Aspiring film editor. When I write I shoot for awesome and nothing less. Anti-censorship and pro free-speech.
I'm about to replace the chapters 1 by one with the improved versions, with hopefully little changes to the overall plot and story. After words, I'm going to re-summit to EQD and request Alex as the pre-reader. Once this is done, I can focus on the new chapter at my leisure.
Big thanks to Koekelbag for going over the entire story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Before you resubmit I would suggest you have someone take a look at the grammar again. I tried reading your story once upon a time and the grammar stopped me cold. Jumping forward to your most recent chapter it's still an issue. It's an issue in your summary, the first glimpse people have of your story.
Examples:
Short Summary- save his love ones ==> prevent his loved ones
Long Summary- So far chapter 1-4, 11 have ==> So far chapters 1-4 and 11 have
Chapter 1- from the crystal shelves... and of course the photographs ==>from the crystal shelves... to of course the photographs
Chapter 15- he could hear sound of hooves, wings, and voices of his friends. ==> he could hear the sounds of hooves, wings, and the voices of his friends.
Each of these passages were pulled from the first paragraph of their respective sections. What this tells me is that there is a lot of work to do and unless you want me to mark up your story with an electronic red pen all I can do is say that you (and probably several others) need to take a good, hard, look at your story.
2762228 I'm trying to work passed my disability as best I can, but some things will always be more difficult for me than others. The best I can promise is that you won't find a mistake in every paragraph, and maybe just every 15 or so. Applejix that you could go over a story a dozen times and still have a mistake buried within.
If I could, I could hire a professional editor to get my work to book standards, but I do not have the money for that, so depend on my fans who see my creative potential and who want to help me get my work out on the web. I promise the story will be a'lot easier to read this time around. Maybe not perfect, but certainly easier, and possibly more enjoyable.
2762641 Fair enough. Good luck.
2762905 Thank you. I hope you will give it another shot. Even though English isn't his first language, this new editor is the best I've worked with. Almost nothing escapes him.