Trying to remind myself of a few hard truths.

Just a few things I need to remind myself of. As taken verbatim from my journal. I will not, cannot and will never mention who this is regards to.

I need to try and make myself understand:
1) He does NOT love you;
2) He does not NEED to love you - unrequited love is a fact of life, I can't force a guy I adore and worship to love me when he doesn't;
3) That he keeps me around because he likes the way I reiterate how beautiful he is and likes the frank, sexual things I say about him; and
4) At the end of the day, I am less meaningful to him than Fortnite or any game on his PC is. I don't hold this against him - I'm a pretty ugly guy, and I'm so much older than him.

I will be catching up with my doctor tomorrow to arrange the vaccinations I need to get again in order to clear myself for clinical rotations during my EMS studies.

This means I will need to try and sleep tonight.

Somehow.

Either that or I need to just give up some the concept of sleep now and commit to being awake all night.