Jan
13th
2013
Regarding From Skies Above · 11:56pm Jan 13th, 2013
First off, FSA is coming to a close. I'm going to try my hardest to get the next chapter released within the next four days, but if I fail, there'll be more waiting. At the end of the week I'm heading out for a two week holiday to somewhere where internet access is very hard to come by, so the chances I'll be online are slim to none.
Now, with that out of the way, I'd like to hear something from you lot. If From Skies Above were to be completely rewritten, what thing(s) would you want to change and why?
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Sparklight · 916 views
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Number one request would be that Murphy needs to stop working overtime. Not everything has to go wrong.
What above poster said. Needs more happy things to happen. I like happy things.
less overtime for Murphy, repercutions for the gryphons and the ones who killed Ryan (I think that was his name) If he dies in the rewrite.
this would be alot more detailed but my pc died and typeing with a ps3 sucks
If anything, I thought that killing off Ryan may not have been the best move.
Can't really say for sure, though, since that was somewhat early on. Had things been different (e.g. Ryan being kept alive), the story might be in a worse state.
...Meh. Whatever you go with, I'll still be happy reading it.
Ryan's use as a character was simply wasted. Either have him survive the assassination attempt or don't have him survive his trip off the cliff.
north Ireland?
On the serious part, revenge on the gryphons by destroying most of the gryphon population and enslave/recruit the rest and maybe get a little more converstion between the ponies and humans before it all goes to shit
I have to agree with the other posters in that Ryan's subplot didn't go anywhere.
Either have him die at the cliff, survive the assassination attempt or continue it in an investigation subplot or something. Right now it feels a little bit like...say...in Avatar (James Cameron's) Jake fails to bond with his flying mount, falls off and dies after about a third of the movie and the story continues without him...
I think you made all the sides act rather idiotically just to drive the plot forward and it came off as unnatural.
In addition, the sheer amount of things that went wrong really stretched the suspension of disbelief.
OK...Here we go...
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There needs to be more interaction between the Humans and ponies. By the looks of it, everything kind of began fading out after Ryan's death. It was just garbage after the encounter in Canterlot with the humans. You need to:
-Straighten out Ryan's plot, kill him asap or, make him important.
My thoughts, have him survive, then when humans come, they occupy Canterlot, Ryan comes out and starts talking to the cap, who agrees to meet w/Celestia. The rest, up to you. Alt, Humans send something like this: http://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=112610 To break him out.
Out of all the stuff I've seen (in real life) military doesn't even bother with hostage situations. They send soldiers to take blow the enemy to pieces.
-Yeah, the part w the dragons. dump that. It seemed kind of pointless to me.
-Griffons, they seem under powered. At certain points the story was just a slaughter fest. 500 pound lion eagles seem like they should be stronger.
- Also pony force fields can't stop bullets?
-Personal pet peeve of mine, Ponies get a hold of human tech/humans just give tech to ponies. It works the other way around too. Humans suddenly using magic? no. please don't.
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That's all I got for now. I'll have more once I re-read the story.
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Sorry if it seemed harsh, I'm pretty blunt about things,
I can't really say much without sounding redundant so I'm just going to agree with most posters here.
I say sequel.
Honestly, I thought it worked fine. It was nice to see a series of screw-ups and problems for a change, and as much as things did go wrong it really felt natural with most of the conflict being caused by your Griffon's cultural norms and the political tension between them and Equestria. Murphy really did not need to do much to send things downhill in the climate you created with the most egregious case being the photographer at the end, but even then the odds of that going off without major bloodshed were virtually nonexistent so it just added flavor to what was otherwise a forgone conclusion.
I would much rather see you focus your energy on a sequel with the human's inevitable return because this is an amazing opportunity for them even with how badly things went the first time. It should also be interesting because they will be coming in fully armed, ready for a fight, and probably planning on capturing a settlement so they can safely interrogate the locals because experience has shown that talking is a bad idea. The other thing that makes this a lot of fun is that given what they have seen so far and the wonderful defensive terrain, Canterlot is going to be their most likely target and there will be nothing the ponies can do to protect their capitol, especially after the humans break out their real weapons.
More human interaction, for one. Maybe find out why they are running, and from what.
Not a thing. Its pefect the way it is.
718803
Let me help you with that.
images2.alphacoders.com/112/112610.jpg
Now THAT is epic.
765795
Help me with what?
If you're talking bout the image, thanks, if you mean something else...
766799
Nope just the image.
There need to be more images. Also during my reread, I couldn't help but notice that the pictures look like they were all done by the ponies, and even from their PoV. =3 Was that on purpose?
I don't think it needs to be rewritten. It's one of the few stories I actually enjoy.
There are a few typos and atleast one misplaced comma. The only thing I would change is Money Shot taking pictures from the human's PoV, since it is hard to know what is happening and suddenly everyone is shooting, cept it's only the ponies attacking. I figured out what happened from the other PoVs though so no biggie.