BLAMMO!

by 2K Chrome

Round 1 Day 2.3

“Now then, Miss Rainbow Dash, you have gotten Miss Lily, correct?”

“Yep, that’s my second Blammo. Pretty impressive, huh?” boasted the cyan Pegasus.

“Quite,” the facilitator pony answered, a bit sarcastically. Scrolling down her list, she placed a large red “X” over Lily’s name. Glancing at the name below, the pony continued.

“You’re next target is the Doctor Romana Colgate.”

“Dr. Colgate? You mean my dentist?” asked Rainbow.

“Miss Rainbow Dash, I have no idea who any of the ponies in the competition are. Now would you please move so that I may attend to the ponies behind you?” the pony rudely asked.

Rainbow mumbled something inaudible, cursing off the bad-mannered facilitator. Doctor Colgate was a fantastic dentist, known throughout Equestria for her extraordinary toothpaste. Not only that, but she had some of the most advanced pieces of equipment for her dentistry, even if they were a bit questionable. And overall, she was a very nice pony.

But there was a reason ponies refrained from going to Colgate’s office. A strange tendency to brush the manes of her clients with her trademark toothbrush. Indeed, on her days off, the mare could be seen across Ponyville, attacking unsuspecting ponies from behind and vigorously brushing their manes. Screaming on the ground, the ponies would struggle to get out of Colgate’s grasp, but to no avail. After all was said and done, the ponies would look up at their gloriously brushed mane and yell in terror. Yes, some would say that Colgate was perhaps a bit insane. The way the mare’s pupils would dilate whenever she saw an unsuspecting pony. The way she would tense up until she finally got her hooves on her target, relaxingly stroking the victim’s mane as the pony would scream into the air.

Speaking of which, the dentist stared intensely at the departing head of rainbow hair. Breathing heavily, heart beginning to race, Colgate reached back into her saddlebag. Brushie… Brushie… Brushie… Taking out her toothbrush, the pony took a step towards Rainbow before quickly stopping herself. As pleasing as it would be to brush down that messy mane of the rainbow, there were more important things to take care of. Perhaps some other time. Disappointed, Colgate sheathed her brush and trotted over to the facilitator pony.

“Excuse me?” the unicorn asked.

“Yes?” the facilitator questioned back.

“I just Blammoed my target, Hu… Hugh Jelly. Can I get my next one?” Colgate shuddered at his name. It took her hours to remove all the jelly off of her precious toothbrush, and she could still smell blueberries if she sniffed it.

“Who are you?”

“Oh, right. I am Romana Colgate.”

“Romana Colgate? That’s good, I just saw your name on here. Let’s see…. yes, you’re next target is the Miss Ditzy Doo.”

Ditzy Doo? Her mane is pretty straight…. but I’m sure there are a few curls here and there. Chasing down ponies wasn’t a new activity Colgate had since the game started, she had been doing it for years. Running down scared ponies and attacking their manes. Good times.

“Thank you,” replied an appreciative Colgate. It wouldn’t be hard for the dentist to find the mare, or anypony at that. As all physicians do, she had updated files of where all of her patients lived, worked, and much more. Colgate was surprised herself at how long it took to finally get the jelly pony. Hopefully for her, Ditzy Doo wouldn’t be as much of a challenge.

Speaking of which, the wall-eyed mare talked to her coltfriend as she approached the facilitator’s table. Seeing how successful they were with their teamwork to get their first Blammos, Ditzy Doo and Razor Graze considered pairing up.

“How may I help you two?” the facilitator asked.

“My name is Ditzy Doo, and I Blammoed Aloe,” answered Ditzy.

“And my name is Razor Graze, and I Blammoed Lotus,” followed Graze. “Can we get our new targets?”

“Are you sure you two want to hear them together? It’s possible for you two to have one as your target.”

Ditzy and Graze looked over at each other. It was their second targets they were going for, so it didn’t matter. If they were to get one another as a target, the hunter could just do nothing. Seeing that they were thinking the same thing, the couple nodded at the pony across the table.

“Alright then,” the pony said, looking back down on her list, “Miss Ditzy Doo, you have Princess Luna. And Mister Razor Graze, you have Miss Cloud Chaser.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Now that I think about it Dinky, I don’t think this is such a good idea,” told Pipsqueak.

“Pip, we didn’t spend all afternoon making this, just to give up without even trying it. What are you so worried about?” Dinky asked.

“It doesn’t look like a tree at all! And the apples aren’t even red!”

“Hay! The paint store was out of red, so I had to use the next best thing.”

“So you chose salmon pink?”

“It’s pretty close to red….”

“Dinky, you do realize that there are yellow and green colored apples too, right?”

“Don’t be silly Pip, that’s like saying there are yellow cherries or purple grapes.”

Pipsqueak brought a hoof up his face. A long moment of silence passed before the colt finally decided to speak again.

“Listen, I don’t think Big Mac will be fooled by this at all. Maybe we should just move on to a different plan.”

“It’s bound to work. It’s a great idea! And what’s the harm in trying?” Dinky asked.

“Well if…”

“C’mon, it’s almost sundown! If we don’t rush over there now, we’re going to have to wait until tomorrow!”

“But I think…”

“No time to waste! Grab the tree and let’s get going!”

“Wait but if…” Pip started, but it was too late. Dinky was already rushing forward towards Sweet Apple Acres. Letting out a sigh, the colt picked up the tree look-alike by one of its branches, and made his way as well.

“Please move out of the way sir!” Dinky yelled.

Maghus Uncorn slid out of the way of the rushing filly. All he could do was watch curiously as a colt passed by with what appeared to be a cardboard peach tree. Ignoring the strange acts, the unicorn turned to keep on walking home when another unicorn bumped into him.

“Oof! My bad,” the pony said.

Maghus dusted himself and looked at the opposing pony, first checking if he still managed to hold onto his spoon. She was another unicorn with a coat of pure ivory and an electric-blue mane. Large purple shades rested on her eyes and she carried a bulging saddlebag.

“It’s no problem at all,” Maghus replied, “I should have looked where I was going.”

“Oh, okay,” said the pony, shrugging off any other sign of apology. “So where are you headed?”

“Umm… home?”

“Pffft…” sounded the pony, waving a hoof as if shooing away the notion. “That’s boring. Why don’t you head on over to the club with me?”

“The club? I don’t know…”

“Come on! Just a little bit of time listening to some awesome music, maybe dance with a few mares, have a drink or two… doesn’t that sound fun?” insisted the unicorn.

“Yes, it does, but… wait, you don’t even know me!”

“I don’t know you yet. Now come on, the club’s waiting.”

“But I…”

“Alright listen. I don’t know how much experience you have, but when a hot mare like me asks you to go to the club, you’re supposed to say yes. Got it?”

Maghus rolled his eyes. There was no point in arguing with this one. And perhaps she was correct, he didn’t have anything too important planned. A nice night out did seem like an enjoyable idea. Vinyl stared intently at the unicorn in front of her, waiting for a response, although he couldn’t tell with her glasses on.

“Well, I guess there’s no harm in going. Alright, I’ll come,” Maghus finally replied.

“Awesome! You won’t regret it!” Vinyl exclaimed, taking Maghus and pulling him towards the direction of the club.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Tell me again why we’re still bucking for apples?” Big Macintosh asked.

“Because,” Applejack started, rolling her eyes, “Apple Bloom is going ter git Blammoed by Fluttershy tonight, more than likely. That leaves only you to git the bits to fix up the farm. So if we buck some more apples today, we can spend the rest of tomorrah lookin’ fer yer target.”

“Well ah never really joined the game to win sis. And why are you so gung ho about Blammo anyway? There’re hundreds of ponies in the game, why do you want us to win?”

“Big Mac, do ah have to remind ya about 5000 bits? Think about what we can do around the farm!”

“We’ve been just fine without that kinda money. I just don’t see us winnin’ it all.”

“This ain’t like Pegasus Hold ‘Em, Big Mac. We got more control of the game than just the luck of the draw. So y’all better hush up and help out the family!”

A sigh left Big Mac’s mouth. “Fine AJ, whatever floats yer boat.”

Applejack vented out the frustration that was building inside her. Her brother was an easy-going stallion, but sometimes his quiet, lazed attitude was a bit too much for her. “Thanks Mac. Now ah don’t want you lettin’ go of that spoon fer a second. Not one second, ya hear?”

“Eeyup.”

“Great. Now finish up those last group of trees over there, and Granny Smith and ah should have dinner ready by the time you finish.”

The roan stallion complied with a nod and yet another “Eeyup”. Strolling to the indicated group of trees, Big Mac gave each one a swift kick with his hindleg, causing dozens of apples to fall harmlessly into a basket. After a few minutes, his stomach began to grumble.

Somewhat irritated, the stallion picked up his pace. Biting his lip, Big Mac tried to ignore the thoughts of the warm, scrumptious food inside. He could practically taste the sweet apple pie that would inevitably be for dessert.

Absent-mindedly, Big Mac kicked yet another tree, waiting for the apples to drop. But no thuds came from above. The stallion looked up to see dozens perfectly pink apples, still hanging on the tree’s flat branches. Another swift kick, but the apples still stood firm on their roots.

The stallion’s agitation raised another level. He only had a few more trees to go before he could finally head inside. Having no more of the tree’s defiance, Big Mac struck the fauna with both of his hind legs. After hearing the satisfying crunch of the bark, Big mac turned to observe his handiwork.

The tree had a large gaping hole in its bark and was tilting dangerously. Yet the apples still didn’t fall. Clenching his teeth, the stallion prepared himself to give another brutal buck.

“Whoa! Big Macintosh, didn’t ya learn last time about bucking the apples too hard?” a sweet voice said.

Looking around, Big Mac found Apple Bloom trotting over with Dinky Hooves. A flashback quickly came over his eyes of a large apple tree flying over to city hall. Luckily, nopony believed one stallion could send a fully grown tree soaring through the skies.

“Eeyup,” Big Mac responded.

“What’s wrong?” Dinky asked.

“Apples won’t fall.”

“Really now?” inquired Dinky. “Maybe you should drop the spoon. It’s getting in the way of your breathing.”

Standing unaware, the stallion suddenly realized he had a spoon in his mouth. It was such a small inconvenience that he didn’t notice it at all. Big Mac switched his gaze from the barn to the leaning pink apple tree.

“Well ah guess. Just make sure not to tell AJ, ya hear? She told me not to let go of mah spoon, but this’ll only be a second,” replied Mac, handing his spoon to Apple Bloom. The filly gagged as she held the slobbery spoon away from her. Still, better than having to carry Granny Smith’s dentures.

“Now Pip!”

Dashing out from behind the tree, a white colt rushed in front of Big Macintosh, spoon high in his hoof, the colt valiantly shouted out,

“BLAMMO!”

Applejack dropped the plate of fritters she was carrying. Ignoring the scattered crumbs and shattering dishware, along with Granny Smith’s rant, the country mare trotted over to the window. Breathing hard through her nose, Applejack struggled to contain her fury. She told him not to do it. She told him not to let go of his spoon. He even said he wouldn’t. But as she gritted her teeth, there he was outside, no spoon on him. And next to him, little Pipsqueak raising his own spoon up to him.

“Winona, fetch me mah rope,” Applejack muttered. The dog barked in response and rushed to fufill her master’s deed. Thank Celestia Apple Bloom was having a sleepover at somepony else’s house. For if she stayed with her brother and sister that night, the trauma would have been hard to overcome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ Girokon’s conscience Break writes in these bracket and bolded]
<His consciences Dawn writes in these and italics>
{He respond in these}

Darkness enveloped Maghus Uncorn. But within the darkness flashed lights of all colors. Purple, blue, red, green, all the colors of the rainbow were swinging in front of his eyes. The unicorn could feel his face burning as he stood in front of them room, right next to the very DJ of the house. He could almost feel all the eyes that were looking at him.

“Mind taking the turntable for a bit?” the mare next to him suddenly asked.

Maghus dropped his jaw. “Are you kidding me? You can’t just leave me here. I don’t even know how to work this thing!”

“It’ll only be for a moment,” Vinyl responded, laying a reassuring hoof on his shoulder. “It’s easy. Okay, beat is an essential thing, it's not always about bass. When you get a good rhythm going, you cycle through songs by turning this dial. When you think you've got a track, hit the red button here, and listen on the headphones. If you think you can incorporate that song into the set and keep the beat, then go with your gut and roll with it!"

“Are you sure about this? I don’t know if I can do this…”

“It’s only for a moment. Be right back!” And with that, Vinyl rushed off of the stage, leaving Maghus alone to keep the party going. Peering down at the many buttons and dials on the contraption in front of him, panic started to spread on him like wildfire. What am I supposed to do?! How could she just leave me here like this? AH!

“What brings you here Girokon?” asked Vinyl.

“It’s about time you came, I was calling you for like, forever. I’m just here for a little bit of change in scenery. Who’s the new kid?”

“Oh, he’s just my Blammo target. I’m waiting for him to let go of his spoon so I can finally get him. If worse comes to worst, I'll just buy a few drinks, that should get him to drop it. But for now, I’m making sure he stays in my line of sight.”

“Alright, just wanted to check up on things. How are you planning to DJ while holding your spoon?”

“Magic of course! It is the advantage of unicorns,” Vinyl replied. Suddenly, the music stopped. Vinyl turned her red eyes to Maghus, standing sheepishly in front of the turntable, a blush showing surprisingly red on his cheeks. With a facehoof, Vinyl said, “Alright, I better go. The kid looks like he needs help.”

“Right…. Well see ya!”

[How are we supposed to get her if all she is going to do is stay up there and DJ all night?]
{What makes you think I have a clue? I can’t do anything to her if she keeps holding her spoon with her magic!}
<You guys didn’t listen at all when Carpe Diem said the rules, did you?> Silence passed.
[Well out with it! What’s this “loophole” you’re talking about?]
<If you were any smarter Break, you would have heard him say that nopony is allowed to forcibly take their target’s spoon.>
[Exactly.]
<Hold on! He said right after, that a pony is allowed to snatch it from the pony if they are not touching it.>
{Keep going.}
<So, since Vinyl is using her magic, she technically isn’t physically touching her spoon. So all you have to do is fly up there, take her spoon, and Blammo her!>
{That’s brilliant!}
<Thank you.>
[Alright, alright, don’t get too cocky. It's not that great of a plan. Anyways, what are we going to do about that other unicorn. He is Vinyl’s target, should we go after him too?]
<Why not? It’s a double kill!>
{Well then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Notes: I could've made this chapter longer, but I can't stand to make you guys keep on waiting. I'm sorry I update so slowly, I really am. :( In case you are wondering about some of the ponies that were mentioned in this chapter, here are some links:

Romana T. Colgate is a background pony. Just a week ago, this was the only acceptable story with Colgate as the main character. There's also a mature story with the same title, but it's pretty bad. She also has plenty of tumblrs! Here is another one of them.

Maghus Uncorn is an OC from the story A Change of Weather in Ponyville.

Girokon, again, is from the famous Living the Dream.

Comments

[RLYoshi]

THE INTENSITY RISES!

[MLPDavester]

Thanks a lot for putting my OC in man! To be honest I couldn't have written his personality better myself, well done and thanks a lot! Keep up the great story.

[KillJoy]

always love reading Blammo, great job sir

[Lucefudu]

I don't usually make comments this short; but damn... reading about Colgate being a brush psychopath made me chuckle.

*Suddenly, strange ideas to write a Colgate fanfic arise...

[Vinetion]

and thus the final two opponents to each other for the final battle of the spoon. As one raised his spoon ready for the charge the sun was slowly blotted from view. As all the ponies looked up they noticed a million blammo spoons aimed downward as a final attack.

[DevilsMessiah]

Horray for Brushie~~ And yeah, this is a great series, it's just so goddamn unique!