)Secret of the Fourth Wall - Brainstorming help needed. · 3:44pm May 17th, 2014
Sup! 
I'm gonna try something different for once.
In chapter 10, there is a scene I'm currently stuck at. 
So I figured instead of simply being stuck there for several weeks until I randomly get inspiration and can actually write that scene, I'm gonna ask for some outside help brainstorming how this scene could go.
What follows is a shortened, clumsy and very early draft of the opening paragraph to the scene in question.
If you haven't read up to (and including) the current chapter 9 yet, well, obviously you might want to turn around now. 
"Alright, that's enough. What's wrong?"
Dash startled at the mare's voice. She'd completely forgotten Daring Do was even there.
"That's, like, the tenth time you stopped in the last five minutes. Something's obviously bothering you."
"Daring, I..."
Crud, how should she say this?
"Uhm... Does anything here seem... you know, familiar to you?"
"Err... No...?" Daring tilted her head in confusion.
If you don't know what this is referring to, simply re-read the last few paragraphs of chapter 9 from "Dash's attention had already shifted" onward, then come back and read this again. 
...I know where I want the scene to go - but not quite sure how to get there.
I'll try to keep any spoilers during our discussion to a minimum, and limit them to events taking place in chapter 10 only, unless I absolutely have to. Might migrate individual discussions to PM in case things get to spoiler-y. 
There's a minor spoiler I'd have to give you, though:
At the end of the scene, Dash and Daring come to a fork in the road, and Daring grudgingly decides they should split up to cover more ground.
This has to happen because I need the characters to go seperate ways for what comes after, but I want it to feel natural. ...Which is a little tricky, considering Daring's recent "conspiracy theories" regarding Dash. She couldn't just go "eh, let's randomly split up for no reason". Granted, she doesn't need to outright state her inner monologue, since the chapter is written from Dash's perspective, but it still can't just happen abruptly.
I am not really sure how to get there, but it might be a good idea to have Daring push a bit too hard for information or be a bit too obvious in her attempts to work out clues and have Dash instigate the split to get some distance for a bit.
I see what the problem is. Honestly, this is a tough one. I would suggest to have Rainbow get caught by a trap silently without Daring knowing and then have Daring engage against a monster of some sorts to keep Daring's mind away while Rainbow finds herself in some kind of passage that gives her answers, but that would be very, very similar to what happened to the two before. The only difference here is that Rainbow doesn't get to tell Daring what happened to her and Daring doesn't find out they're separated until later when she realizes that she's fighting against the odds alone once again. With this, maybe after Daring finishes her battle you could have her reflect on Rainbow Dash and realize that she actually liked her company despite how suspicious Rainbow was reacting. As well, the answers that Rainbow finds herself could make her doubt her sanity, as well as the whole concept of going back in time.
... But those are just suggestions. The only other thing I could suggest is have Rainbow and Daring have a big fight, but I don't recommend this too much because there are two character that I love and I do not want to see them fight. Also, it might be a little forced. With the trap idea, you're taking something that makes sense and putting a spin on it that could lead the story to several other directions and situations.
Maybe Dash should be the one to recommend the split, and convince Daring, rather than having Daring suggest it?
Daring is confronted with Dash, something which Should Not Be™. She's not likely to want to split up, so that she can continue keeping an eye on Dash. However, Dash is confronted with things which Should Not Be™ in the ghost town they're in, and she would be more interested in splitting up to cover more ground, and learn more about the place.
The problem then becomes how Dash can convince Daring to split up, rather than coming up with a reason why Daring would want to split up. Not only that, but this also give you opportunity to have Daring double back and shadow Dash, rather than actually splitting up like the pair planned. This, of course, should then lead to Shenanigans™ should it occur.
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The situation between the two certainly is ... complicated.
On one hoof, Rainbow Dash represents a conundrum, "something which Should Not Be™" (very eloquently phrased ;-), and Daring has come up with her own - if somewhat vage - conspiracy theories.
On the other hoof, Rainbow Dash seems to be a "good person", and even saved Daring's life several times already. So credit where credit is due. Also, while suspicious, Dash doesn't seem to be the "mastermind" behind the "conspiracy".
I could imagine one way to go about this would be for Dash to gain some "extra credit" by opening up at least a little. I.e., referring to the line "Uhm... Does anything here seem... you know, familiar to you?"
And then they could talk about that. Which may give Daring some new puzzlepiece to fit into her conspiracy theory somehow, while sympathizing with Dash who makes it perfectly clear she doesn't understand what's going on herself.
Also, I was thinking of them splitting up in a sense of "meet me back here in 3 hours", not in the permanent sense. Still, Daring would have to trust Dash enough to let her roam around on her own in a place where Daring is looking for some ancient all-powerful artifact...
That sadly would contradict already planned events - unless I made Daring loose sight of Rainbow Dash, go down the wrong alley and then get distracted by something interesting and completely ignore she was trying to follow Rainbow Dash after that. ... Hmmm...
Some clues can lead Daring to one logical conclusion based on theory, and Dash has in mind another solution based on her experience with things Daring doesn't know about, but doesn't tell her. Trying to solve the puzzle together, they misunderstand each other, which puts them into separate passages.
So, for example, they discover a fork in the road. Dash finds that a nearby building has a broken stained glass and they enter it and find that the fork was launched from an automatic crossbow. They wonder why the building was protected and discover an old clay safe. They open it and there is a clay plate with a big spiral symbol. Daring guesses that it's similar to the center column of the building. She walks around it five times counter-clockwise, turns backwards and sees some fresh apples in the doorway to the room where there were none. She calls for Dash, but finds that the room became different
2121667
That was my understanding. It's Freddy saying "Let's split up, gang!" -- but Shaggy's certainly not going to be the one to propose it.
2122572 Hmmm...
So... Here's a possible outline for this scene.
Step 1:
Dash explains with reluctance how this place is somehow, seemingly inexplicably, similar to her hometown.
Daring, trying to squeeze the new info into her conspiracy theory would ask her questions like "So, what's it like in Ponyville anyway?", "How was Ponyville founded?", or "You mentioned recognizing a cutie-mark - can you tell me more about that pony?"
Step 2: . . .
Step 3:
Dash having "opened up" at least about the current issue at hoof makes Daring Do trust her more.
Then both of them see something of potential interest in the distance down the length of each road, and they basically go -
Daring: "Let's go left!"
Dash: "Let's go right!"
........... Or something*.
*It's a work in progress.
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Okay, I'm sending this out to all of you who contributed to the discussion.
I may or may not necessarily be using your suggestion, but it is thanks to your brain stimuli that I think now I've got a pretty good idea how to make it seem "like a good idea at the time" for Dash and Daring to split up.
Without too much spoiling, I'd say it'd be a decision based both on incentive - something of interest visible in the distance in both directions, and I already know what that should be - as well as more of a gut-feeling rather than a rational decision.
If I frame it right, the question "Should we split up?" may never even come up.
I might write part of this scene from Daring's perspecitive afterall. It'd basically boil down to "Do I keep Dash on a tight leash, or do I solve the mystery of the ancient civilization and cut her some slack so we can cover more ground?"
However, for this to work, Daring and Dash need to have another bonding moment.
Part of that would be Dash "opening up" to Daring about the strange similarities she's encountered. But I still need more than that.
What I also could still use would be some extra ideas for topics that may come up in conversation between the two.
As always, suggestions and ideas are welcome!
If you are looking for ideas for topics, you could use the duplicate cutie mark. That is not really sensitive in any way, and it is a bizarre "coincidence" that would be a reasonable thing to discuss.
2164913 That was one of the topics I had in mind, yes.
"Who's this Cheerilee?", with possible follow-up questions burning on Daring's mind such as "What does her mark mean?", "Is there a cultural relation between flowers and teaching in Ponyville?", "Does her mark run in the family?"
The issue is that any question Daring could ask very easily jumps straight between two extremes:
Either it would be blunt, like "What can you tell me about the history of Ponyville?" (assuming a historical relation between the Mareican civilization and Ponyville), or so indirect that Dash's answer wouldn't satisfy Daring's curiosity.
This would either mean that Dash would get suspicious of the nature of Daring's questions fairly quickly, or that I'd have to write lots of relatively uninteresting padding just so Daring can sneakily extract some info outta Dash.
Plus, I decidedly need more than one topic, but nearly every choice seems extremely delicate at best.
For example, if Daring wanted to know about "Twinkle Sparkle", how would she bring that up without immediatelly raising suspicion?
2121169 Somehow, I get the feeling you (and several others) didn't get a notification regarding my previous message.
Guess fimfic only sends notifications to one recipient per comment. *shrug*
2121434 Somehow, I get the feeling you (and several others) didn't get a notification regarding my previous message.
Guess fimfic only sends notifications to one recipient per comment. *shrug*
2121698 Somehow, I get the feeling you (and several others) didn't get a notification regarding my previous message.
Guess fimfic only sends notifications to one recipient per comment. *shrug*
2190607
I got the notification, I just didn't have any more input.
2191162 Ah, okay. Sorry for "spamming", then.
Just seemed like an odd coincidence that the only person to respond also was the first one in the list.
Not to mention that I did indeed just recently encounter a comment-response directed at myself and one other fellow I had never received a notification for.
2190596 While this is a concern, it is actually eased somewhat by the lack of a close relationship between Dash and Cheerilee. Sure they know each other, but they do not really spend much time together so most of the answers are going to be very vague for the simple reason that Dash does not know her that well. Heck, it is entirely possible that Dash does not really know what the mark means, let alone what kind of marks the rest of Cheerilee's family has.
2191237
Sorry for not responding to this earlier, but yeah. I saw the message too, and I had nothing left to say.
(Notifications are messed up. Don't try to think about them too much.)