The Exile and the DJ Commentary

Hey guys, it's been a week since I posted The Exile and the DJ and that means it's time for another story commentary. Since this was a rather long story, I'm going to split it up into two posts. This one will focus on chapter one, while part two will focus on the rest of the story. So without further ado, here is part one of the commentary for The Exile and the DJ.

This story was a long time in the making. Well, not this particular story, but one featuring the same characters, and a few of the same scenes. The reason I didn't write that story (why I haven't written it yet) is because, well, if you read my other story The First Duet (which takes place in the same universe), then you'll know that I couldn't just write a fic with OCs without giving some background first, and that takes up a lot of words, so I decided to split the story in two, so I could get the back story out of the way before writing my original story later.

Many months ago, a few weeks after I'd posted The First Duet, I got an idea for a sequel featuring Vinyl Scratch, and the stallion that she mentioned being married to (see The First Duet). Of course that meant coming up with a husband for her. Looking back now, I actually had a conversation with one of my followers about who he might be, and I came to the conclusion that he should be a zebracorn, and a bartender. I probably could have just gone with either a zebra or a unicorn, but I liked the idea of her being in a relationship with somepony of mixed heritage. The idea that Zander was an exile, with his stripes carved out didn't come until much later; I don't know why, but I just liked the idea of giving him a bit of a dark past. But I didn't want to just come out and say that he had been banished, and marked as an exile, I wanted to work my way to it, placing a few hints in there until I came to the big reveal. Also it was really hard coming up with a name for him. The same follower that I was talking with suggested giving him a traditional zebra name (a name starting with Z). I looked all over the place, but couldn't really find a good male Z name (other than Zack, but that just seemed to obvious, and I didn't want to use it), so I decided to go with the a variant of the name Xander, but with a Z instead of an X.

And then in walks Vinyl Scratch. Now I love writing for Vinyl Scratch; I don't swear a lot in real life, and I don't use a lot of innuendo, or whatnot, so doing Vinyl Scratch is sort of like a fun exercise for me, allowing me to really let go. It was a little hard finding Vinyl's voice for this scene. I wanted to keep her as close to as she was in The First Duet, but a little younger, and, you know, she's down in the dumps, and I just found that a little harder to write than her over the top, exuberant self.

The whole scene in the bar was really difficult for me to write. Most of my trouble came from Vinyl; since I already knew what Zander's problem's were going to be, I had to work at coming up with a reason for Vinyl to be there. I could have chosen any number of things, but I decided to take the safe route, and said that her coltfriend had cheated on her, hoping to then go into how she was looking to give up being promiscuous, and trying to settle down instead of sleeping around. Of course I knew that that couldn't be the only thing that drove her to The Rusty Horseshoe (she's a strong mare after all), so I made made a few nods to the idea that she had many more things happen in her life that she wasn't happy with, and the thing with her coltfriend just sent her over the edge. What those other problems are are up to the reader to decide.

Before I wrote this chapter, I had thought about the possibility of having Vinyl's ex be abusive, and showing her with a few bruises, but I just couldn't do that to her.

Oh, and the thing where she takes off the glasses and breaks them, I forgot to mention it in the story, but those had belonged to her ex. I had also hoped to include a scene where Zander buys her a new pair (the sunglasses that she always wears), but the opportunity never presented itself.

Zander was really hard to write. At first I had written him to be far more affected by his past than I made him in the final version, having him flinch, or stutter when he talked about his past. When I started getting into it, I found myself tweaking his character because I wanted him to be more down to Earth, and a sort of voice of reason. So I got rid of his timidness, and replaced it with a confidence that he gained while living with his uncle. Of course he's obviously still affected, as shown in how he doesn't like to show off his scars, and how this fear of other ponies judging him if they found out about his scars and his past led to him finding it hard to make connections with other ponies.

Ever since I first came up with the character of Zander, there was only one obvious choice for his cutie mark: poison joke. I know it doesn't really play much of a big role in this chapter, in fact, I really wrote it in as more of an allusion to my next story, the one that had inspired me to write this one.

After Zander had told his story, I was going to give him a moment to share some wisdom, going into why he believed the two of them opened up to each other (a scene which came up later in the story), or to help Vinyl get over her feelings about her own problems, but I just couldn't make it work, so I omitted it, and decided to turn it into a transition from depressing stories, to something a little more fun and risque...and then have Vinyl ruin the moment by throwing up.

The scene before they went to Zander's apartment went through two drafts. The one that I didn't use showed Vinyl get up and leave the bar, then had Zander go up to his apartment by himself. When he got up there, he heard a noise from out side. He looked out the window, and saw a couple of stallions harassing a very drunk Vinyl Scratch, in hopes to do naughty things with her. Then Zander climbed down his fire escape, and fought off the stallions, and brought Vinyl up to his room to sleep it off. That didn't make it into the story because after thinking about how Zander would act in this situation, there's no way he would have let a mare in Vinyl's condition just walk out into the evening.

And of course, I had to make things awkward for our young gentle colt, by making him undress a mostly unconscious Vinyl Scratch, and having Vinyl wake up, and come onto him, before passing out again. One of my plans for this chapter was to make it sensual, without having the two ponies doing the deed. Since I didn't know how the final scene was going to play out, I wanted them to have a bit of a moment between them, so I threw in this scene where Zander gets a chance to touch Vinyl (without it being overly naughty).

The final act of this chapter was another scene that went through some changes. I had originally had Zander wake up in his apartment, alone, but with a note form Vinyl, thanking him for looking after her, and telling him that they would meet again, but come on, we all know that that's not her style. Having her be there, with her hangover remedy, and curious about Zander's behavior felt more real (like, it's been a long time since a stallion has been genuinely kind to her, that she just isn't used to it, and it takes her by surprise). I also felt that there needed to be one last sweet moment to end the chapter with. Of course that's not all I wanted to leave off with. I wasn't quite sure if Vinyl's tail would be long enough for her to use it, you know, in that way, so I actually had to look up some reference pictures just to make sure, and came to the conclusion that while it would be a bit of a stretch, it could work. I also liked the idea of Vinyl just up and leaving before Zander was done; it was just such a Vinyl thing to do (did she really have to rush to class, or was she just faking, leaving him like that on purpose? I'll never tell).

Anyway, that's it for chapter 1. Come back tomorrow night for part two where we tackle the difficult subjects of clubbing, drinking, and music. If you have any questions about the story, feel free to ask, and I'll try my best to answer them. Until then, I'm Ghee Buttersnaps. Have a good night.