So, I’m having a few issues. · 9:58am Nov 23rd, 2023
Well, this kinda stinks. The main issue I’m having with writing This Stinks is finding some way to top every chapter in terms of jokes, general humor and wackinessz Stinkifying Stinky. Just all that fun stuff.
I also have to do this while keeping Stinky not only in character, but also while making sure it makes some lick of sense. Like how Stinky knows how to use an oven better than anybody with a crown on their head because of his job at a cafe.
Or how Skitters kicks stallions in the balls for trying to stare at her butt.
You know stuff like that.
That being said, with this story arc, I hope to:
Make Stinky Stinky the fuck out of places.
The story arc really has no character build up, it’s just gonna be Stinky doing his changeling stuff and having people react to it.
Also, this arc is mainly to help spice things up; I can only think of so many dumb things Stinky can do while stuck inside of a castle.
So, I have the first thousand words of the next chapter written, so since you all had to hear a sleep deprived, young adult ramble for however long… here is the next chapter’s first draft.
I was staring down at a griffin, his belly was cut open, and I had a pair of cooking tongues. The inside of him was… very different from the inside of a changeling. For instance, his stomach was huge and he had red blood. He also had this white, solid stuff, whatever that was, so I removed those.
I had recently gotten a job in this place called Griffonia as a ‘Royal Doctor’ somehow. So, I was giving an operation on the King, currently since he recently got crushed by a chandelier. Now, the problem was, he had three broken ribs, and all his legs were broken. I was supposed to put a cast on him, but I was left alone to ‘focus’ on the king.
Oh whoops, I’m getting ahead of myself again. So this all started shortly after I got done taking a bath in the lake I wanted to swim in.
I had crawled out of a hole that I dug for myself for the night. I don’t think I’m in Appleloosa anymore, since Luna would’ve come and grabbed me in the middle of the night. And there were no apples, ponies, and there were a bunch of griffins staring down at me. They were looking into my hole and were shouting at me to come on out. They had crossbows, knives and clubs. I, being a smart changeling, slowly backed away from them when they started demanding money from me.
And ran when they started telling me to hold still. When they took flight, I rolled my eyes. If only I had wings so I could fly away. I ran into the nearby forest and had managed to lose sight of them. I didn’t stop running for six hours until I managed to reach a town full of… weird looking lions. They look like their mothers, or fathers, suck at seeing things and mate with a bird here and there. The lions were all half bird, half cat. Maybe I can… oh a poster! I like those. It was… a poster of a birdcat that had a crown.
“Hail to King Scar, bow down to his might, or die.”
Oh… he’s a dictator. Oh well, not my problem. I happily walked around until… I need food. How do I get food? I could get money to pay for the food, or I could get love. Every single birdcat here tastes like they’re all depressed, sad, lonely, and are going to die alone. Maybe because they’re ruled over by a dictator in what might possibly be a city state. I want dinner, I want to obtain something to eat, and I don’t think I can eat any rocks here without getting killed.
So maybe I can get a job somewhere! That’ll solve my food problems!
The following program is a series of interviews that Stinky partook in while searching for a job. If you are allergic to Stinky being an idiot, do not read forward… still here? Well, you have been warned.
“Why should I hire you?” A female griffin asked. She worked for a grocery store, and was one of the few griffins willing to hire me. I tilted my head. “Okay, that question has an obvious reason; you need money. Why do you want to work for me?”
“I’ve never been in a grocery store before. I always lived with a pony named Luna, another I call Tia, and I live way in somewhere down in Equestria.”
“Ah, so a predator wants to get away from prissy little ponies!” The hen threw her arms in the air. “I like you already. What is your work background?”
“I used to shovel coal, move carts full of coal, carts of dead changelings that are about to get tossed in a river. Sometimes I have to mine stone with my teeth to get at the raw ores the Hive needed to survive and thrive. I also worked in a cafe where I was a perfectly adequate employee that met expectations but didn’t exceed. Once I talked to this pony cloud named Sombra, and we had a nice, long talk about politics.”
“What the fuck are you on about?”
“I don’t know. Am I hired?”
“Maybe…”
Two hours later
“You had a two hour shift, and all you had to do was cash out customers’ items…” My new boss stared at a piece of paper. “And you didn’t make a single one of them pay!?” She shouted. My ears hurt. “How the buck do you not know the basics of trade. Customers have money, we have food they want and need, customers give money, we give them food! How do-”
“What’s money? It sounds bad.” The griffin twitched. “Like it sounds like it would make a lot of people evil and cause more problems than it solves.”
…
…
“You’re fucking fired.” That wasn’t family friendly.
So, after my first job as a cashier ended up with me getting fired, I went out into the streets of… wherever I am, just sniffing random things. I sniffed and sniffed, and ended up getting hired as a waiter at a restaurant. It was great, I could feed on ambient love, I can get money to get on a train again, and I can get free food.
It was going great by the way, somebody named Scar walked in and had ordered a nice, juicy steak. Since the current chef was… on break, I decided to take up cooking. I’ve baked cakes before, what is so different about cooking meat? I stuck it in the over after covering it yeast for ten minutes.
It was still pink, but it was lightly breaded now, so you couldn’t see the rawness off it.
“Stinky,” my new boss asked, a male griffin that looked like a noble in Canterlot. “Why are you in the kitchen, cooking a steak?”
“The chef was on break,” I said, tilting my head. “So somebody had to cook a steak, since I live with ponies, my experience isn’t very large, but following instructions is easy.” I didn’t have any instructions.
“Well, hopefully King Scar enjoys his food.” My boss shook his head and walked out the door to the king.
King Scar left the restaurant… in a stretcher. The food was very undercooked and it gave him severe food poisoning.
So, I got fired again after the Scar guy got sick. So, I walked into the castle because they were hiring medical staff… I got interviewed and… here’s how it went:
“What is your experience?” The secretary, and my future boss asked. “Do you know how to perform surgeries?”
I then proceeded to list off every single animal that Queen Chrysalis bisected and went into full detail about what was inside each animal, along with a very detailed description of what is inside of a changeling. Right down to the color of the blood to the size of the organ. The interviewer looked shocked.
“I… do you know how to give surgeries to griffins?”
“No!”
“I can’t give you a job…”
initiating serious Stinky…
“Give me a job or I will give you surgery…” The interviewer started shaking in her boots. Whatever boots were. I pulled out a fork. “And I will do it just like how momma taught me how to cut open a creature you don’t know the insides of…
i might interlace various moments of Skitters and Queen Flarial yelling at ponies/whatever the fuck whenever they find the town Stinky is in… only for Stinky to somehow leave the exact moment his family comes into town.
Would Stinky have trouble differentiating between the fantasy of an Ogres and Oubliettes game and reality? Being convinced of a DnD plot and saving his damsel from some imaginary distress and disaster that is real but no one knew about seems like it’d be up his alley. “You did what to which country?”
“Idk but they’ll be paying you tribute from now on. Whatever that means. Issues averted. Also the curse. And that other thing.”
What would happen if Stinky followed Twilight through the Mirror? Or helped Starlight with her village? “Changelings don’t have cutie marks… unless we change…”
Well the first part with the store was good but the rest was not. Stinky doesn't have much of mean bone in his body so actually threatening someone doesn't sound like him.