Adventures of Blaze

by Lightning-Blaze

Chapter 1: New Arrival

In all of Equestria, the day could not get any better.
The sun was shining, the birds were singing and
everypony was up to their usual daily tasks.
Fluttershy was tending to her animal friends,
Pinkie Pie was being her usual unpredictable self,
Twilight Sparkle was studying in her library, Applejack
and her brother Big Macintosh were harvesting apples,
Rarity was designing new dresses to be displayed at a
fashion show and Rainbow Dash was trying to make the
most of her spare time.

Dash had to make the most of her time being a Wonderbolt
because her job now was to teach the newly arrived pegasus,
Lightning Blaze, the advanced methods of flying. Dash
noticed that Lightning Blaze was not like all of the other
pegasi. He had a dark body with a strange green pattern along
his body. His mane and tail were black and dark red. Dash also
noticed that he was the type of pegasus who lived life to the
extreme and had a need for speed. Rainbow Dash began to
think that Spitfire and Soarin had chosen her over any other
Wonderbolt to teach Lightning for a reason.

When she went out to meet him, Rainbow Dash noticed that he
was on his own. She casually flew over to him. “Hey, I'm Dash,
the fastest of the Wonderbolts,” she said to Lightning Blaze.

“Hi, my name is Lightning Blaze, but my friends call me Lightning,” he
replied.

“That’s an awesome name but not as great as mine!” Dash
replied.

“Thanks. I am also the fastest runner in all of Equestria,”
Lightning replied.

“Really, I never knew that there was a fastest runner in all of
Equestria…” Dash replied.

“Yeah, it’s not as amazing as the fastest flyer, but fastest runner
is also pretty cool.” He paused for a few seconds then asked,
“Don't you think we should get started with the lessons?”

“Oh yeah, I nearly forgot about that!” Dash replied.

She started with some easy drills, but as the next few days went
by, Dash made the training harder for Lightning.

By the end of the week, Dash was surprised with how fast
Lightning had learned all of the advanced methods of flying—
faster than any other pegasus she knew. He had skills. Dash
started to think about what she could do to have Lightning show
off his newly acquired skills; she came up with the idea of
challenging him to a race.

The last thing left to do was ask Lightning. But when she found
him on the practice course, she noticed that he was talking to
Fluttershy. She decided to trot over to him.

“I see you’ve met Fluttershy,” Dash said to Lightning with a
wink.

“Oh, hey Dash, I didn't notice you there!” Lightning replied as he
tried to hide a blush. “Yeah, I have met Fluttershy; she is very
nice and caring.”

“Why thank you,” Fluttershy replied.

“No problem, it is great to meet a pegasus that is so loving and
caring”, Lightning replied

“Anyway, I need to ask you something, Lightning,” Dash
requested. The two walked over to some trees nearby.

“What do need?” replied Lightning.

Dash answered, “I was thinking that me and you should have a
race to show everypony your new skills!”

“Wow, that would be great! But I bet I can beat you,” Lightning
stated.

“Is that a challenge?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I believe it is,” Lightning said with an air of confidence.

“You’ll never beat me!” Rainbow Dash replied.

“Is everypony going to be watching us?” Lightning asked.

“Of course! What kind of race would it be without anypony
watching us?” Rainbow Dash asked as she flew off.

'Oh, ok’, Lightning replied hesitantly.

Lightning parted with Fluttershy and left to go and practice for
the race while Dash went to go and fly around Equestria with the
other Wonderbolts.

Comments

[mysterious_colt]

interesting story but there are some grammar and spelling mistakes for example:
(2nd sentence)... and everypony ->are<-up to their usual daily tasks.
needs to be singular(is/was)

Dash started to think about what she could do to have ->lightning<- show...
needs to be a capital L (because it is a name)

and you could use commatas more often

and because i'm online using my phone, i'm to lazy to go into detail about every mistake which i saw but i'm sure i didn't see all (who is perfect?). I am not meaning to offend you with this, but when noone points out your mistakes you won't be able to make it better(learning new things),also maybe you should get a proof-reader or if you already have one ,get one more, more eyes and a higher chance to spot out all mistakes ;)
still, i like your story

[SwiperTheFox]

Uhhh... I guess I'll be honest and say that I don't really like it that much. Sorry. Although, as a reviewer on Ponychan, I'm much stricter on this stuff so don't sweat it too much.

Things start with: In all of Equestria, the day could not get any better.
The sun was shining, the birds were singing and
everypony are up to their usual daily tasks.
Fluttershy was tending to her animal friends,
Pinkie Pie was being her usual unpredictable self,
Twilight Sparkle was studying in her library, Applejack
and her brother Big Macintosh were harvesting apples,
Rarity was designing new dresses to be displayed at a
fashion show and Rainbow Dash was trying to make the
most of her spare time.

Are you familiar with the writing rules 'avoid passive voice' and 'show, don't tell'? The problem is that you've set the scene using very bland and descriptive language (X was Y). Things need to be tailored around the characters so that things go right to their voice immediately.

I might write this as:
Rainbow Dash thought that the day could not get any better, flying back over Ponyville during her spare time from the Wonderbolts. She saw the sun shining upon Fluttershy below her, the cute little bunnies and singing birds twirling around the yellow pegasus. Dash flew over Sugarcube corner, picturing Pinkie cooking up yet another batch of cupcakes as her usual usual unpredictable self. Dash beat her left wing over and flopped across towards the new training field.

And then there'd be more. But you see that I'd go to Dashie immediately and everything from then on would be Dashie's point of view.

Have fun writing!