British curriculum, so he did A-Levels, which is 2 years. In his first year, his school completely fucked up! How bad? Government stopped sending scholarship kids there and their IB program was shut down because they couldn't handle it. This is supposed to be one of the best schools in the bloody country! Second year, so much had changed and readjusting was a problem he had to tackle while trying to tackle the new workload. Results came out. Nova was below cut-off point for the school he wanted to apply for. DA FUCK?!
Yeah, sure. Blame the students when the equipment for the practical arrives an hour late, then start the time while we wait for another thirty minutes to get the equipment together! BURN INVIGILATORS! GO TAKE YOUR DISSATISFACTION WITH YOUR JOB OUT ON SOMEONE ELSE! So now, I have to retake the damn test in October.
Then, Nova's personal goals are slowly being pushed away. Ever since he hit high school, Nova has neglected many of his other responsibilities: exercising, religious obligations, etc. Nova just barely manage to squeeze in time for those things, which is horrible, especially since he's a Christian.
But the worst part is this: six years ago, Nova decided to create a cartoon TV series. Three years later, he had enough info to air 10 episodes of each show and let the shows write themselves for another 10 episodes. That's a season, each! And he still managed to pass his IGCSEs! Screw everyone who doubts his multitasking skills. But guess what's? The ideas never left his computer. Why? Because from middle school, everyone around me ensured he grew up with low self esteem! He couldn't do anything or make any decision that didn't have some kind of unwanted consequence. Nova knows about opportunity cost, but that's entirely different from your life being a road of double-edged swords! So instead of thinking, "How can I get in contact with Lauren Faust, Alex Hirsh, and/or Rebecca Sugar or someone to help me put this on TV?" he was thinking, "Will they take me seriously and consider this idea?" Yes. He doubted his own ideas, one of which was so good, everyone wanted a stake in it. People were asking to make the soundtrack, opening themes, character inputs, etc for the project! Sure, maybe he shouldn't have listened to the haters, but at 11, your mind is still pretty easily influenced, especially when it has never been opened to the true evil nature of most of humanity. And that influence tends to persist over the years.
Next, we have one of the most obvious, but hardest to deal with, problems. Nova is weird.
Beyond any possible description or relation. Possibly Joker-level crazy!
He is unorthodox in his methods.
Normal 5-year-old: Mommy? My toy is broken.
5-year-old Nova: Where are Daddy's screwdrivers and duct tape? This car is going to work TODAY!
And yes, he did fix his remote control car by himself. Turns out one of the wires was cut and the metal connecting the wheels was severed. So he unscrewed the car, duct taped them back, closed it up, and voilà! Sparked his interest in engineering. Good thing, right? Yes. But that imagination brought up some other... problems. See some of his OCs? They are embodiments of some parts of his personalities... or personalities as a whole. BTW, he may/may not have some mild form of MPD or schizophrenia, just personal speculation. Why such a conclusion? He talks to himself. That's right! This fruit loop talks to himself! Like actual conversations! He speaks, another part of him replies! On the one hand, some see it as a sign of intelligence to be able to argue with oneself on controversial topics. On the other hand, it's a sign that the person is loco in the coco. Which, personally, Nova is fine with. Y'all can look at him and say, "He's crazy." Nova says, "He's unique!" Few to none can think like him. He used to be desperate for friends since he was an only child, until he discovered his many other interesting things about himself and the many ways he processes things. It's calmed down, but there's ways to go for it to go away. Also, he's a hugger! Not compulsive, but the way most guys tend to find hugs a bit awkward, he sees handshakes the same way! So the middle is usually a fist bump.
Next, Nova has a lot of problems and no one to talk to. He is an only child with very few friends, some of which he wonders if they are real friends or not. He is weird and sometimes a bit socially awkward, but is a nice person. See that last part? That's the catch, coupled with the fact that he was small. People use to take advantage of him and he struggled with what to do due to the double-edged sword effect. A senior is bullying Nova; if he reports, he's a snitch; if he tries to fight back... well, they're like twice his size, so...; if he tries to resist and talk back, he's rude; he does nothing, this continues until one of us goes. Again, Nova's junior is rude to him: Nova hits him, Nova is a bully; Nova reports, Nova is a wuss; Nova does nothing, junior and his fellow delinquents disrespect him until he finds out a solution. See my point? And I was like 11. He should've known how to deal with those problems, but he couldn't because he had never been in such a harsh environment and the only solution was to use the part of his personality that he locked up for a reason. Nova refused to do what they did to get a point across. And guess where that led him? Yup. He was a fucking pushover! It wasn't until years later, he learned an important quote: "Sometimes, even a god must stoop to conquer." Not that Nova is a god, but you catch his drift. So he came up with the usual delinquent solution: prank the life out of them or make sure there's nothing left to take! Let's see you take my snacks when the locker is empty and the lock on the cupboard is wired to a stick bomb inside!
Hence, his other thought: is he 100% human? Like he said, he is unorthodox and could probably reason with The Joker! Not that he really takes it seriously, but the thought had crossed his mind. No other person he has met thinks like him or is as nice as him. Some are along those lines, but few to none are on par. You see where that got me? When Nova wants to be friends, it's usually unconditional. If you ask for something, he'll only ask for something in return in the thing is very valuable and much needed at the time, like money. How many people have you met that lend you more than $10 and will say, "Pay me back when you can,"? But he draws the line at constantly asking for stuff and not giving anything back, at least as appreciation. It's the least you can do.
So, Nova has talked about his problems. How about how he deals with them. Not many options there. He sticks to the basics: video games with lots of action and violence (COD, Mass Effect, Assassin's Creed, Infamous, Batman: Arkham Series, etc) to take his anger out on. Beats the alternative, which is doing that stuff in real life. He may be a bit crazy, but he's not a nut in a psychiatric ward preparing to have a mental breakdown! To calm down, more strategy and logic (Clash of Clans, Boom Beach, Plunder Pirates, Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, card games, etc). Helps me forget my anger. Then, music to drown out the sound of the voices in my head, some of whose owners I just want to... Deep breaths, Nova. Deep breaths. Nova has been looking to get a punching bag, but got nowhere to put it in his room. So he'll wait for college, when he has money and space... or a nearby gym with lots of punching bags.
Nova needs someone to talk to.
Unfortunately, his story isn't one of how MLP changed his life. MLP is just another good thing added to it. Whatever screw may/may not be loose in his head, it is both good, and bad. But he doesn't want to fix it. He likes him as he is. He's just unhappy with how certain things have turned out in his life and wishes there was some way he could see where his problems lie and find a way to deal with them. All the bottled-up emotions cannot be good for him. He is sadmad!
Anyway, he wonders how many people actually care about anything he just wrote... said... whatever. It's just him venting my frustration. The diary thing doesn't work and neither does poetry. He tried writing a song, but his first attempt made him sound like a narcissistic middle schooler! So this is his only option. Nova can't take it anymore! He's hoping he doesn't lose it completely! Wonder what he'd look like in a straight jacket?
Nova out!
I understand completely. You feel like everything you've always wanted to accomplish is getting further out of reach. I get that feeling all the time, and I have A's in college.
3373108 Yup. You try to do what you think is right and some odd bad thing pops up out of nowhere. The saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." It's sad that there is proof that such a thing is true.
3373122 yeah, I know. It's hell. My last college decided to fail me.
You created a cartoon series? That's really cool! Have you uploaded some part of it to somewhere to watch?
hey if you need someone to talk to I'm open most of the time also talking to yourself does not equal crazy I do it all the time
3373126 That makes... No sense.
Did they have a reason?
3373138 Like I said, it never left my laptop. I'm not a seasoned animator, even though I'm using flash for one and traditional for the other. That's why I'm looking for those three.
3373166 Thanks. Good to know I may not need a straight jacket!
Sorry to hear about this.
Yeah bro!
3373198 Thanks.
3373195 They claimed I failed a class (I had an 80 in) Due to lack of participation. I couldn't submit several assignments! The site wouldn't let me and I still had an 80%!
3373209 Nope. Still don't see the sense. But I think some Unis do that when they have another star student they're betting on. They can't change the bet but they can change the rules. Or perhaps there's that one teacher out to get you for some reason. What class is this?
At this point I'm going to try to encourage you to keep going. It may not work but at least I'm willing to try. First, I understand beyond anything you could imagine. You may not believe that but it's true.
I'll start with this: I've been "disabled" all of my life (from infancy on). I don't think of myself as such but that's only because of my attitude, which tends to be a very positive one, albeit one which was hard-earned. (That's a whole other story.)
You say you're 'weird'. I got news for you! 99 percent of the human race is weird! It's all a matter of degree. I've met people in my life who were anything from mildly, amusingly weird to hair-raisingly, terrifyingly weird. So, what's 'weird' anyway? Is it a way of perceiving the world? Is it a matter of our self-constructed paradigms? Who cares. We are what we are.
You talk about fixing an RC car when you were five. Good! It shows you're bright.
When I was six I took my mother's spring-driven wind-up alarm clock completely apart, cleaned it, oiled it, then put it back together, much to my mothers astonishment. Yeah. I'm bright, just like you. That doesn't make us weird.
Here's a short list of "weird" people (and, yes, some of them were very weird.)
Bill Gates (Microsoft)
Steven Jobs (Apple)
Albert Einstein (who did so poorly in school maths classes his teachers thought he was retarded!)
Salvidore Dali (Painter. He once said, "I do not need drugs, I am drugs!")
Philip K Dick (Writer)
Stephen King
Robert Oppenheimer (Physicist who worke with Einstein, Fermi and others and, upon seeing the detonation of the first Atomic Bomb, was heard to quote the words of the Deity Kali from the Bagivad Ghita: "I am death, the destroyer of worlds.")
John DeLanci (He's fun weird but still weird.)
Marie Curie (19th century physicist who discovered radium.)
Nikola Tesla (who was the brightest inventor of his time but was incredibly weird.)
Thomas Alva Edison (inventor/workaholic. Very weird guy.)
Alexander Graham Bell (another weird guy but not as weird as Edison or Tesla.)
Having faced the many and varied challenges of my life I learned early on to be The Bulldozer. What does that mean? Simple: once my mind is made up and I've found my resolve to do a thing then everyone better get out of my way because, at that point, there's no stopping me. Ask my wife, Ammie Kindheart, she'll tell you! I've been known to successfully accomplish a goal even after years of effort. That's how it's done.
Let's touch on that word 'resolve' for a minute. What is it, really? Is it a decision? Is it a choice? It's debatable and you'll always find those who'll debate its meaning with you endlessly. For me it's about making up my mind on a thing and becoming immovable on it where nothing and no one changes my mind about it. Period.
I'll quote the words of Albert Einstein (I'm sure you're guessing by now I really admire him.)
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediochre minds." Yeah, that's a simple truth and it's part of the world we live in. I've encountered quite a few mediochre minds in my own life so I know that feel all too well. Yeah, there's some real haters out there and you're right! It is difficult to deal with them when you're 10 or 11 or 12 because it does sting when we get hated on. But, what's the best way to shut the haters up? Do what you intended to do in the first place and prove to the rest of the world you were right after all. Yeah, I had to do that more than once when I was the brainiac nerd kid in grade school who was working out college-level engineering and design problems in his lined notebooks, figuring out atmospheric linear flow problems for air foils on racing planes. (Yeah, that was my thing when I was a kid: planes: designing them, building models an flying them. At 12 I was the youngest contestant to ever win the Massachusetts Regional RC Model Air Races with an average model air speed of 460 miles an hour!) I won. Woo. That shut my detracters up when I took my trophy to school and set it on my desk.
And all of that in spite of the challenges I faced every day such as physical limitations I had to deal with because of polio when I was a baby, dyslexia, (and although not a lot about these were known at the time, we are talking fifty years, here) ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, Aspergers and all kinds of perceptual disabilities that so impaired my learning abilities that I was thought to be retarded, too.
So, you're weird? We're all weird and that's the truth. I'm sure there are many here who would happily or even reluctantly admit that to you. In either case I'm sure there are at least some who would.
You know what's really weird to me? This: people who never acknowledge or accept themselves as they are, trying to be something they're not to the point where they get so disgusted with themselves that they end up resorting to drugs or alcohol just to try to relieve the pain of their frustrations and confusion. Yeah, that's weird to me but, then, I know how that feels since I've been in that place, too. It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell you someday.
Okay, so, you're going to feel your frustrations and anger for a while. That's a given. That happens to all of us. What's important is what you choose to do once you're on the other side of that looking back. It's your choice. Make it a good one.
3373215 Psychology.
3373248 In my research, psychology, history, and law teachers usually have it out for at least one student in their clas, for both known and unknown reasons. Sorry, bro.
3373237 Yeah. I remember Oppenheimer quote. And I do agree that wired is a matter of relativity, but when you happen to be the only one that isn't afraid to admit he/she is weird, it tends to draw some attention, and not always the positive kind. I'm proud to be me, but middle school isn't the kind of place where you show that. Personally, that was my fault.
But thanks. You'll be happy to know your attempt actually made me feel better.
3373294 No, it was the school itself, it just wanted my money.
3373307
Well, although we're of different age groups our willingness to openly embrace our weirness puts us in similar camps, each according to our generation, I think.
I have to totally agree with you that grade school isn't the best place to open up and be honest about such things but, while I'm looking back on it, I can see how it might have been a mistake but I don't see that it was for me. Granted, it was a different time, a different era for me and people did tend to be a little gentler in their opinions and their appreciation of any demonstration of courage regarding oneself. But, then, I'm sure you've encountered a lot of the positive as well as the negative, too.
Grade school and bullies! Yeah, every single generation going back to the very beginnings of civiliation knows that feel! Ours is no exception.
Still, knowing who and what we are as people and in terms of personality is a huge plus and that's something no one can ever take away from us.
3373331 Then there's that.
3373332
Thanks. I needed that.
3373339
You're welcome! I like you! Let's be friends.
3373349 Sure.
3373361
Excellent! Thanks!
Oh! Any time you're facing difficulties like what you described PM me and we can talk about it.
3373364 Okay. Thank you.
3373373
You're welcome my new friend. It's my pleasure.