Taste of new "Bite Me. . . Please" · 4:58am Aug 28th, 2015
So I thought I'd give you guys an idea of how exactly I've been editing some of these chapters. Going back through, I realize that I often sacrificed quality in the name of comedy, so I've tried to correct that. Don't get me wrong, things are still very tongue in cheek, but just a little less so. For example here's a pargraph from the original
I ran over to the window and tugged on the rope cord to close the curtains. A process that would be a lot easier if they weren’t so damn heavy. I practically had to jump on it to get it to down . . . and I just realized what I wrote in permanent ink.
With the curtains closed we were left in darkness. The only light left coming from the hall. Trying to fill the room, but only stretching far enough to cast a shadow on Vinyl’s crumpled form.
With the light gone Vinyl started to lift herself up onto her knees, she seemed unstable though. She kept staggering back and forth trying to find her footing. “She’s weakened,” I thought.
And here's version 2.0
I ran over to the window and tugged on the rope cord to close the curtains. A process that would be a lot easier if they weren’t so damn heavy. But eventually, they did close, and the both of us were left in darkness. The only light left was coming from the hall, desperately trying to fill the room, but only stretching far enough to cast a shadow on Vinyl’s crumpled form.
With the light gone though, she was no longer pinned down, and started to slowly pick herself up. She was unstable though, and she kept staggering back and forth, as if any moment she might slip and lose her footing. “She’s weak,” I thought.
I ran back over to help her and placed her arm over my shoulder. She was lighter than I expected for a girl her size, so it was no trouble pulling her to her feet and keeping her there. For all of five seconds until she snatched her arm out of my grasp. She shoved me away and immediately started to lose her balance. She fell, tumbling back into her bookcase and knocking down some of it's contents in the process.
With this you can kind of get a taste of what I'm doing. No major changes to the plot or story-line at the moment, but just a basic clean up. Trying to make things sound a bit more natural and dissuade some of the awkwardness I created while originally writing these chapters. And it's not just this one. So far I've only made it to Crashing, but I should start cleaning up the rest of them later, but if anyone wants to take a look at the newly modified story go ahead and see if it still works for you. This is a more moderate change, but their are a few more noticeable ones before this in the previous chapters, that try and stretch things out a bit and make some things a bit more clear description wise.
I'm actually doing a bit of editing right now, for a story not related to ponies at all, so I can appreciate the effort you're putting in! The second version is much more detailed, and flows better because of those details. Also, it adds a more somber air to the passage, which seems fitting,
Keep it up! Editing is hard, thankless work, but it's like chiseling a statue out of marble. You "reveal" something more beautiful than the original lump of rock.
3359332 Yeah, as I was going through this chapter I was thinking to myself, "Wow, this is rough! And this isn't the worst offender the very first chapter takes the cake for that. And I just kept saying to myself, "Why didn't anybody tell me?" I'm all for supporting people, but some constructive criticism would have been nice.
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The usual pattern on fanfiction sites (in my experience) is to "finish" a work, and improve with the next one rather than editing the first into a better state. Both paths have their advantages and disadvantages, but the key point is to write, write, write.
3363814 Actually, it's not that uncommon for a writer to take a break, while they revise everything. Not a lot do it though, because A. it's a hassle and it keeps you from uploading more chapters B. Sometimes it's just painful