Haha loved it. The Tourette's thing was hilarious. Also sad face for the longer waiting period for updates :( oh well at least it's still fairly constant can't wait for moar
HARD ASS MODE, ENGAGE!!! When it comes to a first time (all kinds of puns in there...) this was a decent sex scene. I felt it was lacking description, however. Also, the pace was rather fast. Granted, this IS RD we're talking about, but she is also clearly into sex in this fic. Maybe there would have been some more exploring for AJ with a more than willing Dash. What it comes (ha) down to is this: There is a great deal of talent here; it just needs a little practice.
EASYGOING CALIFORNIAN TEEN MODE, ACTIVATE! All in all, I really liked it. The Tourettes, bro... Funny and sexy, like me. At least, that's what I've been told. I look forward to the rest.
2459050 Thanks for the critique! I do in fact get more descriptive with the sex scenes as I go along, and the scenes themselves get more inventive. Perhaps I wrote it this way to parallel the evolving relationship between RD and AJ? No. No I didn't. Also keep this in mind: I wrote this first and foremost as a romantic story, THEN a clop story. So while the focus is mostly on the relationship, there's plenty of sex coming up that I think will please everybody.
2459272 I totaly get ya on the romance before clop angle, the one I prefer to anything else. Makes me like a story that much more. Also, I'm ready and willing to help out any way I can. (Compasion is in my nature and whatnot.)
(Note: haven't read this story yet) Welcome to the fandom! I notice you are quite new, so welcome to the herd! Or at least the herd here at Fimficion.... Anyways, I will be giving this good looking story a read and will let you know what I think Once again, welcome!
Decent, if rushed, story so far. Though one little thing to keep in mind, always -- and I mean always -- start a new paragraph when a new person speaks. You do not have dialogue from two people in one paragraph ever.
The part with AJ's Tourettes....the jimmies have been rustled. MOAR! XD
Haha loved it. The Tourette's thing was hilarious. Also sad face for the longer waiting period for updates :( oh well at least it's still fairly constant can't wait for moar
2458053
Yeah, but I figured you would rather have a better quality story over a longer period than a lesser quality story quickly.
Well it's been pretty high quality so far. So if you're just increasing the quality then good X) this is gonna be a gret fic
AJ...
You naughty girl.
HARD ASS MODE, ENGAGE!!!
When it comes to a first time (all kinds of puns in there...) this was a decent sex scene. I felt it was lacking description, however. Also, the pace was rather fast. Granted, this IS RD we're talking about, but she is also clearly into sex in this fic. Maybe there would have been some more exploring for AJ with a more than willing Dash. What it comes (ha) down to is this: There is a great deal of talent here; it just needs a little practice.
EASYGOING CALIFORNIAN TEEN MODE, ACTIVATE!
All in all, I really liked it. The Tourettes, bro...
Funny and sexy, like me.
At least, that's what I've been told.
I look forward to the rest.
2459050
Thanks for the critique! I do in fact get more descriptive with the sex scenes as I go along, and the scenes themselves get more inventive. Perhaps I wrote it this way to parallel the evolving relationship between RD and AJ? No. No I didn't.
Also keep this in mind: I wrote this first and foremost as a romantic story, THEN a clop story. So while the focus is mostly on the relationship, there's plenty of sex coming up that I think will please everybody.
2459272
I totaly get ya on the romance before clop angle, the one I prefer to anything else. Makes me like a story that much more. Also, I'm ready and willing to help out any way I can.
(Compasion is in my nature and whatnot.)
2459405
I'm taking any and all advice into consideration, and I'm keeping it all in mind as I edit and write my next story.
2459425
Like I said, I'll be here.
(Note: haven't read this story yet)
Welcome to the fandom! I notice you are quite new, so welcome to the herd! Or at least the herd here at Fimficion.... Anyways, I will be giving this good looking story a read and will let you know what I think
Once again, welcome!
Decent, if rushed, story so far. Though one little thing to keep in mind, always -- and I mean always -- start a new paragraph when a new person speaks. You do not have dialogue from two people in one paragraph ever.
Oh jeez! I was laughing so hard when Applejack found Rainbows glasses! I'm still laughing!