Burrconium Encounters Pony Fallout, Part 8

Sorry this one took so long - modding Fallout 3 with the GECK tool can't give ammunition weight, I've got no clue how to make perks adjust the interface like New Vegas' Living Anatomy, and scaling back the perk rate to every other level sounds like it'd require messing with DAT files. Maybe I'd have better luck teaching myself actual programming and making a fangame from scratch with FIFE.

Chapter 17: "Go, My Robo-Owls! Hoot at Them in the Name of Pinkie Pie!"

Did you know that Monterey Jack's the scum of the earth for trying to steal water while stranded in the middle of raider country? The fiend, thinking his own children's safety matters more than good manners! Thank goodness we have pill-popping assassins like Littlepip to put him in his place, when she's not stealing from orphans or ditching work to go skirt-chasing.

Stealing is wrong... when stealing from Littlepip. Wasteland Savior

Play devil's advocate for wild child. Monterey Jack can go pound sand for less. Element of Kindness, even if this one's a chapter early

Idolize lady who healed even enemies. Cannot empathize with Monterey Jack on any level. Element of Kindness

Sure, stealing is wrong, and the law in Tenpony is what it is for a reason, but I'm astonished at how far Lolpip goes dragging Monterey Jack's name through the mud. Not even him getting the last laugh makes sitting through it any easier, and KKat's damn lucky I'm being nice enough to not bother asking how slavers nabbed this guy in the first place or even how he's got cheese for a special talent in the Equestrian Wasteland.

"Disapprove of Steel Rangers hoarding tech for themselves. Does nothing with intact pre-war library. Element of Honesty, even if this one's a chapter early.

On second thought, maybe Homage worked out a deal with Ditzy's publisher, and makes enough on gratis to afford paying rent as two separate people. I can't imagine how else she'd get that kind of money without blowing her cover, let alone wonder who'd pay DJ Pon3 to be DJ Pon3.

"Sometimes being honest means knowing when not to be." Honesty means lying when convenient. Element of Honesty

Maybe Homage can float some caps towards paying my hospital bill after dropping exposition on my head like a twelve-pound bowling ball. No way we're not going to Splendid Valley or encountering Taint in all its rainbow-colored horror. Here's a hint: it's the pony FEV, and what it does Taint pretty. No way we're not gonna find out why Grayditch Gutterville fell off the radar. In fact, Calamity can chip in with all his talk about how the Enclave's never coming down from the sky.

Have high Intelligence, above-average Perception, and Science as Tag Skill. Waste ammo shooting more robot owls when telekinesis can wreck internal components. Wasteland Savior

Oh, well. At least the image of Velvet Remedy trying to shake a robot off her horn actually got me to crack a smile, even if coming only two minutes before a dead and tired cliche like her going on the warpath after robots singe her hair. Bad news is, even that's easier to swallow than Red Eye saying "icing on the cupcake" during a serious speech on racial tolerance, and that part's not coming up for a long time.

Loot Pinkie Pie's skeleton for a magical statue of her friend. Expect that miserable crank Burrconium to feel sorrow after talk of hot-air balloons with her face on them. "Best fanfic evar!1"

Make Burrconium notice fight-scenes without endings. Mess with him and skip some beginnings and middles in Ministry building. "Best fanfic evar!1"

I don't know why Lolpip would ever need to carry around Pinkie's last message, but it's not like she'll somehow meet Twilight Sparkle centuries after the apocalypse, right? When you write an alicorn Twilight that makes Magical Mystery Cure's setup less ridiculous by comparison, something's gone horribly wrong.

For those of you who played Fallout 3, do you remember how places like the Red Racer tricycle factory don't even have a reason to go there? Turns out the Red Racer tricycle scooter factory doesn't, right down to The Surgeon crossed with an evil Dr. Lesko crossed with Dr. Sebastian from Van Buren that ghoul scientist with all the manticores. Come to think of it, this guy's experiments make more sense than The Surgeon's, and him playing with IMP's easier to excuse than Lesko somehow ever getting FEV. How many other places besides Mariposa Maripony held that stuff, anyway?

Have high Intelligence. Play chicken with own Stealth Boy StealthBuck and lose. Wasteland Savior

Unless there's something I'm missing, did Peek-A-Boo just break continuity so Scootaloo can rant about becoming The Villain of the Piece or whatever? I think I can explain this one - maybe the bug's the actual recorder part, and somebody rigged it to record without an actual person's perspective. Who am I kidding - this whole thing's a first draft at best and it shows. Only reason I'm still doing this and not giving an actual review after so much as Part 3's because I promised myself into a corner and a man's word is his honor.

Chapter 18...?

On second thought, I'm starting to see all kind of things taken a bit too closely from the actual games, even for a story running on outright copypasta...

“Got a question for all you faithful listeners. Have any of you mares or bucks ever seen… a ghost? ‘Now, DJ Pon3!’ I hear ya say. ‘There’s no such thing as ghosts! Been ghost stories about Manehattan ever since my grandmother’s grandmother was a filly, and no pony’s ever actually seen one. Ghost stories are all made up, y’know!’ Well, now what if I, DJ Pon3, your voice in the wasteland, were to tell you that I have seen a ghost? And I don’t mean heroic Stable Dwellers who miraculously survive falling off cliffs in trains, not this time.

“Now, it was several years ago, and I had just gotten myself out of a tight spot with one of those manticores, so I was ridin’ Dash and Stampede at the time. But she was there, Celestia’s honest truth. Never seen her again, or found the exact spot I’d stumbled onto. But there are more crazy things in this wild wasteland than you’d believe.”

"Here's a question for all you faithful listeners. Have you guys and gals ever seen… a tree? No, no, no! Not those shriveled-up black things! I'm talking real trees: brown bark, green leaves, photosynthesis, all that good stuff. Now what if I, the all-powerful Three Dog, bow-wow-wow, were to tell you that somewhere right here in the Capital Wasteland is a place with lots of trees? A veritable oasis of green in that depressing sea of brown? Look, it was years ago, and I may have been experimenting with Jet at the time, but I'm telling you; it's out there."

“How did the much-deified Princess Celestia and Princess Luna allow our land to become like this? How did the mares of the Ministries allow the greatest and most glorious nation in the world to die in balefire and agony? The answer is quite simple.

“Incompetence.

“For generations, the hard-working ponies of Equestria toiled to build this great land, and the leaders sat back and reaped the benefits. And not only them, but a great majority of ponies throughout the land. They enjoyed the fruits of hard labor without lifting a hoof themselves. They lay back, slept on clouds, idled their days away like parasites feeding on the sweat of the workers. Workers like you. Workers like me.

“They became selfish and lazy. And laziness, my little ponies, breeds stupidity.

"How did it come to this, America? How did your leaders allow the most powerful nation on Earth… to die? The answer is really quite simple.

"Incompetence. Incompetence at the highest echelons of power. We put our trust, our faith, in halfwits. Our intrepid leaders had everything they wanted - power, wealth, prestige - and it made them lazy, America. Oh yes. And laziness breeds stupidity.

“What is Unity?”
[...]
"Unity is you. Unity is your family. Your mother and father. Your brothers and sisters. Or, at least, it will be. I have seen it. And yes, Unity will be me as well. But for now, I am merely its, and thus your, humble servant. The Goddess has gifted me with the vision of Unity, and it is She who will bring peace to this troubled land.

"Let's talk about government, shall we? Or, more specifically, your government, dear America - the Enclave. Just who is the Enclave? Why, that's simple. The Enclave is you, America. The Enclave is your sister, your aunt, your friend, your neighbor. And, well, yes... the Enclave is me, as well. Ha ha ha.

"As your President, it's my responsibility to preside over our great democracy. So, as your President, I am the voice, I am the heart and soul, of the Enclave. That is to say, I am the voice, heart, and soul... of America. But only together - together- can we hope to reach our full potential. The way we were before the war: whole, beautiful, powerful. One Enclave, one America, now and forever."

"It is he who brought me the vision of the Unity and it is he who will bring peace to this troubled land."

“Gizmo, escort our uninvited guest out" [...] "Preferably through a window"

"Izo, escort our guest out . . . through the window."

Looks like the deal's off, then. As much as I speak of KKat like a bad joke for being a bad joke, I absolutely have to draw the line at plagiarizing dialogue. Who wants to bet how vicious the actual review will be when I stop clowning around?

<<FIRST <PREV