Burrconium Encounters Pony Fallout, Part 3 · 6:30pm May 12th, 2013
Chapter Four: The Stand - Mare Vs. Machine
I know this story's already big enough as it is, but why are we starting back up at the middle of Littlepip's trek through Ironshod Firearms? Maybe everything that led to her getting chased by robots would have been too boring. Maybe starting at the beginning could explain how she knows Robobrains use actual brains for processing power, and don't just have some freaky-looking chassis for scare tactics. But then again, I'm still wondering who'd build a factory that uses Robobrains for security, and then builds catwalks too small for them to cross. If these things are supposed to be insane after 200 years of isolation, why would they care about taking cover from falling catwalks?
Come to think of it, just how did pre-war ponies develop all this cool tech in just 25 - 30 years? It took us centuries to develop modern weaponry as we know it now, and we've been improving upon guns since the Chinese fire lance first saw use in the 900s. Was Celestia using cheat codes while playing Civilization to skip most of the tech tree, or am I missing something else?
Oh, well. At least we get to watch somebody in beat-up raider armor take on a Mister Gutsy at level 4, with nothing else to her name but Comprehension, Swift Learner (1), and Cherchez La Femme Filly. Makes me wish I brought popcorn.
"I realize that if the room I had successfully accessed at such great personal risk had not offered another way out, I would have been in deep trouble."
Worries about getting stuck in raised enclosure. Can levitate herself down. Wasteland Savior.
Grew up eating apples all the time. Doesn't know what "How do you like them apples?" means. Wasteland Savior
Grew up in a Vault built during war between ponies and zebras. Has no reaction to seeing a wartime-era poster for the first time. Wasteland Savior
Let's be honest for a sec : Littlepip's trek to Ironshod is cheap padding only happening because the author couldn't find a better way to work the Blackhawk revolver Little Macintosh into the plot. You have no idea how much I'm wishing she just followed those captives from the library.
Grew up in a Vault. Cannot recognize high-profile government institution. Wasteland Savior
No, seriously - If Velvet Remedy knew about the Ministry of Peace and Minister Fluttershy, how come Littlepip never heard of the Ministry of Morale? It's not like the Minister of Technology or the Minister of Image's sister also lived in Stable 2 and would have had something to say about it. Is Fallout: Equestria really going to do this Ultima IX style?
"Pinkie Pie is watching you forever!"
Grew up in a Vault. Cannot recognize lady who helped save the world twice. Wasteland Savior
"Watcher’s voice erupted from over my shoulder, making me jump high enough my horn whacked the ceiling." I thought Littlepip was still outside, over by that vending machine. Girl's got legs if she can jump that high.
Call honesty a virtue. Say nothing about how others would see a pony in raider armor. Ain't Watcher helpful?
I know Watcher's not trying to get Littlepip killed and wouldn't even mean to start, but the amount of thought put into this so far is starting to suggest otherwise. Sure enough, it catches up to her later on. Is it just me, or does Littlepip come off as dimwitted enough to need things she should already know explained to her, just so the audience can understand what's going on? I'm giving her travels across the Equestrian Wasteland the most badly fitting overworld theme I can think of until she can do something that legitimately impresses me.
Knows of Princess Luna and grew up in a Vault. Cannot recognize reference towards the Elements of Harmony. Wasteland Savior
Have high Intelligence and above-average Perception. Act surprised when shot for wearing raider armor. Wasteland Savior
If Littlepip's near gone into shock from getting shot so much, how come all her narration for this scene is still coherent, let alone so wordy? Okay, maybe it's not fair of me to single out this one fight, but damn near everything I've read so far has felt emotionally detached from the action shown, even if it probably wasn't supposed to be.
Littlepip used Confuse on enemy Caravan Guard. “Shoot at me all you want, but if you attack that family, I will! End! You!”
It's super effective! Enemy Caravan Guard is confused. “Ah ain’t the one attackin’ that caravan! You are!”
Isn't it funny how a trained army dude with extensive knowledge of how energy weapons work can fall for somebody in a raider suit saying they're not a raider? Sure, that actually is the case this time, but how else can Littlepip get bailed out of the corner she's been written into? At least Arcade Gannon Calamity can't be all that bad, if he can give Littlepip the Educated Egghead perk by shooting her full of holes.
Chapter Five: Pony vs. Chimera - Requiem
I'm not entirely sure how long it's been since Littlepip left Ponyville to visit that abandoned factory, but those half-dead captives she freed must really get good mileage if they can get back to Megaton New Appleoosa unharmed and tell everybody what she looks like. I'm guessing that's how some kid tagging along with the caravan was able to not mistake her for some other raider with... ah... what does Littlepip look like? Not even if another character mentions her appearance in dialogue?
Okay, maybe I'm being a bit unfair on saying New Appleoosa is Megaton, even if the place has Lucas Simms Railright, Craterside Supply Absolutely Everything, and Moriarty's Turnpike Tavern. There's a little bit of Shady Sands in this place - let's not forget about Razlo Candi and that nearby cave full of poisonous mutants harassing the town. I wouldn't be surprised if Calamity was partly based on Ian, at this point.
Come to think of it, just what the heck is with Calamity's accent? It's like he sounds like he's from Kentucky just because his brother's Col. Augustus Autumn Col. Autumn Leaf, nevermind how out of place that guy's accent was in Fallout 3. Will anybody reading this mind if I nickname Calamity Whistling Dixie?
If Moira Brown Derpy Ditzy Doo was able to survive the apocalypse and write the Wasteland Survival Guide, one of the few things I haven't seen crossed out and renamed, then just what the hell did she do to get stuffed in a cage out in raider country? As much as we'll probably never know, at least nothing can keep her down. [Insert Yamino joke here, you terrible person, you].
Just who is backing the value of caps in Equestria, anyway? Remember how in the first two games, big cities like The Hub, The Den, and New Reno said those things were worth something? Even out east in the Mojave, caps were good money likely because of House's influence in Vegas. Here, it's more like caps because "this is ttly Fallout, lol", nevermind how the only place that seems big enough and influential enough to back caps takes orders from Red Eye. You know, the guy nearly everyone else hates for running a slaver joint.
Why caps for money in Equestria? Just how did the average earth pony or pegasus open a bottle with their teeth before the apocalypse? Were ringpulls a choking hazard for foals?
At least Littlepip's Stable utility barding is now much more stable an armor now than before, going by that lowercase s she gave it in the narration. I swear, it's like this stuff keeps jumping out at me, demanding my attention.
Get asked to closeVault 15's Stable 24's front door. Forget to ask what creatures occupy the place. Wasteland Savior
Those creatures in Stable 24, and forgive me if I have to catch my breath halfway through the description, are what you get after filling a blender with the wanamingos in Redding, cazadores, the mole rats in Vault 15, and the Gary clones in Vault 108. None of these mutants plaguing Equestria can swim, despite their cave's entrance being right in front of a river, and the writing's being vague on whether the path from the cave got swept up in this chapter's rainstorm or if the path naturally eroded long beforehand.
I don't even know what Crane and the other New Appleoosans are doing that's so important, they haven't already closed the door to Stable 24 long before Littlepip left Stable 2. But I digress on this bit of cheap padding.
Stuck in Vault full of dangerous and unknown mutant beasts until the rain stops. Leave safe position by entrance to go sight-seeing. Wasteland Savior
Sure, all of Stable 2's textbooks are over a generation old, but Velvet Remedy knew about the Ministry of Peace. Did she read it from something else, or are these books over a generation old by Stable reckoning? I don't enjoy the thought of maybe having to take back one of those Wasteland Savior quips.
Do you remember how the Vault experiments were -at first- secretly intended to troubleshoot possible problems with space travel? No, really, there's a lot of interesting stuff in the design notes for Van Buren. And then Fallout 3 happened, making some experiments wacky and nonsensical in context - what else can I call the hypnotic suggestion super-soldier Vault or the hallucinogenic gas Vault? Hell, even New Vegas had stupid Vaults like the "sacrifice somebody every year or else you will all die" Vault or the Vault built around gambling.
Here, the Stable experiments are intended to make ponies nicer and more peaceful. Don't ask me how having men run Stable 24 is by itself capable of stopping war - I don't even know how an idea like Prince Celest lasted longer than five minutes before somebody wrote or said otherwise. Why does Stable-Tec even need these wacky experiments, when they can be upfront about how terrible war is? Please don't tell me we need the Stable experiments "because this is ttly Fallout, lol".
If we're going to skip to the end of a fight with about six chimera -and I say "about" very loosely because "several" jumping on Calamity now apparently just means "three" - then why would we gloss over a fight against nine more of them? At least none of these things were given two different names like that girl Quanta, who accidentally created the original chimera. Is that girl's full name Quanta Roe, or did somebody make a mistake in editing this?
If it took Littlepip two hours to get past a mass of creatures who conveniently can't smell her or see whatever light her PipBuck's sensors must be giving off for her to read it, I'd like to know how long the return trip took. It's not like the Stable clinic might have a ventilation shaft chimeras could go through to attack Calamity again when she's not looking, or that she's got about four or five hours tops to get back. Even with the antidote to chimera poison, wouldn't the eggs in Calamity's neck still kill him, anyway?
Maybe I can explain this one. Perhaps the guy lucked out just enough to not get any eggs in his neck, or a male chimera bit him. Just about anything would make more sense than the antidote to poison somehow also magically killing bug eggs.
Oh, well. At least we didn't gloss over the big climax of Littlepip flooding Stable 24 and drowning the chimeras all that much. Sure, this story's already over a thousand pages long, but actually seeing that would have been cool, ya know?
What's a paladin?