What's next... · 5:28am May 31st, 2013
...I really don't know, to tell you the truth. I was planning to stop and take a long break when I was done with KOTD, consider my options and everything. But now I think it might be even longer.
Honestly, I want to see if I have any mental disorders to note. I've been wanting to do this for a better part of a year now, but for various reasons I just never did it. I seem to have a lot of symptoms to borderline personality disorder(BPM), and given that a lot of people with that condition are usually suicidal without treatment...
Well, actually I already have been. Granted, KOTD did not make me consider suicide. I've been on and off out of these thoughts for a long, long time. Back when the Season 3 finale was out, I even had a date where I would be able to watch it, then commit suicide. It didn't happen because I felt better afterward...but it wasn't good. I was close to doing so.
So I'll look into arranging some sort of appointment for this on Monday. Family stuff is happening this weekend so it might be a good idea to just wait until it's all over, assuming this results in either therapy, or...
One of the biggest fears about seeking help is that I would have something that would require them to lock me up, with my suicidal thoughts, on and off depression, and weight gain that's probably a result of this.
It might be months until I write again. With those issues and just how the last four months of fandom drama has really worn me down, it might be a long while before I do anything again. So sorry again about cancelling KOTD, I'm sorry to disappoint you all like I know I have, and...yeah. Have a happy summer.
Be careful bro, and please, seek professional help
When it comes to issues like this, you aren't letting anyone down. You have to look out for yourself, too, man.
Good luck. You'll be through this dark tunnel before you know it.
Yeah, your mental and physical health is far more important than any upset about the story. Take care of yourself, and definitely look into seeing that therapist.
Your mental and physical health are more important than giving us more to read. Take care of yourself and yes, seek help. I've been close to where you are before and it can get better if you're willing to have help. Good luck.
*Internet hug*
First, good luck, and good job. It takes a lot of strength to want to get the help, and to go get it. Whatever happens, know we're happy to see you getting help, even if it means we don't get any of your creativeness with words.
And take it from someone who's been through what you're going through, the depression and suicidal thoughts at least, I doubt they'll lock you up. They only do that for the people who are either a danger to both themselves and society, and can't be helped or treated under normal circumstances, or people who are unable to function 'normally' within society. The fact that you're going to get help of your own choosing means you don't fall under those categories.
Man, I hope I'm not sounding like an ass here. I have a tendency to try to say something nice and it simply come out as me being an ass.....
Still though, good luck. Getting help may not be easy, it may not be fun, but in the end, it helps so much. I hope to see you soon, even if it's just an update on how you're doing.
Well all I can say is good luck with that. It's strange but I think I might be bi polar as well.
I really hope you find the peace you deserve but you shouldnt commit suicide. I know the phrase has been used a lot but it still applies "Its a permanently malignant solution to a temporarily malignant problem." No one should kill themselves and you have a lot of talent, feel happy that people enjoy your work! I used to be suicidal too and almost tried to commit it but theres always good on the other side of the problem. I cant wait to see you back if you want to ever continue your writing (not on KOTD since it causes you so much stress).
You don't have to apologize to us for halting a fanfiction so you can get help, dude. Your life is your life, and that's WAY more important then any fanfiction, especially if you have real-world issues going on. Personally, I'm a little disappointed you chose to cancel it so close to the end, but I understand your reasons. It's a pretty good story, all told.
I'm kinda sad that you cancel KOTD, but your life is more important than a fanfiction. Good luck with those issues.
Well, now I just feel like shit about my earlier comments. Story be damned, make sure you are and are going to be alright. I may not like some of your decisions, but you seem a decent person all the same, and I sincerely hope you're alright.