Things that I can't stand · 11:58pm Nov 19th, 2013

From the desk of The Desert Hawk

Hello everyone!

Your friendly neighborhood Hawk here to talk about things I can't stand. Before we begin, here's some background. I work in a theater, not a movie theater but an actual theater. I build the sets and work on everything from lighting groups to props, it's my dream job. Several weeks ago the theater began a collab with a local high school, we would train their stage crew as a part of their curriculum and get some free workers out of it. Good idea right? Yes and no. Most of the kids we got are genuinely interested, some are naturals at things like lights and sound. The others? Not so much. Dealing with them has been difficult for us, and at times costly. So here is a list of the things that have happened that just drive me and my fellow crew members crazy.

Number One: Kids touching the Psyche. For those of you that don't know, the Psyche is a large, tight piece of fabric that is stretched across the very back of the stage. It's used to set the mood as well as help light up the actors. These normally cost upwards of a thousand bucks depending on what brand you go with. They're so stretched out so tight that if you touch them they can be permanently damaged and have to be replaced. Guess what the kids did the first day they were on the job? Thankfully this was rectified before something bad could have happened.

Number Two: Kids touching the curtains. Similar to number one, this one is more common but sometimes unavoidable. The curtains are, well curtains. Made out of velvet and extremely expensive. Velvet curtains and oil from skin don't mix well. A bunch of pubescent teens with extra oily skin is a real problem, thankfully most of the time they were gloves. But there's always that one guy, that one kid who can't seem to understand the concept listening. This kid will be referred to as Mr. Sweats. Mr. Sweats has a habit of wiping his hands on the curtains whenever they get sweaty. Which is a lot. We are still fixing this problem.

Number Three: This one is the most annoying of them all, I cannot stand the kids that do this. These are the kids that got put in the class because they didn't have an elective, they don't really care and they just sit around all day. They are the absolute worst to deal with. For example, the theater was doing Shakespeare's Macbeth. It was a task and a half getting things set up, where did all these kids congregate? In our break room. Sitting on their rears, tapping away on their phones, eating our lunches out of the fridge and spilling soda everywhere. Un-F*cking-Believable. They show no respect for authority or our workplace, or us! This is also the easiest to remedy. When we take apart a set there are a lot of screws that get mixed together, we reuse our screws. Thus they must be sorted. "Texting hands? Not anymore! You're sorting screws!"

These are only a few, there are many others.

I know not all of us work in the Theater business, but we've had to at least have had similar experiences right? Lemme know what you think, share some of the things you can't stand.

BONUS: Here's a vid I found, enjoy and be sure to tip your waitresses.