Why won't they stop? Why do the keep making fun of me? Why can't they all just buck off? All things Rainbow Dash had to ask her self as she lay weeping on a cloud. A cloud particularly high up. A cloud good for what she intended to do. "I'm not a fillyfooler," she muttered, tears streaming. Rainbow Dash has been made fun of for the last time. No longer would she let them berate her. She would end it, and they would feel sorry that they ever said anything negative about the amazing Rainbow Dash. They would rue the day they attacked her with such false accusations. Never again would they insult another.
Dash rose, looking out across the distance. She was high in the air. Higher than she thought she could go. So high she could see the curve of the world, and the distant lands of the griffin empire. A mist seeming to cover the far off horizon. She changed her glance down to the equestrian soil beneath her. She sighed. Her end was nigh. She closed her eyes, turned around, and balanced her self on her hind legs. She flapped her wings once, giving her just enough push to fall backwards and off the cloud. She held her wings close to her, struggling against the instinct that told her to flap like crazy. Tear drops left her eyes, falling behind her.
Her eyes were shut tight, for fear of seeing the approaching doom of the ground. Once, they opened, then shut back immediately. It was too late for second thoughts. But thoughts be damned, Dash felt guilty. Guilty for leaving her friends behind, for being too weak to handle all of the bigotry being shoved down her gullet. Too weak to shy away from the mountainous, psyche damaging, hate that destroyed her fragile self-esteem.
It seemed like the end would never come. For the cold oblivion to relieve her of her worldly troubles. To cover her, to claim her, like it will everypony that had ever existed. Even Celestia could not evade its grasp forever. Her eyes flashed open yet again, and this time she found her end to be much closer. She squeezed them shut again. Waiting for the stop. Waiting to feel cold. The coldness didn't come. And the stop was only replaced by a change in direction, one that was not so sudden as one might think.
For a third time her eyes opened up, and met another set. She gasped at the pair of icy blue eyes, and for the slightest of moments the feeling hooves on her body had her feeling a splendid comfort. She flailed her limbs about causing a look of distress to over come the easy going eyes, as they both tumbled, skidding to a stop in the dirt, prompting screams from both. Almost humorously they slammed into a tree, briefly causing both of their eyes to twirl about in their sockets.
Rainbow shook her head until her eyes stopped their roaming, and let them settle on the 'savior' the sat adjacent to her. They were a mare pegasus, coat just as icy as her eyes, and a white mane, blown back by the wind. Rainbow Dash didn't know whether to insult, or to thank the other, as her own mind was still in a war over if she wanted to die or live, despite having just attempted suicide.
"You're welcome!" the other pony scorned.
"Hey, I didn't ask you to catch me!" Rainbow crossed her forhooves stubbornly.
"Yeah, well don't ask me to save your life ever again, you ungreatful pony!" With that said, she took to the sky leaving Rainbow Dash in regret that the other was gone.
"W-wait, I'm sorry!" Rainbow shouted in vain. The pony was gone. Already out of sight. If not for the enveloping sadness she would have admired the other pony's speed.
Dash sat alone under the tree, a shadow veiling her sobbing form. There were some things she knew were just out of reach. And it would appear as though hope was just out of reach. Just past the line of despair that bound her so. Or more likely it was lost, and would remain so until she mustered the courage to search for it. To claw away the muck, and the dirt that covered it. To save it, from being devoured by the self hatred that was clawing its way up from the deep pit of Dash's emotions.
She looked to the sky. The sun setting just behind the mountain that Canterlot was built on. She sighed. Tears fell. She wiped them away, before standing and shaking the dirt from her sky blue coat. For a moment she wondered how the other pony could distinguish her from the sky. She took off, flapping her wings slowly. Her emotion being the only thing that held her down. Her emotion being the heaviest thing she ever had to haul. Its weight keeping her close to the ground.
Where she was off to, she didn't know. Only that where ever it may be, she needed to search for hope.
A lone pegasus blazed across the sky, silently crying. She hadn't even made a move, and already Dash had rejected her. I Don't need her, she told her self,The sky is the only friend I need. She knew this was all a lie. She couldn't live her life in a cold wrap of sky and cloud. She needed a lovers comfort. She needed. She couldn't help that she liked mares, anymore than she could help how tantalizing the sky was to her.
She zoomed past a pair of ponies in each others embrace. That was what she wanted. Only she wanted a mare. She had come to peace with her love of the same sex, it's just that no one else was. It was time to settle down. Calm her nerves. Find her happy place, above the blanket of clouds that separated this world from what seemed like another.
She emerged from underneath, laying on her back immediately. Letting the blood cease its violent rush through her body. She wiped the remaining liquid from her face, the fur on her face drying. And slowly the peaceful oblivion of sleep cradled her. Letting her escape from this judgmental world.
Beautiful work so far. Keep up the great writing! I look forward to reading more of this as it comes out.
2365678 Thanks!
2365806 Thanks pal!
Well this caught my eye, I'll give it a read later on.
2365824
Perhaps Dash should see Twilight again. She seemed to know what she was doing.
Seriously, it's really good so far. I'm curious as to who this new pony is though, she seems nice enough. She seems a bit insecure though, like she had a history of rejection or something. By the way, that's not a bad thing, sad yes, but not bad. I am a huge fan of character flaws as the primary source to drive stories, and on a more personal note I kinda have a history of being rejected as well.
Have a like, oh and a few of these... .
2365965 Thanks for the wonderful feedback! And sorry for your history of rejection. That's always rough. And lastly, take some of this!
2365989
Wow, that was fast.
You're welcome .
Your Dashes made me smile thissss big .
2366043 Well I don't have a lot to do.
Rainbow Dash should find a nice stallion oc to pair up with that will save her from her depression
/)*(\
2366063
Could you finish this story? That would be themostamazingandutterlythebestestthinginthewholeworld .
**
2366244 Welp, I'll start on the second chapter soon.
2365965
This man (er, pony?) speaks wisely!
I like this beginning. The writing flows better than the Pinkie Pie letter, and grammatically it's a big improvement. Whatever you've done to refine your writing, I think it's working well and I encourage you to keep at it! There is nothing new or unusual that differs from the comments I made on PIRPP, but definitely the writing is smoother and more polished, and I found it an interesting read.
Once again, you've chosen to take an established character and explore an aspect that has been hinted at by the show- we know Pinkie has a sad side, and as you explore here, that Dash can be fragile. There's such a contrast to the 'normal' Dash that I think some expansion on WHAT drove your Dash to this point is necessary. Not only would it support the development of an unusual side of Rainbow, it could help increase the reader's empathy towards her by showing what drove her, rather than expecting them to simply accept the her mental state.
I loved the use of the rescue as a way to introduce the other mare. Partly because I'm a sucker for heroic acts, but also because it's an efficient and emotionally charged situation that lets you skip a lot of delicate (and potentially long-winded) meeting and getting to know each other, etc.
I liked the 'opening her eyes' part very much- I thought that was a very smooth lead-in. I thought the dialogue right after the rescue could have been expanded on, Since you're writing this in a very sparse style, it fits with the rest of the story, but I think an opportunity to explore some emotions was missed there.
The twist with the other mare feeling lonely was well-done, too. The symmetry between her and Dash is apparent, and that creates a desire to see them get together and fulfill each other. Has that been done before? Sure, but I still like how you did it!
I like the references to 'hope.' Hope is a very strong storytelling element, and one that I like seeing in just about any story. Nice work!
Rainbow Dash isn't a fillyfooler, right?
/)*(\
2367912 I actually haven't decided yet.
2367812 Thanks for the wonderful feedback!