This is for me as much as anyone · 3:57am Jun 7th, 2015
Almost nine months. That is... wow. That's my last blog post, not even my last story update. I'm literally cringing right now, it feels that bad. Am I sorry? Yes... and no. Yes, because there's a few of you, not a whole lot, admittedly, but a few who genuinely enjoyed my writing. And to you, thank you, and I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry because I've honestly been busy. I've made progress in my life, and I'm so close to being free of so many things that have been binding me, snuffing out any kind of future I could hope to have. In months, I'll be ready to begin the rest of my life. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. The main reason for this update, aside from an apology and a flag saying I'm not dead, is to tell a story. It's no ASR or Gilda... but I think it's worth telling. If not for anyones benefit but my own. First, though. A question.
Why do so many writers want to write self-inserts?
Let's be honest with ourselves, It's more often than not a bad idea. It can work, it has before. Some people can pull it off. I'm not one of them. Yet I have wanted to. Almost did, in fact. Five chapters of work on one story. Six on another. Both of them are never seeing the light of day, so don't ask. They were early work, like, my first stories. A good friend saved me from that mistake, thankfully. But I digress, the question remains, why? The answer, that I found, at least, is simple.
We want people to know who we are.
We just go the wrong way about it. Can you honestly say that you know how you would react if thrown head first into a Fantasy situation? Your world toppled over? Myths and legends, fiction and impossibilities everywhere you look. And your first reaction would be "Yay, ponies!"? I doubt that. I know, it's just a story, entertainment. But still, be objective about it. That's all I'm asking. There is an easier way of showing people who you are, though. And I'd like to demonstrate it. ...within reason.
I'd like to tell anyone who'd give me the time a bit about how I came into the brony community, how I fell in love with writing, and where I am right now in the grand scheme of things. Because I have gone at least ten months without being able to do what I want to do in order to accomplish what I need to do. And I'll tell you, this doesn't just feel good. It feels right.
~
Did you know what you wanted to do with your life while you were going through High School? Maybe you had a plan. Studying hard to get into college, a vision or end goal in your head at some point. Maybe? Well, thats one you got over me. I had bubkes, nada, zip. My life was video games, class, and lazing through anything that didn't interest me. That was mostly everything. I wasn't stupid, mind you. I'm informed I'm a lot smarter than I tend to present myself. That probably explains why I was coasting through honors school instead of a generic education. But without any real drive, thats all I did. May 2011, I graduated with the rest of my class. Then I proceeded to do pretty much nothing.
I played games enough to entertain the idea of a youtube channel. Yeah... No. Looking back, hell no. I was a layabout, no questions asked. This persisted through 2012. Then through half of 2013. But, around june of that year, I did what many fans of MLP did before me. Miss clicked on Netflix. Got super bored. Gave in to morbid curiosity and gave the show a chance.
One of the first good decisions I'd made in a long time. But it wouldn't be my last.
I probably spent a week watching the show from beginning to the end of season three. I was so enraptured, Princess Twilight didn't really put me off. Not at first anyway. No, instead I just wanted more. So I turned to the internet. Fast forward through mixed moments of horror, hilarity, and confusion, I have the beginning foundations of understanding on what the Brony community is. I loved it. The art, the videos, the music. I came for the ponies but found so much more. By mid September, I'd reawakened my inner bibliophile and made a FimFiction account. I had my reservations about Fan Fiction as a whole, but I guess I was just too enamored with it all to stop looking for more content. In less than a month I felt inspiration. Real, honest to god drive and motivation. But with it, hesitation. Ladies and gentlemen, I wanted to write something.
Having only been on FimFiction a month, I didn't have a large number of stories collected, or authors followed. But I had two that mattered. One was Hoopy Mcgee, and the other was Merlos the Mad. I spent a week just sending PM's to Hoopy. It started as a bit of fan mail, and turned into a bit a series of small conversations. He encouraged my urge to try writing. But with as little time as he had, I felt I needed another source to help get myself headed in the right direction. I remembered Merlos had openly invited fans to find him on skype and tried to reach him. Before I knew it, Merlos not only agreed that I should give it a try, but gave me a shot at collabing a story pretty much on the spot.
I was completely dumb struck. Sure, it was more or less: "Take this prompt, write it out in your own word program, and show me what you've got." But, by god I ran with it. It was really rough, but he actually complimented it. Even integrated some of it. After a generous amount of editing, of course. And it continued from there. I found myself frequently seeking Merlos out just to practice writing. And by all accounts he was more than happy to oblige me.
This went on for a good while. I got good enough to assist in some of his stories on a near regular basis and even put out a couple of my own. Funny how being unemployed can catch up with you though.
My parents, while displaying a number of mixed emotions for my new passion for writing, were above all growing frustrated with my continued leaching. I don't blame them... now. I tried to join the military. The easy way out, in a way. I lost 50 lb's. Worked hard for almost a year just trying to get in, and got blacklisted for a perforated ear drum and terrible vision. The ear was at the fault of a military doctor, by the way. A surgery that happened when I was six and my dad was in the military, himself. Let that sink in for just a second.
Yeah, I was pissed.
But being mad doesn't do anyone much good unless they direct their anger. So I found Job Corps! Yay! It was... nothing what I expected, and yet it was, all at the same time. I was surrounded by people from all walks of life. But mostly the unfortunate or undriven. If nothing else, my time at Gary was a major eye opener. If for no other reason than that at least once a week for the entire three months I was there, working hard and absolutely tearing through the curriculum, someone would ask me what I was doing at a place like that with people like them.
It kept me up at night, guys.
I had originally planned to stay for about six months. Take multiple courses, and collect certifications for specialty jobs I could make a living with. But I found myself graduating first of all the hard hat students of my group. It was self paced, and I felt that their system was too slow. Once I was out, I went and found myself a Job, but a place holder if nothing else. I am currently employed working as a Valet at a carwash. It's not glamourous, but I make money now. (But wait, what about the trade school?) Yes, I'm certified to apprentice as a HVAC technician. Yes, I could probably make some decent money with it. But I don't want to do that my whole life! What I got out of that trade school was way better than a certification. I have goals. Real, tangible, workable, dreams. And every day I work at that car wash, I'm working towards them. I now have a car, thanks in no small part to a close friend. I have a place I'm moving to in a few months. I'll be paying rent, but they have reliable internet, satellite, a pool and jacuzzi, and a study that they aren't using. They even have an employment opportunity for me. And, best of all, one of them is a good friend of mine. Oh, and she likes my writing and has sworn to kick my ass if I don't start doing it again. So, that.
~
That's pretty much the last few years dumbed down to the important bits. I skipped a few details. My obvious gamer skills, my issues with my folks that are somewhat resolved by now, the generosity, supportiveness, and awesomeness of almost total strangers on the internet that I'm now proud to call friends. (I may have even sort have unofficially adopted one of them as a little sister...) *Ahem* There was that time I got hit by a car. (Not nearly as dramatic as it sounds, I bounced back really fast... I mean that literally.) I have come a long way. And all of it started with a show meant for little girls.
I'm not going to be satisfied with just writing on FimFiction. Although I will be finishing ALL of my projects and probably some new ones once I've set up shop in my new place. FimFiction is a platform for me to practice and hone my craft so I can write my own book. That's my end goal. That is my dream. And from the road so far, I can still see it coming.
So now you know a bit more about me. It might not be much, but it feels wonderful putting this all out there. I'm not a passing occurrence. I'm in this to make something memorable. I am The Ludicrous Lycan. I am coming back. And I will leave my mark. Just wait and see.
Damn. This is actually pretty inspirational. I'm glad to hear things are going so well for you now, and that you're working towards larger goals. And it's excellent to hear that you've got friends helping you to work towards them. Kudos, dude. The last time we really had a chance to really sit down and talk (which was... like, a year ago now) you really seemed down and out so I'm glad you managed to climb back up. Awesome work, man. And I can't wait to see you come back to the site for good, whenever that may be.
3128933
Going well, relatively, anyway. ^^ Hang in there Wolfy!
I skimmed some, but still inspirational. Also...
We just go the wrong way about it. Can you honestly say that you know how you would react if thrown head first into a Fantasy situation? Your world toppled over? Myths and legends, fiction and impossibilities everywhere you look. And your first reaction would be "Yay, ponies!"?
I'm sorry but... yes, I would say "YAY! PONIES!"
I love you to Little Big Brother! I am still so proud of you. I always will be!
Shine on you crazy diamond!
Too close to home.
I'm glad you know I'll kick the snot out of you (also, chew and spit you out) if you laze up and don't continue writing.
I'll be checking in with you frequently since, you know, you'll only be down the hall soon. I'm looking forward to it --muahahaha!
Seriously though, I'm super excited to see your motivation and drive is coming to the forefront again! I just know you're going to draw readers into the many adventures you're going to write. I wish the best for you, and you always have my support -- if you need it that is.
3130434 ... Im scared how quickly you adopted the site...