My "Attempt" At A Self Insert. · 3:15pm Jul 6th, 2012
As many of you viewers and followers know, I hate self inserts. I thought of the idea of me writing a self insert, so here it is. I will never subjugate you guys to more horror by adding to the (I, the author, am the main hero in my fic lalalalala) herd. Also, the things contained here are pretty factual from my life, so it gives you an idea of who I am in real life. You'd be surprised that I am the guy who writes all of these stories.
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Mike was doing his usual routine, wake up in the late morning, eat some bacon and cheese sandwiches, and then perusing the intertubes, as he called it, for any new fan fictions or comments on his stories. He loved to hear praise and love for his babies, his creations. Whenever someone down voted his stories, he went ape shit and began to pummel his wall. Whenever he was feautured, he had a heart attacked while conveniently standing at the top of the stairs. At night, he would play some Xbox for the rest of the dark.
He was a proud sixteen year old man, as he was not only healthy, but pretty good at video games (he beat every single CoD, Halo, GoW, and Bioshocks on their hardest difficulty. Also, he had around 60000 gamerscore.), and he was a all around creative and stupidly funny guy. As a man of passion and love, he frequented netflix to watch all of the MLP episodes over and over again. So pretty much, life was taken in stride for him.
But that all changed the one fateful day. One day, while screwing around with his Dad's gun and large collection of knives, a loud banging came from overhead. As a lover of movies, games, and all things media and sports, he did the only rational thing he could. He took the gun and a blade and prepared himself. In two cases would he be ready for. In case one, which he had wished for, one of his favorite heroes had come to ask him for help or zombies magically spawned in his house. In the less wanted, more feared and likely possibilty, a large family of rats had decided to take residence in his gamer heaven.
When he stepped inside his room, he immediately took notice of the strange creature just standing there.
"Why hello, Michael. Finally do I have the chance to meet you."
"What dafuq??!" Mike replied as using memes and acting ignorant in serious situations was a pro for him.
"I believe you know what I am. You know enough to know I'm Discord!" Discord shouted.
"Wait, wait, hold on a second, jerkoff. You're telling me MLP is real and out of the thousands of neckbeards, basement dwellers, and jackasses, you chose me? The Moses of jackasses?" Mike inquired. In his opinion, every brony, himself included, was fitted into one of the aforementioned categories.
"Why yes. And the only thing that will give you a reason to go on this adventure is if I take your Xbox and hard drive as ransom."
The gamer was fuming with rage. "Get your faggoty hands off my baby!"
"Too late," Discord teleported his Xbox. "The deed's done. Have fun in Ponyville!" Discord waved his arm goodbye as Mike was sucked into a vortex.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And within seconds, Mike, PonyManne215, was teleported to Ponyville.
The man's head felt like a big pile of shit as he tried to quell the pain. He quickly remembered where he was. "Xbox! Ponies! Discord! My porn! Oh fuck, my porn!!! Not my babies!!"
The smell of apples, candy, books, and perfume filled his nose.
"What do y'all reckon this is?"
"I dunno, but we should ask it if it likes cupcakes!"
"Where's Spike when you need him?"
"Eww...look at the drab attire!"
Mike was annoyed by the insults and idle chatter, him being the subject of it all. "Hey screw off! This is my favorite shit!" Te human yelled as he dusted his Mass Effect N7 shirt and basketball black and red shorts. Thankfully, he wore his Nike Sandals before he was teleported.
"It can talk?!" Twilight was surprised.
"Yeah yeah, I can talk. Name's Mike, nice to meet you and all of that good stuff." he took a minute to register who surrounded him. "Wait a minute, assholes, are you all Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, and Rarity?"
The common share of surprised looks confirmed his question.
"Well slap me on the ass and tell me to make you dinner, I'm in MLP." he smiled. "Wait....Discord took my shit, brought me here, and made this a game? Why does this sound so familiar?"
"Discord?! How did you-" Mike stopped Twilight.
"Shut up, I'm thinking. Okay, so.....a game....my stuff....game..I've got it! My Overlord fic was just like this! But....I'm not the Overlord or have Minions...damn."
"Don't worry, Mike! We'll be able to beat the big meanie in no time! This will be a fun adventure!" Pinkie reassured.
Mike took a look at his surrounding ponies. He needed a couple of things done before going through with it.
"Pinkie, do me a favor and do that song you did for Gummy's party. Twilight, do a victory face as I explain your flawless victory of Butthurt. Applejack, do that goddamn cute ass laughing face. I love it. And you," Mike turned to Rarity and gave her the scariest seductive grin ever. "Do a rape face and say 'Bend Over'".
They all did as asked, with a reluctant Rarity following. After getting his wishes done, he told Pinkie to look at his face the whole time with the invitation basket atop her head. "God, you're so fucking cute! I love Lauren Faust for making the animation awesome."
His day and dreams fulfilled, he prepared to take action. Although he never liked the idea of actually having a romance with a pony, seeing one up close was life changing. With a hop, skip, and jump, he kissed Pinkie and Rarity deeply, inserting his tongue to meet theirs. Surprisingly, it was good. Taking himself back, he waved goodbye.
"Where are ya going, Mike?" Applejack asked.
"Away. Forever."
"Why?"
"The moment I ended up here, I knew exactly what I was going to do," Mike said (damn auto correct gets Sao, WTF is Sao?, out of said.) as he took his Dad's gun in hand. He tossed it around before cocking it and pointing it to his head. "I was going to kill myself."
"What?! Why?!" They all asked.
Mike chuckled as he took tithe time to think of his life. "Save my Xbox from that homo for me. Oh, and why you ask?"
Mike grinned, causing a glimmer to blind everypony else.
"I hate self-inserts."
*BANG
Moral of the story?
Don't ask me to ever write a self-insert as it will end up like this. And honestly, if I were in Equestria, I'd end my life as soon as possible. I think me being the hero, or another person who is putting themselves inside, is cliche. I'd love to meet the ponies but if it turns into an adventure and I am meant to save them, hell no. Just kill me there. Also, the other moral is don't make self-inserts. They are bad! BAD!
Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it. It's a little reach out from me to you guys for supporting me so much and reading my work. Also, don't do drugs, kids. They're bad for you!
"The Moses of Jackasses,"
The best damned line I've ever read.
ok
215599
It's true. I've been told by my mom, dad, friends, family, and even the old lady down the street that I am a jackass.
you would kill yourself for being cliche...
i calls lies 
Haha. That's hilarious.
You have now Succeeded. You have made me dislike the most self-insert stories in the world...okey not MLD but thats beside the point
Wait...You have MLD as one of your favorits and that one is self-inserted.
Well who can't like it? It's perfect
215686
Hey, I said to myself and friends, "The day Call of Duty goes to hell by having you fight robots, I will officially say that I love Battlefield and buy all of their games." If you know me, you'd know that CoD has been my life fps series and I despise Battlefield.
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Me:
I have all three limited editions of Battlefield now. Never thought I'd see the day this happened, but it did.
215756
It's true!
215791
Actually, it stopped being a self-nsert after the third one when they gave him a name. Lol, my name isn't Brian and it's not EpicBG's either.
215884
i never liked cod, its a "good" game or it should be it has everything "good" games have but something makes me want to kill children whenever i play them.
215891
I know, me too. Me too. Children have crowded the multiplayer systems of all games. I wish that someone would start a crusade to rid the world of all gamers under 14. It would enhance the gameplay of everything so much.
215884 But the sequel wasn't made by the true author. So all those who made the sequels aren't the REAL sequel but a Fan-fic for a Fan-fic and then theres people who even made a Fan-fic for a Fan-fic for the Fan-fic of MLD. Thats just sad
. They can't come up with something themselfs so they take something thats already done and makes something of it. I mean if there is a fan-fic then another brony makes a fan-fic about the first one. I just think they have no imagination and thats just sad.
215895
That hurts, man. That hurts...
(Points to first story)
It's not like I wrote one...
Lol, no really though, I guess if you view it that way, then go ahead. I think that the people who wrote the more accepted ones, like ty500600 and EpicBG just wanted to continue the story. I wanted the same thing, and man lemme tell ya, I ended it with a bang. If you tie in my story with the other three, the series is done and no more can be done about MLD. Anyway.....that's still a bit harsh..what if someone decides to take up my Carmine sequel without asking? Well, that's a douchebag move but still.. or EQ Noire? Goddamn it, I'm contradicting myself. I don't know what Im trying to say anymore, lol.
215907 OKEY! I MAY have been a bit harsh there and should look at other peoples opinions but understand it from mine: You have a fic that is FANTASTIC and has a sad ending but I bit the bullet, accepted it's ending. The story could have a happier ending but ending it like that...It was a sad-fantastic ending. No way anyone could end it on a better note. THEN you have those who couldn't accept the ending and needed to change it so people could turn head and be happy. Thats not how I roll.
It's like the Mass Effect 3 ending, IT MAY SUCK, but you have to bite the bullet. BUT then there were people who disliked the ending and made another ending to satisfy themselfs. YES! I know the ending SUCK BALLS but you have to accept it and move on.
I know they just what it to continue but if it would then there would never be an ending or a satisfying one.
No offense but i hate sequels, ALOT. Only some are good like, oh I don't know...Overlord 2 (evil always finds a way)? Anyway sequels like Jurassic Park 2 and 3 just SUCKED SO BAD.
215924
Meh, I didnt like the ending for one reason on Mass Effect. I accidentally kissed Liara instead of waiting for Tali who I had a relationship in the previous games. As for sequels, as long as they don't get too out of hand, they're alright.
215938 I can agree with you with that. If they go to out of hand then they suck.
OH WTF IS DIS?!?!1?!!
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Why are self-inserts so bad? I never read one so I don't know what could make one bad.
215924
What about Spider-Man 2? Not Spider-Man 3
216165
It's the fact that someone is putting themselves in the story, revolving around them, and somehow manages to cure a crisis. Also, they are always usually the same thing. "A man, boy, or guy, is tired of his life. He has no happiness or joy to speak of. No, he was truly gone. One day, he decided to end it all. Expecting a swift death, he stopped his life. But little did he know that he would end up in a world named Equestria." That describes almost every single self-insert on this site. No lie, look up OCs or Human and watch the description pattern. It's always a guy who is down on his luck, and has nothing to live for. Then, all of a sudden, he finds a reason and becomes this badass or some other thing when he saves Equestria, even though he was nothing special to start with. The other kinds of self-inserts are "The man's life was great and he could not have wished for more, but then he was taken from his world without his permission." I actually prefer these because they are usually your troll-fics or comedies. But yeah, I'm just tired of seeing so many people write themselves in the story. If I wanted to see a self-insert, I'd go to the biography section of a library. Not the front page or Human section. I don't go and deliberately dislike them, I'm just tired of the concept itself. 2nd Persons are a whole different thing, they insert the reader so I'm okay with them. Also, I prefer to have people or me read about someone that I know of or can imagine, i.e, a made up character in a video game. I don't want to read about some kid from say...Illinois or some other state going to MLP. It's silly.
216207
Oh...... You're saying that it's !@#$-ing stupid and everyone should avoid writing crap like that. Thank you
I've seen the light. I was on the fence about writing one with myself thinking it would be 'different' but it would just be the same... Oh wait. Crap
216258
Lol, you did one already! But it has a comedy and romance tag....plus human and mature...Do I want to read it? It sounds.....kinky to say the least.