(see what I did there?) Celestia came to me, and the resulting argument had unintended, painful consequences. I had done wrong...but I worked to right the wrongs.
That's what I said. There have been a few fics regarding Nightmare Moon's return not being stopped by the mane 6, thus rendering Equestria in eternal night, but nothing about Twilight (or anypony else) being sent to the moon WITH her. I'm exploring new territory :D but really, i agree, this is woefully under-done, both in exploring Nightmare Moon as a character with any kind of grasp with harmony and the moon as a place to be period.
Um...Okay? I'm trying, here, really. It's kinda the opposite of the other story. in the other story, clop came to me, just begging to be written. but, it wasn't tagged for it and i didnt want to change it out of nowhere. so, i was hoping for the same, but this one doesn't do it. sorry if you think Celestia's attempt to come on to Twilight was rather lame, I kind of did too, but I promised clop, so there's a little teaser. that sounded lame too.
I honestly didn't find Celestias advances awkward at all. She is a princess and getting everything she wants at a moments notice is definitely a plausible reason, but is it the reason why Twilight was booted?
Secondly, the big problem I had was the big chunks of paragraphs that had dialogue from multiple characters mushed together. It was messy and difficult to read! Space it out a little and make it nice and neat for the reader!
Thirdly, I don't want to insult or annoy anyone, but if you feel that it's awkward to type it up or if you find that the story isn't working out than you work on it until it does work! I have SIX stories waiting to be submitted! You have plenty of time to mold it into a proper story and there is absolutely no one here to force you to make it in the first place!
Interesting concept, but you really need to have each speaker have their own paragraphs rather than clumping entire exchanges in the same one. Otherwise it just gets confusing trying to figure out who is saying what.
In answer to your first question, yes, Twilight rejecting Celestia had direct repercussions towards her being sent to the moon. Though her attitude in the meantime didn't help...
About your second statement, It's in the submission rules that you can't write it out that way, or that's how I interpreted it. If you give dialogue its own line every time, it'll look like a play script.
Thirdly, this is mostly an exploration of my raw writing skill, unmodified by patience or anything like that. I have one clop and one non-clop to do this with. Basically, to put this in science, its the control group for my writing 'tests'. If that makes sense. ^-^ hope that helps you understand, or something.
2478395 Actually, giving each speaker their own line/paragraph is how things should be written. It just makes things infinitely easier to follow, and if you look in any work of fiction (for example, A Tale of Two Cities) you'll notice that it looks far neater than compressing entire conversations together into one paragraph where it is hard to figure out who is saying what.
Another reason I dislike listing chat, is I interject actions between lines of dialogue quite often, and I wouldn't know what to do with that if I did as ya'll suggested. I mean, I'll try it, but I don't know how that would work.
2478505 Well I'm no expert, but that can be handled using proper usage of commas and periods, ie:
"Luna, I caught you red-hooved staring at her flank," growled Celestia. "That is ridiculous." Luna stomped her hooves for emphasis. "We would never attempt to seduce thy student!"
I also hope I'm not coming across as a bossy jerk or anything!
So, you think I should not punctuate dialogue? hmmm, interesting. Let's give it a spin. i'll go back and do that, we'll see how it goes. if I find a way to make this work, I'll try to adapt my writing style to it.
2478614 Hopefully that goes well for you. You can find web pages on how dialogue and their related actions should be formatted and stuff on the 'net - guides are a dime a dozen. If nothing else it'll make your stories look more professional.
I feel I should mention you broke the first person style somewhere in the first few paragraphs, for just one word, by saying Twilight's instead of my. Other than that, wonderful job so far and I'm curious as to where this will go.
I would like to address a few things that came to my head last night.
A. There is no correlation between this and any other story.
B. The clop and gore is coming, it's all the way I write causing the delay as I set up the plot.
C. Chapter 2 will be out soon. I plan on catching this up to Chapter 5 atleast, then writing a little more of my other story. This is for some reason a lot harder to write, but I embrace the challenge. Maybe it's the way I chose to relate the story, telling it directly from Twilight's perspective.
~shrug~ I hope everypony enjoys the story as it develops.
Yeah this needs some work done to it. I cannot tell if this is a third or first person fanfiction, you seem to alternate. An example would be this paragraph.
A booming voice came from the pony, and Twilight recognized it immediately. The Royal Canterlot Voice. Rarely had Celestia ever needed to use it in Twilight's presence, and I was surprised she hadn't used it today. I stepped forward, until I was right in front of the strange alicorn pony.
It's still undergoing major plot development. its the way I write, sorry. Hang in there and you might get it better.
2478163
That's what I said. There have been a few fics regarding Nightmare Moon's return not being stopped by the mane 6, thus rendering Equestria in eternal night, but nothing about Twilight (or anypony else) being sent to the moon WITH her. I'm exploring new territory :D but really, i agree, this is woefully under-done, both in exploring Nightmare Moon as a character with any kind of grasp with harmony and the moon as a place to be period.
I'm kinda curious to see how this progresses. Mostly because they aint got nothin to eat but rocks.
Edit: Well that was quite the....Read.
2478253
Um...Okay? I'm trying, here, really. It's kinda the opposite of the other story. in the other story, clop came to me, just begging to be written. but, it wasn't tagged for it and i didnt want to change it out of nowhere. so, i was hoping for the same, but this one doesn't do it. sorry if you think Celestia's attempt to come on to Twilight was rather lame, I kind of did too, but I promised clop, so there's a little teaser. that sounded lame too.
2478288 OK lets take a deep breath and relax
I honestly didn't find Celestias advances awkward at all. She is a princess and getting everything she wants at a moments notice is definitely a plausible reason, but is it the reason why Twilight was booted?
Secondly, the big problem I had was the big chunks of paragraphs that had dialogue from multiple characters mushed together. It was messy and difficult to read! Space it out a little and make it nice and neat for the reader!
Thirdly, I don't want to insult or annoy anyone, but if you feel that it's awkward to type it up or if you find that the story isn't working out than you work on it until it does work! I have SIX stories waiting to be submitted! You have plenty of time to mold it into a proper story and there is absolutely no one here to force you to make it in the first place!
Interesting concept, but you really need to have each speaker have their own paragraphs rather than clumping entire exchanges in the same one. Otherwise it just gets confusing trying to figure out who is saying what.
2478356
In answer to your first question, yes, Twilight rejecting Celestia had direct repercussions towards her being sent to the moon. Though her attitude in the meantime didn't help...
About your second statement, It's in the submission rules that you can't write it out that way, or that's how I interpreted it. If you give dialogue its own line every time, it'll look like a play script.
Thirdly, this is mostly an exploration of my raw writing skill, unmodified by patience or anything like that. I have one clop and one non-clop to do this with. Basically, to put this in science, its the control group for my writing 'tests'. If that makes sense. ^-^ hope that helps you understand, or something.
2478395 Actually, giving each speaker their own line/paragraph is how things should be written. It just makes things infinitely easier to follow, and if you look in any work of fiction (for example, A Tale of Two Cities) you'll notice that it looks far neater than compressing entire conversations together into one paragraph where it is hard to figure out who is saying what.
2478395 here's a sample of what the administrators will and will not allow:
That was an example of what they won't allow, the following is an example of what they will allow:
I hope this helps you
PS sounds like an interesting story, will deftly give it a read.
2478484
Okay, since everyone seems to agree with that...
Another reason I dislike listing chat, is I interject actions between lines of dialogue quite often, and I wouldn't know what to do with that if I did as ya'll suggested. I mean, I'll try it, but I don't know how that would work.
So, I think that's how you were thinking? Separating dialogue from action somehow...I guess it looks okay.
2478505 Well I'm no expert, but that can be handled using proper usage of commas and periods, ie:
"Luna, I caught you red-hooved staring at her flank," growled Celestia.
"That is ridiculous." Luna stomped her hooves for emphasis. "We would never attempt to seduce thy student!"
I also hope I'm not coming across as a bossy jerk or anything!
2478592
So, you think I should not punctuate dialogue? hmmm, interesting. Let's give it a spin. i'll go back and do that, we'll see how it goes. if I find a way to make this work, I'll try to adapt my writing style to it.
2478614 Hopefully that goes well for you. You can find web pages on how dialogue and their related actions should be formatted and stuff on the 'net - guides are a dime a dozen. If nothing else it'll make your stories look more professional.
2478665
alright, i finished another try on modifying it. let me know if that's any better?
2478773 That looks way better and far more readable. Good job!
I feel I should mention you broke the first person style somewhere in the first few paragraphs, for just one word, by saying Twilight's instead of my. Other than that, wonderful job so far and I'm curious as to where this will go.
2479813
That was a slight internal monologue for her, sorry if it looked out of place.
though, if you think about it, the whole thing is an internal monologue.
I would like to address a few things that came to my head last night.
A. There is no correlation between this and any other story.
B. The clop and gore is coming, it's all the way I write causing the delay as I set up the plot.
C. Chapter 2 will be out soon. I plan on catching this up to Chapter 5 atleast, then writing a little more of my other story. This is for some reason a lot harder to write, but I embrace the challenge. Maybe it's the way I chose to relate the story, telling it directly from Twilight's perspective.
~shrug~ I hope everypony enjoys the story as it develops.
Yeah this needs some work done to it. I cannot tell if this is a third or first person fanfiction, you seem to alternate. An example would be this paragraph.