Status update part 2 · 7:46pm Aug 12th, 2023
Well, I'm alive.
Thank you to those of you who offered support in the blog I posted earlier. I know it was a bit of a rant blog and there wasn't really much anyone could do for me, but just knowing that that support was there helped me a lot.
For everyone who was worried about my cat, I have good news: he seems to be doing better now. He's back to being his grouchy old self, demanding food, batting everyone's ankles as we walk past him, and spending hours grooming his fur to keep it looking spotless and prove his magnificence to all of us. My family suspect he ate something poisonous as he's an ex-street cat and he still tends to go hunting for mice in the nearby fields. He probably caught a mouse that had already been poisoned.
In regards to the leaky living room ceiling, it's still raining indoors. The plumber found that the hot and cold water pumps for upstairs are both leaking and need replacing, but apparently there are other pipes leaking as well. It's kind of a mess, and an expensive one at that, but it should be covered by the insurance.
Earlier, my parents took the whole family to the local swimming pool, where they have - lo and behold - a shower block. I no longer smell like semi-digested cat food. I usually hate public toilets and changing rooms and all of those types of facilities, but I was grateful to just have the opportunity to be clean - after we messed around in the pool for a while, of course.
I'm exhausted. Besides getting myself together to go to the swimming pool, I haven't done much today because I've been so tired. I really need to catch up on my sleep and then maybe assess my mental state at a time when I'm not sleep-deprived. It's probably not as bad as I'm telling myself it is, and if even if it's not great, I've been on the waiting list for long enough and I'll be speaking to a psychologist next Tuesday. Something else I probably need to do is put my phone as far away from my bed as possible at night. I don't want to be tempted to stay on there for hours, because that makes you tired and you're less happy when you're tired.
Basically, I'm alive. Thank you, everyone.
~ Angel
At least you have an appointment with a psychologist soon.
It's an important step, believe it or not. Some people seem to think that therapists can do little more than give encouragement, but honestly? If you get a good one and work on getting better yourself as well, it can really all do wonders.
I'm cheering for you.
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Oh, it's been a long journey to getting any kind of help. The psychologist I'm speaking to next week is up in London. Some guy from the hospital phoned me a couple of times last month to refer me to some local services as well - mind, he didn't actually end up referring me to the services and just emailed me the forms for me to do so myself. I'm a bit miffed that he didn't do what he's being paid to do and left it up to a not-very-mentally-okay teenager to go through all of the paperwork and try to write about what the problem is without triggering any flashbacks, but my name's not Karen so I'm just doing what needs to be done to get the help I need. With any luck, I should be able to find a good psychologist who can give me some guidance on how to live my life without being burdened by the memories of some of the things that have happened to me and the dark thoughts that come with those memories, even if the actual problem is something I've been told is unlikely to go away.
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Go away entirely? It probably is unlikely, yes; but with the right person, there is a considerable likelyhood of the problem becoming at least bearable, I'd say.
It's generally easier to treat well-established disorders than things like trauma; I should know, I was at one point facing both. I think I've told you already, but I have OCD, which by now has been almost completely banished out of my mind by appropriate medication and therapy.
But for trauma, flashbacks, depressive states? There is barely any universal medication for much of it, and therapy is often highly personalised. The first therapist I've been referred to straight-up said he wouldn't work with me because the case was too complicated and severe; he wasn't up to the task. But the second psychologist I met with - the one I have up to this day - has been a godsend for me.
I'm just glad my parents have handled, or helped me handle, most of the paperwork. Social isolation and lack of independence is one of my biggest unresolved issues, and I doubt I'd have been able to do it all on my own, haha.