Monty Pony and the Holy Grail

by Rainbowrash

This is Your Purpose, Twilight

"And that, my Queen, is how we know the earth to be apple-shaped."

Twilight nodded to Applejack. "This new learning amazes me, Applejack. Explain again how a diamond dog's bladder can be used to prevent earthquakes."

"Oh certainly, my Queen!"

The knights of the round stable were finishing their long trot back to Canterlot, where they would sleep and set up their homes. Their was Twilight, all four of the knights, and a dragon servant for each of them, holding their belongings. Applejack had been teaching Twilight all of his interesting 'facts' the whole time, which confused all of the other knights greatly, who started searching desperately for something to shut them up. Suddenly, Rainbowdash saw the thing she was looking for. She pointed her hooves at a castle and shouted, "Look, my Queen!"

Twilight looked on. "Canterlot!"

Applejack looked up. "Canterlot!"

Fluttershy looked up. "Canterlot."

Spike whispered to Twilight, "It's only a model."

Twilight shushed her quickly. "Knights, I bid the welcome to your new home. Lets trot. To Canterlot! Wow, that rhymed."

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Five ponies were standing in front of the gate to Canterlot, singing;

We're the Knights of the Round Stable
We dance whenever we are able!
We love routines, and tolerate scenes,
You can't watch us on cable!
We dine well here in Canterlot,
We eat oats and hay and oats a lot!

Suddenly, four knights jumped on top of a table and started tap-dancing, throwing all of the food all over the place and kicking random ponies to the ground. The ponies at the gate continued singing;

We're the Knights of the Round Stable
Our show. Is impec-able!
Though many times we are given lines,
that don't quite seem able.
We're not so fat in Canterlot,
People of all ages watch our show a lot!

The knights continued their dance, destroying all the food that was on the table. Even the prisoners were moving to the beat while hung up by chains. They continues singing;

Oh we're cute and able!
Quite indefatigable!
Between our quests we do our best
We're made on a writing table!
It's a bit too loud in Canterlot;

I have to push the Pram a lo-ooooooooooooooooooooooooo-ot!"

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Twilight awoke from her quick daydream and quickly said, "On second thought, lets not go to Canterlot, for it is a silly place." All the knights nodded in agreement and they trotted away promptly.

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The Knights of the Round Stable continued on their trek with no actual destination, since they decided against going to Canterlot. They trotted all over the place, including going through woods, towns, and open field. At one point, they were in the open field and a cloud in the sky opened up, revealing a lot of light, and a pink pony popped out of the opening in the cloud and said, "Hey guys! Oh, why are you all dressed like knights. Are you on a journey. OOOOHHHH, a journey! Can I come? Who knows, maybe we can have a PARTY! And then we could eat cake! And then we could-"

"Pinky, what are you doing?" Twilight spoke up.

"Oh. I saw you guys on the ground and was like 'what!?!' and then I broke the fourth wall which was like 'whoosh' and then I opened up this cloud which was like 'boom' and now I'm here talking to you!"

Twilight facehooved and said, "Well when we started the story, we asked if you wanted to join, and you said no, because you were messing around with the fourth wall, so at the very start we said that you will not be with us."

"Well how about I join now?"

"No, Pinky, we started already."

"Well did you ask the author?"

"The who? No, you can't join. It's too late."

"Okey-Kokey-Lokey then! I'll start a party elsewhere! Bye!"

Then as quickly as the cloud opened, it closed, and then reopened, and Celestia appeared in the cloud this time. Once she appeared, she said in a majestic, echoing voice, "Twilight Sparkle, Queen of the Britons, I have a sacred- why does this bright light not make you avert your eyes?"

Fluttershy said, "Um, because, your majesty, the we were already looking at it."

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Pinkie?"

Twilight nodded. "Yep."

Celestia facehooved and continued talking in her more majestic, echoing voice, "Twilight Sparkle, Queen of the Britons, I have a sacred task for you." Suddenly, Celestia disappeared and her image was replaced by that of a golden chalice with many multi colored gems on it. "This, Twilight, is the Holy Grail. Look well, Twilight, for it is your sacred duty to find this. It is your duty, the Quest for the Holy Grail!"

Celestia then disappeared, the light dimmed down, and the clouds closed. The band quickly started talking,

"A quest!"

"From the lord!"

"Gods be praised!"

As they all talked in excitement, Celestia was about to relax when Pinky appeared. "Hi Princess! How's it going! I'm Pinky Pie and, oh wait, you know my name, silly me! Well hows it going! What did you just do? Did you just send them on a quest? That's so cool! I wish I was there! We could all be on the adventure together and be like 'whoosh' and then we could dance like 'weee' and-"

"Pinky," Celestia said quietly, "You do notice the grail does not exist."

Pinky looked perplexed and looked at Celestia, "Then why would you send them... OOOOHHHHHH!" Celestia put on a malicious face. Pinky said, "Your such a troll, Celestia!"

"That's Trollestia to you."

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The band decided that they needed rest for the night, and wanted to see if they could gain entrance to a nearby castle for the night. The ponies and dragons trotted to the nearest one and stood at the bottom of the castle, and Twilight screamed, "Hello? Anypony their?"

A pony wearing a rounded helmet appeared on the top of the castle. "Hallo. Who is zis?"

"It is I, Twilight Sparkle, Queen of the Britons, and my Knights of the Round Stable. Who's castle is this?"

"This is the castle of our master Laura de la lu Faust."

"Well tell her that we have been charged by Celestia on a sacred quest. If you are willing to give us shelter for the night you would be allowed to accompany us in our quest for the Holy Grail."

"Sure, I will ask him, but he already has one, you see."

"Are you sure you got one?"

"Yes, I'm quite sure." The guard lowered himself and whispered to his guards, "I said we already got one." Chuckling followed.

Twilight asked, "Well, could we come up and have a look?"

"Well of coarse not, you silly Ponyvillian types!"

"Well then what are you?"

"I am Prench. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent?"

Applejack asked, "Who are the Prench?"

"You've never heard of the Prench? We are a group of people who come from Prance."

Spike rolled his eyes. "If there is another stupid pun like that..."

Twilight interrupted. "Well then what are you doing here in Equestria?"

"I don't know, ask the author!"

"Who? Oh, never mind that. If you don't show us the grail we will take your castle by force!"

"You don't frighten me, you Ponyvillian diamond dogs. Go and boil you bottoms, you sons of a mare dog! I blow my snout at you, so called Twilight-Queen, you and all your Ponyvillian hoodlums!" He then made an awkward spitting sound while holding both of his hooves to his head.

Rarity commented, "Oh, these ponies are SO disgraceful! They are just SO disturbing and inpony-mane! Such ruffians!"

Twilight shouted, "Now, you Prench, look here-."

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed dragon food! Stop whining, you white-coated cow dung! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a Hydra, and your father smelled of zap apple cider!"

Applejack asked, "Is there anyone else we can talk to?"

The guard continued, "I recommend that you leave now before I'm forced to taunt you a second time-a!"

Twilight continued, "Now I have been more than reasonable about this..."

The Prench soldier disappeared for a second and screamed to the other Prench guards, "Fetchez la vache."

One replied, "What?"

"Fetchez la vache!"

Twilight was confused, but was still trying to persuade him. "If you do not list- Holy crap!"

Suddenly, a cow was mid air towards their position. Before they could react, it landed on on of the dragons holding one of the knight's bardings. Twilight screamed, "Al righty then! Charge!" The knights charged towards the castle and began slicing up the wall in a futile attempt to destroy it, and the dragon servants retreated. Once at the wall, the Prench guards hurtled all kinds of animals down at them, like rabbits, chicken, and so on. Fluttershy attempted to care for all of them, in which she quickly helped out the ones who were to hurt to get back up. After a while, Twilight screamed, "Run away!" Once the word was said, they all retreated except Fluttershy who was caring for some animals. Rainbowdash quickly got her out of there. Once they retreated, they met up with their dragons behind a hill.

Twilight asked, "What do we do now?"

Applejack replied, "I have a plan, ma'am."

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The Prench guard from earlier stayed sentry up on top of the castle. He was looking around to see if the Ponyvillians try to counterattack. He was just about to walk inside when,

Boing!

The guard flinched. He began to look around frantically for the sound.

VVrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

He looked everywhere for the sound, but saw nothing. He then started to hit himself on the head and walked away when...

rumble... rumble... SQUEAK!

He saw it. A giant wooden donkey was being pushed towards their castle. It was poorly made, but the guard's eyes lit up at it as if it was an amazing work of art. The donkey was pushed up to the front gate of the castle, and some ponies ran away from it. The guard wanted the donkey for reasons that I am not allowed to tell you since it will spoil the next scene for you (even though you most likely saw the movie before since you are reading this and got this far).

The front gate opened and three Prench helmets appeared, and then their bodies and tails. They all got to the donkey and pulled it into the castle and closed the gates. Not to far off, our heroes were watching their plan unveil.

Twilight asked Applejack, "OK, the donkey is in. Now what?"

She replied, "Well now we wait until night time and when everyone is asleep, we will jump out of the donkey and catch them all by surprise."

"Well who is going to jump out?"

"Well, it would be me, Rainbowdash, Rarity, and , oh..." Following these words was an applause of facehooves. "Well, if we could make a wooden alicorn..."

A loud crack was made from near the castle, and the wooden donkey was flying right for them. Twilight screamed, "RUN!" The 'brave' band of knights all ran in random directions, but one of the dragon servants was staring at the donkey like a deer staring into the lights of a car. He was pondering what it was.

And then it hit him. (That was literal, not figurative)

The donkey squashed the servant flat, and the others just stared at him. The knights had a moment of silence, ignoring the Prench cheering and taunting.

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An old pony was standing in front of a camera, and another pony put an action sign in front of it that read 'Movies for school take 8.' He closed the cutter and the director screamed "Action!"

The old pony spoke. "Defeat at the Prench castle had utterly disheartened Twilight. The ferocity of the Prench taunting had taken him completely by surprise! Twilight consulted her closest knight and decided that they should split up on their search for the grail if they wanted the quest to end up successful. So the first thing that-" The sword that was flung out of the black knight's magical grasp had then found its home in the old pony's chest.

An old mare ran up to the dead pony screaming, "Carrot Cake! No!"

Author's note - Please leave any comments, constructive criticism, or so on under this. This is my first story and would like to know everything I am doing wrong or need to improve on. Good night and thanks for all the ponies.

Comments

[Molotov Delivery]

I loved the remake of the song of Camelot. I've been like through the whole story. And I love Trollestia.

[Evowizard25]

Carrot Cake? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Fallen Prime]

Not bad. Seems a little rushed, but I like it so far.

If Tim the Enchanter ends up being Trixie, I so called it.

[Glare]

Laura de la lu Faust.
icwutudidthere
/tracked