Friendship is Card Games: Tales from the Lighthouse & The Final Kindness · 1:02pm Dec 11th, 2022
The comics never stopped being a thing, though Discord trying to destroy magic in the name of peace certainly never factored into any other G5 media. Such is the risk you take when trying to fill the gap without any idea of what’s to come. Could be worse. We could have had an Archie Comics Sonic the Hedgehog situation. (Long story there, with many echidnas.)
On that shudder-inducing thought, let’s begin.
Tales From the Lighthouse
I do have to appreciate an issue with an unambiguous title right there on the cover. Especially when said cover is by Andy Price. Extra-especially when he lets them have cutie marks on their left hips.
I do wonder what trail led everypony “way out to the coast.” And how this coast differs from the one at Maretime Bay. There’s clearly signs of equine habitation, so it’s not like the place has been completely abandoned. Raises old questions about Equestria’s borders contracting, though Twilight’s epic shield spell has answered at least some of those. Still, logically, a large part of the world wasn’t protected that way…
Eh, a matter for another time. For now, I appreciate both Pipp making sure millions know where to find her and her phone’s little umbrella.
Ah, this is a direct continuation of the teaser from the previous issue, a lead on Discord sent to Pipp’s DMs. Good to see some direct continuity in this generation.
Also, notable absence of Hitch. I can see him wanting to stay to keep order in Maretime Bay, but it’s still a curious exclusion, especially with him on the cover. (On the other hand, why wouldn’t you include the whole cast on the cover?)
Lightning Rod is definitely an interesting pony to consider. How is he keeping fed and supplied? Why is he maintaining this forgotten lighthouse? I suppose “most everypony” isn’t complete abandonment, but it still raises questions of Equestria outside of the G5 bubble. I’m happy to take whatever data i can get there.
Articles on magic in Wikiponia raises many questions. Especially if there’s an article on the Elements of Harmony. This may be one of those gags I need to disregard for my own sake. That or Zipp and Sunny spent a weekend posting Argyle’s research to the Canternet.
Speaking of Argyle, funny how it’s blue earth stallions in lighthouses who seem most interested in history.
Huh. Aside from a few covers and, appropriately enough, a Discord gag, this may be the first use of tobacco products in My Little Pony. (That said, there definitely could be some in G1 I don’t know about. The 80’s were a wild time.)
“Ever heard a story that definitely won’t be online?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You sure?”
I can understand Lightning Rod wanting to build atmosphere, but this comes across as more than a little ridiculous.
I could definitely see the superstition-loving unicorn culture embracing urban legends like Bloody Marey.
I do like the in-issue title page. Also how the Mirror’s origins are lost to history. This is a setting where such things are easily lost to the mists of history.
A cannon bone is a horse’s distal metacarpal. In other words, the part of the leg between knee and fetlock, the “shin” even though it’s anatomically equivalent to your palm. Good name for a pony pirate, is my point.
Wow, this issue is not shying away from more gruesome moments.
I honestly like how the Mirror, while possibly having a will of its own like the One Ring, ends up working against itself because it can’t wait to bring misfortune upon those who gaze into it. I can see how such an impatient, self-defeating item would be associated with Discord.
Ah, we have a name for the town: Candlebright Cove. And a stallion who apparently came by a fortune through the exploitation of chaos magic. Fet Lockland played a dangerous game.
Especially when he started charging ponies to look at the cursed item. Yeesh. Even after the Flimflams went on to the great scam in the sky, there was still a sucker born every minute.
Like I said, a dangerous game. One that raises a number of questions with its last move. Was there a wisp of Discord’s power and awareness in the mirror, or did Lockland manage to get all of Discord back up and about?
I do like the idea of Zipp being especially dangerous if given the combination of sugar and an unresolved mystery.
Lightning Rod’s hypothesis is interesting, but assumes that Discord was imprisoned when he empowered the Mirror. It specifically mentions Celestia and Luna doing so as well. Either something isn’t lining up, Twilight was forced to put Discord in timeout for some reason… or the diarchs came out of retirement specifically to deal with their old foe.
Though going by the “naive fool” bit, it’s entirely possible that Discord is wearing Lightning Rod and telling a tale of half-truths and red herrings.
Oh. I did not see the severed horn coming.
“I came to Candlebright Cove because they didn’t mind magic, unlike some other places.”
Which implies that magic was still working, running counter to every story of the past we’ve heard and also the premise of this entire storyline. I can’t rationalize this one, it just doesn’t work.
I can’t tell if the second “I should just use my powers, he said. They’d help free him” is a regretful echo or an editing oversight.
A tragic tale of good intentions leading to disastrous consequences. Trying to destroy chaos with violence rarely ends well. Good on Lightning Rod for not succumbing to temptation, but the consequences… yikes.
(Also yikes is the cutie mark clearly added in post.)
The irony of the spirit of chaos not wanting things to change cannot be overstated. I’m amazed he hasn’t started fading out of existence.
“You’ve been keeping this safe for so long. Like, as I do the math, an exceptionally long time. Are you gonna be okay without it?”
Pipp raises an interesting point. Depending on when the smartphone was invented in Equestria, the Mirror may have been extending Lightning Rod’s lifespan. Which could explain the discrepancies about the state of magic, though that still feels like an editorial error.
Sunny, shut up and let Zipp keep asking questions. I’d like some answers myself.
Ohhhh. Okay, restless soul who was only able to pass on once he finished his business. Okay, that definitely works, especially if the mirror was keeping his spirit bound to this world. The continuity still has some weird disconnects, but I can definitely live with this.
The Final Kindness
Sunny’s muzzle looks a little weird on the cover, but I love the symbolism. Twilight’s legacy looms over her, slowly falling apart as Discord tries to destroy it once and for all.
And, after the promising lead of Discord’s old prison, Zipp decides to follow up on it by… performing constant surveillance on Castle Canterlot. And forcing her friends to do the same. Putting aside the worrying implications for when she takes the throne, doesn’t she have soldiers who could be doing this for her? Pony guards’ roles have historically been to stand in one place and watch.
Also, I appreciate Sunny’s existential crisis.
“How obvious do I have to be for you to realize I’ve discovered something in the footage?”
Well, Pipp, you could always say you found something in the footage rather than allude to a new song. You’re the Canternet celebrity. You should understand how to set proper clickbait.
Still, leave it to the streamer to catch a deepfake.
“What a time for our magic to glitch out!”
What magic were they using? Or are they just referring to why the pegasi need Sunny to keep them airborne? Going by the previous page, it seems like they were relying on magical stealth to keep Reginald (Discord’s opossum companion) from hearing them, but nopony’s demonstrated that capability in this generation. It definitely feels like the artist missed a few visual storytelling beats here.
“This following thing is a total bore.”
Zipp Storm, everyone. The detective with an attention span too short to encompass an entire stakeout. Definitely feels like the writer for this issue mapped too much Rainbow Dash onto her. Her sister livestreaming the stealth mission isn’t any better, but at least it feels more true to her character.
Also, credit to Izzy for being the voice of friendship, though this is a case where it feels overly idealistic even for My Little Pony.
And Pipp is… Well, a streamer. But still also a terrible friend. Your friends are more than just sources for more clicks and content, Miss Petals. That said, I do appreciate her stream getting drowned out by an actual stream.
Also, “perfect Applewood melodrama” raises some interesting questions about the history of cinema in Equestria.
“I might as well have livestreamed Mom discussing the health benefits of dragon fire tea.”
I have to wonder what those might be, especially given what we’ve seen dragonfire can do elsewhere in G5.
Credit to Sunny for trying to mend bridges with Izzy. This did all begin with her getting left out due to flightlessness. (Hitch is in the same boat, but he doesn’t have a lifetime of social isolation to grapple with.)
Oh. Fluttershy’s cottage. On the one hand, of course it’s Discord’s alternate base of operations. (I added the unofficial issue title after reaching this point.) On the other… Goodness, do I even want to see the ruins of Ponyville? The very idea fills me with dread.
Discord claiming partial credit for Sweetfeather Sanctuary is its own kind of scummy… but I can’t say I’m surprised. I’ve suspected he’s been editing his own memories; I can’t say I’m surprised that he’s worked himself into some of the pivotal moments of Fluttershy’s life post hoc.
Talking to animals for information at Fluttershy’s. The more things change…
“Has Discord found a way to destroy the crystal and turn us back into miserable, meaningless, magicless ponies?”
Pipp, you are second in line for the throne and a beloved idol singer besides.
Credit to Izzy for shortcutting a fetch quest that would’ve been infuriating otherwise. And for the following quid pro quo. There’s a difference between idealistic and naive… even if the two can and often do intersect.
“Go on, Zipp. Crawling into the pits of despair is one of your favorite pastimes.”
“You sure gave me a run for my money at the thought of ruining your manicure.”
A+ sisterly banter, though I hadn’t noticed until now that Pipp has a manicure despite her lack of manos. (The hands of fate.)
I see that Discord cleaned out the Chamber of Extreme Knitting before setting up his research in Fluttershy’s basement. Or the yarn just decayed over untold years. Or he brought it all to life. Several options, really.
A magical crystal containing a memory from one of the Mane Six, activated by unicorn magic? Things just got a bit more Fallout: Equestria in here.
Also, Izzy did live with her mother for at least some time in her life. I’m honestly not sure how long she was alone.
More flashbacks… and more absolute nonsense. How could this kind of tribalism take root in the wake of everything that happened in “The Ending of the End”? Especially given the vastly multicultural, multi-species nation that Equestria had become. Extra-especially whe ndirected to a Bearer of Harmony. Fluttershy performed greater magical feats than her detractors could have ever dreamed of.
I remain convinced that this timeline forked off from what we see in “The Last Problem” rather than directly following it. Or much earlier, given how there hasn’t been so much as a mention of any sapient races other than dragons.
Also, I have to assume Discord has seen this message and disregarded it. Wouldn’t be the first time he’s ignored Fluttershy.
I do appreciate Sunny declaring “From this moment, nothing slips past us” as the squirrel who got them down here slips past them. With a Daring Do novel that has survived untold years just fine. And is a lynchpin of Discord’s plan.
Discord, when your minions are helping you because they think you’re going to destroy Equestria, that’s a sign that you should rethink your plan to save everypony.
In all, the story is moving along nicely… but it’s a narrative appendix from a time when no one had any idea what the plan was for these characters. It’s a more compelling plot than Opaline trying to freebase dragon magic, yes, but still unassociated with any other piece of G5 media. Granted, the G4 comics had plenty of crises that never got mentioned in the show, so that’s really just continuing the trend. 
That said, unexplained Twilit Era tribalism is still a terrible plot catalyst. There’s an irony here. Discord’s refusal to move on can also be seen in the writers focusing on G4 to the detriment of the new horizons provided by the new generation. I do appreciate the effort to connect eras, but maybe it would have been better to leave the past vague and explore the future.
In any case, let’s see what I can make of this:
Salvage Diver 2W
Creature — Pony Scout
When Salvage Diver enters the battlefield, put target artifact or enchantment card in a graveyard on the top or bottom of its owner’s library.
The seafloor holds treasure and dangers aplenty, often in the same items.
3/2
Finished Business 2WW
Sorcery
Choose one or more —
• Exile target artifact.
• Exile target enchantment.
• Exile target Spirit.
• Exile target card from a graveyard.
“I’m not used to being thanked.”
—Kaya
Fluttershy’s Last Kindness 2WW
Sorcery
Return up to two target artifact, creature, and/or planeswalker cards from your graveyard to the battlefield. Lands you control don’t untap during your next untap step.
“You’re better than this, Discord. I know you are, and I know you know it too.”
Beacon’s Keeper 3W
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
Vigilance
Other creatures you control have vigilance.
Disturb 3WW (You may cast this spell from your graveyard transformed for its disturb cost.)
Candlebright Cove’s lighthouse was once the pride of the town.
2/4
Beaconhorn Vestige
(W) Creature — Unicorn Spirit
Flying
Creatures your opponents control enter the battlefield tapped.
If Beaconhorn Vestige would be put into a graveyard from anywhere, exile it instead.
Now it’s the only thing left.
4/2
Intense Observation U
Sorcery
Look at target opponent’s hand. Surveil 2. (Look at the top two cards of your library, then put any number of them into your graveyard and the rest on top of your library in any order.)
Discord couldn’t help but smile. “Monitor everything,” he said nostalgically.
Maritime Raid 2U
Enchantment
Whenever one or more Pirates you control attack, you may draw that many cards. If you do, discard half that many cards, rounded up.
The crew found tossing unwanted plunder overboard almost as fun as taking it in the first place.
Wall of Warnings 2U
Creature — Wall
Defender
Whenever Wall of Warnings deals damage to a creature, put that many stun counters on that creature. (If a permanent with a stun counter would be come untapped, remove one from it instead.)
Discord doesn’t find pain funny… anymore.
1/4
Prowling Shark 3U
Creature — Shark
Flash
Kicker 1G (You may pay an additional 1G as you cast this spell.)
When Prowling Shark enters the battlefield, if it was kicked, it fights target creature you don’t control.
3/3
Skeleton Crew 2B
Creature — Skeleton Pirate
Skeleton Crew enters the battlefield tapped.
Raid — You may cast Skeleton Crew from your graveyard if you attacked this turn.
Captain Cannon Bone’s parents wanted her to become a doctor. Her true destiny only became apparent in death.
3/1
Bloodglazed Mirror 3B
Artifact
2B, T, Sacrifice Bloodglazed Mirror: Target player loses life equal to the life they lost this turn.
Disturb 4BB
Only reflections witnessed the dark deed.
Bloodcrazed Geist
(B) Creature — Spirit Reflection
Menace
Bloodcrazed Geist gets -X/-0, where X is the highest life total among your opponents.
If Bloodcrazed Geist would be put into a graveyard from anywhere, exile it instead.
Does the victim cry for revenge, or does the unliving witness act on their behalf?
13/5
Catastrophe Squirrel 3BB
Creature — Squirrel Warlock
When Catastrophe Squirrel enters the battlefield, you get a number of A (acorn counters) equal to your devotion to black. (Each B in the mana costs of permanents you control counts towards your devotion to black.)
When Catastrophe Squirrel dies, pay X A. When you do, all creatures get -X/-X until end of turn.
3/3
Timeless Struggle 4B
Enchantment
Whenever a creature is put into your graveyard from the battlefield, exile it with two time counters on it. If that card doesn’t have suspend, it gains suspend. (At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost. It has haste.)
Commune with Chaos R
Sorcery
Exile the top four cards of your library. Choose one of them. You may play that card this turn. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Fet Lockland’s efforts to control the cursed mirror didn’t reflect well on him.
Mirror of Mayhem 2R
Legendary Artifact
At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, that player draws a card, then discards a card at random. Mirror of Mayhem deals damage equal to the discarded card’s mana value to that player.
Whenever Mirror of Mayhem deals damage, put that many pain counters on it. Then if it has seven or more pain counters on it, exile it and return him to the battlefield transformed under his owner’s control.
Discord, Reflected Mayhem
(R) Legendary Planeswalker — Discord
As long as Discord, Reflected Mayhem entered the battlefield this turn, you may activate his loyalty abilities any time you could cast an instant.
+1: Any number of target players each draw a card, then discard a card at random.
-2: Discord deals damage to any target equal to the damage already dealt to it this turn.
-7: For each creature on the battlefield, create a token that’s a copy of that creature, except it has haste. Exile those tokens at the beginning of the next end step.
4
Chaos Theory XR
Sorcery
X can’t be 0.
Buyback 3 (You may pay an additional 3 as you cast this spell. If you do, put this card into your hand as it resolves.)
Cascade (When you cast this spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom of your library in a random order.)
Detective’s Fervor 1GG
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
When Detective’s Fervor enters the battlefield, investigate twice. (Create two Clue tokens. They’re artifacts with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
Whenever an artifact is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on enchanted creature.
Scourge of Oaks 2G
Creature — Squirrel Warrior
Trample
Whenever Scourge of Oaks enters the battlefield or attacks, you get A.
Pay AA: Put a +1/+1 counter on Scourge of Oaks.
All things strive to greatness.
2/2
Rain of Acorns 3GG
Instant
Create three 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens. You get AAA.
Izzy made up the spell as she went along. None of the squirrels complained about the end results.
Mana Glitch (wu)(wu)
Instant
Return target spell to its owner’s hand. Spells with that spell’s name cost 2 more to cast this turn.
Keeping the Unity Crystals separated slowly drained usable magic from the world. Too slowly for Discord’s tastes.
Fet Lockland, Chaos Broker 1BR
Legendary Creature — Pony Warlock
2, Discard a card: Draw a card. Any player may activate this ability.
Whenever an opponent discards a card, that player loses 2 life.
“Step right up, folks! Today may be your lucky day.”
2/2
Long Walk 3UR
Sorcery
Gain control of target creature. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn. At the beginning of the next end step, its owner puts it on the top or bottom of their library.
Short pier optional but encouraged.
Cursed Caverns
Land
Cursed Caverns enters the battlefield tapped.
T: Add B.
1BB, T, Sacrifice Cursed Caverns: Mill three cards, then return a Curse card from your graveyard to your hand.
Daring just assumes all caverns are cursed.
Discord’s Chambers
Land — Lair
When Discord’s Chambers enters the battlefield, sacrifice it unless you return a non-Lair land you control to its owner’s hand.
T: Add R, W, or B.
Within lie the plans of a mind pushed beyond madness.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: X can be 0 unless stated otherwise (like on Chaos Theory), so Catastrophe Squirrel's death trigger being mandatory won't usually matter. Official cards would usually make it optional anyway just so that new players don't have to ask, but this is pretty clearly a high-complexity supplemental set so it doesn't matter as much as it could.
Protection From Editors Alert: I don't actually know whether it's kosher to have Mirror of Mayhem abruptly switch to gendered pronouns the moment it's technically referring to a planeswalker. At the very least, it reads awkwardly enough to have me do a double-take.
Still an elephant in the room.
All in all, first time I'm saying this but I believe Issue 5 didn't happen at all. Not that I dislike it but it contributed absolutely nothing at all. No element of 5 was brought nor mentioned at all in future issues. Its like when Lightning Rod and the lighthouse disappeared, so did the 4's memory of any of Issue 5 happening. Which might be the case on why.