It's been a long time since I sat down and wrote another somewhat-vacuous blog. I have been slowly recovering the past few weeks from a back injury that left me unable to walk, dress, shower, and so forth for a while. I did finally limp my way into a local Critical Care facility - wherein the physician chose to laugh at my description of the pain I was experiencing, make light of me being "old", and then sent me away with a handful of anti-inflammatories. Which of course have done nothing at

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I had been writing a story of 100k+ words on my first FIMFIC account some years ago - late 2016 through until the middle of 2018 when in the grip of a psychotic break I deleted my account.

I have regretted that move EVERY SINGLE DAY - because that original story was one very dear to me, and very close to my heart.

The only thing I have left now is one poorly written draft chapter. The rest is gone.

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The good news - which really came as a surprise - was that I passed the NREMT cognitive exam. I honestly came away from that examination feeling like a bag of shit and fully expected to have failed it. Then I found out this evening I had PASSED! So now it's time to move on to the psychomotor skills exam. I think this exam will be a lot harder for me since I find the context of trying to handle the unusual context of those to be a lot harder than actually performing the related

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It turns out that he feels I represent everything that he loathes. When the person you love and adore tells you that you "are the type of thing I hate."

A good indicator that you still love somebody - you feel an incredibly sharp pain when they do this to you. If you don't love someone, they can't hurt you.

Dawn, you hurt me more than words can explain.

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Any attempt to use a drive-thru window (the name of which also leaves me called ... why "thru," why not just "through?") will leave you feeling terrified. I know everyone with me is going to flood me with specific requests and always want to adjust their orders and trying to remember all of these without placing the wrong order is maddening. My accent has also made ordering from these stupid things a chore, because I am often misunderstood - my personal best was five attempts to order a coke

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At no point during the first forty years of my life when I lived in Australia were student debts or healthcare costs anything we ever needed to worry about. I had seen various comments about the cost of healthcare and about student debt in those days - but the comments pertaining to those subjects and the inferred problems related to them made no sense to me at all.

Then I moved to America.

I thought I’d post little daily things I notice about how my anxiety manifests itself.

I’m using inspiration from Tynal for his most wonderful daily quotes.

These are not complaints or woe-is-me - they’re just interesting little things I’ve noted at times that I think extend from my lack of confidence and my anxiety!

And some of these are really funny!!!

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I can honestly say that the best therapy I've had in years has been EMS studies.

I finally feel like I am actually enjoying the entire process of learning. It's also been wonderful to have that impetus to drive myself out of the house each day - to be around other humans, to interact with people again. More to the point, people that are not screaming at me as they would be here at home.

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Just a few things I need to remind myself of. As taken verbatim from my journal. I will not, cannot and will never mention who this is regards to.

I need to try and make myself understand:
1) He does NOT love you;
2) He does not NEED to love you - unrequited love is a fact of life, I can't force a guy I adore and worship to love me when he doesn't;

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I received my $5,000 in severance pay.

The race is now on between getting enrolled in EMS studies or finding another job in IT.

I wonder which will work out first?

I'm willing to bet it will be the studies. Who the hell is going to employ a piece of shit like me in the meantime.