Actually, I'm Dead - Autopsy: Trixie's condition · 7:07am Aug 17th, 2015
Here we are again, ready o talk about the fic and wasting time I should be spending in updating said fic. For tonight's editorial, I have a different theme from the ones of the last chapter, and it's because it's one that has been present, but at the same time undefined, all along the story; Exactly how is Trixie's appearance right now?
Well, before even beginning to describe it, I want to talk about my two mayor influences when picturing Trixie's situation, psychologically and physically; Doctors Alec Holland and Victor von Doom, or, as most of the world knows them, The Swamp Thing and Doctor Doom.
Now, let's start with the Elemental of the Green. For those unfamiliar with the comic, Swamp Thing is the story of professor Alec Holland, who, after a lab accident, got himself transformed in a half-human half-plant creature known as the Swamp Thing. Now, most of the stories deal with how much his new plant-like nature drives Alec away from humanity, even questioning if Swamp Thing is still Alec Holland or just a completely different being. There's always a very strong emotional struggle, since Swamp Thing can never get his old life back because of what he is, but also, because of what he was, he can't fully embrace what he is now.
I tried to imprint some of that in Trixie. Mainly by constantly remind her (and the reader) that she's not a natural living pony anymore. so far, my most used tactic, and an effective one, has been Trixie trying to make a gesture that needs a functional bodyto happen but hers can't do anymore. For example, breathing. It takes her till Chapter 3 to even figure out how to do the thing again because she even lost the natural reflex of doing so. The Swamp Thing conection reaches its top in Chapter 6's fourth part, when Trixie finally loses it and tries to play the part of a dead body, only to have an internal fight between memories and reasoning over giving up or keep fighting. This totally happened in Alan Moore's run in Swamp Thing when a fairly different incident drove Alec/Sampy to the same state and dilemma. (I wonder if anyone got or will ever get the reference).
Then, there's Latveria's Ruler. In this case, comes the more physical part and what I do believe is the reason of a recent confusion over Trixie's appearance (which is in itself the reason of this editorial). Now, a quick retell on von Doom's origin story; [insert sci-fi lab accident here] After the accident, Victor was horrified that his always perfect face had been "tainted". Victor ran away to the to the Himalayan mountains, and ended up joining a group of Tibetan monks. He soon put them to work building him an awesome suit of armor to enhance his power and hide his face. (Thank you Death Battle).
Now, this is the key-piece of the Doom connection. Although Stan Lee and Jack Kirby differed on how badly scarred was Doom's face, they both agreed that the reaction to such thing should be on of total horror. In all these years of original stories and retelling on comic books, animations, movies (the less we talk about those, the best) and other medias, every single character who has had the bad luck of watching's Doom's face always reacts with horror. By now, it's clear they can never show us Doom's face: nothing could do all those years of horrified reactions justice.
I wanted to do something similar with Trixie. So far, the sum up of all the descriptions I've put in the fic we only have extremely thin, pale, grayed eyes and no vital sings whatsoever (no pulse, no body heat, no breathing). Around different comments, I've compared her with Sadira (Killer Instinct), a Black Lantern (Green Lantern) or simply state that she looks like a freshly but obviously dead corpse. However, as some may have noticed, these elements need to be examined to realize that Trixie is a walking corpse, which is not how what has been happening.
Almost invariably, each time a pony or animal has seen Trixie uncovered image, they all get scared out of their skulls. Half of the town clears at her visage, the collected Applejack becomes overprotective and irrational, Fluttershy gets reduced to a mess of shakes, etc. So far, the only way to avoid this is being warned about it (like in Pinkie's party) or with nocturnal animals, who seem oddly close to Trixie now.
Why does this happens? Is there something that the narration is forgetting? Something that the character are forced to face alone while the readers are spared? What is this thing that makes life around Trixie rejects her on general principle?
This is an spoiler's free editorial.
You know, it might be just because I am binging on Dark Souls 2 for a while now but I allways imagined Trixie in looking/being now like a Hollow of sorts. Obviously she still have her azure pelt but it became dull and her skin starts to get taunt at some places, outlining her bones underneath, her eyes are now milky white marbles and her facial features start to sink into her skull, her mane and tail looks kinda straw-ish and here and there, patches and bushel of fur and mane/tail come of. This state of hers would make her radiate some kind of "fear of death" aura that all living things recognize on an instictual level and make them act on it, even if they really want to help Trixie.
She tries to go on in life but seeing as she is not alive anymore but also not dead, caught in a limbo, she starts feeling everything slippping away from her, her goals in life, her ambitions, even her (in)famous "great and powerful" atitude.
But your stuff is much better.^^b More fleshed out and more thoughts put into it too.
All of which is perfectly fine in itself, of course. The unholy abomination is unpleasant to be around? Why, I never would have guessed! It's a classic horror concept. The only real problem with it is that you're kind of mixing up two somewhat separate common variations on the theme that are completely possible to use at the same time, but run on a somewhat different medium of perception. The ghost story-style "inexplicable aura of dread" of the likes of haunted mansions, rural towns with a dark secret, unholy artifacts etc. and the more immediate, visceral horror-style "AAAAAAAH!" of seeing the werewolf crash through a window, the summoned demon rip off the warlock's head or the zombie shuffle down the street while chewing on its own spleen.
The first is intentionally inexplicable and defies "rational" explanation to both the reader and the characters themselves - there's no real reason why that little farming community or antique, but perfectly mundane, stone chalice makes you want to crap yourself, because there isn't supposed to be. The contrast between something that doesn't look threatening, but makes you feel like you should be running away from it really fast anyway is supposed to be an indication of its unnatural nature, demonic origin, blood-soaked history, true appearance, etc. etc. etc. and actively shouldn't make any sense based on what anyone can actually see.
The other one makes perfect sense and you know exactly why it's pants-shittingly terrifying. The appearance or actions of the thing itself are frightening because you can immediately tell there is something bad happening and also why it's obviously a bad thing: the monsters are right there and they want to eat you! There's an immediate, logical connection between what the characters see and what about it is frightening to death.
Now, what you have done so far in your story, though, is to have characters experience the "inexplicable sense of terror" sort of fear but describing it as if they reacted to the "terrifying thing happening in plain sight" horror of seeing Trixie walk around town being dead instead. There's a disconnect of sorts there, because it sounds like she is supposed to have a frightening appearance but is meant as causing the reactions because of what she is.
A few lines about a "sense of wrongness" or "he didn't even know why" (or something like that) would go a long way to clearing that up.
3326179
This is very well written, and I would agree.
I should note that every creature in Equestrian is highly magical, so it does make some sense that they would be able to 'feel' powerful magic - in the show they've always immediatly spotted artifacts of great power on sight (With the exception of the Alicorn Amulet, which had Trixie wielding its power) - so an instinctual aversion to necromantic golems seems like something which would be expected.
Rarity and the spa twins could probably work together to make her look completely normal, but if ponies are reacting to magic then it would take magic to make her seem normal.
3326236
As far as the color goes, anyway. Of course, if you didn't know what she looked like before, then "thin" and "pale fur and eyes" isn't exactly unusual for the setting, considering they come in literally every color of the rainbow.
3326049
Compare with
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2942164-1-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-you-win.gif
3326179
To be honest, I never paid that level of attention of what was driving ponies mad with fear when around Trixie. As with Swamp Thing above, it was all about how it affected Trixie. Also, since only in flashbacks and/or short sequences we really get to see from other's POV, it would be kinda hard to address what it is exactly.
The only moment when we really get to see from another pony's perspective, is in Octavia's flashback (or flash forward (or side scene (or not))) which focus more on how she can't place the sound's nature, despite being a musician and having a probably gifted hearing. In other words, yes, I already stated that Trixie's existence gives other living beings a sense of wrongness they can't place, but I wanted to be subtle about it.
Mostly because when researching for creepypastas to get into the mod for this fic, I found the rather annoying cliché of always putting "it felt wrong, even if it looked perfectly fine" as a quick description for cursed things. So, in order to both, avoid a cliché and bring something new to the table, I decided to never explicitly state it but give clues around the narration. Maybe now that the introductions arc is getting finished, we can explore more on this point.
(remember that, without the other co-writer, these editorials are not meant to be Word of God).
3326236
Heh, it reminds me of a similar theory I put in previous editorial:
I think that Equestria's natural selection has made sure that current animals know better from getting too close to something (or someone) cursed. Probably it remained as an instinctual trait over the generations, even to more sapient species like ponies.
3326238
Ahh, gut grayish and/or dark palettes are reserved to something malignant happening, like discorded or equalized. If we're talking about the town that was bones-shaking afraid of a regular zebra under a cloak, Trixie must be a living nightmare fuel for them.
3327855
I get your point, but I'm not sure that's working out so well. Avoiding a clichéd line by never making the reason explicit is one thing, but confusing people by seeming to explicitly say something different may be counterproductive.
3329069
I don't see why "slightly scary by analysis" is contradictory with "boosted by evil magic of evilness". I mean, till we can really get inside someone else's POV and have a full explanation on what are they seeing that makes them go road-runner around Trixie, there's no way to fully state it beyond a WMG or a YMMV.
Also, this.
3330231
Well, it was enough to make me think you had forgotten to actually put part of the description into the story, if nothing else. The stress put on her (dead and terrifying) appearance and everyone looking at her before fleeing in terror makes it appear like it's meant to be the real reason, instead of simply something that's incidental to it. It may just be me, of course, because having a lot of experience with what dead animals look like certainly made it stand out more, but if it looks more like unintentionally incomplete than intentionally vague, it may not be having the effect you wanted it to.
3330303
Well, magically enhanced or not, it is her looks what makes everyone go run-for-the-hills mode, otherwise the cloaks would never work.
3330450
Then you're kind of back at the problem of her not actually looking all that different from anyone else, though, except for the color scheme. Which is really not all that uncommon - the entire guard is white as a kind of on-duty uniform, and at least a two named characters are actually outright grey. Looking at her makes them run away, but her actual looks simply don't seem to justify it.
3330450
UM.
YOUR IMAGES DIED IN THEIR SLEEP.
3904075
IMGUR!
Anyways, fixed with http://ctrlv.cz/