Sanatorium

by ocalhoun

Barn razing

Chapter 3
Barn Razing

Stern Breeze sat, dumbfounded once more. Each pony was crazier than the last! Quiet descended upon the deck at last, as the three ponies now looked at Slick, expectancy all over their faces.

Slick looked back, expressionless.

Their expectancy grew.

Slick still said nothing. Her eyes narrowed.

The pressure mounted. Now even Stern Breeze herself watched the purple unicorn with anticipation... and more than a little dread.

Still, Slick said nothing. She did start glancing around at all the other ponies though. With a slight nod and a blink, she began to speak. “First of all, I must swear you all to absolute secrecy. This mission did not happen. You never heard me say this. You never even met me. Got it?”

“You have my word.”

“Aye!”

“By the guiding Light above.”

...

“You, too, former captain!” The unicorn paused for a moment. “What was your name, anyway?”

“I... Um... I'm Stern Breeze.”

“And?”

Breeze glanced around nervously. “Oh... and uh... I guess I'll keep it a secret, too.”

“Good, because I'd hate to have to kill you.” Slick turned back to the others, addressing everypony again.

As they all paid attention to Slick, Breeze happened to notice a rather large green dragon flying in from the starboard side.

“It has been known to my agency for some time now that the ponies we know as 'Celestia' and 'Luna' are, in fact, changelings in disguise.”

Gasps of astonishment came in return, except from Stern Breeze herself. She was more concerned about a more immediate threat. “Everypony! There's a dragon incoming at three o' clock low!”

Nopony seemed to pay her the slightest attention though, and Slick continued. “Our mission – should we choose to accept it – is to take them down and expose them.”

“Hey!” Breeze shouted, “Incoming dragon!” Still, nopony seemed to notice.

“Now, according to my intel, the royal airship should currently be making its return to Canterlot after this year's Summer Sun Celebration in Fillydelphia. It will be vulnerable for a nine-hour period as it approaches the city. During this period, there is one – and only one – shift change of the guards. This is when we must strike!”

“The dragon is still coming, ponies!” Stern Breeze was growing a little frantic.

“Shall we have the opportunity to smite the heretic goddesses?”

“Be there any loot to be had?”

“Shall we be able to defeat this undefeatable foe?”

“Yes, yes, and yes,” Slick said with confidence. “Excellent. Now that we've all agreed, we need to–”

“WHY is nopony listening to me!?” Stern Breeze shouted as loudly as she could.

Slick gave an exasperated sigh accompanied by a truly impressive roll of her eyes. “What is it you feel you must keep interrupting about?”

“Dra-gon!” Breeze replied tersely. She pointed her hoof at the still-approaching reptile, hoping to finally get through to these ponies. It was very close now; how could they still not see it?

Finally, somepony noticed it. Silver Lance leaped up to the nearest railing crying, “Stand back, fair maiden, I shall vanquish the beast and clear the sky at your behest!” He rushed to the airship's stern, stopping at the flagpole. To Breeze's surprise and dismay, he kicked the pole over and tore the Equestrian flag off of it. How could that frail old pony even do that?

Sliver Lance wasn't finished yet, apparently. He grabbed the fallen pole in his hoof like a lance. Just as the dragon approached the ship – without the slightest hesitation – the old earth pony jumped right off the side.

Breeze stared in shock as Silver Lance dove overboard towards the dragon, towards the ground, and towards his doubly certain demise.

In a display of airborne prowess not commonly found in earth ponies, Silver Lance actually managed to hit the approaching dragon, poking it squarely in the nose with the flagpole's rounded tip.

Before Silver Lance could continue falling to his doom, the dragon grabbed him out of the air. It pulled him up to its face and growled, “Ow! What did you do that for?”

Silver Lance squirmed in the dragon's grip, his 'lance' pinned uselessly next to him. “I am Sliver Lance, knight of the realm and doer of renowned deeds! I shall slay thee, and save yon fair maiden from your treachery!” His hooves pinned, he paused his speech for a moment in order to ineffectively bite at a green-scaled talon.

“But... I... I just wanted to ask directions... I was trying to get to the Whitetail Wood, but I think I got a little lost... I–”

“Guile me not with your honeyed words, vile beast!” Silver lance stopped biting, but redoubled his efforts to free himself. “Let me free, so that I may slay thee properly! Let me go and fight me nobly and fairly!”

The dragon still hovered next to Breeze's airship and made no move to release Silver Lance. “Oh my no, I don't want to fight. Me and my therapist have been putting a lot of effort into correcting my anger issues.”

“Free me!” Silver Lance was apparently still in full combat mode. “Free me, so that I may feel the satisfaction of my lance piercing your black heart!”

With an enormous sigh, the dragon did release him, dropping him gently back onto the deck of the ship.

Silver Lance didn't waste a moment. He swept up his flagpole and managed to strike the dragon's claw before the dragon could even draw it back.

“Ouch! Stop it!” The dragon retreated to a safe distance, outside of an earth pony's pouncing range. “That's it! I'm going to go ask for directions from some other ponies who aren't so mean!” With that, the dragon began to fly away, returning back in the direction it came from.

“Huzzah! Another great and heroic feat!” Silver Lance posed proudly on the deck. “The fearsome beast is in full retreat, vanquished by the great Silver Lance!”

Once again, Stern Breeze questioned these ponies' grip on reality as the white pegasus and the bearded one converged on Silver Lance to congratulate him.

The one they called 'Slick', though, didn't. “Explain yourself!” she shouted.

Everypony on deck, Breeze included, looked at her quizzically.

“That was completely unacceptable!” The unicorn stalked toward Silver with fury in her eyes. “How dare you risk compromising the mission?”

“'Tis a knight's solemn duty to vanquish dragons, milady!” Silver wasn't budging an inch.

“Duty? Duty? ... Your duty is to ensure the success of our mission! Everything else,” she swept her hoof around widely, at the whole sky around them, “is of secondary importance, got it?”

“I cannot stand idly by while–”

Silver Lance's reply was cut off before he could complete it. “You can, and you will. We must focus entirely on the mission at hand! No distractions, no side-quests, and definitely no dragon-vanquishing!”

“Far be it from me to–”

“Then don't.” Slick said with a scowl.

“...argue with a lady of such distinction, but madame, I cannot condone the wasting of an opportunity for valorous rescue!”

“And I,” Slick spat back, “will not allow any–”

“Hold it right there!” Both ponies froze as Bluebeard stepped in between them, both his voice and his physical presence imposing. “I be the captain here, and I'll be the one ta settle things!” He turned to Silver Lance. “Ye did well vanquishing that dragon laddie. Don't be doing it again, savvy? And ye...” He turned to Slick. “Ye be right that our mission comes first, but don't ye forget who be in charge 'ere!” He stepped back up to the helm. “An' speaking of our mission, while ye be lallygagging about, me an' Golden Word 'ere 'ave been sailing the ship! An' we be very nearly at our first stop – where we be gathering essential adventuring supplies!”

“Where are we going?” Everypony stopped and stared at Breeze as if they had forgotten she existed. “...Well?”

“We be going to a little farm, outside of a place called Ponyville.” He grinned from behind his beard again.

“A farm?” Breeze found herself even more confused than usual. “What are you going to buy at a farm?”

“No time to explain! There it be!” Bluebeard bellowed.

Stern Breeze turned to the bow, and indeed, there was a big red barn, surrounded by an orchard, directly in their line of descent... a little too directly. “You need to pull up a little,” she advised, “we're going to crash right into it.”

“That be the idea,” Bluebeard said with a gleam in his eye.

“What!?” Breeze cringed at the thought of her precious airship crashing. “Why?”

“Because the prize we be after be locked up tight inside.”

“You're stealing it!?” Stern Breeze couldn't believe it. “But–”

“Brace for impact!” His voice boomed out.

A moment later, and unfortunately, before Breeze could follow Bluebeard's instructions, the impact came. She flew forward, and as the airship came to a crunching, shuddering halt, Breeze flew through the remnants of the barn wall, leaving a nicely pegasus-shaped hole in her wake.

“Good work, Breezy!” Bluebeard shouted from the airship, which was now mostly inside the barn, “The rest of ye scalawags get te work like 'er an' load those barrels!”

Once Stern Breeze shook the stars from her eyes, she found the barrels he had mentioned. She had landed on top of a stack of them, after all. Before she could even fully come to her senses, ponies rushed from the ship to carry back barrels, even Bluebeard himself. Breeze, though – once she regained her senses – made her way back to the ship without a barrel in her hooves... she didn't want to be seen as an accomplice in any thefts!

After the ponies had made only a couple trips back and forth, an orange earth pony became visible through the gaping hole in the barn wall. “Hey! Mah cider!” The pony came galloping toward the barn. “Y'all come back here right now!”

“That be our cue to leave!” Bluebeard called out. “Get yerselves back on the ship! “Weigh anchor! Maximum lift!”

As the ponies rushed back onto the ship, she rose, tearing an even wider hole in the barn's roof with her balloon as she lifted through. The enraged orange mare was left standing outside the ruins of the barn, still shouting at the sky in futility.

* * *

Comments

[Loeden]

There goes another barn.. NOT THE RUM!

[APonyReadingFanfics]

Time to raise this barn again

[Snowstreak]

2063147 Raze this barn, raze this barn...