The Madgod's Freedom

by _No_One_Remains_

The Art of Parasprites

Discord hovered gently off of the ground as he watched the chaos within the dining hall carry on. Tiny little balls of color zipped back and forth across the hall, devouring everything they touched. The banners, tablecloths, silverware, plates, candles… Everything the maids had spent days setting up were being removed in the blink of an eye. When he’d first arrived, Discord only noticed two or three little pests. But now, not even five minutes later, there were at least a hundred.

The draconequus couldn’t help but smile at the locust-like creatures’ ability to throw everything into overdrive. Princess Celestia was busy trying to catch the cute pests with her magic, and the efforts inevitably went in vain. Even if she captured one with a magic field, its friends would simply devour the field and spit it back out. No, there was obviously only one way to solve the dilemma.

“As your princess I command you to do something about these creatures!” Celestia finally shouted at the abomination, her voice echoing with desperation.

Discord considered the favor very carefully before chuckling, “I think I’d rather not.”

“Discord!” the princess’s voice flooded with anger.

“Hear me out, my dear. These creatures have been nuisances for thousands of years, and never once have I needed my magic to dispose of them. Therefore, I believe it would be an abuse of my abilities to do so now.” Discord ended with a smug snort.

“But-!”

He tittered, “Ah-ah-ah, dear Celestia. You said yourself that I shouldn’t abuse my powers…”

Out of seemingly nowhere, a yellow Pegasus flew up beside Discord and quietly asked, “Umm, Discord, couldn’t you please do something about the Parasprites?” Fluttershy’s voice radiated with kindness, the very same that had convinced the chaotic beast that he truly valued her friendship.

A blue blur zipped by, leaving a rainbow-colored trail. Rainbow Dash groaned as she flew past, “Don’t waste your breath Fluttershy!” The trail continued to follow the largest group of collective Parasprites.

Discord considered his friend’s polite request, only to respond with a blunt, “I cannot. It is not necessary.”

The dining hall’s doors flew open as a desperate purple unicorn charged in. Stopping just beyond the threshold, Twilight Sparkle cheered, “Don’t worry Princess! Pinkie Pie is almost ready!”

Right on cue, the pink pony slid into the room and asked, panic in her voice, “Doesn’t anypony in this city own a tuba?!” Without waiting for a reply, she darted from the room, a string of instruments trailing behind her.

Just as Twilight followed her friend, a sack of the pests landed with a terrible thud on the table. An orange pony trotted into the room with a smug grin. She drawled, “Purty good work, if I do say so mahself. Got any more rope?”

After a few moments of the Parasprites not ripping from the sack, Princess Celestia cheered, “Good work, Applejack!” To a random guard running past she commanded, “Get the pony more rope! Hurry!”

Just as the guard fled the scene, the sack burst open, at least triple the number of pests she caught flying free from it. Applejack slumped to the ground and sighed, “So much for that.”

Discord admired the Elements’ abilities to suddenly show up just when they were needed. He also admired the fact that only one Element was missing to the mix, and hoped that she would arrive in a moment to make the whole plethora of ignorant ponies complete. Just on cue, as was usually the case, the white unicorn darted into the room, excitement plastered on her face.

Rarity carried a dress she had hoof-crafted in one hoof and a Parasprite in the other. She cheered, “Princess Celestia, I’ve made an amazing discovery!” She wrapped the pest in the fabric and placed it on the ground, staring intently at it. The fashionista giggled, “I found the little bug in my dress, and it couldn’t get out! They can’t eat the fabric!”

A swarm of the creatures landed on the dress, attempting to free their trapped brother. After several attempts at biting it, the dress simply wouldn’t give way. They eventually just picked up the clothing and unraveled it, freeing their brother all the same.

Celestia cheered, a slight glimmer of hope in her eyes, “That’s fantastic, Rarity! Can you fashion a large sack out of the material?”

“Why of course I can, Princess! I’ll get to work right away!” With that, the pony took a bow and attempted to charge from the room. She was met with the resistance of a swarm of the pests, which sent her flying toward the princess’s side.

Not a minute later, another swarm of the cute things burst into the room, carrying a screaming Princess Luna, who struggled to free herself from their collective grasp. Finally, after flying as high as the ceiling would allow, the vermin dropped her over the dining table. Landing gracefully on her hooves, the alicorn attempted to conceal the anger flooding the back of her mind.

One Parasprite giggled as it bit down on the Night Princess’s tale, sending a painful shock up her spine and releasing the bottled-up emotions. Luna’s eyes shined a white color as she roared, “DISCORD, BEAST OF CHAOS, YOU HOLD THE POWER TO STOP THIS MADNESS! WE COMMAND YOU DO SO IMMEDIATELY, OR YOU SHALL FEEL OUR WRATH!” The outburst ended as suddenly as it began, and Luna returned to her normal state.

The explosion of anger both amused and startled Discord. He hadn’t yet seen her angry since his rejuvenation, and it was quite the sight to behold. He chuckled, “Well with that attitude, my dear princess, I won’t be doing a thing.”

Luna hesitated as she added, “…er…please?” Her sheepish grin added an odd sense of beauty to her previously-angry demeanor.

The abomination feigned deep thought for a moment before persisting, “Not a chance.” He fell back lazily on the air and watched as the Parasprites continued their ravenous rampage.

Almost instantly, everything fell silent around the bored draconequus. He looked around to find everything stopped in place. The pests, the ponies, and even the dust particles were all suspended in place. A recently-familiar laugh called to him.

“Nothing like a good bit of Madness, don’t you think?” Sheogorath strode toward the beast with a new cane in hand. This one looked like cheese.

Discord laughed, “Was all this your doing?” His eyes shifted around as he continued in a whisper, “Lovely work my friend!”

“Oh heavens no! I’m not quite this vulgar, you see. No, the pests were brought here naturally. I’ve only been observing as the residents of the castle scramble about in panicked idiocy.” The Madgod waved a hand at the blue Pegasus that appeared to be charging toward them.

“Yes, it is quite amusing to think they can stop these bugs. As much as it pains me to say it, the pink one was the closest to figuring it out.” The draconequus summoned an illusion of Pinkie Pie with her arrangement of instruments.

Sheogorath scoffed, “Was she? What was she going to do, serenade them as they consumed the whole world?”

“Actually, there’s an art to Parasprites that most ponies don’t seem to notice.” Discord waved a claw at the swarm of nuisances in the room.

“And?”

The beast chuckled, “The only thing that goes better with dinner than something to drink is music to listen to…”

“I would agree. Personally I prefer wine.”

“…Agreed. Music is the only medium of stimuli the Parasprites enjoy more than smell or taste. For that reason, they are more attracted to sweet tunes than to sweet food. If you create a bouncing melody, the Parasprites will calm down and follow you to oblivion…”

“I used to love Oblivion. Until I took a Champion to the Greymarch!”

“…Right… At any rate, the pink pony was going to play music to dispose of the pests. It would’ve worked, too. It still might, if you restart time.” Discord explained the one sure way to handle a Parasprite problem, and then developed a sudden urge to eat cheese.

Sheogorath cheered, “It seems these pests aren’t as random as I believed. I suppose if you’re smart enough to put the puzzle together, they aren’t bad.” He hesitated slightly, “I enjoy puzzles! At any rate, thank you for your information! It will come in handy if I ever need to drive someone insane! Tata!”

The second he was gone, the noise burst into the room again as time started to flow. The abomination turned just in time to find Rainbow Dash darting right toward him, seemingly involuntarily. The two collided, and both were sent flying into the back wall of the dining hall. They crumpled to the ground in a dazed heap, Discord on bottom.

Not one to pass up a chance for a joke, he chuckled, “You should really buy me lunch first, Ms. Dash.”

The angry Pegasus didn’t offer him a reply, instead returning back to herding the Parasprites.

A loud series of notes played as the doors burst open once again. Pinkie Pie marched into the room, multiple instruments strapped to her back. After the first few notes, she developed a calming rhythm, and the little locusts stopped in the middle of whatever action they were taking, turning toward the source of the noise.

Discord was amused at the pony’s proficiency in playing five instruments at once. He watched as the colorful bugs followed her rhythm as she marched around the room. Parasprites in other rooms flocked into the dining hall just to march with her.

With an elongated sigh, Discord snapped his claws, removing both the pests and the instruments from the castle. He chuckled, “Well done, Pinkie!”

Everypony in the room sent him glares of deadly anger. He felt their eyes ripping him apart in murderous fantasies. Or maybe that was the cheese settling on his stomach.

He sighed, “What’s wrong? You wanted them gone, so they’re gone.”

Luna groaned, “You couldn’t have done that sooner?!”

“Yeah, I was just starting to have fun!” Pinkie chimed in, a childish smile on her face.

The draconequus sighed, “Oh, I so could have done it earlier. But, if you aren’t willing to work for a reward, why should I give it to you?”

“This isn’t a game, Discord! The whole castle is in disarray!” Celestia’s anger was apparent in her voice, a happening that most ponies never got to hear.

The beast in question tittered, “If you would simply take a few moments to try and solve your problems before consulting me, I might be willing to help. But there will be no lessons taught today. You all tried to stop them, so I stopped them for you…”

“And now we have to clean up the whole castle before tomorrow! Good work, jerk!” Rainbow Dash was particularly hostile.

Discord yawned, “Oh boo-hoo. From the moment I vowed to use my powers for good, you ponies have wanted nothing but trivial tasks accomplished. If I’m going to use my power to help, you’re going to have to earn it.” With a snap of his claws, the beast returned to his chamber, leaving the ponies to clean up the mess the pests had left.

A small purple creature walked into the room, fatigue obvious in his eyes. He yawned, “What’d I miss?”

The Elements of Harmony minus Kindness exploded with annoyance, “SPIKE!” The baby dragon was the direct target for the anger Discord had left them with.

From the shadows of the realm of the non-existent, Sheogorath watched the ponies explode on the baby dragon. He felt that, given enough planning, he could manipulate each and every last one of them to his own ambitions. First, he would need a body. He decided that the next moves he made would be the ones to directly lead him to his goal. A body would be his, voluntarily or not. With a tap of his staff on the ground, he vanished as the dining hall’s doors closed in front of him.

Comments

[Alex Wadegrove]

The ponies taking their anger out on Spike is actually pretty in-character...
Marvelous job! Hope Sheogorath finds a donor soon.

[Balnar]

A really nice chapter can't w8 to see where this is all going

[Wise2Fox]

You could use a Stallion version of screwball. It can work.

images.wikia.com/mlp/images/0/0d/Screwball.png

[Raistlin]

Discord yawned, “Oh boo-hoo. From the moment I vowed to use my powers for good, you ponies have wanted nothing but trivial tasks accomplished. If I’m going to use my power to help, you’re going to have to earn it.” With a snap of his claws, the beast returned to his chamber, leaving the ponies to clean up the mess the pests had left.

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And the lesson today is: Discord is not your bitch. That is Spike´s job .

[Lord Charles]

Oh the mad god in a body?! Oh the joy i cant wait for the next chapter

[Guilded Crown]

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