Essence: Past, Present, Future

by IceQB

Chapter 5: Essence

They say that good sisters come once in a lifetime. In that sense, I must be in heaven and hell at the same time.

Time flew by fast, and we stopped by a small stream. The sound of flowing water calmed my frantic soul, and the sight of the distant waterfall rejuvenated my eyes. Nevertheless, it burst with life; flora and fauna of all kinds flourished along the banks of the stream. Co-harmony existed; the dragonflies with the forget-me-nots, the fishes with the kelp, and the frogs with the lily pads. The canopy above it was barren, allowing rays of moonlight to shine onto this place. The branches swayed and the leaves rustled in the slight breeze.

I was admiring the beauty of this place, only to be interrupted by Luna's abrupt question. "Sister, do you know where we are?"

"Uh... A stream?" I titled my head at her, wondering what her rhetorical question was for.

"Yes, you're right... but this... stream is... well... different than others."

"Different?"

"Yes sister." Luna looked up at the night sky. "This place... it... holds a special meaning to my heart." She paused for a while, gazing at the stars, before she looked down again. Her thoughts brought her back to a past where I probably hadn't known about, the past most likely holding onto painstaking memories. Her breath got shallower by the seconds, with her eyelids refusing to blink as she stared into the water. "This was where I... was born."

An 'oh' was all my lips would deliver.

I stood there as the cold winds blew in the night, her last sentence now crushing any climax of a deep dark secret she wanted to reveal to me. I somewhat expected a little more if she planned to build so much suspense, but I guess everyone worked differently. Still, there must be some grave importance as to why she would show me this place.

She turned around, locked eyes, and stared at my skeptical face. "You don't get it, do you? Sister, haven't you ever wondered why we don't have parents, or aunts or uncles for that matter?"

"Well, we are royalty, and we are resurrected souls on Earth, so technically, we weren't born, per se."

"Correct. But even the homeless and the poor have relatives. In a way, we have a relative in ourselves." Her two cobalt eyes were now staring into my violet ones.

"Huh?" My eyes shot up a confounded look, my head titling sideways.

"There are things in the world that many, many do not know about." She broke her stare, turned around and headed towards the edge of the stream. She stood there facing it, then turned her head around slowly and spoke as if she had committed a crime to nature. "Not even big sister Celestia would know."

"Know what?" But my question was left standing by the edge of the forest as she turned around, her mind now focused on the body of water in front of her.

What happened next was unexpected. I stood there in silence, my eyes now focusing on her as she took a step towards the stream. She stopped right before she touched the water, stood still for a while, then leaped and dived into the waters. The reflective surface of the water distorted the shape of her body, her outline now only vaguely visible from the surface.

Her horn then glowed brightly. What happened next was a series of explosions; the ground around me trembled, and the entire stream spouted vertically. The wildlife scampered away, and the fishes flew towards the sky. The force of her magic blew many leaves off, balding most trees. Even a nest of dragons who had taken refuge in a cave nearby evacuated and took flight.

I held my ground as the force pushed everything away, my hooves now attempting to ingrain into the soft mud of the river bank. Battling against the relentless torrent was tough; there wasn't anything in front of me to divert or block any of the waves from hitting me. All I did was slide backwards. I gritted my teeth as I struggled to hold on, fighting a battle with an enemy I could not push back. Leaves, twigs, and the occasional mackerels were even thrown in my face in an effort to knock me off, but I held firm, disallowing my body from surrendering to the strong force.

At last, the whirlpool she had conjured finally stopped, reducing the wind around me to a mere breeze. I looked up, my eyes a little fuzzy from all the dirt and water that flew in, but I could still vaguely see my surroundings: leaves strewed everywhere, fish flopped by the bank and the branches littered in piles. It looked like a hurricane had just torn through this place.

Before I could react to any of these, Luna levitated above the water level, a sphere of light encasing her throughout. Her wings were spanned out and her horn was glowing brightly. I stared at her with one eye--the other closed to shut out the piercing light--and embraced her next move that would most likely blow more stuff away. I was panting heavily; anymore force and I would definitely be flown away like leaves that used to be on trees.

As I tried to catch my breath, her body started twitching. The sparks at the tip of her horn jumped wildly, her magic now fading in strength. Luna had noticed the lack of power in her, and pushed herself with all the force she could muster. With a flick of her head, her eyelids suddenly opened, revealing a white glow in her eyes that resonated pulsing magic, and her glow on her horn shone even brighter than before. She shut her eyes quickly, before releasing a huge burst of light that surrounded us.

When I finally opened my eyes again, I was alone in the forest. And Luna had mysteriously disappeared, leaving behind only the charred remains of my memories, which seemed to had deleted any existence of the last few minutes. The forest; silent. The damage that she had once bestowed upon this area; disappeared. Even the fishes which were once turbulently disturbed in their natural habitat remained unscathed, with the brazen leaves that swung behind me mocking my amnesia.

Stunned, I looked around, hoping to find any clues or reasoning for this strange experience. The trail we once travelled on, as well as the path leading towards the stream, lacked a pair of hoof steps. The wolves stopped howling in the distance, and the night light shone brighter than ever. I looked up at the starry skies, and the moon had ceased itself from Earth. Had I not remembered the moonlight from a few minutes ago, I would have thought that maybe it had been a moon-less night. But the stars that covered the skies emitted a strange warmness; the very same warmness I felt around Luna.

Had this all been a dream, it would have been a confusing one. I took a step forward, and the soft mud thudded. So maybe this isn't a dream after all. I took another step, and another, until I finally reached the stream. So far, so good. So either I'm in some crazy dream, or all of this is very real. With faltering spirit, I extended my hoof towards the water, and slowly submerged half my hoof into it. The water felt cool and refreshing, but I pulled my hoof away, doubting the safety of my actions. I stared at the ripples in the water, revealing my bewildered state, which had turned into an alarming one as a ghostly figure materialised next to my reflections. I stumbled and fell backwards, my face now in full view of the ethereal creature. It was glowing neon green, and its wings and horn had been damaged severely, with bits and pieces missing. Its face was covered by its disheveled hair, which looked like it hadn't been attended to for years, and its cutie mark had vanished.

Don't be alarmed, for you're not in danger, it said. The lips hadn't moved an inch, but its words had risen to my ears. My mouth had remained wide open, and my concentration had remained unchanged. Obediently, I listened to it.

"W-who... w-who are y-you?" My lips quivered, the very essence of my bravery faltering.

I know you better than you know yourself. And you should know too.

Huh? What does it mean by that? I formed my quandary silently in my head.

It means I'm close to you. Real close. The spirit inched its head closer towards mine.

My eyes opened wide in alarm, my heart now quivering in fear. Woah, what? You can hear my thoughts?

I can do more then that, kid. I'm part of you.

Wha- Before I could even complete my thoughts, the spirit tapped its horn onto mine. Sparks formed on the edge of our horns, which turned into rays of light a second later. The rays then discharged themselves and blinded me once again. I sealed my eyes instinctively, and opened them a few seconds later to the sight of another forest; a different one. The air smelled of false accusations and betrayal, and the silence of the forest did not help me with my fears. The palm trees grew tall, bearing meaty coconuts that could drop at any moment in time. The forest was laden with crawling insects, most of which took refuge in broken open coconut husks.

I looked down, and found myself hovering above the ground, my body still as solid as ever though. I tried to move forward, but none of my muscles would budge. My wings were flattened and my magic didn't seem to work. Oh great. Either I'm paralyzed by that freaky ghost thingy, or I'm dead... Stay positive Diane.

Only my head muscles seemed to react to any of my brain's commands, a fact I've come up with after bobbing my head up and down, and sticking my tongue out like a little silly filly. Something glittered in the far left, which my eyes picked up immediately. As I slid my eyes over to that direction, I noticed some pony lying motionless on the ground floor. Insects and vultures had made its way there to scavenge on it, only to flee away in terror by a pack of tigers that came rushing out of the forest. Some unfortunate vultures had their last meal that day, as the tigers pounced and pinned a couple of them, and soon, the whole lot of them were tiger fodder.

I squinted past the raging tigers and shrieking vultures to the inanimate figure. It bore a dull shade of pink and its round eyes were of a dark shade of red. Its once long flowing hair, which consisted of strands of black, pink, yellow and white, had now faded away, the color white showing itself more than any of the other colors. She had a blank flank, which struck me odd. A foal shouldn't be that big, nor would a mare not get its cutie mark after so long...

I pulled myself out of my stare, and turned to face reality.. W-where... w-where are we? I asked, my sense now void of any reasoning in this messed up dream.

My attention swiftly turned towards the ghostly figure that materialized next to me. If I could shudder, I would already have.

"W-what is this? W-why can't I move? And why does it h-have a blank f-flank?"

So many questions kid, so many questions. It shook its head, then let out a slight chuckle. But heh, I'm obliged to give you an answer now, aren't I?

"W-what... w-what is all of this?"

Kid, let me tell you something. You're in the Essence world. It pulled her face close to mine, and its mane dropped to the side of its face, revealing the pristine features it once hid. And I... I'm an Essence. Hi.

I gasped and my eyes opened widely, my head refusing to twitch in shock. I kept shifting my head left and right, comparing the identical features of the corpse and the ghost until the moment of acceptance entered my brain.

"Y-you're... you're her!" I shouted in half shock, half fear. She started pacing around me, her head held up at eye level as her thoughts filled her attention.

The cheerful look she once had disappeared almost instantly. She let out a deep sigh, and her smile quickly faded away. Yes, I was her, but I still am her.

"Huh? Was? Am?" Either the ghost had bad grammar, or she was on to something. Pushing my fears away, I took a deep breath, calming myself down so I could figure out what in the world was happening around me. "So wait, you're Essence of that mare there, and at the same time, you're me too? What? This doesn't make any sense..."

I am her, because of who I am. But I was her, only because I am now part of you. She placed a hoof on where my star cutie mark was.

"Huh? You're confusing me..." This night kept getting weirder and weirder.

Your cutie mark. It's part of who you are, but it's where I reside. You see kid, when your die and when your Essence comes out of your body for good, you become an Essence, and enter another vessel. They let you live once more, in exchange for any and all abilities to interact with the real world. Of course, with some unnatural bending of time and space, we can still do so, just like how I'm talking to you now kid. We also get to retain our thoughts and memories though. To put it simply, each of us can live twice, and experience things twice as long as what most would perceive. So after you die, I'm gone, and you float around some other pony's head. She smiled deviously.

"So... uh... you control me?" How I wish I could wake myself up from this nightmare of mine.

Well, not exactly. You see, each person is different. We're... we're more like a... like a thought bubble in your head that you can never get rid of. Like a conscience. But we can't make you do things at all. At most guide you from where your cutie mark is.

"So my cutie mark is actually where I think? So I think through my bu--"

NO! Don't even say that! That's just plain nasty. We rather think of it as the cutie mark, not... not wherever the cutie mark's located at... And no, you don't think through there actually. We do. You still think up in your head... I hope.

"So... why bring me here? And how did I even get here in the first place?"

Princess Luna's magic, plus a little of mine. She chuckled.

"So wait, why me?"

Because kid, you're special. You're part of who I was, part of who you are now, and soon, part of who we'll become. The past, present, future, so to speak.

"That still doesn't answer my question though."

You see, I'm only you, because of who I was in the past. Your fate. Your roles in society. All because of me. A cackle broke in the sky.

"You were a Princess?" My bewilderment increased threefold.

Well, good try. Princesses don't die, remember? You won't die, Celly won't die, Luna won't die... all of you won't.

"Then how did you--"

Her nonchalant face had suddenly turned red with seething rage, as she gritted her teeth and creased her eyebrows and yelled in my head. I'M NOPONY, OKAY?! NOPONY! EVERY OTHER PONY COULD CARE LESS IF I PASSED AWAY!

"That's not true!" I protested. As much as she was scary, freaky, and as much as all of these did not make sense, she was part of me. What she had gone through, what she had felt, I could feel it too. The betrayal, the loneliness she had put up with, all surfaced within me. "I care!" I blurted out. I felt something resonate in my head; like as if I've rediscovered something I once knew. My innocent eyes started seeing what I couldn't seen, what Luna previously stated: There are many things in the world that many, many do not know about. The world can be cruel at times. Staring at her, I did what I hadn't, and should have, done a long time ago.

"Thank you, for being you. You're awesome. We're awesome, you know that?" I smiled and meant every word I said. Trying to understand myself in the past was like deciphering ancient text; unless I had something to refer to, at most of the time, I came up with explanations and conclusions based on what seemed to be correct at the present moment, but in actuality, was different than what others would perceive me as. I needed two eyes of my own in order to see where I was walking to. A path that I myself couldn't be sure of.

"I mean it. With all of my heart." With that said, her rage settled, and her face metamorphosed into mine, as if I was staring straight into a mirror. With everything unusual happening around me this night, looking at myself talk was so far the freakiest thing I've ever encountered.

Heh, kid, maybe you're special after all. She made her way towards me, and tapped her horn onto mine, which made me flinch a little. I'll see you again kid. I know I will.

With a bright light that emitted from our horns, the scene changed, and I was back once again by the stream. Nostalgia hit me like avalanches of deja vu, my mind playing endless tricks on my memories. Whether I was back in reality, or back in the Essence world, only time could reveal.

The familiarity of the sound of hoof steps behind me reassured my uncomfortable reality, with neither worlds making sense. I swung around, only to be greeted by that one familiar face.

"Luna... is t-that... r-really you?" I stammered, my mane now dishevelled and my eyes that grew weary from all that happened lately.

"Yes, it's me. Luna." She wrapped a hoof around me endearingly again, which I could never grow tired of. "Did you... see her?"

"If you mean myself, then yes." I blinked twice and diverted my eyes over to my cutie mark. The flank that bore that star lived more than who I thought I was. I wasn't just another star in the sky. I was the star in the sky. The one that should have came in acceptance with who I was a long time ago. Except that who I was in the past, I'm not sure of it myself. Life had all been a journey, a path to walk on to find my way. But life had already laid out the paths. It's up to me to follow what it desired me to become, or to do it myself, to brave uncertainty. A Princess? Quite uncertain that I lived to be one. I never did quite accept my fate though, which could have led to superficial personae in me.

"What did you see then?"

"I saw who I was, am, and might become." I hoped Luna understood what I meant, with phrases like these unusual in my vocabulary. "Sister... why did you show me this? And what did it have to do with you?"

"Because sis, you must understand these things before your life continues. You're special. As your sister, I feel obliged to teach--"

Suddenly, rage emitted from the bowels of my empty heart, my mind not comprehending the current situation. "Teach? So this was all just another lesson for me? To send me into some alternate universe and... and..." My voice soared over the canopies, with the volume loud enough to shake mountains. "You know what?! Buck it! I've had it with ALL OF YOU! None of you ever truly understands me! All you want to do is make me become another you, so that I can become part of who someone else was! In fact... bucking hale...I'm not even living my life. I'm living someone else's!" I breathed in and out heavily, my eyes and nose now scrunched up, and my face literally reflected shades of red. Magic seeped through the pores of my body, and the red glow around me increased until my entire body was covered in rage-induced magic.

"Buck this shot. I'm outta here." I did the best thing I knew to do; I ran, past the mounds and trees, with voices I once recognised calling my name. I ain't stopping for any other pony, I told myself as I moved myself further and further away from the stream. Branches flew in my face, only barely missing contact as I ducked past every tree branch, only slowing down when rocks decided to mock my epiphany and extend their edges to trip me.

Nopony likes me. I'm no pony.

One minute. My heart beat faster and my breaths were rapid and fast, the oxygen levels in my system depleting rapidly. The fiery rage that surrounded me grew bigger in size since I ran, consuming the air I breathe in.

Two minutes. My legs started aching and my breaths had turned into an epileptic frenzy. My throat felt dry, but I wanted to run. Run away from all my problems I couldn't face in life. That's all I knew to do.

Three minutes. My face turned a pale blue in contrast to the raged flame that encircled me, the height now twice my size. It got much more difficult to breathe in, but I kept running. Up hills and down valleys I ran, but nothing stopped me. I lost all concentration, all reason to run, and all will to stop my madness.

Kid, stop!

NO!

Four minutes. I bumped into a tree, slowing me down momentarily, and kept running. My heart could give way any time, and my magic could consume me from the inside, but I didn't care. Dying was the least of my concerns. In fact, even death would have seemed like a better option than to put up with everyone's demands. My internal organs screamed for mercy, but my stubborn mind refused to heed their advices.

Kid, stop this madness at once! At this rate, you're gonna kill yourself!

Shut the buck up! I can't die!

Kid! Remember?! Remember what you said to me? To yourself?

I said SHUT IT!

You told me we're special! You're special!

YOU TOLD ME THAT! STOP LYING! NO PONY CARES! I ran even harder, with my mind now rebelling with my heart, my legs now crying for a say in this.

You told me that you cared for me kid! Now it's my turn. Kid, I don't want you to die! In fact, if you did die, I'll be devastated! Heartbroken! Don't die on me kid, I care! I mean it! With all my heart.

The flashbacks of my dream-like world raced around my frenzied head, the absence of doubt overcoming my unexplainable epiphany. Whatever my conscience was saying, it started entering into my system, with bits and pieces of my sanity now being pieced one by one. The chains that once held it all got soldered back, and the gears that moved me whirring and clicking once again. It was like the factory in me started running once again, with production slowly back on track.

Stop! This time round, it was me who said it. My body obeyed and forced a halt, nearly tripping on roots that spanned the forest. I paused to catch my breath, than slumped onto the floor, sniffled, and wept, with breathing now nearly impossible as I tried to breathe in from the airway that choked on tears. I let a moan, as well as tears, out, and even covering my eyes and mouth didn't stop my body parts from executing their natural behaviors. W-what... what h-have I d-done?

My rage induced magic finally calmed down, but I already felt drained. Fainting was inevitable if too much magic had been used, and I was certain my outburst had depleted any energy I had in my body. It was a just a matter of time. I sat there, contemplating my reckless, unjustified behavior just now. The damage I had done was irreversible, and the bond between me and Luna was definitely destroyed. I'm... I-I'm s-sorry... I'm... s-s-sorry...

It wasn't long before fatigue caught up to me; my eyelids fluttered, and my vision blurred. The world started getting darker and darker, and my drool dripped out of my mouth. I looked up one last time, peering through a hole in the canopy that revealed a full moon. Unlike my heart, it stayed in one place, confident of its role in the universe. My head ceased all will and crashed to the floor, but not before I saw a shadow galloping and making its way towards me. Unfamiliarity struck me once more, but I was too tired to care for its identity.

Caving in to my body's demands, slowly but surely, I fainted, with the hoof steps increasing in volume until my brain had stopped registering it.

Author's Note:

Yea the whole idea might be hard to chew on, so take your time, and I promise you something exciting in chapter 6 :D I PROMISEEEE