Mind, Body, Or Will? · 6:21pm Dec 3rd, 2014
I know folks I promised you one about my future... But I decided to do next week's post instead. My Past... Sort of, kind of... I know, I know! I did go over it over thanksgiving but I promise you this will be a bit different.
I shall begin with a Question. Which will get you further in life? A strong mind, body, or a strong will? I actually do know the answer to this for I have one, and lack the other two. But I shall let you decide for yourself which is better.
Now for me I have a VERY strong will. Mom said that was the first thing she noticed about me when I was small. That independent, free, American spirit. But naturally I am not strong in the other two. I was my mother's biggest baby but smallest child. I was in and out of the hospital a couple of times with my health, and I had the poorest grades out of anyone I knew. To tell you the truth I never got an A till I was in 9th grade! I was and am an C+ student. Not because I don't try, but because I learn slowly. I cannot be rushed in anything all you get is an puddle on the floor and nothing at all.
However I am competitive. Very competitive, and this is what has pushed me to be what I am. I told you guys that I was a complete non reader till ten... That isn't entirely true. I knew the rules and could sound things out but they were just sounds. I had NO idea what the sounds meant. I did not know what the letters meant. I would get to the end of a sentence and be unable to tell you anything but the last word I read. This meant that for the most part nobody knew I had a problem. Also I memorize anything I hear! So all I had to do was get someone to read it to me once and I was good t go. Now I still had no idea what the sounds meant but I at least knew that it was a story and that the words went together somehow. But this also meant that the people that COULD have been helping me, because they did not know it was a problem, didn't help. Now I did have two... motivators... (Mean motivates, but motivates) Glitter and Catstitch. Now both of them learned to read when they were three and four. So the two of them, tired of me saying 'can't' all the time ganged up against me and in our club house 'Ike's Oak' Decided to talk about one story, and one story only. A story that if I wanted to know what they were talking about I would have to read it for myself. Every time I tried to change the conversation it would return to that book. Suddenly the paused looked at me blankly glanced at each other with a look I VERY much know as a challenge. "Oh that's right! You can't read!" I was FURIOUS!
It was true. Though I could sound out words I could not READ! They went on to taunt me about how good it was and how sad it was that I would never know the joys of the book because, well, I didn't read!
I marched home, sneaked the book off the shelf so that no one would know it was missing then took it to bed with me. That night I cracked the fourth grade level book open. Put my finger on the first word and sounded it out. I got two pages read in my hour of reading, at the end of which I took a hasty trip to the bathroom to satisfy my stomach's protests against the strain.
It took me almost two months to read that 200 page book, but I did it. I was reading. Now I still could not read names. I had no idea who ANY of the characters were except for the main which Glitter and Catstitch had carried on and on and on about.
It was not long after this that Glitter started turning her childhood imaginary friends and adventures into stories, plays, and books. At first I was NOT interested. But time passed and she PUBLISHED! and her blog started getting hits one after another. She currently has seventy followers! That we KNOW about! I was... devastated... I was putting just as much, if not more work into Making Me a Servant AND I'm Singing My Own Song, That she was and I only had three followers, Mom, Glitter, and Grandma... So once more challenged to best my sister I sat down with pen and paper... and realized... I couldn't access my imagination... I knew i had one, for when I was little I was literally able to grasp my imaginary world and control. Glitter has confessed to me watching the way I write that she envies my ability to see, feel, hear my imagination as well if not better than I see the real world.
It was not till 2011 that I actually was able to do it. I had been inspired by this episode of Star Trek when this girl came flying out of the clouds. Landed in front of me, and said. "Greeting Princess LaVannan! I am Captain Kathie Eaglewing, and you are to write my story. She swooped a big long sword out of nowhere, and waved it at me just to make sure that I understood. (This was a dream) I did not argue so I sat down and wrote... It was AWFUL! I started the story WAY to late. I did not let the readers discover but did a duzy of an info dump on them... so I wadded it up, and threw it in the trash. (Where upon Glitter retrieved it and stashed it!) And started again. This time I went back 16 years... and started again with my story Elvings Away.
This to has been put into a folder that I will never touch. There are bits and pieces that I LOVE and enjoy going back to. I discovered my characters and got involved in their lives. Although I soon discovered that I still had not gone back far enough to properly introduce the culture of Mikada. So after sending that book to two other authors who agreed with me and one declared it unreadable... it was bad.... the other one said... it needed a LOT of work... I sat down and went back in time again. This time 6,000 years, to the birth of Mikada and it's culutre. This story I named "The Rise of the Dazy" feturing the 12 children who had started the culture to begin with.
Also, about this time I had started writting down my poems and other short stories Here. I still was having trouble because I did not know HOW I was to write. I knew how to write. You don't have a sister who has published FIVE paperback books and not know at least the ABC's of writing. Every writer's different, and what worked for her... didn't for me. I tried and tried to write humor, I tried to write according to the plot... but it did not work. I was Angry, I was frustrated, and I was tired.... Tired of failure... tired of getting my hard work frowned at. Finally as a last attempt on Glitter's part to keep me from completely dropping out of writting she found a contest. The contest had five (I think) Cover arts and I had to write a story using one of those arts. There was a master then there were individual prizes. I entered and wrote "The Morning Calm" It came in SIXTH! Glitter read over it sat back, crossed her arms, gave me a smirk and said. "Well Miss V. I guess we have discovered your style of writing. You need to focus on the EMOTION!"
Now let's continue to Body...Physically I am not much to look at. I am thought to be the shortest due to my small appearance despite the fact that I am in fact the the tallest of the three. I way twenty LB less than Glitter and 35 less than Kat, Not because either one of them are FAT... But they are FAR more sturdily built than I am. I am frail and weak. I tire easily and have to fight my body daily to do what i want and need to do. But then again my will is what carries me through in the end. I can run farther, jump higher, lift more than either one of them! They are very strong I am just more willing to go that extra mile, to get my body where I want it. I don't want to be the 100 LB weakling everyone always teases me about. I want to be strong! I want to be able to do do what I want, when I want to do it, and I CHARGE!
Two years ago my will got me into trouble. I, instead of letting my body rest when it needed to I continued to charge like I was an average person. I knew better, I knew I had to sit down and rest after going out and side walking in the sensory trails. But did I listen! NO! (Blast my stubborn hide!)
Now instead of going into the first part of how I felt and everything... I am just going to give you a list of blog posts that you can go to that I wrote as I was healing. (At least the first 3 months of it.)
http://singingmiownsong.blogspot.com/2013/04/prayer-request.html
http://singingmiownsong.blogspot.com/2013/06/nelly.html
http://singingmiownsong.blogspot.com/2013/04/maybe-it-is-because-you-havent-moved.html
http://singingmiownsong.blogspot.com/2013/04/ive-been-tagged.html
http://singingmiownsong.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-sky-went-by-or-something-like-that.html
http://singingmiownsong.blogspot.com/2013/06/roses-fun.html
http://singingmiownsong.blogspot.com/2013/06/concussions-and-characters.html
I suppose I should tell you all now... Before I go any further... That because I fell at work... I was unable to return till I could... handle it again. That was left to my parents to decide. I have actually not worked AT the Equestrian Therapeutic center since the fall. I am sent homework, like currently I am memorizing the bones and muscles of a horse... but I am not actually there.
Out of frustration I decided to get a job so I could PROVE to my parients that I was ready. I was STILL under medical... watch it... I had hurt my back as well as my head after all! I was dizzy, disorented... and maybe had written 5,000 words in six months... (multiply that by ten and you get my normal number) But I was determined so being the idiot I am, I got a job at the worst place in town to work; McDonald. Now I know some stores treat their workers better than what mine did... but the owners of THAT store... do not treat their workers right. When I started I told them upfront that I was medically alowed to work 15 hr. And the first five weeks they pushed me to twenty but I was good there... Then they had 10 people QUIT! And my hours were pushed to 35, and suddenly I was the senior red shirt on my shift. I lived with that for seven weeks. I would get up five minuets before it was time to go. Jump into my uniform, go to work. (At 7 AM) Work an 8 hr day. Come home sit down in my desk chair unaware of ANYTHING! Maybe be there for an hour before I would take a shower and go back to bed. I was not doing anything besides working. On my days off I slept... That is all I did. I did not play, I did not clean, I did not do my chores... I slept. Finally one Saturday I was once again being held over time because ALL of the workers were being treated the same and were exosted. And a customer came in and started yelling about their sandwich being wrong... I crumpled. I had not the strength or the energy to even stand up for myself. I crumpled into a fetal position and started crying. My Dad seeing this talked to my mom and they pulled me the next week. He did not care that he was a manager at a different store. He knew I had been pushed beyond my limits.
I came home, ricer, and exosted. I did not want to talk to anyone. I did not want anyone to talk to me. I HATED that job... and I hated myself. I viewed it as a failure... I had failed at my first job... WHY! Because I was not strong enough to handle the pressure... My family keeps telling me that that wasn't my fault. They failed me. Not the other way around... but I still felt like I should not even be alive. I spent the next nine months in hiding. I did my chores, I did my school. Glitter payed me for what I did... but I refused to read, I refused to watch movies, I refused to write... except for The instructors at my center who I gave them updates and they sent me homework. Beyond that... I hid.
In July Glitter challenged me to find a TV serese and... watch it, and decide if it was a show that I liked or not. (I think she was also trying to get me away from ST as well since I have MOST of those memorized.) It was probably closer to a suggestion... But I am not the type that takes suggestions as suggestions. They are always Challenges. I decided on MLP. I had been curious for a LONG time about that one. Since I was four years old in fact. I LOVED the dolls. (Being a horse freak) and had collected most of them. I knew they had new movies out so I went and started looking them up on my best friend... YOUTUBE! I watched the first movie and was HOOKED! I agree the first three are NOT the best of the series but I like them. They were enough to get me interested about how the rest of the series would go.
I watched all four seasons in little over four months. Now I kept it a secret (For the most part) that I was watching these 'kid' shows. I said that I was seeing if I would hand them to WJ and Zap... (They have not watched them yet. But if Water Jewel's Dashie shirt is clean... it won't be for long.) As soon as I find a clean place for them to watch them or Mom finds all the movies so I can sit down and watch them with them. I will let my sibs watch it. But not till then.
I then started looking for more. I watched them all, then started right back at the beginning and went straight through them a second time and was bored. I then returned to You Tube and started watching every reviewer that I could. Some of them I decided to watch all of. (Like Dr. Wolf and Scribbler) and other's I watched one or two and decided I did not like their style. (I don't remember which ones but there were a few.) I, Through the story "How to preen your chicken" discovered this site because I wanted to read just my favorite part and not the entire thing for the ninth time. I started exploring. After a bit my imagination had kicked into full gear. (Something that had not happened since the fall) And Most Daring Pony was formed. I eagerly wrote the first four chapters, published the first... then after two thumbs down... decided to pull it for editing.... maybe for good. I was devastated and scared. I was still afraid of everything and anyone... so I did not know if I should.
I continued to read this that and the other stories then right before I went to go work at a friends ranch I had just finished Piercing the Heavens (To chapter 44)... Liking the story for the most part (Did not like the language) I favorited it so I could see how it would end.... Before I could even sign off I had receved a note back from the Author, "Thank you for the Favorite on "Piercing the heavens"". I was SHOCKED! I had never gotten a thank you back for ANY of the twenty stories. I responded and explained what I liked and disliked and thanked him. When I got home I went ahead and Favorited the other two and read the rest of his stories, and started commenting after reading the chapters as they came out. Slowly I came out of the thick shell I had built around myself.
I really am not sure in what order the rest of things happened.
-Sir Calm mentioned that he wanted a sketch of Little Star... so I took it as a challenge and did four. (Three he has the fourth... Um... It is still hiding in my sketch book... I might send it to him... who knows.
-I mentioned I was afraid of drawing my OC so Crystal volunteered to do it.
-Most Daring Pony came up and Sir Calm valunteered to read it and give me advice on how to fix it... (That was so wonderful)
And the rest is in this blog... or on my wall... or on Crystal's wall. I am not as closed off as I was. Actually, despite the fact that I am coughing my head off. Can't smell a think and have a migraine shooting up and down my spine to the top of my skull then back down... IT was the best day of my LIFE! I cried myself to sleep last night. Not because I was upset (for once) But because... I was happy! I was relieved! I had posted a blog post, spent two hours talking to an old friend that I had not seen in a while, published my story, Got FOUR favorites on it.... Cleaned WJ play room... AND went to bed in a clean room myself ,with a freshly made bed... I feel successful. I feel Like maybe I can handle the dreaded Christmas season without falling apart or writing a poem that offends my family... because I just didn't care for the whole thing at all. Physically I am SICK! But I can handle that. I am a big strong girl... But today I feel like I can walk out of my house, go somewhere without being scared to death to try something new. I feel like I can take on the world.
Now Next Wednesday I will be telling all of you my plans for this coming year, and my future. I know this post was supposed to be that but... It didn't happen. Now I have to go finish up Most Daring Pony so I'll see you tomorrow either HERE, THERE, or IN THE AIR!
I want to apologize for writing a chapter length blog post... this is like 3,329 words long (I counted...) Sorry!
2631630 So you are an mind person. Because I struggle I have achieved more. Actually I had a LOT more to say... but it didn't happen. Out of the three of us, I will probably be the first to graduate. (Unless something happens) I am almost done. Glitter and Kat both have like... Two years to go.
2631643
Good grief! encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTHQCN1ivFmNvZevk47ZqAlES3n5t1aDvpbsSrp7csPbyANnKxq
2632142 Will is emotion. It is what keeps us going. I believe Will is best because when the other two 'die' (Like I had happen to me when I fell) As long as you still have the will to keep going you will go farther than those who do not have the will to keep going when the going gets tough.
2632595 Thank you.
2632600
Yes you can,
Just go ahead and do it,
Yes you can,
There is really nothing to it.
Don't give up,
Can you stick to you plan?
The answer is yes.
YES YOU CAN!
(The original Top Ten)
2632616 ... You have never seen Glitter's work... My imagination is FAR more vivid than most peoples. Thing is... I got into DEEP trouble with it when I was six and... Decided not to use it. Glitter and I am working on a book for My Ooladada series that goes into that. I just came from book plotting with her. I have written almost 200,000 words in stories so yes, I have experience. But this is a talent that I have had to develop.
There are few things worse than knowing you are capable of something and those around you don't believe it.
Oh yes, i'm definitely a competitive type. Playing sports for so long fed that need to compete. It's probably the reason i still go the gym so often too, i'm not competing in sports anymore, but i still feel the need to be as strong and good as i can be
And you aren't the first to mention the swearing in my fics.
I assure you though it's for character purposes and not just because i like to swear, in fact i don't 
i have characters who swear, and others who don't as part of their personality, such as comparing Blaze to Fire Streak. Blaze lets a swear go, including the big one, quite often as part of her being brash, loud mouthed, and easily enraged. Fire Streak on the other hand, keeps the proper gentleman air... and if he ever swears, the reader notices INSTANTLY because he's not the type who normally would ever. So it depends on the character, and if it's not in the dialogue, it's for whoever has the pov 
anyway enough about my story this blog was about you! and it was very interesting to read about what you've been through, i havent had a chance to read ALL of your blogs, but from this one and from the one's i've read it's been interesting
2632699 That is a huge complement coming from you.
2632706
You've led a much different life than me, i've always been fascinated by how lives can differ so greatly in all aspects: upbringing, experiences, how we've become who we are, etc. Seeing and learning things like that about people throughout my life is one of the most defining factors in how i create characters.
I I can create characters from scratch, but i can also create characters based on interesting, funny, or strange people i've known during my life. Piercing the Heavens has at least 6 characters who are based on people i've known
2632812 I've led a much different life than most people. Honestly Between my asthma and accidents I did not expect to see my adult years.... now they are looking me in the face and I can only explain the feeling as awe.
And I share your fascination with different people's back grounds. If it wasn't for that... I don't think I would ever come out of my shell. Many of my own characters are based off of relatives and friends. (In my Mikada and Ooladada realms) And I guess also in Lilly's story there will be a few.... Okay a lot.