Seeking Forgiveness
To begin with, Ponyville had been a relatively quiet little hamlet, nestled snugly in a comfortable corner of Equestria under the watchful eye of Canterlot. Rarely had its citizens been faced with anything particularly out-of-the-ordinary, giving rise to its reputation as one of the most peaceful places to live marked on the map.
Then, somewhere around a year or two in the past, a certain event had occurred that caused an unstoppable ripple effect throughout the entire community. Since Twilight Sparkle made her first appearance in the humble little town, bringing with her the drama and excitement of the Royal Capital, it had become a hot spot for strange events and catastrophic conundrums, usually at the expense of its innocent inhabitants. They never blamed the Unicorn for the trouble that she had seemed to carry with her to their town, provided they were one of the few that had managed to make the connection between them, and many believed that the benefit the talented magician granted to Ponyville outweighed her penchant for attracting villainous characters.
In one of the most infamously disastrous events of Ponyville's relatively brief history, they had been plagued by the Spirit of Chaos, who had warped their pretty little town into a twisted dystopia of his own demented design. Everypony could still remember this event quite clearly; Twilight and a small troupe of the most courageous mares in Ponyville had ultimately triumphed against the spirit Discord, sealing him away once again and henceforth being regarded as heroes amongst all of Equestria.
Despite all that those living in Ponyville had endured in recent times, most still could not believe their eyes when beholding what many considered to be the strangest sight that had crossed their path to date. There he was, the aforementioned Chaos Spirit, still fresh in everypony's minds as the harbinger of disharmony and malice, strolling casually down Ponyville's central dirt road wearing a sheepish grin, accompanied by a giddily bouncing Pinkie Pie and a nervous, stone-faced Twilight Sparkle. The word 'shock' came nowhere near describing the reactions the unlikely trio elicited from those they happened to cross paths with.
"Now, I was just thinking," said Pinkie, completely oblivious to the stares of the onlookers, "Nothing makes people happier than laughing with friends, and your magic is already great at making people laugh!"
"The problem," added Twilight, avoiding eye contact with passersby as she blushed furiously, "Is that you would use your magic to force everypony to do things that made you laugh, but caused them to suffer." Unlike her happy-go-lucky companion, Twilight was acutely aware of every gasp and growl that emerged from the ponies they passed along their way.
"Soooo, if you want to make more friends," concluded the bubbly pony, "you need to start using your magic to make everypony happy!"
She abruptly came to a halt in front of a cream-colored two-story house, ringed with neatly trimmed shrubs and topped by a weathervane in the shape of a large, pink heart.
"This'll be a good place to start," she said. "I have a friend who lives here that laughs at everything. She'll probably be willing to give you a chance to talk."
After pounding the door with her hoof, she leaned her head back and shouted, "Bon Bon! It's Pinkie Pie, and I've got a great, big surprise for you!"
Discord exchanged an uneasy glance with the equally concerned Twilight, as he, too, began to wonder whether their quirky friend really had any sort of plan at all, or was just making it up as she went along.
The door cracked open slightly, and Discord caught a glance of a neatly curled mane that flowed in alternating streaks of warm pink and deep blue. "Ooh, a Pinkie surprise!" said the mare, who Discord assumed to be Bon Bon, in a rather sweet voice that seemed to compliment her candy-colored hair perfectly. "This should be good."
She threw open the door completely, revealing a second pony standing next to the first. This one, a unicorn, had a mint-colored coat that matched her mane, and a cutie mark of what looked like some sort of harp. When the duo caught sight of Discord, the mint one immediately let out a high-pitched shriek and threw herself behind Bon Bon, who raised her front hooves in a brawling stance. "Stay back!" she growled, all traces of kindness having abruptly dissolved from her. "You lay one single claw on Lyra and so help me Celestia…!" She punched at the air a few times to reinforce her challenge, while Lyra peeked nervously over her shoulder, trembling violently.
Twilight grabbed Bon Bon's hooves with her own and slowly lowered then back to the ground while she explained, "Don't be afraid, girls. Discord's learned to be friendly! He just wanted to introduce himself to you properly, and apologize for any trouble he may have caused in the past."
"Is that so?" said Bon Bon, her voice laced with skepticism. "The last time that beast was here," squeaked Lyra, pointing an accusing hoof at the Draconequus from behind the perceived safety of her friend's back, "he turned Bon Bon's gorgeous mane into taffy!"
"It took days to get all the bugs out afterwards…" confirmed the Earth pony, tearing up slightly at the memory.
For the first time in his life, Discord found himself tongue-tied as he struggled to form an apology. When he opened his mouth to speak, Bon Bon's glower deepened, and Discord suddenly found himself wishing he was much smaller.
"Aww, just give him a chance, you guys," begged Pinkie as she applied her best pouting face. "He's waaay nicer now, I promise!"
The duo seemed to soften a bit at her reassurance; Bon Bon's scowl became a mere frown, and Lyra poked her head out a bit farther from her impromptu hiding place. It was obvious that they were nowhere near trusting him, a fact which he really couldn't blame them for, but they at least seemed willing to let him explain himself.
This was the moment, then; time to see if letting his true emotions be heard would work the way Celestia had insisted. Summoning a handkerchief which he grasped in his lion paw, Discord patted the sweat from his brow, then choked down the remainder of his pride and began his apology.
"I… I know that the last time I was here, the things I put you ponies through were… inexcusable. Back then, I saw everything and everyone as a toy for me to amuse myself with. I never realized that I was acting so horribly because I was lonely, and jealous that everypony else had friends they could laugh with and rely on, while I had to endure the centuries in solitude. I've always been a creature of chaos, and I thought that meant I couldn't have things like friendship and acceptance, but… well, it took one very special pony to prove me wrong."
To her own surprise, Twilight found her heart melting in response to the emotion and sincerity of Discord's words. A part of her had been doubting the spirit's intentions ever since his supposed reformation, but that part was rapidly ebbing away as he continued his heartfelt apology.
"I don't want you to think I'm trying to make excuses for the commotion I stirred up in Ponyville. What I've done here, and all over Equestria, will haunt me until the end of my life, but my soul could rest in peace if I knew that I had at least tried to make things right with those I wronged in the past… unfortunately, there are some ponies who will never be able to hear my apology. For them, and all those I drove to madness so many years ago as a result of my selfishness, I will forever be in mourning. But these ponies here," he gestured to Twilight and Pinkie, both of whom appeared to be holding back tears, "they've taught me that it may not be too late for me to help others, to use my magic for the benefit of ponykind, and be remembered as a benevolent spirit, a caregiver and a protector, instead of a plague upon the world. If you'll allow it, I'd like to start here, in Ponyville, by helping people overcome their problems. Nothing would make me happier than to be able to call each and every citizen of this lovely town… my friends."
As Discord concluded his speech, Pinkie found that she could no longer control herself, and broke into a fit of tearful sobbing. Lyra and Bon Bon exchanged a glance, any trace of hostility or fear having vanished from their faces, then both gave Discord a warm smile. "Well…" said Lyra, barely audible over Pinkie's bawling, "It would be horrible of us to turn you away after that." Bon Bon nodded in agreement, then added, in a voice that had returned to its initial cordiality, "We can forgive you for any trouble you caused in the past. I mean, I'm always having to let this one off the hook for the messes she stirs up, and some of it's pretty bad." She gave her companion a playful nudge, which Lyra returned in spirit.
Though her tears, Twilight beamed at Discord, who was rather embarrassed and beginning to get a little weepy himself; this was the first time he had made anypony cry out of anything short of terror. "Well," she said, "It looks like-"
"Waaaiiiit!" called an unseen voice, startling the four ponies and the Draconequus, and from out of the bushes leaped an overwhelmingly purple mare, every bit as teary-eyed as the rest.
"I forgive you, too," she said, hugging Discord around his waist, "for turning my house upside-down while I was using the bathroom!"
"Berry Punch!" cried Lyra in surprise, "Have you been eavesdropping?"
"Um…" she suddenly looked rather bashful. "Well… it wasn't just me!" She reached back into the bush from which she had emerged and dragged out a blue Pegasus pony, who looked rather startled and a moment later embarrassed that her cover had been blown.
"Cloudchaser? What were you two doing in there?" Bon Bon raised an eyebrow, causing the Pegasus to begin sweating, until she finally broke and cried, "The same thing as all them!"
Much to their surprise, the shrubbery around Bon Bon's house suddenly became alive with motion as at least twenty more ponies revealed themselves to have been hiding within or behind them.
"Where did all of you ponies come from?" demanded Twilight, cheeks reddening as she realized how many people had witnessed their emotional moment.
Junebug was the first to speak up. "I'm surprised you didn't notice us sooner, Twilight."
"We've been following you pretty much since you left Sugarcube Corner," added Thunderlane, who looked rather unconcerned of having just been discovered spying; he seemed more worried by a stick that had become tangled in his mane, and set at once to yanking it free.
Discord himself was staggered by the sudden appearance of so many ponies, particularly the one that was still clinging tightly to him, having apparently become infatuated with the softness of his abdominal fur. He was acutely aware of the fact that everypony's eyes were on him, and to his own surprise found that he was quite nervous.
He had no reason to be, however, as Mayor Mare (who pretended to have just been passing by, but whose ruffled mane made it obvious she had been in the bushes with the others) approached him with practiced deliberation. Based on the streaks running down her cheeks, it seemed she had been just as moved by his apology as everypony else.
"Discord," she said, her usually haughty tone cracking from emotion, "On behalf of myself, the citizens here, and, I can confidently say, the rest of Ponyville, we hereby find you to be forgiven for any crimes you have committed against us in the past, and welcome you wholeheartedly to our fair city!"
The small crowd of ponies cheered in agreement, as did Pinkie and even Twilight, and Discord's face became intensely flushed. This was all happening so suddenly; he had expected the process of becoming accepted by Ponyville to be painstakingly slow, yet here he found himself, barely an hour into it, surrounded by smiling, happy ponies. It almost seemed too easy, and for a brief moment he thought that perhaps they were all playing a cruel prank on him, as a way of getting revenge.
"You mean… that's it?" he asked, not wanting to sound rude, but also hardly daring to believe his ears. "After all the things I've done… you're forgiving me just like that?"
"Friendship isn't as complicated as you might think," said Twilight, grabbing his paw affectionately. "You've made it clear to everyone here that you've turned a new leaf; we don't need you to prove yourself or make reparations."
"As long as you really meant what you said about making friends, then whoever you were in the past doesn't matter," added Pinkie Pie, following Twilight's lead and placing her hoof in Discord's claw. "Because from now on, you're a new pony! Or, uh… pony-eagle-goat-thingy!"
Berry Punch finally relinquished her hold on Discord, looking almost drunk from giddiness, and said, "Besides, it's not like me to hold a grudge."
Discord looked from one pair of eyes to the next. He could tell the truth from deceit at a glance, and not one of these ponies had a trace of dishonesty anywhere on their faces. A new feeling was welling up inside him now, similar yet somehow different than the kindness her had received earlier; later, upon describing it to Celestia, she would tell him that this is what the word 'heartwarming' meant. "I, um… I don't know what to say…"
"You've said enough already, Discord," offered the Mayor. "Now, everypony, let's give our newest guest a nice, warm, Ponyville welcome!"
Everypony in the crowd, which seemed to have grown even larger in the past few minutes, simultaneously hollered a loud cheer. Charged with elation, Discord threw his arms into the air, yanking the surprised Pinkie and Twilight up with them.
"Wait a minute!" said Pinkie, unfazed by her sudden change in elevation. "There's only one way to officially welcome a new friend to Ponyville!"
Obviously, Discord did not have very much experience with parties. He understood the concept, of course, but the last time he had been to one… well, if there ever had been a last time, which was doubtful, it was so far back that it had faded completely from his memory.
He couldn't even begin to fathom what was expected of him when he was the focus of the party, though Pinkie Pie had assured him that all he needed to do was enjoy himself and get used to being in the company of his new 'pony pals.' Easy enough to say, though he felt tremendously out of place in such a setting; Sugarcube Corner had been decorated with brightly-colored streamers and balloons, which added to the already overwhelmingly pink atmosphere of the bakery. Seeing Discord in such a place, surrounded by cheerful ponies, was like seeing Prince Blueblood square-dancing at a country-style hoedown.
Discord had just finished offering a furtive apology to Mr. and Mrs. Cake, who in turn assured him that there was no harm done, and berated themselves for jumping to conclusions, though he noticed that Mr. Cake in particular still looked rather sweaty when speaking to him.
Currently, the Draconequus was standing self-consciously near the door, wondering whether anypony, who seemed to be having a spectacular time on their own, would even notice if he crept away. Just as he began to give serious consideration over abandoning the event, Pinkie popped up on his shoulder, seemingly out of nowhere.
"What's wrong, Discord?" she asked, confetti sticking to her face. "This party is supposed to be for you, ya know! Why not get out there and enjoy it?"
"You make it sound easy," he grumbled. "I'm still having trouble figuring out how to enjoy myself without creating chaos for everyone around me." He was speaking honestly; it wasn't that he didn't like the idea of having harmless fun with friends, it was that he was afraid of inadvertently causing some sort of disaster.
"Aww, don't be like that! Why don't I go get you someone to talk to, to help you warm up?"
Pinkie zipped away before Discord had a chance to protest, returning just as quickly with a startled Cheerilee, who she nudged close to Discord before disappearing again.
Cheerilee, baffled by the sudden change, struggled to come up with words to offer Discord, who looked just as awkward as he felt. She decided to start with a simple greeting. "So, congratulations on your official reformation! It must be nice to have friends now." As soon as she spoke, she realized how harsh this must have sounded, and scrambled to come up with some sort of apology.
To her surprise, Discord happily returned her attempt at conversation. "It's all still so new to me, but I'm hoping to improve as quickly as I can. After all, friendship is ma-" He caught himself mid-sentence, still not willing to completely sacrifice his integrity to all but his closest friends. "Um… friendship is nice."
A brief moment of silence passed between them. "So… what do you, um… do for a living?" asked Discord, aware that his small-talk desperately needed improvement.
"Oh, I'm a schoolteacher." Given how plain her response sounded to her, Cheerilee decided to risk an attempt at humor. "Not quite as exciting as being a master of untold magic, I know, but it suits me well." Discord recognized that it was supposed to be a joke, but simply couldn't force himself to laugh at it.
After several more seconds of uncomfortable silence, somepony cleared their throat near Discord; strangely, the sound seemed to come from above him. Sure enough, an upward glance revealed Pinkie's upside-down face smiling at his own. She had somehow managed to perch herself on Discord's head and neck without him noticing, her arms draped around his horns and muzzle thrust into his own.
"Why not show her one of your magic tricks?" Pinkie suggested.
Discord stared back at her incredulously. "My… magic tricks? Pinkie Pie, I think it's a bit early for me to be-"
"I wouldn't mind seeing a good trick," said Cheerilee politely, though she was questioning the wisdom of that decision just as much as Discord.
He looked back and forth between the two of them, then shrugged, figuring it had been too long since he'd been able to get some magic out of his system, anyways. Still, he supposed, it would be safest to start with something small. Discord snapped his talons, and the ground beneath their feet was suddenly replaced with a shiny dance floor. Cheerilee noticed that she was now wearing an elegant ballroom dress, such as might be seen at a high-end Canterlot social. After giving herself a once-over, she returned her attention to Discord, who was dressed in a black tuxedo and stovepipe hat, complemented by a monocle and silk gloves. He had even given himself a thin, curled moustache to complete the ensemble, which overall contrasted sharply with his physical appearance.
The other party guests had begun to gather around them, and with a casual wave of his arm, Discord outfitted each of them with a unique set of clothes, much to their general delight. Flitter, in particular, was delighted by the billowy cyan gown and intricately decorated saddle that she had been given, immediately showing herself off to Cloudchaser, whose outfit was a bit more risqué and attention-grabbing.
Looking up at Pinkie Pie, who was still sitting atop his head, Discord said, "Pinkie, my dear, would you mind providing some music?" In a flash, she was teleported to what had just a moment ago been the front desk of Sugarcube Corner, now replaced by a DJ's turntable. Pinkie herself had, during the transition, acquired an enchanting white dress and a somehow familiar-looking pair of purple shades. Without skipping a beat, she cried, "All right, everypony, let's really get this party started!"
As the music began, Discord magically dimmed the natural golden light in the room to create a better atmosphere. He extended a claw to Cheerilee, who, after a brief moment of shocked silence, allowed him to take her by the hoof, standing herself up on her hind legs. "All right, but it's been a while since I've done this," she said, wobbling slightly from the unfamiliar change in weight distribution. Without a word, Discord began to lead her in a surprisingly graceful series of dance steps, allowing her to easily follow his movements.
It didn't take long for the others to join in; Mr. Cake, whose usual apron had been replaced with a dashing white suit, pulled his wife out onto the dance floor and, letting loose his more suave side that he saved just for her, began a slow waltz that took them both back to their days as lovesick teenagers.
Blossomforth found herself dancing with an unusually enthusiastic Thunderlane, while Lyra and Bon Bon enjoyed an intimate minuet in a far corner of the room, away from most prying eyes. Even the usually timid Junebug wound up in a joyful embrace with the blissfully happy Dust Devil.
When Twilight Sparkle, who had been using the restroom, stepped back out into the party, her jaw dropped as she struggled to take in the figure of Discord dancing with Cheerilee. Upon noticing her, Discord, who was in the middle of spinning his partner, flashed over to Twilight's side; the very confused Cheerilee found that she was still being led by some unseen magical force.
"Twilight! Just in time!" Snapping once again, he dressed her in the same garments that Rarity had made for her to wear to the Grand Galloping Gala, the rips and tears in it having been miraculously repaired.
"How did you know about this?" asked Twilight, not at all angry but thoroughly mystified. "I haven't worn this dress since…"
"The Grand Galloping Gala," finished Discord, casting her a bemused glare. "Did you forget where that event takes place, Twilight Sparkle?"
She realized that Discord, who would have been a statue at the time, must have had a rather good view of the Gala from his position in the Canterlot Gardens. "I've been forced to watch that horribly dull night go by time after time, but I have to admit that the ruckus you and your friends stirred up last year really made my decade."
Twilight blushed at the memory of the botched night, quickly changing the subject back to the current state of Sugarcube Corner. "This doesn't seem at all like the kind of thing you would normally do, Discord." Casting her gaze over the party guests, each of them dancing happily to the beats that Pinkie had learned from Ponyville's resident unicorn DJ, she added, "It's… a nice surprise."
"Yes, well, I do understand the concept of being pleasant, Miss Sparkle, it's just something I never tried to do before." He looked over his shoulder at Cheerilee, who had been led by his magic into the happily inclined arms of Caramel, then back to Twilight. "Seems we both find ourselves without a dance partner."
Leaning so that he was more on her level, Discord extended his arms cordially, which, after a questioning glance and a resigned smile, Twilight accepted.
Princess Luna was surprised when she heard a knock on her bedroom door, as she didn't usually get visitors during the early morning, or at all, for that matter. When she opened it with magic, it was her sister who greeted her, looking unusually frazzled; her mane, which she usually made a point to keep in a magical state of perpetual flow, had several hairs sticking out at awkward angles.
"This came with the letter Twilight sent me this morning. It's addressed to you, and I believe I know who it's from." Luna saw that Celestia was levitating a scroll, leaning slightly away from it; the parchment had a large tag attached to it, which whipped relentlessly at Celestia's face. "I'll just… leave it here for you." After she tossed it onto Luna's bed, it ceased its flailing, allowing her to read the tag's writing: "To Luna- keep your snooping eyes off, Celestia!"
Her sister turned tail and trotted out of the room in a huff, making Luna giggle. It was always amusing to see the usually refined Celestia throw her little tantrums, which she only let show in front of her sister. Unrolling the parchment, she began to read what was obviously a report from Discord.
"Princess Luna - I've got your first report, just like you wanted. And here I bet you were thinking I would run off.
I learned, today, that friendship isn't quite as complicated of a concept as I had originally thought. Turns out that all it takes to be pals is a mutual understanding of one another, and no matter how different two fellows may be, they can still learn to treat each other as equals.
I've also learned that forgiveness is a part of the friendship process that happens naturally, as long as you're honest about it. Going to great lengths trying to make up for what you've done in the past is unnecessary, but that doesn't mean you should forget about your misdeeds completely, either.
Well, you got your letter, Luna. Don't expect me back in Canterlot for another few days, though, because I'm not even close to being finished with all my new Ponyville friends! If you need me, have Celestia send a letter to Twilight, I'll be around. Just don't waste my time by having me travel all the way back to the castle to open pickle jars, or anything dumb like that. You're a big girl, after all, and I'm sure you can take care of yourself.
- Discord"
Setting the letter down, Luna found herself conflicted between being happy that Discord was finding success in making friends, and sympathy for the ponies he would undoubtedly be a heavy presence in the lives of for the next few days. No matter how well-intentioned he might be, the draconequus had a way of going overboard when he was excited. Good thing Twilight Sparkle and her friends had plenty of experience with the peculiar and bizarre.
Stats
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
997 users online
382,126 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Very nice.
I'm not sure that the whole town would open up to Discord that fast, but I guess there's still room for naysayers who might try to run Discord out of town later. You capture the feel of the show quite well, but it is important to create some overarcing tension and conflict, even if the story is light-hearted.
While I'm not a big fan of background shipping, it tends to be superflous and occasionally a bit jarring, you've handled it quite well, using it to contribute to the story without shifting the focus away from the main plot.
I can't wait for another chapter.
This is a story that could either be really good or fail miserbly
But sounds interesting so I will put this in my read later
now I can't wait for him to get excited
yeah! Discord working cheerliee and Twilight! hes such a player right now! >:3
wouldent be surporised if he left with a girlfirend by the time he got back to canterlot
cant wait for the next chapter! it is killing me that Fluttershy is next! X3 and im sure it will be shipped here too lol XD
i love PinkieXDiscord! but that ship is cute too X3
but yeah ill be waiting for the next chapter X3
A monocle for this story!
Heh heh heh.
Well, I've put this off long enough:
RED ANGEL SEAL OF APPROVAL
So much yes.
NOOOOOOOOO PLEAAAASEEE NOT THE SHIPPING!!!!...but seriously I get the whole friendship growing closer but please dont turn it into some all out romance...I like the focus as finding friendship in the unlikeliest of ponies
it is a great story so far but i just wanted to say one thing COTTEN CANDY CLOUDS WITH CHOCALATE MILK RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2342567
As of right now, this isn't planned to be a romance story. Most of the shipping will be exclusively between the background ponies. I assure you, the whole dancing scene was purely based on friendship... well, at least on Discord's end. Cheerilee and Twilight could've had all sorts of naughty thoughts going on for all I know.
2342213
I'm just saying, if anyone wants to make a picture to go along with that, I'd be thrilled.
Don't like it. Sorry.
I am unfortunately the type destined to eternally be in the disliking-minority regarding a number of things, it would seem, and this story seems to be one of them. It being a personal pet peeve when someone doesn't say why they don't like a story, I'll get into that (in rant form, apologies). But first, I will say, the writing (in terms of grammar and syntax and such) is fine. I never saw any real notable issues. It's the story conflict and plot I found just kind of... eeeeeeeeeeh.
Celestia, the one who initiated his redemption in possibly one of the most trusting, over-optimistic moves ever, is the most suspicious one? That seems strange. And she appears to be doing a lot of things that would hamper the odds of success of her own plan--limiting Discord's range of freedom, stopping him from going to Ponyville to see his, you know, only friend (odd he still hasn't gone to see Fluttershy, on that note), not announcing the redemption plan anywhere, relying on Discord behaving without any real ability to stop misbehavior despite clearly not trusting him... etc... just seems like this would be an all-or-nothing sort of plan, you know? Not the sort of thing you could try with reservations.
Luna being his immediate friend... sort of makes sense, but not too much. They are both immortal, and both are theoretically being redeemed, but Luna had more of an emotional reason and seemed to be magically corrupted, while Discord has more of an existential conflict with peaceful existence. He doesn't really have a goal, and his problems with fitting in are much more deep-set; thus, I don't really feel the "kindred spirit" angle here. Again, it kind of works, just... crudely. Though both the line about the moon and the line about Discord intending to keep Celestia and Luna as friends struck me firmly as creepy as opposed to charming. Discord also came off in that first chapter as kind of forcibly relatable, being a bit too immediately nice, remorseful about actions, and, of course, being meditative. Which just feels weird. And... I mean, he just assumed he wasn't meant to have friends? He didn't try? He never even forcibly made fake-friends with like mind control or something?
Discord seems to keep randomly switching between still being kind of snarky and not-really-accepting of the whole "friendship," idea, and being nervous about and overly-serious about the idea of redeeming himself publicly. And, again, him being a charismatic immortal, him being nervous and afraid of rejection feels somewhat... strange. It could work, but I don't feel it did as presented. It felt a bit too sudden-onset, especially since (if Celestia's been keeping him cooped up, not announced his reformation publicly, and the like) he'd probably be wearing off the "I gained a friend!" good feels and becoming more bitter and suspicious about the whole idea. Again. Him feeling guilty about everything suddenly also gave me the terrible suspicion he was lying to the crowd before I remembered what the story was about, simply because I don't feel his more negative attributes would have healed so quickly, a lack of regard for others being the top one.
And, regarding this last chapter; everypony accepts him being good without a single one of them demanding any sort of proof or effort to make up for prior mistakes on basis of a single emotional speech? Well, he's an immortal. Who was really charismatic. If they all swing to complete forgiveness--and supposedly, friendship--just from a speech, despite him doing real damage and being sincerely somewhat sociopathic, if not evil, they'd be kind of... dumb. I mean. I'm pretty sure he could have faked it. I'm just saying, dude's immortal. If anyone could act insanely well just to mess with people (and would), it'd be Discord, and even if in this story it isn't, I can't help but feel one of the ponies would have such suspicions.
I dunno. I get what you were going for, but I don't feel you pulled it off with what you went with. Discord feels off-character, conflict seems a bit contrived or settled too easily, and the whole thing is based around an episode where the base premise, conflict, and conflict resolution all felt kind of rushed and illogical.
Though, clearly, other people are loving this, so... Yeaaaaaaaaaah...
Personal dislike aside, I can see the appeal. Even if I disagree with it enough to write out an admittedly somewhat pointless rant. Hopefully it strikes as more constructive than flow-breaking, but there it is. With that, I creep away to my dark lair, where I will write pretentious things about cynical philosophy.
Gah, a text wall criticism comment feels horribly distasteful.
Apologies.
Well, since I want 50 more chapters, can I comment 50 times to get them? Or do you need a few per chapter? Maybe 500 comments?
2342632 I shall try, but I make no promises...
Wow, expected a totally different type of party changing by Discord. Something where a techno dj would be more in place. But that is what would have been expected, so he was being very chaotic by being somewhat refined.... well played
.
loved this chapter.
Woo, light background shipping! More... Oh, you know me. I'm a shipper. Don't make it a romance if you don't want to.
Fantastic work anyway. I was sniffling at discord's confession.
...FIMFiction, Y U No have Discord emote?
i loved it
i loved the idea of discord warped room, the only place as chaotic as dicord.
and "sir discord" apology
its great
5 out of 5 moustaches
moore claptures plocks
Well after reading this chapter I have to say that *reads 2342659's comment*...what the--ninja'd! Hey wait a minute, it's my job to be overly cynically ranty about stories that everyone likes but I find has problems.
Oh well, at least I can take solace in knowing that I am not alone in being ranty, so yay me
. Anyway, what Deprave said is pretty much my thoughts on the past three chapters. The characters that we do know about are spot on and like him or her I personally dislike background pony fan pandering; mostly because its always the same things all the time and the same known fan characters all the time. Ironically, the character that was mentioned in the last chapters, Screwball I think, intrigued me the most because it was someone different and I had never heard of wanted to hear more about but instead we got the usual suspects. At this point, including the usual background cast is like the T-Rex/ carnivorous killing machine quota in the Jurassic Park films; its expected to be filled when low and not really surprising when it is but to each his own. The only thing that I will comment on that Deprave didn't mention is character shipping. 
Now before the boos and claims that I just don't understand like love start flying, let me just say I generally don't like shipping unless the writer can convince me that these two characters belong together. In other words, that a loving relationship outside of the physical can exist and not shift the focus of the story and can add a layer of depth to both the shipped and the characters that help in the shipping process. If the characters themselves are better off being together, it's a natural progression of the story, their relationship goes beyond the physical and covers all aspects of a emotional romantic relationship (even the ugly aspects of it) and you can convince me within the story (that means not resulting to explaining it in the author's notes or comments) that this is possible, then I have no problems with shipping. Heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual, whatever, so long as you can convince me of the previous, then fine. As it stands at this point, I'm not convinced and see this as just shipping just to ship characters who aren't normally shipped together. This is the main reason I dislike shipping, because it is almost always done for some loving relationship to exist within the story. To your credit, you did warn us in the premise that there would be shipping going on, however to do so just to add sauciness and to ship well known shipped characters feels like a shameless, for lack of a better word, ploy to draw in fans of those ships to read this story who may not have otherwise done so. I'm not saying don't have shipping unless you meet my standards, I'm not that narcissistic. I don't hate shipping on principle (provided its done well), I hate the motives and intentions for shipping. It's a largely personal thing, but provided you can avoid derailing your story with a shipping sub-plot that the rather large majority of readers want (myself not included) then I suppose you'll be fine. If not....well good luck putting out those infernos.
Overall, I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, I like the idea, premise of this story, and the fact that the established characters are for the most part, in character and behave like their established characters (i.e. Pinkie Pie doesn't just start writing depressing poetry for no explained reason). On the other hand, I dislike the execution of said premise and ideas and characters. I did find the character interactions to be relatively intriguing and entertaining at times (its nice to see that someone else understands that there is more to Pinkie Pie than just being a hyper-active, overly friendly, random, motor-mouth), however the big things like Celestia being suspicious, the whole town just forgiving him because of one speech and the fact that Discord emotionally waffles more than Fluttershy does on a normal day just rubbed me the wrong way. The speech apology worked for the crusaders because let's face it, they're kids and its impossible to stay mad at kids for a long time, a grown adult who's been around for thousands of years and who knows better doesn't get the same kind of pass that they do. Discord's constant "desire" for friends and acceptance just seems forced at times. I have a hard time believing that he desires friends and to be accepted to this degree after making and being accepted by only one friend. Wanting of friends and wanting to be accepted are entirely different, but desire--an extreme wanting or need--is something that I just cannot believe the SPIRIT OF CHAOS AND DISHARMONY would want after only experiencing it one time. It's like gaining a desire for chocolate ice cream after having just one scoop of it. Like Deprave, I'll end up being in the minority that get what it is that you want to do just not liking the execution. Anyways, good luck with the rest of your story and sorry for the long rant.
2349233 Magic got it
2342659
I'm with Deprave on this for much of the same reasons, particularly the off-character portrayal of Discord. He's so... wussy. And that's part of where my biggest issue is.
There's no conflict. Like at all. Three chapters in, and you've eliminated nearly every option for conflict in the story.
Discord being torn between desire for friendship vs his own nature and past? There's none of that, he's remorseful but eager to make friends.
Discord earning the trust of the Elements of Harmony? Done, without even much time given toward distrusting or suspicion of him.
Discord earning the trust of the town he had tormented, who hadn't known about his reformation? All their fears are washed away with some sappy words that felt completely out of sync with the character speaking them.
It's not with Discord proving himself to Celestia and Luna, since he's shown that he's capable of fulfilling his side of the arrangement without so much as a grumble on his part.
There's no conflict. There's no suspense in this story or hook to make me wonder about where it will go. It's not going to end with finally Discord 'accepting harmony', because that's how he starts this. Unless he's going to turn into a rainbow-shitting explosion of friendship, there's nowhere else for him to develop.
Just on this beginning and the summary, this doesn't seem like an Adventure story. It's probably better suited to being a Slice of Life, because in those there is the expectation for light fluffy nothingness. There's nothing adventurous about this adventure, in both plot and artistic approach to the story of a villain trying to be redeemed. I'm not saying the story should try to imitate the same boring depiction of that tale--with a character as open as Discord, there should be no problem in writing for his path to redemption.
But when he checks off all the main objectives in the first 12,000 words... There's nothing to look forward to.
dude you are a frekin genius and I would like to add ou to my beta readers if you are willing to askept other wise I will continu to laph my but off
Ps you owe me a new but
except for the whole "parasprite" thing, and that "eternal night" thing, and that "100 years with a some filled sky" thing, and that deal with Zecora, and that "Most Amazing Doll Ever" thing, and that thing with the humungous dog in "It's About Time", and-
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
, and
Say: ALL RIGHT ALREADY!!!
2369569
Aye, but keep in mind, that stuff all happened after that troublesome Twilight Sparkle appeared. But, thanks to her, the awful events she seems to cause always turn out for the best, right?
2384181
But could have been prevented...
Simply lovin this story. Had me in stitches more than several times, so kudos to ya for making this; can't wait for the next chapters!
2342709
Hey at least you gave reasons why you disliked the story, big text walls are good when used right, which you did give reasons, which is good because people who DON'T give reasons are stupid as there's no way to improve the mistakes. You sir, get a up thumb, and a mustache for your efforts!
After reading all the comments of De Lancie writing or reading this, I can safely say that it would be a great promotional scheme if they had him read this story on the Hub in between commercials... FIMFiction would be booming! The parents would sue someone for their kids going somewhere with so many clopfics...
2365795 And then suddenly... explosions!
2349233 No, it's MY job! I am the cynical-est pony ever! In fact, I'm so cynical I'm going to criticize your review of this story!
(Ok, I'm actually too lazy to do that...)
2349233 >>>It's like gaining a desire for chocolate ice cream after having just one scoop of it.>>>\
*finishes another 5 gallons of chocolate ice cream* Urp... that's probably not the best analogy to use... it happens...
Oh I know! It's like getting addicted to heroin after... no... no, that's no good either.
Whoahhhh... textwalls.
I just love how you didn't specify if the Turntable and Pinkie's dress were Discord's doing or Pinkie's...