Chaos is in the Eye of the Beholder

by MaeceusMan

Epic Rap Battles of Equestria! Discord vs. Zecora

Author's Note:

The first winner of Discord's The Contest was DarkStarWolf53, for his contest entry:

"I highly doubt it will happen, but I really hope that in the finale, Discord double-crosses Celestia and the Mane Six, and takes over Equestria."

A guess so accurate Discord was forced to count it as a winner, because it did not say in the rules that you could not time travel to learn the correct answers in advance!

Thanks for reading, vote on the winner in the comments, and the other prize/prizes will be awarded in short order.

Welcome everypony, to this edition of Epic Rap Battles of Equestria!

I'm your host, Pinkie Pie, and I'm here today in the Eye in the Sky Balloon accompanied by my co-host and good friend-

Spike the Dragon here. Thanks for that great intro Pinkie, but I'll take it from here.

Today we see the re-emergence of two rapping heavyweights , Discord and Zecora, though-

Though not in the way you'd expect! This is no grudge match we're seeing today! Instead it seems that Discord was involved in some kind of contest?

That's right Pinkie, Discord has had a popular internet blog running for a while now, and it seems as a publicity stunt he let the winners choose the content of his next few entries!

How brave! I can only imagine the crazy requests something like Discord would be asked to do, but...

...but lucky for us he started with a good one! Discord vs. Zecora in a full on Rap Battle! You know, Pinkie, the request actually asked for the match to be rigged in Discord's favor?

No! Really?!?!

Yes, but apparently Discord has resolved since the 'Tirek Incident' to do the right thing, so he will not even be using his magic for this fight!

But the visual metaphor is the strongest weapon in Discord's arsenal! Can he still win without it?

No telling Pinkie, Zecora is the reigning Equestrian Rap Battle Champion two years in a row now. And Discord has only ever really held to the middle of the pack in terms of his own battles, even when he has used magic.

That's true. And who can forget the world famous match between Zecora and Iron Will, when...

OH! Sorry Pinkie, but we will have to cut you off. It looks like the battle is about to begin! We take you now to the stage where Princess Twilight Sparkle has agreed to act as mediator for today's event...

"Now I want a good clean match, from both of you."

Twilight glares at Discord at the comment, to which he shrugs away sheepishly....

"SPIKE!"

Ah! Sorry Twilight, I guess the mic was still on! Heh!

"Thank you. Now, as I was saying. This will be a clean match. No chaos magic or performance enhancing potions of any kind are allowed. Discord, as the challenger, will start. Zecora returns. They may then each end with a shorter follow up to their rap. And, as always, the winner is determined by a vote. You may each now say a few words before the match starts. Discord?"

DISCORD

Thank you Princess, for that marvelous introduction! I just want to make a quick shout out to DarkStarWolf53, the winner of my 'The Contest', whose prize was this whole rap battle! I hope this lives up to your expectations DarkStarWolf53, for your entry that was so close to what actually happened at the end of season 4 that I am fairly sure you cheated via time travel!

I'd also like to thank you, Zecora, for agreeing to this battle, I know how far a walk it must be for you to get to town like this. Of course, if I lived in an overgrown mud hut in the middle of the jungle, I'd look for any excuse to leave it too! Ha ha ha ha!

Oh! Looks like the crowd really ate up that heckling! We come now to Zecora's reply...

ZECORA

Oh my, snake horns, what an interesting quip! I doubt anything I could say to that would count as more than a blip! Of course I'm happy now to battle you, it's really my treat! Though I can certainly assure you that soon you too will bleat.

OH! And Zecora makes a call back to the great Iron Will fight! You know Pinkie, up until now it was only rumor that Iron Will actually started bleating when he realized he had lost that famous championship match!

That's right Spike, and it looks like several guards are having to restrain Discord, who has made a lunge at the Zebra, yelling a great deal of profanity!

But like a true champion, Zecora just stands there, a sly smirk on her lips.

We'll be right back, after this commercial break...

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!

It's Cloudsdale!

No! It's Derpy's Delivery Service!

"Hi there, guys! I'm Derpy!"

Hi Derpy!

"Did somepony order half a box of muffins?"

Uhh... no, I ordered five whole boxes of muffins...

"Oh! My bad!"

Ha ha ha! Oh Derpy...

Derpy's Delivery Service. We're fast. Just don't send muffins!

(Jingle plays)

Sigh...

What's wrong Vinyl?

What's it look like? I dropped my bass...

Oh no! You dropped it? Where?

I dropped it all over Ponyville! That's right, it's the 133.7 FM Vinyl Scratch Drop The Bass Summer Bash! Live show at Ponyville Pavilion with special guest performances by MandoPony and WoodenToaster! Tickets are going fast! Be there, or be lame!

--Tickets are limited to one per pony, all entrants must be at least 16 years of age, void where prohibited, see website for details--

Hi there. I'm... well, I'm Fluttershy. And these are homeless animals. Look into their big sad eyes. Now look into mine.

YOU. WILL. BUY. THESE. ANIMALS. TODAY.

Umm... thank you for your time.

Aaaaaaannnnnd were back! Pinkie Pie here!

And Spike of course!

And it looks like the situation down on the stage has settled down considerably.

That's right Pinkie, the crowd has quieted down, and so will we. We go now to Discord, who has the mic...

DISCORD

Oh my goodness, is it that time again?
When you have to get served as part of my master plan?
I'm the Master, of Chaos, the greatest MC!
And you're about to go down, cause I'm friends with a tree!

Oh that's right, did you forget, cause I'm with the mane six!
And they only ever come to you to get out of a fix.
I'm the magical key for the Harmony sextet!
You're a lonely striped reject, just how sad can you get?

You hide in the woods among cedars and spruce,
Mixing up vials full of substance abuse.
And your dark magic potion makes me ask I confess,
Are you sure you're no evil enchantress?

ZECORA

Ah the chaos thing, it has come out to play,
Well I am happy now to tell you it is better this way!
For you call yourself chaos while you dominate,
Then for what, I must ask, do you compensate?

You're not the only one around whose gone blue in the face.
Only we've had to do it to put you in your place!
I don't know why any of us even bother,
Why don't you get your own glass of water!

We're as sick of you as can be. And yes, you are friends with a tree!
If it wasn't cause the princess asked her, I bet she'd leave you in a blur!
Plus she's friends of all creatures, both big and small,
Maybe she's just friends with you so she can collect them all?

DISCORD

You're a black and white character, it's right there on your plot,
You might as well stay hidden in that hood that you've got.
You only brew potions and rhyme without reason.
Face it. You're just so last season.

There's no magic today, I've been told to play fair,
Though I really don't need it, I'm just so debonair!
If I become a dog, bend over, and start lappin',
Even that would taste better than your rappin'!

ZECORA

The dog is appropriate, cause that's all you were,
As you betrayed us all to Tirek in one hell of a blur.
But that's not really fair, since on and on you have droned.
You know what? I think it's cause you're always so stoned!

Didn't I already beat your leg in a battle?
You must have taken it from my mantle.
And I can't think how else to tell you,
But I think you were better as Q.

Who won? Who's next? You decide!

Epic Rap Battles of Equestria!

Go online to vote for the winner!

This has been a MaeceusMan production.

Comments

[Voltrasin]

WE LOVE YOU DISCORD!!!