Chapter 3 "Love Doctor"
Chapter 3
“The Love Doctor”
"Things blossom in their time. They bud and bloom, blossom and fade. Everything in its time."
~Neil Gaiman
“Do you seriously have to wear that?” I asked, gesturing to the Doctor's horrendous choice of headwear.
“You’re the one who insisted on me blending in,” he retorted stubbornly. “Besides, I’ll have you know the Fez is a timeless piece of cool headwear.”
I wasn’t about to get in a debate with him, again. I don’t think the universe could take a battle of such epic proportions. We just walked towards the school the Doctor said Night Light and Velvet attended. It was a rather small public high school with students preparing to go in for Monday morning classes. Who would’ve thought the parents to the Element of Magic would have such humble origins.
“Now see, here’s the thing,” the Doctor began to explain as we walked up the steps. “The reason Shining is disappearing from the picture is because you prevented his parents from meeting. If they don’t fall in love, they won’t get married, and they won’t have kids. So, no marefriend for you, and no element of magic either.”
“Just how much history did I alter?” I asked worriedly. “Is it like that theory, if you stomp on a butterfly in the past everypony will have two heads in the future?”
“What does everypony have against butterflies?” he mused as we entered the building. A few students gave us some looks, but largely went about their business. “Now, we just need to find Twilight’s papa,” he said as he scanned the students for a minute. “Now where is he?”
I looked down the hall and slowly pointed. “That’s him…”
Night Light walked down the hall carrying his books with his magic. Suddenly a nearby student bucked him in the flank. He laughed and said, “Very funny, guys,” before getting bucked yet again. “Ha Ha!” Another buck from behind. “You guys are being real mature!” he cried, just as I spotted the “Buck me” sign on his back.
I facehoofed and the Doctor suggested, “Maybe Twilight was adopted…”
“Nope, that’s definitely her dad,” I concluded sadly.
“Hold on there,” a booming voice called from behind us. I turned around and saw a ginger maned, tannish brown, pony approaching us. He had a cross look on his face as he demanded, “Who are you two? I don’t remember getting any visitor’s reports. I’m Principal Strict and what are you doing in my school? ”
“Hello, Sir,” the Doctor replied, as he pulled out the blank wallet I gave him earlier. “I’m Joey Smithy, royal guard to Sir Eclipse here.”
“Sir Eclipse?” I whispered in his ear frantically. “He’s never going to fall for a blank sheet of-“
“May I ask your business here, Mr. Smithy?” the principal asked begrudgingly.
“Well, you see,” he put a foreleg around the older gentlestallion, “I'm here, because young Eclipse here wants to see how the normal public lives.”
“What exactly are you talking about?” the principal asked.
“You see, Sir Eclipse, here is a very important noble from my land,” the Doctor explained in hushed tones. “Sadly, a fellow like him gets lonely and very moody if he’s cooped up in the castle for too long.”
“I’m not that moody,” I retorted in my best emo voice.
“See what I’m talking about?” the Doctor said with a smile. “So I’m having him just walk around a bit, meet some ponies without having to worry about titles or anything.”
“I still would like him to check into the office,” the Principal said.
“Oh, we’ll be along in a bit,” the Doctor said with a charming smile, “but right now, I believe a student of yours needs help.” He gestured to Night Light who had dropped all his books after the latest buck.
The Principal sighed and went to lecture Nightlight about being a “Slacker”. The Doctor sighed and said, “That was too close.”
“That paper,” I asked, pointing to the blank wallet, “what is it, exactly?”
“Psychic paper,” he replied, showing it to me. “I just think it and it reads anything I want it to. Try looking at it now.”
I held it in front of me and asked, raising an eyebrow, “Royal cake tester?”
“Surprisingly, a very challenging vocation,” he mused. “The Princesses like their cakes.”
I turned back to Night Light who was picking up his books with a pathetic look on his face. The Doctor sighed and asked, “I’m no expert, but what did Velvet ever see in him? I’ve seen Ood look more excited about life.”
“I don’t know,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “She said she felt sorry for him when her dad hit him with their carr…” I blinked in realization and exclaimed, “I got hit by the carriage!”
“Where I come from, we call it ‘The Florence Nightingale effect,’” the Doctor said. “Nurses fall in love with their patients and affection develops despite little communication.” He suddenly looked at me expectantly.
I sighed and responded to his unasked question, “Yes, we have something like that. Here it's called the Flora Nightingale effect.”
“No pony pun?”
“Thankfully, no.”
“Whelp,” he said, patting me on the shoulder, “I gotta get you legally here, you take care of sad sap over there,”
The Doctor walked off and I approached Night Light. He was about to pick up his last book when I levitated it over to him and said, “Hey Night Light, you all right?”
“Oh,” he said, as he blinked in recognition, “you’re the guy from yesterday.”
“Yeah, I’ve been looking all over for the stallion that saved my life” I said with a wide smile as I helped him up.
“Uh,” he eyed me weirdly, “okay?”
I started walking away with my foreleg around his shoulder, “There’s somepony I’d love for you to meet.”
I spotted Velvet among a group of mares, laughing at some joke she'd told. Target spotted; commence operation, “Save My Marefriend’s Parents So That She Doesn’t Disappear And I Feel Terrible About It Forever," also known as, Operation S.M.P.S.T.S.D.D.A.I.T.A.I.F.
I walked over with Night Light by my side and I spoke up over the giggling mares, “Velvet?”
She caught my eye and suddenly backed into her locker in shock, exclaiming, “Eclipse!”
“Listen, Velvet,” I said, ignoring the giggles coming from the other mares, “I’d like you to meet a good friend of mine.” I said, shoving Night Light forward a little. “This is Night Light.”
He gave me a look which I returned encouragingly. He smiled at Velvet and began to talk with her, “Hi, it’s a pleasure to um,”
Velvet subsequently walked past her future husband and reached for my head, asking with concern, “Are you feeling better from last night?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, as the group of girls walked off, gossiping to each other excitedly.
“I was so worried,” she said stroking my forehead gently with her hoof. I fought the urge to race away as fast as my legs would carry me. “I was afraid you got hurt walking around so late at night. Did you make it home okay?”
“Yeah,” I answered, swallowing nervously and trying not to look into her eyes.
Riing!
I am so not going to use that clichéd line. I have more dignity than that, but there was no denying the sense of relief that washed over me.
Some of Velvet’s friends dragged her off to class. Before she turned around the corner I swear I heard her say, “Isn’t he a dreamboat?”
The Doctor walked to me and said, “Well I managed to get you into the school’s visiting program. It took two file cabinet raids with the sonic screwdriver, a little bit of charm, and I may or may not have gotten a phone number slipped into my pockets. I haven’t checked yet,” he said with a mischievous grin. “So, how did your end go?”
“Well, I managed to get him to say hi,” I said in defeat, “but she barely glanced at him.”
“This is not good” he said gravely. “It seems, that you’ve won over not only the daughter, but the mother as well.”
“You’re telling me,” I asked with an uncomfortable laugh, “that Twilight’s mom has the hots for me?” I was trying very hard to deny the obvious.
“I’m afraid so, you dog of a pony,” he said with a smirk.
“Man this is insane,” I said, as I shook my head and facehoofed. “What are we going to do now?”
“Well, in twelve hundred years of having love blossom in the Tardis, I’ll tell you this,” the Doctor said firmly, “the only way we’d ever get those two to even consider falling in love is if they’re alone together.” We started walking down the halls together deep in thought. “We just gotta get them to interact, in some sort of social environment.”
“Okay, what do ponies do on dates in 963?” I asked.
“Well, if they aren’t protesting the Griffon wars, they’re out getting high in the woods,” the Doctor quipped. “Nether seems like a great idea in my book.” He looked over at me and asked, “So, what do they like to do together? All those years of marriage ,there must be something they enjoy together.”
“None that I can think of,” I said sighing in defeat. Operation S.M.P.S.T.S.D.D.A.I.T.A.I.F. was not going very well at all. “Twilight never mentioned anything they enjoyed doing together.”
“Wait!” he cried, as he stopped in front of a poster. “Look at this!”
I read it aloud in excitement, “The Dance on the Ocean Floor!” I looked at the Doctor, beaming in joy and exclaimed, “That’s it! That’s where Shining Armor said they fell in love! They kiss for the first time, and the rest is history!”
“Right,” he said with a nod. “I’ll worry about repairing the Tardis and getting everything set up. You stick to your future father-in-law like glue and make sure he asks her to that dance.”
“Don’t think I missed the father in law comment!” I shouted at him, as he laughed and ran off.
Now, time to take a more, personal approach…
________________________________________________________
I walked in the lunch room and found Night Light sitting alone at a table. I took a seat in front of him and gave him a smile. “Hey, Night Light, you remember that girl I introduced you to,” I asked, “that beautiful unicorn by the name of Twilight Velvet?”
His golden eyes perked up from the paper he was writing and his eyes found Velvet. I saw a faint line of blush come to his cheeks as he gazed upon her. I looked down in curiosity at the paper he had in front of him and asked, “What’cha writing?”
Night Light looked at me for a minute, gauging my trustworthiness. When he saw I was sincere he gestured with his hoof to move closer. I leaned forward to listen in as he whispered, “I’ve never told anypony about this, but they’re um…stories.”
“What kind of stories?” I asked.
“They’re about visitors from outer space,” he said, his tone of voice gaining excitement as he explained. “Science fiction stories about a guy, who travels around in space helping ponies out.”
“Get out of town,” I said, my grey eyes widening in shock. “You’re a writer?”
“Well, I’m not that great” he said modestly.
“Here maybe I can critique,” I suggested as I tried reaching for his notebook, but his magic swiftly closed it.
“Sorry, no offense, but I never let anypony read my stories,” he explained, his ears flattening in shame.
“Why not?” I asked, sympathetically.
“Well,” he replied staring down at his notebook. “What if nopony likes them? What if they say they’re dumb?” He went back to writing, being careful to keep his story out of sight. “I’m guessing it’s a little hard to understand.”
“Not as hard as you make it out to be,” I said, mostly to myself. Then I tapped his notebook to get his attention and said, “Now, about the lovely Velvet.”
His gold eyes perked up at the name. I was off to a great start! “She would love to go to the dance with you,” I said firmly. “I was with her a few minutes ago and she would not stop talking about how she’d love for you to ask her. I believe the dance was called Dance on the Ocean Floor?”
His gold eyes blinked and his magic dropped his pen. I could tell he was in absolute shock. He cleared his throat and blubbered something along the lines of: “Me? I mean, right now? In the cafeteria?” He then sighed in defeat and asked, “Who am I kidding? She’s probably wanting to go with somepony else.”
“Now who in Celestia’s name would she rather go with?” I asked, almost insulted at the mention.
He just pointed behind me and I saw Graff sitting next to Velvet. She gave him a look of annoyance and tensed as he ran his hooves along her side. She started squirming in her seat as Graff whispered something in her ears. All I could see at that moment was somepony feeling up my marefriend’s mom.
Command execute, kill…
“Shut up, Graff!” she yelled, suddenly slapping the big unicorn across the face. “I’m not that kind of mare!”
He suddenly grabbed her in his magic, as she looked up in fear at him, he snarled, “Maybe you are and just don’t know it yet.”
She glared at him and squirmed in his grip. “Let go of me!”
I got out of my seat and shoved Graff off Velvet. “You heard the mare, back off”
I suddenly realized in the next two minutes my size compared to Graff. I only came about to his chest. Suffice to say, he had the advantage over me. He stood over me, trying to size me up. He could’ve kneeled and the effect would’ve done just the same.
“Look I’m sorry about that,” I said, straitening his shirt with my magic. “Let’s just-“
“You know you’ve been looking for a fight for a while.” Graff said, several of his gang gathering around to look. He shoved me “What’s it to you? You got something on this little bi-”
I shoved him back before he could finish that sentence. I put up with Discord, Nightmare Moon, and Chrysalis in my long career! This guy was going to get i-
Before either party could punch each other, the Principal gave us both looks. Graff gave an innocent smile and looked at me “Since you’re new here, I’ll cut you some slack,” he said with a glare. “Today only, so why don’t you make like a tree, and get outta here.”
Really? Was he really that dense? It’s make like a tree and leave! He sounds like a complete idiot if he says it like that!
I turned around as everypony went about their business. I saw that Night Light was gone. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought…
____________________________________________________________
I managed to track down Night Light and I followed him all the way to his home. I ran after him and shouted, “Night Light! Wait up!”
He turned around and groaned, asking, “Why do you keep following me?”
“Look,” I said, after catching my breath, “you need to go to that dance.”
He shook his head and replied, “I can’t go to the dance, I’ll miss my favorite science fiction program.”
“You’re giving up too soon!” I fired back at him “Velvet wants to go to the dance with you!”
“Hey,” he argued as he turned and began walking up the steps to his home, “I’m just not ready to ask Velvet to the dance!” He turned around for a brief moment as his magic opened his front door, adding, “And not you, or anypony on this planet is going to persuade me to go!”
He slammed the door before I could talk some sense into him. This wasn’t good; I looked at the photo again and saw Shining’s body was gone. All that was left was his legs. If I don’t do something, Twilight will be next.
If Twilight doesn’t exist, I will have died in that fire that Dinky got caught in. She saved me before I could suffocate from all the smoke.
If she disappears, so do I…
What was I going to do; nopony on this planet will persuade him to go. I had to…
Wait,
Nopony on this planet eh…?
____________________________________________________
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” the Doctor asked as we hid in the bushes outside Night Light’s house that night.
I looked at him and said reassuringly, “Trust me, if you can convince a principal to let me in, you can handle a self-conscious sixteen year old.”
“All right,” he said, “now, we need to approach this carefully.”
“Just act like any normal alien you’ve encountered.” I suggested.
“Um…”
____________________________________________________
EXTERMINATE!!!
DELETE!!! DELETE!!!
Are You my Mummy?
SILENCE WILL FALL!!!
EXTERMINATE!!!!
_____________________________________________________
“Maybe that’s not the best idea,” the Doctor said nervously.
I hope this works, for all our sakes.
_____________________________________________________
Perspective: The Doctor
I shimmied up into Night Light’s bedroom window and saw the poor sap sleeping soundly. He snored slightly as I walked up to him. I poked him, trying to get him up, but he was out cold. Time to employ some, rather unorthodox tactics.
I pulled out my sonic screwdriver and looked at the settings. I muttered to myself trying to decide, “Let’s see, obnoxious Scottish music? Nah. Obnoxious French music? I don’t want to destroy his brains. Ah ha! Obnoxious American music, never fails.” I aimed my sonic screwdriver at him and tapped the button. Out came a rendition of a song so horrible it could wake anypony from slumber.
Nightlight bolted upright and I shut off the music. His gold eyes glanced at me and I smiled and introduced myself, “Ello, I’m the Doctor.”
“Doctor Wh-“
Back to heavy metal for you!
He shouted as he held his ears at the sudden noise. I had it set so that only he could hear it. I wouldn’t want the neighbors complaining about the noise.
I shut off the music again. “Now that I have your attention, I have come from the planet Gallopfrey with an extremely important message for you.”
His eyes narrowed a little. “You don’t look like an alien” he said suspiciously.
I walked up to him and took his hoof. I placed it over one side of my chest and asked, “What do you feel?”
“A heartbeat,” Nightlight answered, "everypony has one."
I moved his hoof over to the other side of my chest and asked, “How bout now?”
“Another heartbeat!” he exclaimed. “You have two hearts? How is that possible?”
“That's possible because I’m not really a pony,” I explained. “I’m what is known as a Time Lord. Like I said before, I’m from the planet Gallopfrey, I’m twelve hundred and two months old, and you, my friend, may just be the most important pony on the planet right now.”
He looked at me oddly and asked, “What do you want me to do?”
“You know that lovely mare, Velvet?” I answered. “I think you and she are a match made in pony heaven,” I rolled my eyes at the bad pun. I shall never say that again. I continued, “Anyway, I need you to put on a bow tie, walk up to her and proudly declare ‘Velvet! I want you to go to the dance with me!’”
“Why a bow tie?” he asked.
Doesn’t he know? “Because bow ties are cool” Time to move on. “So, will you ask her?”
“I don’t know…” h said hesitantly looking down at his hooves.
Okay, time to get serious “Listen here nanny pants!” I shouted in order to get his attention “It is of the utmost importance that you ask Velvet to the dance! The fate of the world depends on it!” I thundered ominously.
“What will you do if I don’t ask her?” he squeaked nervously.
Time to add a little crazy; I held the sonic screwdriver in my hoof. Which I’d like to add is awesome! I waved it in his face and asked, “Do you know what this is?”
“No” he quavered, shaking a little.
“This is called the Sonic Screwdriver,” I said, adding a little bit of crazy to my voice, “and if you don’t ask that mare to the dance,” I gave him the crazy eyes, “I shall use it to unscrew your brain! Muahahahahaha!!!!!”
_______________________________________________________
Perspective: Private
“I think it went well,” the Doctor said to me as we walked off into the night.
“You don’t think you were a little too harsh on him?” I asked nervously.
“Oh well,” he said waving a hoof dismissively, “somepony had to knock some sense into him.”
“So the Sonic Screwdriver,” I asked, starting to sweat a little. “Can it really…?”
“No, of course not,” he said with a shake of his head. “Doesn’t hurt, maim or harm, that’s why I like it.”
“So what does it do aside from spitting sonics everywhere?” I asked.
“It’s really good at opening doors,” he replied.
“Opening doors?” I asked flatly.
“You’d be surprised how many empires can be toppled if you open the right door. Both figuratively, and literally”
I laughed a little bit and he gave me a look. “There’s something I never got to ask you. How did you know some of the names of my companions? I certainly didn’t tell you about Sarah Jane Smith or K9.”
“Um,” I said and looked to the side nervously.
“Have you been snooping in my Tardis?” he asked accusingly.
“It was an accident!,” I said defensively. “I just followed a little filly to your companion room!”
“Little Filly?” he asked, tapping his chin in thought. “I don’t know of any children on the Tardis. Dinky comes by occasionally but she was definitely at home with Ditzy at the-“
“Wait, hold on.” I stopped and looked at him. “You let Dinky onboard the Tardis?”
“It’s perfectly safe,” he answered.
I gave him a look.
“Okay, maybe ninety-nine point something or other percent safe,” he admitted. “I’m just friends with her mother is all.”
“I saw her picture in the companion room,” I pointed out. “How long have you two been working together?”
“Since I arrived at Ponyville,” he replied, smiling at the memory. “She was there to greet me and we went on all sorts of adventures together. Faced giant worms, cyber ponies, hehe, sorry, and all sorts of other crazy journeys.”
“What about Lyra?” I asked.
“She came on later,” the Doctor explained. “Bit obsessed with humans, which I admit I’m a big fan of myself, but she has a good heart.”
“Are they…” I fought for the right words. “Safe? With you?”
He looked away for a moment, “To be honest, no they aren’t.”
I remembered Velvet’s words back in the present, about how I put Twilight in so much danger.
Slowly the Doctor smiled and said, “But you know what? If given a choice, I'd never force them to come with me. I care about each and every companion that comes into the Tardis. They’ve started as ordinary people/ponies and become extraordinary by the time they leave.” His face saddened a little “Sadly, they all leave eventually.”
“Doctor…”
“Well, enough of that!” He perked up. “Let’s get some sleep before I fall over in the middle of the road and wake up next to Princess Celestia or something.”
We were about to turn when suddenly a blast came out of nowhere and almost hit us. The Doctor and I ducked behind a nearby carriage before another bolt could fire at us. I peeked over and saw a pony holding some kind of hi tech blaster.
He aimed it at me and fired, I ducked just in time to see the blast blow away part of my cover. I aimed Blackbird out of cover and blind fired.
The Doctor reached into his pockets and pulled out his sonic screwdriver. While I was distracting the shooter he aimed the device and pressed a button. The end of it glowed bright green and the shooter’s weapon shot out sparks.
The shooter said something I didn’t hear and ran off, leaping over a nearby set of fences before I could follow him. Who would be trying to kill us? We’re strangers here and I don’t think we’ve broken any laws…
“Private, over here!” the Doctor called, he was standing over the weapon the assailant left behind. He reached down to touch it and suddenly withdrew his hoof after doing so.
“What is it hot?” I asked, walking over to him.
“No, it’s very cold” he said, running his sonic screwdriver down the length of the rifle. He looked at his screwdriver after scanning it and said to himself “Martian tech, heavily modified by the looks of it to look like a normal pony gun. Why is it nearly frozen?”
“How can a gun fire when it’s so cold?” I asked.
“It wasn’t firing bullets,” he explained, bending down to get a better look at the weapon “That there was a sonic blast, it took up half my screwdriver’s battery to disable it. You were lucky it didn’t hit you, otherwise who knows what could happen to a pony body.”
“Who would be trying to kill us?” I asked.
“Any myriad of reasons if you’re me,” the Doctor said, I wasn’t sure if he was joking. “But you, it could be just because you’re with me.” He frowned and said, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” I smiled a little but turned back to the weapon. “So, you’re saying this is an alien weapon? Martian tech, you said?”
“Yes,” he answered. “Probably salvaged or bought off some black market” He ran his screwdriver over it and picked it up in his hooves. He slung it across his back and said, “I’m going to analyze this when we get back to the Tardis. Maybe the computers can identify where anybody could’ve bought it from.,”
“Right,” I nodded, “let’s head back.”
“Allons-y!” he shouted, pointing forward.
“Allons-y?” I asked.
“It’s French,” he explained “It means let’s go.”
“Don’t you mean Prench?” I asked, with a raised eyebrow.
“Why would I say Prench?” He then understood “Oh, what would a place called France be called on this world?”
“Well, we do have a place called Prance,” I explained.
…..
I should keep my mouth shut…
“Prance!?” He burst out in absolute laughter, falling on his back while laughing “That’s brilliant! So fitting of the French!” He got up and imitated a Prench accent, “Hello, I would like to order some Prench Toast? I feel so pretty and witty because I’m from Prance! I cannot prevent the Prench for Prancing about!”
He just kept laughing the whole way home…
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dat last paragraph
ahh, jacoboby...i hope you never lose your sense of humor
also good work with the doctor...this is exactly how i would expect him to behave in these sort of situations
I love the Doctor. He's one of my favourite characters of the series.
All in all... Fantastic!
2062916Or as the Doctor would say...
Good chapter, it was funny seeing them try to push Nightlight and Twilight together but I especially liked the last paragraph.
2063760The Doctor and his pony puns...
2062937
Precisely!
2071463bout half way through series 6 with the elventh doctor
Prench taunting: "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!"
Ah Martha