Need help with a description

So, I'm in the middle of revising WMMS, as well as finding yet another good Sunset Shimmer cover art I could use, and something came up with it: my description is too long.

So I need some help with making the description shorter and better. I kinda suck with those kind of things. Anyway, this is what I have so far:

Ten years after the defeat of Princess Celestia and the rise of Nightmare Moon, the land of Equestria is in shambles.
The ponies that once represented the Elements of Harmony have disappeared to an unknown location, and evil runs rampant in Equestria.
But there is one thing that could save them all—a lost spell crafted by Starswirl the Bearded himself. Unfortunately for Sunset Shimmer, it's up to her to find it and activate it, bringing back Princess Celestia and concluding the terror of the Eternal Night. But will she succeed? For she will have to take the journey of a lifetime: to the place where the mountain meets the sun.

Jeebus that's bad. But it's all I can think of.

Anyway, also, I think I'm going to revise 'Dashie' more. Remember that old thing? Yeah, well, I'm going to make it better. But I need a grammar editor and a proofreader. Anyone want to help?

If you don't know what Dashie is, then I've linked the story to this blog post... It'd mean a lot to me if you could go and check out the story and maybe gave it a like or favorite. Then I could get off my ass and write something good with that story. I guess.

That's all.

Comments

[Magistrix]

Why is that bad?

[Weeping Angel]

2073728
Most of my other descriptions are short and sweet (most) and for some reason it really annoys me that it's pretty long and annoying... I dunno, it could just be me, but someone did tell me he didn't like the description, so...

[Sky Dance]

Ten years...

Ten years since Equestria has fallen.

The once powerful and kind leaders have been reduced to nothing but rubble, the elements of harmony, and their great joy they brought to the land, have disappeared into the mist that now showers the land in a dense fog.

All hope is lost.

But sometimes, when a tragic event transpires, a new door opens.

Just a little thing I wrote to help hook people in.

You don't have to tell who exactly is the hero or what she will find, sometimes being Vague can make the reader want to read the story more

[Weeping Angel]

2073743
AH THAT'S GOOD
IMMA USING THAT

[Sky Dance]

2073754
I'm glad you like it xD

I'm not the best at descriptions, so it might not be the best it could be

[Sakura]

I volunteer as a grammar editor!

[forevertheDoctor]

I don't know if you need it, but I have an idea for the description of the Sunset Shimmer story...

[Weeping Angel]

2075190
Sure! I'd like to hear it.

2074349
Okay, great! Would you like me to send it to you on a GDoc?

[Sakura]

2076184 Sure.

[forevertheDoctor]

2076184 ok...

Demon. Villain. Witch. All of these malevolent words have been used to describe Sunset Shimmer. What can a mare do? She ran. And now after 10 years of running, it's time for her to leave the ghosts of her past and save Equestria. When the element bearers disappear and the creatures of Equestria need a hero, they turn to one pony alone. Sunset Shimmer, the mare who can see where the mountain meets the sun.

[Weeping Angel]

2076904
Oh. My. God.
That is genius.
Can I use that?! It's soooo good!

[forevertheDoctor]

2076925 wha?! I literally created that abomination in like two seconds but sure go ahead! Glad I can help!

[Weeping Angel]

2076935
It's really awesome! Thank you!

[forevertheDoctor]

2077027 thanks! And no problemo!