I just don't know anymore · 9:07pm Apr 2nd, 2013

My mind is racing, it always has, but racing towards what, or against whom? I've never been able to answer this, I gave myself false answers that I believed in but now... now I'm accepting that there is nothing I can suffice as an answer.

I feel like I'm losing my mind, each day is part of a different reality and my mind is swapped between them every day, I'm careful about who I talk to now because of it, unsure of who I'm friends with in this reality or enemies in the next. I know the problem is not telling the real one apart from the rest, but the ability to know which one I am in, every day it's the same face but a new name, everyday the same class but different students, everyday it's the same people but different allegiances. I just can't keep this going.

I've always been a fan of mental diseases, they've interested me since I was a kid, is this even real what I am experiencing or my mind making its own twisted fantasy that I'll end up laughing about either way?

Paranoia has been with me since I was a child, I guess that's making this even more difficult because I barely trust anyone with my mental problems, these intrusive thoughts, seeing the red eyed man, they all take part every day of my life and there's nothing I want more than help.

Sometimes help never comes, so I put this smile on my face, pretend like I know what's going on, but I'm always clueless.
I just want to break these shackles.

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