Sweet Nothings: a minor change · 2:44am Mar 12th, 2014
Not that I expect many people to notice, but I want to make a record of this anyway.
Tonight, I removed the prologue from Sweet Nothings and replaced the story description with a revised version of the exile part of the prologue.
This was done because I came to realize that I was doing the story a disservice with the description I had. Poetic and meaningful though it was to me, it was too vague to be helpful in attracting a potential reader. I had wrestled with the description when I first started publishing this story. Everything I thought of to describe it came out sounding very bland and generic. I had asked a friend if he could write a poem that I might use for it, and he did, and I used it. Given that we are no longer friends, and the aforementioned disservice such a description was doing for the story, I've decided to replace it. I removed the prologue on advice from a prereader from The Royal Guard, and at the same time decided that the exile could serve as an effective description. I made some changes to slim it down, and I'm mostly happy with it.
Now, for a word about the future of this story: A lot has changed in the two years since I started this project. None the least of which has been my understanding of what Sweet Nothings is about. I've mentioned elsewhere that significant changes were made to the story plan, changes which have significantly reduced the scope of the story, and have left a number of plot threads dangling because I started them off in the first few chapters, which I now look back on as a bloated and misdirected mess. I want to go back and rewrite the beginning. I've even started thinking about the more extensive changes I'll be making when I do that. But in the interest of actually finishing the story, I won't be doing any of that until after I publish the ending. Which is currently only three or four chapters away.
Chapter 9 is well underway, and I think I can keep up with a chapter a month until the finish. It's going to be a hell of a ride.
I have noticed, and do remember you mentioning something. One thing I've acknowledged in several years of reading is that an unclear point to a story (unless with good reason) can ruin it. It seems all too common for a writer to have a beginning and end, then just throw randomness in between without thought just so they can get to the parts they like (which in FoE is usually a random combat scene). Which is also an effect of a writer rushing through their work.
I've had the similar problem of being limited to only a year to write, and I've been writing five separate story's. Which has forced me to prioritize, chose the ones I like the most, and wait until I get back to do the rest. It was hard, but I feel its worth it, even moreover when I read you've been at this one for two years.
Also another thing I've seen happen (which it seems you've noticed too) is there's a very common occurrence of, for a lack off better words, over written: too long when it's not needed. While explanation and detail is great; I've read a lot where the writer goes overboard, and then the work is way too long (very common in FoE).
I'm kinda sad Sweet Nothings it's ending so early(ish), but in all honesty I know it's for the better, I've loved it so far, and I don't see that changing easily.
The prologue was a bit off when in correlation with the story, but I rarely let a prologue or first chapter discourage me from reading further into what a story has to offer. I guess that can't be said for a lot of readers.
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I think a lot of people (myself included in the early days) got caught up in the epic proportions of FOE (and PH during its heyday), and assumed that emulating that would translate into their own success.
But, as I've come to realize, longer != better. And in many cases, a lot of what ends up filling up page after page of narration is just mindless action or banal "in-between" scenes that don't really do much on their own aside from take up space between more important scenes. FOE even has entire chapters of these, like the one where Pip and Calamity go scrounging around that stable where gender roles were reversed—it served absolutely no purpose in the story.
I've become a big fan of parsimony—a story should include only the scenes and characters that it needs to get its point across and nothing more.
I'm certainly glad you managed to stick with Sweet Nothings beyond those early chapters. (Chapter 1 is absolutely the worst, but in my defense, it was the first thing I'd written in about four years, so not only had I not yet learned how to better focus the narrative on what was important, but I was also simply out of practice.) It is a bit of a shame that the story is ending so soon. In my original plan, what is now the ending was only the midpoint. But once I wrote out the ending (yes, I've already written the end), I realized that there was nothing else I could write that could possibly follow it. It held such a profound sense of catharsis for me to write—it had to be the ending. So that's where it will end, and I hope that the ending and everything leading up to it won't disappoint, and I hope that it'll be as cathartic to read as it was to write.
1920423 That does seem all too common. I too have the ending to mine (three actually), yet I'm still having trouble with the beginning, and sorting out the events leading it to it. That's the reason I've stopped halfway through reading many story's, Project Horizons is the most I rant about. It seemed even the story itself didn't know where it was going, with no end aproching.
I've only been writing for a year, so I've been learning all I can, and have actually been asked for advice several times. Which feels strange because I feel I don't even know what I'm doing. I also tend to say everything I'm thinking. Which is why a simple comment tends to end up like this, so I'll get to the point I've had from the start, then go do something useful.
It's funny with how much I talk about important things in writing my favorite (FoE wise) story (Project Respawn) was hardly well written at all. It was the story that was good, and it made up for it. Which is why I like Sweet Nothings (currently second favorite), it's not just well written, it's well told. Which is a good sign of good writing, it has little to do with spelling or punctuation. It's important yes, but in the end it's not the biggest factor.
Fanfiction has a crazy amount of potential, so I'm sure I'll be reading it even after the military (maybe even during). If you're still writing at that point I'll gladly read it.
As for chapter nine I'm curious about the stable, I have my guesses, but it's all speculation. I feel you've given hints previously, or at least I've felt they were hints, but I'm not going to jump to conclusions.
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Beginnings, middles, and endings. They're all kinda hard in their own ways, but also easy in others. Sweet Nothings started very simply: my narrator is a stable dweller, and I need to get him out of the stable. From there I just asked myself a series of "why" questions to work backwards to figure out who he is and what he does in the story. But the first thing I actually wrote for the story was the ending. Of course, that ending has since been rewritten, but it accomplishes the same goals as the first one. And I think pretty much everyone writes stories in more or less the same way to start off: think of a beginning and an ending first, then figure out how to connect the two.
What I think also often happens is that once we get going, we can let a story run away on its own during the middle. This has always been my biggest problem in the past: I was never able to finish a story because the middle would either turn into a corner and get stuck or I'd simply stall out because I found myself having to work through a lot of that banal "in-between" stuff to get to the scenes I was actually interested in. So in a lot of ways, the middle can be the hardest part of a story, but I still have a lot of trouble with beginnings; either they come out too abrupt, just jumping into things without properly setting up the context, or more often my beginnings turn out bloated and aimless. It takes me a while to get things going, and that's where a good editor helps to let us know when we're bogging down our story with useless narration. (Not that this can't occur anywhere in the story, but at least in my case, it happens mostly at the beginning of a story/chapter.)
And oh good god is Project Horizons terrible. All it does is circle the drain without any proper sense for structure or progression. I want to feel bad for Somber, but his inability (and possibly unwillingness) to handle (and in some cases even understand) criticism makes it impossible to care. But let's not go down that road. I've done enough PH ranting on reddit in the past, I don't need to keep repeating it.
> good writing . . . little to do with spelling or punctuation
First, I'm flattered that you think so highly of my story. Second, I'm amused that you mention this. It reminds me of a bit out of Catcher in the Rye: Right at the beginning, Holden's roommate is asking him to do a writing assignment for him because Holden is better at writing, but he tells Holden to not make it "too good" and suggests not putting all the commas in the right places.
Which is funny because in the following paragraph, there are a bunch of commas in the wrong places. Certainly deliberate on the author's part to further illustrate that a good piece of writing isn't good just because it's punctuated correctly, but because of the value of ideas it contains. (Salinger was also known to have gotten upset when an editor added a single comma to one of his manuscripts and published it like that without consulting him first. He was kind of insane about the integrity of his work that way.)
Still, at the same, proper grammar and punctuation, etc. are important to making sure people can actually understand what you're saying. That Sweet Nothings has gotten as much attention/praise as it has, I like to think says I at least got that part right even despite the bloated, poorly-comma'd mess that the first few chapters are.
Aside from my plans to rewrite the beginning of Sweet Nothings, I don't think I'll be doing more fanfiction after this is finished. I have plans for an original story I want to start working on. With some hard work and a little luck, I might actually manage to publish a novel sometime in the next decade.
I'd be interested to hear your speculations about what happened in the stable. I've spent a lot of work on building the mystery around it while slipping little hints and misdirections and ironies about it into the story here and there. Luminous Lead has quite an elaborate theory, and while I won't speak as to how accurate it is, I was thrilled to see the amount of thought that went into it, and how many of those "little things" that I'd been peppering the story with contributed to that theory.
1923115 Yeah, it's like being at the start and seeing the finish, but before you make your trek it helps to look at the road it takes to get there. You don't want to take the shortest and blandest path, but also you don't want to take the longest path and get lost along the way and never find the end.
Ah yes, I remember reading his (Luminous Lead) theory(s) before. However I wasn't that far into the story at that point, so I didn't really take it that much into consideration.
I'm going to keep most of my speculation in the back of my head for now. Mostly because it's all pretty conflicting.
As of the big question, is Day a killer? That ones tough. He has pointed out several pieces of evidence within, but damn, that's still not any kind of proof. While a statement like, “I had to be exiled for murder to become a killer.” Sort of entails a lot, that's speculation in and of itself. While that can be said as result of an accident, who's accident is is? Days? Someone he wants to protect? Or someone who wants it on him? It didn't sound like Day had any enemy's in the stable, it did however sound like he wasn't ‘on good terms’ with everypony.
There's also the chance that Day could think it's his fault, when it wasn't in the end, but that still leaves a hole for the, “I didn't have a choice” statement. Maybe he even took the verdict to protect someone (or something) else. Even if, he got more then exile for it, getting the quote on quote shit beaten out of you for a murder isn't standard practice, though (once again) I wouldn't be surprised in a stable. Day seemed pretty desensitized from his previous life, one occurrence can cause that, but it usually takes a bit more then that to kick the fight out of someone, and have them raise that many boundaries. Though realistically there can be any number of reasons. As it's said the mind sees what it wants to see, and the mind fabricates fear, though fear is a defense mechanism, yet the only thing to fear is fear itself. I can go on as it were, but I'm sure you get the point.
About Days ear. He (Luminous Lead) also mentioned (nice attention to detail on his part), while that could be nothing but a character detail, I'm betting it isn't. It was brought up as if it was nothing, and I'm willing to bet that you did that so most would look over it. I've picked up on that on a lot of mysteries I've read. Though maybe you know that. But since it's also in your cover picture too, that adds a little, but like I said its a guess from the evidence supplied. The downside to that is it's been awhile since I read the beginning chapters, so I'm sure I've forgotten something important at this point (coupled with the fact my memory's shit). I do however plan on rereading it.
As to who was killed/murdered (though I'm sure the term murder never came up), it seems it would be his mother, but again that hasn't been said yet (unless it has and I forgot, in which case stupidity ensues). “A mare dead and a foal orphaned.” It doesn't say it was him or his mother. Maybe his brother? There hasn't been any talk of if Day has/had a companion (emotional wise) in the stable. Guess we'll find out.
As for writing (and reading), I still have a lot to learn, and a long way to go. Considering I just started, and am not even out of high school yet. The largest book I've read was Lord of the Rings, and it also took the longest to do so, considering I began reading it at such a young age. It was good, but I can hardly say it was my favorite. And the prequel (Silmarillion) was tough to read at the time. I do love books, yet I've always been drawn to Fanfiction, and just new writers in general. Sometimes the work they put out is amazing.
If you ever do write a novel (even if it takes ten years), though I doubt we'll remember this by then, send me the name of it so I can pick it up. Though there's a lot of good reads, there are few I can say I ‘loved’ to read. Sweet Nothings has been one of them.
Also it's good to see there's someone who dislikes Project Horizons as much or more then I do. One of my close friends say its his favorite book, and the best FoE (Though he's only read a few), and as a result I have a good laugh at him. Feel free to make fun of him too (RainbowSix0326), but as you've said lets not go down that road. We go at it all the time.
PS
Every time Days name is mentioned It makes me laugh. It's comically ironic. My alias is Day, or Seize the Day 2-3. Which I adapted to be my OC. And my old nickname (from my parents) was Lucky. Day, Lucky. Lucky Day, how about that.
Trì air fhichead Ìolar dubh
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While I still won't say anything regarding the accuracy of your speculations, I do like to see that there's so much thought going on with regard to what happened in the stable. I'll let you know: I deliberately crafted this story with the intent of giving the readers just enough information to form theories, but not enough to be certain about anything. It's a dissonant feeling, uncertainty. And my plan from the start was to use the mystery about the stable as the hook to draw readers in.
If/when you do go back to reread Sweet Nothings, I think you'll find it to be a very different story after you know the ending. Much like the movie Memento, I wanted this story to have new meaning and value on a second readthrough. There are little things scattered all throughout that you've probably not noticed that will stand up and scream at you on a second pass. Or things you did notice will suddenly have a completely different meaning.
And all that should only get better when I go back to rewrite it. But first things first, I have to finish the story.
I'll certainly try to remember you by then. I will probably be working on some short stories first, to help me flesh out the setting. Those I may post online. If I do start doing that, I'll make a blog post about it here at least so anyone already following me can take a look at what I'll be working on.
It's easy for PH to become someone's favorite if he hasn't read a lot of anything else. I often refer to Somber as the Michael Bay of FOE—all flash and no (or terrible) substance. I actually keep a link handy as a shorthand for my biggest complaints about PH and why it's so bad. (And that rant even contains links to previous rants I've made.)
But I used to love PH myself once. I had just finished reading FOE (which had just finished, and which is also nowhere near as good as everyone claims it to be), and PH had the simple fortune getting the tag on EqD with the unfortunate title of "Kkat Approved" which implied a level of canon legitimacy that it neither had nor deserved. But there it was, and the timing was just right—EqD was still the community powerhouse for fanfiction, it had started while FOE was still in progress, and it looked like it was a "proper" sequel. So of course it became popular when it was filled with sex, gore, and explosions, all of which tickle that primitive part of the human brain that says "ME LIKE!"
It was only after it had gone on long enough for it to collapse under its own weight of useless characters and mindless action and time-wasting sidequests, that it started becoming evident how bad it really was. Still, morbid curiosity kept me reading it for a long time after I realized it was bad. It took a really egregious sin against literature for me to finally give up on it.
But anyway...
Hah. That's quite a coincidence. There is a certain significance to Day's name. It'll come out in chapter 10, during the climax. It'll be interesting to see your reaction to it.
1927416 I thought it was pretty cool in that aspect when his name was revealed, but when the ‘Lucky’ forename was introduced to that, the two just kinda clicked together in my head. I did a slow turn of my head to look over my shoulder.
There were several other things I wanted to point at, but I decided against it. But your statement of, “—a story should include only the scenes and characters that it needs to get its point across and nothing more,” made me think back on early chapters and realize something I was overlooking. At the time it seemed weird, and now I'm kind of figuring it was for a reason. And now I sit back, and wait to see if that's true or not.
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I'm curious about what you might be referring to in the early chapters. There's certainly a lot of things I put in those chapters that were setting up for a payoff in the return to the stable. Some of it, I'm hoping will blow some minds. But, I'm afraid that there are a few things in those early chapters that will end up going nowhere, which I regret. Those are some of the major things I'll be looking to correct when I go back for a rewrite. Chapter 6 is when I really got the focus down to only what what necessary. So depending on what's caught your attention before that, you may end up disappointed by it, but hopefully the more important stuff that's going on will make up for it.
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Say what you want about Bay, but at least his movies have plots. Granted, they're hackneyed, chlichéd, often uninteresting plots, but at least there are indeed plots—which is more than you can say about most books and movies today.
Which was what made the original so popular. If Fallout: Equestria deserved to be popular for mindless action and time-wasting side-quests, then so does Project Horizons.
1935910 I just got sixty-two notifications for this one comment, yet it wasn't even to me, or at least I'm fairly sure it wasn't.
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FimFiction.net: a paragon of quality programming and design!
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1941540 ah, what's it doing? I don't need sixty notifications for one comment. WTF
At leas it was directed at me this time.