The Writing of The Bonds of Love (Chapter Seven: Pride) · 2:00am Apr 24th, 2023
Alternate Title: Identity — I’ll explain why later.
Oh, this chapter… Ch.7(Pride) had the most radically alternate version of all the chapters after Ch.4(Optimism), thanks predominantly to it suffering the most from the personality issue getting axed. I’m not entirely satisfied with what I ultimately settled on, but I still think it’s a good chapter.
Let’s get into it!
~ The Aftermath of Burnout ~
Since I absolutely hated having to prolong Gallus’ issues last chapter, I made sure to immediately show him finally getting over them; thus, Gallus admitted to Ocellus he didn’t want to be a scientist, and I also slipped in the “Not feeling guilty in the slightest” descriptor to hammer it in that Gallus’ character development stuck this time. Of course, just because he’s making some improvement doesn’t mean he’s entirely better, but thankfully, as Sky Ash put it:
Gallus is making another important turn for the better, as he finally realizes that he, in fact, matters.
From there, I go through the motions of bringing up the “Gallus’ Future” subplot, only for Gallus to put it off until he’s in a better state of mind.
We then tackle another subplot in Gallus sharing the wisdom he got from Princess Luna to Ocellus since she’s had her own mini-arc concerning her anxiety over doing well at the Fair. Two quick callbacks to the Kindness Lesson they quoted last chapter and Perfection: The Impossible Pursuit, and then Silver shows up.
I, meanwhile, took a break from writing. Apparently, I hated dealing with that burnout junk so much, I speed-wrote Ch.6(Stagnation) and was around a week ahead of the deadline for the next chapter’s due date. And while I wanted to capitalize on that, I couldn’t. I needed some time to rest and regain my motivation and energy. So, once I finished up Gallus and Ocellus’ conversation, I took a break.
That break was supposed to only last for a few days, but it actually lasted well over that week of time I was ahead, so I ended up falling behind schedule and had to jump right back into writing and finish this chapter as fast as I could.
Thankfully, itreally helped me get back into the groove, so writing came easily, and even more thankfully, I never suffered any more similar burnout issues from this chapter till the very end of T.B.O.L. And boy am I grateful for that. 
~ The Science Fair ~
Having hyped up the Science Fair for so long, it didn’t feel right to show nothing more than Gallus and Ocellus’ project, so I had Silverstream swoop in and invite him on a pseudo-date and had the Fair take place outside rather than inside the School. But of course, I didn’t want Gallus to be a jerk, so before he goes, he makes sure Ocellus is okay with him going with Silver which, of course, she is.
The lovebirds then venture off, and naturally, I wanted the two to have some quick dialogue before exploring the Fair. Thus, Gallus talks to Silverstream about talking to Ocellus, and Silver both references Yona’s line about anticipation and continues the “Just stating a fact” joke.
When Gallus admitted he was scared of hurting Ocellus’ feelings—the reason he never told her about not wanting to be a scientist before—I was tempted to have Silver respond with more “You can’t bottle up your feelings” stuff. But well? I may have gotten past the burnout, but I was still sick of constantly retreading that particular story beat which is why throughout the chapter Gallus acknowledges:
“But it probably would have been better if I had just told her a long time ago. You know? Instead of sitting on it for weeks.”
And then says:
“Yeah, I’ve really got to get a handle on that.”
And even later mentions this:
“We both know it’s not good to let problems bottle up, and I like to think I finally got that lesson drilled into my head.”
Yeah, if my rant about the last chapter wasn’t enough, you can definitely tell from these lines that I was fed up with constantly making Gallus and Silverstream bottle up their feelings, despite knowing better.
After reassuring one last time that, yes, Gallus’ character development was sticking this time, it was onto a happier scene: Gallus and Silver going about the Fair and having fun.
The entire Fair scene itself—from when Gallus and Ocellus are setting up their table to the medal awarding ceremony—had a starkly different, half-thought-through alternate version. We’ll go over itsoon, but let’s first discusshow the Fair truly went.
Remember that part of A.D.F.F. where I briefly described Gallus and Silverstream checking out all the attractions? Well, I tried to capture a similar style to that segment, so I settled for summarizing most of the Fair exploration in paragraphs instead of a thorough showcase. And I prefer it that way; I had already went out of my way to give the Drama Club their own unique personalities, and I did not feel up to doing the same for the Science Club.
Speaking of which, I obviously couldn’t recycle the Drama Club characters for the projects, so it was back to the MLP Character Wiki for me.
For Berry Bliss and Citrine Sparks’ project, I initially wanted to give them a project rooted more in magic, like Gallus and Ocellus’ project, but I didn’t want to go through the hassle of explaining it. So I instead went the comedic route and had them make a giant mountain of rock candy. Why candy? Because of Berry Bliss’ name. You know? “Berry.” “Blueberry.” “Blueberry candy.” You get it.
A similar situation happened with Soaring Virtue. Why was her project on flight methods? Because her name is “Soaring Virtue.” Also, I had established one of Silver’s favorite things was flying, so I figured she’d be interested in the mechanics behind flight.
While we’re on the subject of Silver’s love of flying, I had been flirting with the idea of writing a scene of Gallus and Silverstream going on a relaxing flight over Ponyville together, but I had long given up that idea by this point. Couldn’t figure out what they would talk about while also advancing the main plot. Soaring Virtue’s project was the best compromise I could make at the time.
Lighthoof and her kinetic sculpture became a thing, however, because oftwo reasons. Firstly, I think kinetic sculptures are cool and wanted somepony to make one for the Fair. And secondly, I wanted every project to be rooted in its own field of science, and they are.
Berry and Citrine: Chemistry(With a touch of Alchemy).
Soaring Virtue: Aeronautics.
Lighthoof: Engineering.
Slate Sentiments: Geology.
November Rain: Meteorology.
Gallus/Ocellus: Sorcery.
Sandbar: Biology.
And Smolder’s would have been about Astronomy had she completed it.
So yeah. That’s a cool detail I sneaked in there, don’t ya think? 
Getting back on topic, I accidentally read(And wrote) Slate Sentiments’ name as Slate Sedimentswhich is why geology became the subject of his particular project. Also, I wasn’t about to pass up the chance to reference Maud Pie in the story; in fact, Maud was going to cameo here and help Slate explain the project. However, I thought it’d mean more for Slate to have done the project entirely by himself, so I settled for Maud simply helping him with his research instead of being a proper project partner.
And I’ve already explained why November’s interest was in weather magic; though there are some things I wanted to add:
#1) The “Tablecloth Clouds” November made—I only included them because I had watched a Daily Dose of Internet video where the same type of clouds were seen, and I thought they were cool. I can’t for the life of me remember which video it was, though.
And #2) Remember Rarity’s line in Ch.2(Reprieve) about November’s bottles hinting at the importance of recycling? I wanted to have November incorporate that into his project—I.E. His main project was weather magic, but he’d have a little side project about recycling off to the side—but I couldn’t figure out how to write it into the scene and still feel natural, so I nixed the idea.
That said? This is canon. November did consider including a part about recycling in his project because of what Rarity said(Hence, his thoughtful expression upon her first saying it), but he couldn’t figure out how to do it and just settled for the weather stuff, subsequently returning his extra bottles last chapter.
Sadly, I can’t have the good times last indefinitely. So after Gallus compliments his project, November compliments him back, and Gallus-Stream plan to check out Sandbar’s project, we get the unfortunate reminder that Smolder had a project too.
And because others would realistically notice Smolder’s been acting strangely, November points out exactly that, clearly worried about his fellow Science Clubber and friend. Thankfully, as he also acknowledges, Gallus and Silver know her better than he does, so surely! Surely, they’ll be able to help her.
And that’s just what they go on to do, though not without hesitation. Silver is still reeling from her encounter with Smolder, and while a soiree through the Fair with her boyfriend was enough to distract her from her heartache, she and Gallus both know not to let problems bottle up anymore.
So, while Gallus does the good boyfriend thing and offers to spend the day with her instead of dealing with Smolder, Silver declines. Also yes, the thing she was going to tell Gallus here was about her confrontation with Smolder, but she ultimately decided against it—A hint that Gruff’s words later on hold a glimmer of truth. Gallus then heads off to talk to Smolder, trusting Silver will be alright.
…
Yeah, Silverstream is very much not alright and seeks out comfort from Yona. Sandbar, of course, knows his girlfriend enough to know from a glance that she wants to speak with Silver alone, so he takes off. We then get a retread of Silver and Yona’s conversation in Ch.4(Optimism), ending with a reference to the alternate half of A.D.F.F. and Gruff being brought up for effectively no reason.
Seriously, there’s no plot-based reason why they bring up Gruff here; we already know all this info about Gallus wanting Gruff there for the Fair and already suspecting Gruff isn’t there—which is later proven true. Resultantly, this part of the Silver/Yona scene feels like it’s only there to pad out the chapter length. It doesn’t help that Silver finds out about Gallus wanting Gruff to attend the play as well, but nothing ever comes of that particular revelation other than Silver ragging on Gruff for it.
Nevertheless, I still like this part. Even if it doesn’t quite the move the plot itself forward, of course Silverstream and Yona wouldtalk about Gruff and whether or not he was there—Gives ‘em some more character agency, anyway, that they’re thinking about these issues and trying to make a plan to address them. I could have handled it better, but it’s a minor thing, so I’m not too hung up over it.
Moving on, we catch up with Gallus and Smolder, and—you guessed it—we’ll talk about Smolder next chapter. This was merely another scene to show she’s coming back around; she’s now even able to talk to Gallus relatively casually, even mustering the courage to ask how he was doing.
And while we’re talking about this scene, I’d like to draw attention to this particular exchange:
“I’m great! Just a bit busy!” she yelped, straining to keep her smile. “How about you?”
“Eh, I’m hanging in there.” For some reason, that response seemed to make Smolder bite her lip nervously, so he added, “I’ve been a little busy myself.”
hanging in there
That line’s another DBZA reference, but I doubt Smolder found it all that humorous.
Another thing she didn’t find humorous was the idea of Vellum doing to Gallus what Shimmy told her he did to November. So, since Ialready wanted to drop more hints about her being concerned for Gallus’ mental well-being, I had Smolder ask about that particular matter.
And of course, Smolder’s later line about things being simpler in the Dragon Lands is foreshadowing to her conversation with Silverstream in Ch.10(Home).
I might as well also reveal this now: Smolder’s interest in astronomy came purely from her having a sextant in “The Last Problem.” Yep, her holding that one random item is what inspired me to have her adore astronomy which led to her joining the Science Club also. Though, if you’ve read the second and third chapters of A Dragon’s Fears—A story I co-wrote with Redsopine—you’ll know I expanded on her love of stars somewhat(Obviously, that story is entirely non-canon, but still).
Ocellus then makes good on her promise to find and bring Gallus back once the E.E.A. shows up, and Smolder tags along because she’s, as mentioned, coming back around.
Neighsay gets his cameo(The only reason the judges were from the E.E.A. was so he could have one), Ocellus gets proven right about the maximum passenger capacity issue, the other judges(Left nameless because I couldn’t find their names on the Wiki) rib each other about the old one dancing with Luna back in “A Canterlot Wedding,” and after that is award time.
Soaring got 3rd place just because; it could have gone to either her, Slate, or Lighthoof, but I simply chose her.
I considering actually giving November 1st place with Gallus and Ocellus getting 2nd place, both for realism’s sake and so November could have a victory of his own that wasn’t undercut by anyone or anything. Ultimately decided against it since I figured Gallus’ issue later would feel more impactful if he did win 1st place. So, uh, sorry about that November Rain fans. 
I did compromise and have the Drama Club rush up to give him their congratulations though, so at least he got something, even if it wasn’t 1st place.
But, since we brought up Gallus’ issue, we may as well talk about the Fair’s cut alternate version.
~ The Alternate Fair ~
There were a few different ways the alternate Fair was going to go, but this is the overall gist:
Gruff would show up and check out Gallus and Ocellus’ project, but he would be an absolute dk about it, making it clear he hated being there and didn’t think visiting Gallus or checking out the project was worth his time. He would even guilt-trip Gallus for asking him to be there and, of course, put his work on the project down.
Gallus would be completely heartbroken, but Neighsay, who had overhead everything since he and the other judges had been approaching their project, would be absolutely livid. He was then going to go off on Gruff, drawing a crowd of nearby ponies as he completely tore into the buzzard for treating Gallus so horribly and praising Gallus for being a “Hero of Equestria”; perhaps some of the nearby crowd would have even joined in the Gallus support as well.
Gruff would naturally argue back and drop the “Gallus doesn’t need to know I’m proud of him” line again which would further devastate Gallus. Some more arguing later and Cadence or Shining(Who had shown up to support the kid they were giving love advice to) stepping in, and eventually Gruff would just say, “Peck it!” and leave, not even sparing Gallus a glance.
Gallus would then skip out on the medal award ceremony and head off to the Treehouse to hide away from the world and wallow in his misery. Cadence, Shining, or Ocellus would then show up and give him basically the exact same therapy session he got from Ocellus in the final draft.
How all of this would have gone, all the minute details, how the rest of the Student Six would react to the situation, whether or not Smolder was still going to talk to Gallus; whether or not Gabby or Gilda would have appeared as well…? I had no idea. I didn’t fully plan out any of this, and you can see that in what little I did plan.
Cadence and Shining were only there so they’d have a proper, non-letter cameo, and Gruff was nothing more than a blank, one-note antagonist. And of course, Neighsay would only stick up for Gallus just to hammer in how little Gruff cares for Gallus when the good, ole strawman racist of Season Eight likes Gallus more than him.
So what made me not go down this route? For one thing, I didn’t want to go through the hassle of explaining why Cadence and Shining oh so conveniently showed up. For another, I wanted that Gallus/Smolder scene to still happen. But most importantly: I didn’t want to make Gruff that heartless.
I was already mulling over possible ideas for the Griffonstone arc and knew I would have him make up with Gallus, so having him spend his entire cameo here hurting Gallus would not have worked at all. It’s the same issue with Smolder; I couldn’t have Gruff be that awful or else the two making up later would have felt insincere and undeserved.
So yeah. Gruff was going to be even worse originally. You can tell how glad I am I didn’t do that to him. Shame Cadence and Shining lost their cameos though, but at least Neighsay got to keep his, and I even managed to keep that “Even Chancellor Neighsay is prouder of me than him!” line. And even better, since the Alternate Fair got scrapped, I got to go through with the adorable Gallus/Silver pseudo-date plan which was infinitely better as far as I’m concerned. 
~ A Cry for Identity ~
Alrighty, time to get into the Gallus/Ocellus therapy scene and the original theme of Ch.7(Pride).
Firstly, this scene was still going to take place in the Treehouse, but I figured if Gallus did go there, Silverstream(Or, if I had kept their cameos, Shining or Cadence) would have realized something was wrong and confront Gallus about it first. I wanted this scene to be all Ocellus’ since I was still in that “Character-specific chapter” mode at this time. Thus, I moved the scene to Gallus’ bedroom, long after Silver had already gone to sleep.
Secondly, the therapy scene—and by extension the chapter as a whole—was going to about something completely different: Identity.
I had been watching a lot of Implicitly Pretentious’ videos around the time I was first planning this story-line, and many of them focused on themes of identity and trauma which was a major source of inspiration for my writing. And more importantly, in this one:
They said a particular line that struck a chord with me:
Trauma destroys people’s relationship with time because the loss of continuity means the absolute inability to imagine a future anymore.
I wanted nothing more than to incorporate this idea into Gallus’ character arc.
The idea that,on top of everything else, his trauma had even prevented him from understanding what he wanted for himself and his life. That even though he could be literally anything and do literally anything—scientist, actor; etc.—he couldn’t properly envisiona future for himself that wasn’t constantly burdened by his loneliness and desperation for family and belonging. That Gallus didn’t know, couldn’t know who he truly was or wanted to be because he’d seen himself as “The cowardly orphan” for so long that being anything else was scarily alien.
I wanted so, so much to have this overarching theme be a pivotal part of the story, and I sprinkled plenty of setup for it throughout T.B.O.L.
You might have noticed howoften Gallus implied he wasn’t exactly fond of being a griffon, such as when he focused on Sandbar’s line about one of the restaurants kicking him out solely for being one, or stubbornly thought he couldn’t do anything magically related purely because he didn’t have a horn, or how he told Yona this:
“Self-expression isn’t really something griffons are good at unless it involves Bits…”
Gallus not liking being a griffon—Thanks in large part to all the “Griffons are selfish jerks who only care about Bits” bias he’d been exposed to, both in Griffonstone and Equestria—was supposed to be a more prominent issue, further explain his sheer disdain for Griffonstone, and add another factor into his self-loathing. If all griffons are selfish, Bit-obssessed jerks, and Gallus himself was a griffon…? Then what did that say about him?
The entire “Gallus’ Future” subplot was meant to be the culmination of this identity theme, and this is where we circle back to the Gallus/Ocellus scene.
As you’ve likely guessed, the reason I chose Ocellus to help Gallus with this issue was because she’s a changeling and the themes of identity and individualism are naturally interwoven with their entire species, and I wanted to take advantage of that. Ocellus already had identity issues she had to work through in canon, so it was a double plus! In fact, her line:
“…It’s hard to imagine a future when you think you don’t have one,”
Was going to be one of the first lines of dialogue she would share with Gallus and be one of the most important lines of the entire scene. I obviously kept it in because it was too good a line to drop entirely, but I had to change the context to being about Chrysalis and contrasting how she treated her former subjects to how Gruff treats Gallus.
In fact, I had to change the context for the entire scene and chapter itself. So rather than the complex themes of moving on from trauma, growing and maturing as a person, reevaluating your desires, dreams, and identity and determining who it is you want to be, and looking more optimistically toward your future…? This chapter is instead about Gallus moping over Gruff not loving him for the umpteenth time and Ocellus giving him a repeat of the “There’s nothing wrong with you; you are good enough to be loved” spiel that he’s already gotten several times before.
I do enjoy the conversation Gallus and Ocellus have. It highlights that Gallus is healing properly and finally making some proper progress; it’s just that Gruff’s absentee-ism is still a major issue he needs to work on, and that fact even serves as foreshadowing to when Gruff’s behavior in the Griffonstone chapters cause Gallus to start thinking less of himself again.
Then there’s Ocellus who’s on her friendship A-game here. I, however, am not on my exposition A-game.
I had included the emotion-reading spell element long before I realized I had to nix the identity theme, and since this was her chapter, I sorta had to drop that bombshell, even if it wasn’t quite the most appropriate place to do so. I did make fun of myself for it, at least, with Gallus acknowledging how Ocellus randomly dropped that info on him at, like, eight or nine o’ clock at night after a long, emotionally exhausting day. Plus, Gallus is realistically creeped out to suddenly learn his friend has been able to read his emotions for months now, but Ocellus is swift to clarify it wasn’t true mind-reading and she didn’t do it all that often. Speaking of which, do yourself a favor: From Ch.2(Reprieve) onward, check how many times Ocellus lights up her horn when she’s near someone and then immediately questions if that character is doing alright.
And of course, after that whole revelation is taken care of, Ocellus moves onto more pressing matters: Dealing with Gallus’ frustrations over Gruff.
I was torn for a while on whether or not to have Ocellus suggest Gruff genuinely didn’t care about him. On one hand, I knew going in that Gruff did care for Gallus, so slipping in that line felt like I was hinting at the opposite being true. But on the other, I couldn’t let that stop me from handling the story realistically, and Gallus needed to hear Gruff not caring about him was a possibility. Ocellus being the one to tell him that though was something I definitely wasn’t sure about back then, and nowadays, I have no idea why, especially given the Chrysalis/Gruff parallel I threw in there.
That said though, I did make sure to include Ocellus telling Gallus it was okay he wanted Gruff to love him. For both realism’s sake, and because Gruff did love Gallus but was just, you know, an absolute a about it.
Don’t worry, we’ll get more into this particular topic once we get to the Griffonstone chapters…
Oh. And Gallus’ line:
“I really wish I stopped forgetting how good I really am. It’s starting to get boring,”
Was, as you can probably guess, me venting again about all the character development stagnation crap I went through last chapter.
Ultimately, I’m still bitter I had to trash the identity theme entirely. 
I only did so because the personality issue got nixed and that thing was the main reason why Gallus would be so concerned with who he was and wanted to be and had so much difficulty figuring it out on his own.
Plus, had I not nixed the identity theme, what Ocellus would have done in this scene was not remind Gallus again that he matters. Rather, she would have helped Gallus realize who he wants to be is the exact same thing Luna said he already was: A hero of Equestria. That, griffon or no, Gallus was a kind and gentle creature who helps, saves, and protects others—a “Guardian” if you will 
—obviously setting up his eventual joining of the Royal Guard and resolving that subplot rather nicely.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get to go this route, and the “Gallus’ Future” subplot suffers accordingly, resulting in Gallus coming across as kinda whiny regarding the whole thing. Which, again, I did acknowledge with Gallus even asking himself why not knowing what career he wants suddenly upsets him so much when it never did before.
All that said? I’m also partly glad I couldn’t go through with the identity theme. If I had, chances are I wouldn’t have known what I was doing at all, thanks to knowing practically nothing about the nuances of a theme as deep and complex as identity, and this entire chapter would have subsequently been even more sloppily handled than Ch.2(Reprieve).
Nevertheless, I’m still mad. 
Ch.7(Pride) could have been—should have been!—much more important and meaningful to the overall story of The Bonds of Love and Gallus’ recovery. But the part of Gallus’ recovery this chapter was supposed to be about got cut and replaced with something far lesser, resulting in this chapter feeling almost like filler.
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy Ch.7(Pride) for what it is. I definitely don’t hate it like I do Ch.6(Stagnation); I just lament what could have been. And considering how, according to the statistics, this is one of the least read chapters of T.B.O.L., I think it’s fair to say most would agree this is one of the weaker chapters quality-wise.
Then again? That statement only really holds merit because of the sky-high quality of all the other chapters, huh? 
And that's a wrap on Ch.7(Pride)'s discussion. I hope you're all still enjoying these little commentaries, and I shall see you in the next one next weekend whenever my IRL schedule permits me. Here's the obligatory Google Doc Link for the full discussion.
Have a wonderful day, everyone! 
~ Additional Tidbits ~
— 1) Ocellus’ getting on Gallus for his firework puns being lame and forced was me making fun of myself for still continuing to reuse that terrible joke.
— 2) “Smolder: Dragon Space-Adventurer Extraordinaire” was actually another reference—This time, it was to a reoccurring gag concerning one of the characters in Czar_Yoshi’s The Olden World.
— 3) You remember how Ocellus’ project included this fancy element about converting changeling magic into unicorn magic? Well, that was partly inspired by Ocellus explaining she had to learn changeling-style teleportation before she could start working on unicorn-style teleportation back in Ch.1(Transition).
But I included that element for another reason: I intended for that magic conversion attributeto be the last thing Ocellus needed to properly complete her emotion reading spell, and I even planned for Gallus to be the one who actually came up with it. I couldn’t figure out how to explain any of this without it being unnaturally exposition-y, so I scrapped the idea and had Gallus acknowledge how Ocellus making new spells isn’t unusual for her to justify Ocellus completing it on her own.
— 4) The spell Starlight used to duplicate the First Place medal was Similo Duplexis from “Every Little Thing She Does.” I figured she’d realistically split the medals after announcing Gallus and Ocellus as the winners since having two First Place medals beforehand would be a tip-off to the other contestants.
— 5) It’s funny Redsopine wrote a fic about Ocellus having romantic feelings for Gallus because that line about “Unrequited love” and Gallus stiffening at Ocellus dropping it was, funnily enough, a subtle jab at that notion. That, for the briefest of moments, he thought Ocellus was talking about having unrequited love for him.