6. AAAAAHHH!!!!
Ghost, Karasz Kun and the Engineer walked aimlessly through the streets of Ponyville. They had no idea where they were going – Ghost didn’t care, the Engineer didn’t think about where they should be going and Karasz Kun just followed in the footsteps of his master, trusting him blindly.
They soon reached the end of Ponyville towards where the Everfree Forest lies. It was a very peaceful night, without any clouds coverage blocking Luna’s stars in the sky. The only thing that made this night less peaceful where the sounds coming from Everfree. This scared the Engineer a bit, but Ghost called him out for it for being a shaky-leg who probably wanted to taste Martin Riggs poop shoot, in which the Engineer just felt silent and went on to follow Ghost’s lead.
To dull the time, Ghost hummed on his favorite self-written song.
“Look who it is,
It’s the man they call Ghost,
The host,
With the most,
And I don’t mean to brag or boast,
People hatin’
Cause I talk about the president,
The fruity liberals and the illegal Mexicans,
They all say Ghost is a dangerous man,
Cuz I speak the politics that they don’t understand,
Truth and service to the heart,
Just to let ‘em know,
Capitalism to the soul,
To the bullet hole.
I’m living rich sitting fat, but I want mo’,
I’m living lavish, and I ain’t got no time for the po’,
My ass bleeds for single mothers of eight,
But like Marie said,
Let them bitches eat cake,
I’m not heartless,
I’m like Ron Hobbesian,
Theopolitics, books all Leviathan,
I’m not cold, I’m a humanitarian,
I wanna see human progress ‘till the very end! wooo!”
“That was nice, Ghost.” Karasz Kun said. “Did you ever consider yourself to be a song writer?”
“Why would I?” Ghost answered.
“Aaaah…. Because you… are talented?” Karasz Kun said. This was good for Ghost his ego – correction – self-confidence, but he still declined. “I’m a capitalist! And first, I want to go home and out of this body. Don’t you agree, Karasz Kun?”
“It seems nice around here…” he muttered. “And to be honest, this fur is keeping me warm while it’s cold out.”
“Are you a freaking furry now? Come on, Karasz Kun! Don’t you all turn fruity on me now! I need someone I can trust in a time like this.”
Speaking of furries, Ghost knew he still had to do something about Elfoxoloco. That asshole just didn’t stop uploading videos about him and it was making him mad. But hey, he was right here in Ponyville making him a perfect target for –
“Njaaa-aagh! Nja-aaa-aaah!” The Engineer shouted to Ghost.
“What is it now, Engineer?” Ghost muttered, grumpy.
“Naaaa-aaah-daaa!” The Engineer shouted, pointing to the sky.
But it was already too late. Something hard smashed right into Ghost his head, flat his head and Stetson hat completely flat.
“EVERYTHING OKAY DOWN THERE?!” a pegasus mare shouted from above. Ghost really wanted to know who it was, because he really needed to punch that talking horse. Ghost shoved the chest of his head and got back onto his feat.
The pegasus came into view. She had gray fur, had two yellow eyes that looked at totally different directions and had for some reason bubbles for a cutie mark.
“I’m sorry, mister. I just don’t know what went wrong!” the mare said to Ghost. What was her name? Derpy Grooves, right?
Ghost didn’t say anything to Derpy but instead turned his head to say something towards the Engineer, but Ghost was dumbfounded when he saw the Engineer staring.
“nja… aa-aa-aaa-aaaggh…”
“Um… thanks?” Derpy said, grinning a bit while blushing. “So… what is your name?”
“Graa-aah!”
“Nice to meet you, En-gi-neer!” Derpy said. She then turned to Karasz Kun. “And who are you?”
“I’m Karasz Kun. What’s your name?”
“I’m called Derpy! But when writing something formal, I’m called Ditzy!” she then chuckled a bit. She picked up the package, grinned a bit embarrassed to Ghost, and then flew off. “I have to deliver this package, guys! Hope I see you guys later!” she shouted.
Ghost sighed. Stupid retarded horse that mare was… should be used for horse meat…
“Man…” Karasz Kun said, his mouth wide open. “She was… gorgeous…”
“Dzje-wouje-aaage-aaah…”
What the hell? Ghost thought. What are they… then it hit him. NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! WHY…..
Right that instant, Ghost went for a nearby ditch and released the contents of his stomach in it. But the Engineer and Karasz Kun were so in love with Derpy, they didn’t even notice.
It was going to be a long night for Ghost. But just after he was done with throwing up, he felt something kicking against his leg.
“AND WHAT IS IT NOW?!” he shouted to it. When Ghost took a better look, he saw it was a white bunny who was taken aback by Ghost’s reaction to it. Why would a bunny be kicking against my leg?
The bunny made some sounds and pointed to the mess Ghost made in the ditch.
“And why would you care? It is not even on the road, (censor)” Ghost argued with the bunny. This made the bunny even more furious, but someone else intervened.
“Oh, uhm, I’m sorry, mister. Angel bunny here can be really insensitive sometimes…”
When Ghost turned around to see who was talking to him, and saw a butter yellow pegasus.
Fluttershy? I almost got full house on my first day here in freaking Brony land…
“I hope he hasn’t hurt you?” she apologized.
In what way could a freaking fruity bunny even hurt me?
She then notices the vomit that Ghost had threw up in the in the ditch.
“O, my goodness! ” Fluttershy said while holding a hoof for her mouth. “You poor thing!”
What the hell?
“Mister, I didn’t know you were ill!” she then put a hoof on Ghost’s forehead to check if he had a fever. “You should get to bed right away!”
“Listen, pony - ” Ghost tried to say, put he was then grabbed by Fluttershy and taken towards her cottage. The Engineer and Karasz Kun noticed that and followed them. Ghost kicked around trying to get the pegasus mare off him, but she didn’t notice anything. She didn’t even notice his swearing words, but she was to innocent to understand them anyway.
First that pink thing hugs and tries to brainwash me, and now Fluttershy? What?! What the hell are those fruity liberal Soviet midgets trying to do now?! Is she now going to sedate me and then brainwash me?! Stupid sons of-
Fluttershy had now dragged Ghost with her – and she was too far away in her thoughts thinking how she could help the poor sick stallion to notice his ranting – and dragged him inside. “You must have a really bad flu, mister! But don’t worry, I can help you!” Fluttershy said.
I’m not sick, stupid pony!
Fluttershy opened a drawer, and took a thermometer. Then she went to Ghost – which she had put on the couch. “Mouth open…” Fluttershy said.
“Wait a second, you talking - ” but he was interrupted because the thermometer was shoved into his mouth.
“O, poor thing,” Fluttershy said with a motherly tone. Then she felt Ghost’s forehead. “You are steaming hot! We need to do something about that right away!”
Fluttershy then went back to the drawer. Then, Ghost noticed that the Engineer and Karasz Kun were standing by the window.
“djzee-eeeh-aah-ahah?” the Engineer to Karasz Kun, but the latter of course didn’t understand him.
What do you think, Engineer? HELP ME!
“What? Wááát?” Karasz Kun responded.
“ah! Ge-ah-ka!”
“Okay… I think Ghost will be fine here. I mean, he’s sick, right? And if Fluttershy can take care of him… we better not disturb them.”
WHAT?!
Before Ghost could get up, however, Fluttershy was already back. She had taken a damp cloth, put it on Ghost’s forehead and urged him to lie down.
“Just relax, mister. You are going to be just fine. Don’t worry.”
What the hell?! I’m not even sick, you talking horse piece of garbage!
But when Fluttershy suddenly put a blanket over him. Ghost began to have that feeling again. That warm feeling he got when that pink thing hugged him – wait this one also has a pink mane. And a pale one at that. Is it emo or something. Must be. Yeah, taking care of animals, treehugger, pale… I’m in the house of an emo hippie who has nothing better to do than trying to be nice and then proclaim communism to everyone – wait a second, this explains what those liberal soviet midgets are up to! But I’m not going to let them have their way!
Just before Ghost wanted to take the blanket off and get the hell out of there, Fluttershy came back to him. She gave him a cup of tea. “No need to thank me, mister! We’re going to fix you right up!”
TEA?!
And then Ghost felt that same feeling as what Pinkie Pie gave him. Something called… caring… like how his transtesticle wife felt for him and how his fruity son felt for him before they said they never wanted to see him again.
Ghost felt so peaceful at that moment. Like there was something that gave him an aura. And then he drifted off to sleep.
“So, lads, so this must be the place!” Tzeki said, pointing at a building. It was an apartment somewhere between the edge of the town and the center. It was quite a large apartment, obviously meant for a group to live in, a company or just a large family.
The capitalists noticed that the building was still in good shape. For some, like Equestrian Citizen and Asho, that was quite a relief. Coming in an old and dusty building and then have to clean up everything? It was already getting dark, and they would be sleeping soon yet.
They still couldn’t believe that only this morning they woke up in Canterlot as ponies. They hoped that this would maybe be a sign to get a better life than the ones they had – and hopefully, the Ghostler would also see that way.
Suspicious Tumbleweed tried the key out of her pocket, but had problems doing so since Asho was jumping just beside her. And, of course, her wings were in her way. It would take her some time to get accustomed to them. she hasn’t yet tried to fly with them – DarkRazorZ, knowing him, probably has already tried it – but first she wants to get integrated with living in Equestria. Weird, last night I was still babysitting Asho and now…
To Suspicious’ relief, the place seemed clean inside. She took the key, put it in her mouth, then put in the door and tried to open it. It took her a few attempts before she succeeded. Let’s wait with flying until I got this under control…
When she opened it, Asho immediately went inside to check it out. Fortunately, Tzeki and Equestrian Citizen were more of a gentlecolts and let the lady walk inside first. Or, trot.
The door lead them into an hallway. On either side of the hallways were doors, the left one leading to the kitchen and the right one to the living room. On the end of the hallway there were also 2 doors, the left leading to the eating room and the right to the bathroom while there was a staircase to the bedrooms upstairs. Hopefully, we can all stay here for a while…
She could already hear Asho looking around upstairs, making loud noises. She couldn’t tell if that was just because he was a noisy kid, or his hooves did that.
Suspicious, Tzeki and Equestrian Citizen entered the living room, followed by Elfoxoloco and Becky. Becky seemed curious and sniffed at the couch, while the others just looked around the room. Why does Becky do that?
“Man, nigga, lemme tell ya, this is some fine piece of work,” Equestrian Citizen said, nodding. “I think we’re going to be just fine sitting here.”
“Well, this house does seem to have a nice atmosphere,” Tzeki commented. “I wonder though what will happen when Ghost is here and he has a… disturbing attitude.”
“Well, Pinkie gave him some cans, that seemed to be working…” Becky said. “I still find him a bit scary.”
The filly inspected every single object that was in the room, sniffing it. Does she think she is a dog or something? Weird…
Suspicious went over to the kitchen. The kitchen had a large sink and furnace. At least we can cook for all of us here…
Wen inspecting the cupboards and fridge, she noticed that there was enough food stocked to sustain them for a few days. After that, they should go to the marketplace. But there was plenty of time for those sorts of things, and with the money they got from the princess, they should be able to handle themselves for a month or so. I still have to look for a job… and someone needs to take care of Asho.
Never mind. Let’s get settled in, first.
Suspicious went upstairs. There were two more floors, and each floor had several bedrooms, enough so that everypony could have one – Ghost, Engineer, Karasz Kun, Asho, Suspicious, Becky, Equestrian Citizen, Tzeki, Elfoxoloco and perhaps Goofy Bone. There were also 2 extra bathrooms. That was a relief, considering somepony is known for being for a long time on the toilet. Plus, if Tub guy where to join us… then we would never use the bathroom ever again. Speaking of Tub guy, where is he? For that matter, where are all the others?
And Ghostler?
Ghostler was still in Fluttershy’s home, lying on the couch. He was unable to move since Harry the bear had decided to keep the ‘’poor sick pony’’ company for the night. It almost crushed Ghost, and the only thing Ghost could do was let out a few muffled words. Angel thought at first he heard words about demanding more respect and “soviet liberal midgets”, but dismissed it. He simply didn’t care about it, the annoying rabbit he always has been. Instead, he just decided to prank a bit with the wedged capitalist, which – to Angel’s amusement – seemed to annoy him. Harry the bear all the while was still peacefully sleeping and had no idea of what was going on.
There was only one thing he wanted, and that was to get the hell out of Brony land.
He needed to get out of Ponyville and find a place where they would be willing to help them out. But he couldn’t even leave Fluttershy’s home: there was still a heavy sleeping bear on top of him.
Finally, Angel bunny stopped pranking him, and because of exhaustion the capitalist fell asleep.
Ghost was standing with a US flag in the middle of Moscow. Why, he didn’t know, but nonetheless he knew he had to do something. These people couldn’t be left alone. It was time to propagate! Capitalism for all!
He reached for a loudspeaker, climbed on top of a few crates, and started to spread the melting pot of capitalism to everyone who could hear it. But not a single cock-eyed Russian liked it.
“Just give up, John. ” he heard someone say. The voice was familiar. He looked at where the voice was coming from and saw a guy standing there. He had a large, gray winter coat on and a typical Soviet hat.
“J**** ****t, is this Nikolai?!” Ghost said, a tad upset.
“Yes Ghost, it is me, Nikolai! Your most favorite Russian buddy - ”
“You’re an over feminized fruit bowl communist bastard from where I’m standing! How about you take ten steps away from my freaking butt crack before you come and communize the place up again?! I won’t forget those stupid bottles of capitalist vodka you made, you stupid piece of crap! I should’ve put you on the shit list for that!” Ghost ranted.
“Well Ghost, we are in front of the Kremlin, so I won’t have to do anything… I’m just going to go home now, and drink some Russian vodka blue label. See you later!” and with that, he walked away.
When Ghost turned around, he understood what Nikolai had meant. Before him, a whole horde of communist bastard were there to arrest him.
But they wouldn’t take him alive! If they wanted to kill capitalism, they would have to go through him, first!
But when he tried to punch them, he got overwhelmed. This was the end.
Suddenly, a bright light appeared and everything disappeared around Ghost. When he opened his eyes again, he saw that he was a pony again, and now lying in a green grass field.
How much fruitier could it get?
When he looked around him, he suddenly saw a blue talking horse. What was her name again? Luna, right?
“Greetings, Mr. Conquest. I see you had to suffer an unfortunate night mare.”
“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!” Ghost mumbled, not really amused by the intervention of the lunar goddess. It made Ghost aware that he was dreaming at the moment, and also that Luna was inside his mind. As she a dream? Or was that really her?
“Mr. Conquest, my name is not Sherlock. I am Princess Luna, alicorn of the night and watcher of dreams.”
“Well, that’s a nice occupation.”
Luna chuckled a bit. “Don’t be so grumpy, Mr. Conquest. But please, let me ask you, have the citizens of Ponyville welcomed you with open hooves? I would really like to know if everything has worked out fine…”
“Flutter-i-yee had taken me in because she thought I was ill. And - ”
“Aah, Fluttershy, element of kindness. Yes, of course. I should’ve expected something like that could occur. She did something similar when my sister’s pet phoenix went through a rebirth.”
“I’m sure that was one big adventure for your little ponies.”
“It was. But Mr. Conquest, now I must really ask you to get a hold of your temper. My sister got a letter from her pupil Twilight Sparkle saying one of the humans made a ruckus in town square. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
She knows. But Ghost didn’t care.
“Anyway. Except for the event about your nightmare, there is another reason why I’m here. You are the oldest human in your group, and I’ve heard that you are the main reason they’re together.”
“Something like that.”
Luna beckoned him to follow her, and Ghost followed her. Then, he came into another dream. “What is this?” he asked.
“This is the dreamscape of one of your friends – the melting pot friends, am I correct?”
Ghost shook his head. “Doubtful. I bet it is just from some fruity - ”
“Watch.” Luna demanded of him. Ghost then look towards the scene unfolding before his eyes. He saw a boy with black hair being beaten at school. One of the boys that were beating the kid was a Hispanic kid, and he seemed to be the leader. The others were two whites and a black kid.
“An Hispanic as a leader. That is not something you see every day…” Ghost mumbled.
“I beg your pardon?” Luna said, confused. “What does ‘Hispanic’ mean?”
Ghost pointed with a forehoof towards the Hispanic kid. “Him. He’s Hispanic.”
“And how do you know he is one?” Luna asks.
“His skin colors and face, of course!” Ghost said.
“Interesting…” Luna remarked. “So, you categorize your own species based on skin colors? That seems to be a way to let racism evolve out of control…”
“I’m not a racist!” Ghost shouted to her. “I happen to have a whole bunch of friends that happen to be black! I happen to have a whole bunch of friends who happen to be Hispanic! Or wop, camel jockey and kraut”
Luna looked at him, confused. “…I’ve never said YOU were a racist… but somehow you seem to prefer to categorize your friends based on their skin colors.”
Ghost looked away, but said nothing. Luna wanted to talk about another subject and just dropped the case.
“…anyway. Do you know who these children are?”
“How should I know that?” Ghost said.
“…because you lead them, Mr. Conquest. You are the one that brought them together for a single purpose, one that I cannot comprehend as of yet.”
Trolling? Ghost thought.
Luna pointed to the Hispanic kid. “That one over there is the one you call Asho. And that kid that is receiving violence is the one you refer to as…. Karasz Kun. This is his dream.”
Canterlot Royal Guard training grounds, around midnight.
“For the last time, lieutenant, if you do not behave as the protocol demands, I have to report you to captain Shining Armor!” lieutenant Sparky said, annoyed.
“Ya need to chill out, baby! Ah’ doing my job júúúst fine, you see!”
“Reported: lieutenant Ghetto Capitalist does not respond properly towards officers…” Sparky said while noting his files.
“Just point me where to go, and I’ll do it, baby! Ah, ah, ah, ah!”
Sparky sighed. “If you do not behave as you’re told, you will be pointed towards the brig!”
“Cááálm, baby! Everything will be just fine, you see!”
Sparky deadpanned him, and then pointed him towards the wall. “All right… I will file this report to the captain, and you will get to man the watch tower to the south… for the entire night! No breaks!”
“Will do! See you, baby!” Ghetto said with a smile, then he trotted off.
Sparky found the human to be incompetent to become an officer, and he would note that in his report towards the captain. One thing is weird though… Sparky thought. Each time I see him, I hear a foal crying loudly. How is that possible?
Now that Princess Celestia was asleep and Princess Luna was doing her nightly duties, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza took the job of welcoming the new humans into Equestria. And this round would be a special one! They had refined the spell, so that also non-Bronies would be able to enter Equestria. It is for the better. It will tell us how non-Bronies will react to entering a wonderland full of ponies… and if they will love or hate it.
The pink mare walked towards one of the halls where the humans would be teleported in. She had learned the spell thoroughly. Envision the person you need to go to, teleport, then come back as soon as possible before the magic that is encased in your body runs out. That is 5 minutes at the most.
She would only need 15 seconds, tops.
Princess Cadence took out the photograph of the human she needed to get into Equestria. According to the reports, he was a friend of the leader of the ‘capitalists’ group. He looked like to be overweight in comparison to the other photographs of humans she had seen, but then again, how much did she know about humans?
She envisioned the person in her mind, and then fired the teleportation spell. It was a very difficult spell, and the only ones who could pull it off were the alicorns. Even if a normal unicorn could do it, the unicorn would get stuck in the human world due to lack of magic. Even alicorns couldn’t stay on Earth for more than a couple of minutes. This human world doesn’t even have a portal, like the one in the basement of Canterlot castle… but that one is sealed off, though. Besides, those humans have weird skin tones. Like there is something wrong with their pigment.
The spell encased her, and there she went. The person would of course not expect her, but explanations could be done later on back in Equestria. He seemed to be nice though, this Mr. Alexander Emerick -
According to a tweet from Ghostler, there is a chance he will come back. Who knows? I sure hope so, there are some nice songs about Littlest Pet Shop (Ghost-I-Fied) I want to show him. But anyway, he still needs to know about this piece of literature, so spread it around like wild fire to @Gh0stP0litics.
In another note, I saw this beautiful clip made by PranksterPinkiePie on YouTube. Did he use a screenshot from that animation or did he take it from my fanfic? I have no idea. Anyway, I believe this should be the first clip to be played if Mr. Communism comes back. It is a good way to remind him that the Bronies are not gone yet.
Some news about me personally in real life: I've received my associate degree in game design on tuesday 9th, and I'm now going for a bachelor degree! My graduation day happened to be on the exact same day as my birthday, and so I received some gifts... including this:
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Wait, this isnt about economics, is it?
2882218 There was once a radio show on the internet hosted by a guy called 'Ghost'. He was a texan who loved whiskey, Texas and the states itself and capitalism, which was the point of his entire broadcast. However, he was also known for his extreme short temper. So, in time, half the internet started calling him up on his broadcast just to attempt to piss him off. If one did so succesfully, he would smash against the piles of beer cans that were lying around in his studio. (He also has an Engineer, a retarded guy with a funny mumbling voice) There were even characters created just in order to piss him off, most of them have a role in this fan fiction.
In june 2011, he was not in favor of the ''over feminized fruits that watch 8-year old girl cartoons''. This attracted hordes of Bronies to his broadcast and each day there would be at least one brony call until the end of the show. Some people on his broadcast eventually became bronies and confessed that to him (or just said that to piss him off) in which he would go nuts.
He is known as being the most loved Brony hater in existance, despite the fact that he knew a whole lot about ponies and even admitted that he had watched season 2, despite his claims that he has not watched an episode.
Just search "Ghost true capitalist" on YouTube or go to the channels of Elfoxoloco or DarkRazorZ for old recordings of episodes. The show ended on May 23rd, 2012, but rumors has it that he will come back. (he at least said so last week on Twitter)
2882312
Man, that moment when he learned that Gabe Newell is a brony... I'm still laughing from that one (if you know any doctors that might be able to help, I'd be most grateful).
I fully approve of Engineer x Derpy.
2884084 Its actually going to be a derpy/karasz kun and derpy/engineer feud, so to speak. With Ghost the one who suffers most of it.
2884062 "NOOOO NOT GABE NEWELL! NOT GABE NEWELLL HE'S A FREAKING BRONY" *cansabuse*
I love this story so much. Bring me more and you can join the Green Beret
Sir, may I present to you an internets and a heart sticker that smells like victory when you scratch it.
I am enjoying the story so far; can't wait for when Tub Guy shows up, or if Spermy makes another appearance when Ghostler wakes up (because that would be hilarious, just saying). I will be giving this a thumbs up, and a favorite. Best of luck with future chapters.
Johnnie walker red label second harvest?