Sneak peek of the cuddle bandit... · 1:06am Sep 28th, 2013

Cuddle Bandits Journal.

October 8, 746. :

Garbage bag in the alley this morning, its plastic membrane burst by the uncaring hooves of the populace. This city does not yet know me; it does not yet fear me as it should. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of hatred and when the drains finally scab all over the vermin its drowning people, these cold-hearted, cuddleless nobles will look up and shout, “save us!”

…and I’ll look down and whisper, “no”.

They had a choice, all of them. They could have cuddled a loved one, gotten a dog to sleep with at night, like decent ponies who believed that a hard day’s work should be followed by a hard night’s snuggle. Instead they shunned their loved ones, opting to lie on opposite sides of the bed, or even worse, slept in separate beds. Not realizing that their actions would bring men like me, men that will persecute the uncaring with our own special brand of justice.

Now, as I stand upon the rooftops with a full moon bathing me in its light, I can’t help but feel disgust as I look to the cancerous heart of this cesspool, Canterlot castle.

Even the thought of that walled place of heartlessness brings about an unbridled rage, a rage that magnifies when I think about the castles main inhabitant, princess Celestia.

She thinks that she’s above cuddle justice? She thinks that her high walls and fancy magic’s will save her when I come to remind her of her cuddleless sins and pass my judgment?

I will prove her wrong….

I can't stop laughing as I write this thing.

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