• Member Since 18th Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

tuzet2


Comments ( 1 )
  • Viewing 1 - 1 of 1

Hey. I just wanted to say, sorry if my comment on your story seemed harsh. I'd love to give you an example of a paragraph i would write for your story, if you'd like to read it?

"Gol darn it!" Applejack shouted out to nopony in particular as she felt her member attempting to get hard in its tight, cold metal prison. It felt like a snake trying to fit through a small garden hose. "If ah can't focus on anything but sex, ah won't be able to finish this year's harvest in time!" Applejack shouted in equal parts anger and frustration, thinking about the possible disaster of not getting the harvest done, letting out a slight whimper as her member continued in vain to try and become erect. "Ah gotta figure out a better solution to this...they're bound to sell better workin cages up in Canterlot!"

That's how i would write it. Descriptors and other parts of speech can go a long way. And longer paragraphs can be pleasing to the eye :)

  • Viewing 1 - 1 of 1
Login or register to comment